Drowning in Dusk
by FabulousiTyxXx
Summary: Bella Swan moves to Forks her junior year after a mysterious car accident that renders her memory of that night incomplete. With a broken soul, she meets many people, but only one she can truly connect to: bad boy Edward Cullen. Relying on each other, they navigate through all the craziness life seems to throw at them. Rated Mature!
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

I looked into his desire-ridden brilliant green eyes and felt at home. Only his eyes could exactly mirror what I was feeling so perfectly. There was no lust, only love-induced passion. In that moment of clarity, my unknown past and current uncertainty melted away as everything suddenly clicked into place. This felt so right, to not consummate our love now would be wrong.

I nodded lightly my response.

He gently scooted me further into his large bed and laid me back. I lifted off his shirt, and he mine. My panties were the only articles of clothing still on as he quickly yanked his boxers off. He thumbed the edge of the lace fabric on my hips as he slowly climbed over me. Despite the loving atmosphere, I was suddenly and intensely shrouded in darkness. Before I knew what or why I was doing it, I was thrashing about the bed, screaming bloody murder.


	2. Chapter 1 Brain Damage

**Author's Note:**

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyers owns all of Twilight and its characters, I own nothing.

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**Chapter 1**

**BPOV**

**I **slammed shut the last suitcase that I was packing. I don't think I ever realized before this moment how much I hated packing; it's tedious and frustrating. Thinking back, I can't remember whose idea it was for me to move to Forks, Washington anyways: mine, my mother's, or my therapist's. I needed to leave Phoenix that much I did know. My poor mother has been so frustrated with me these past few months with what little I do seem to be cognizant of. As I was pondering my peculiar situation, a lock of my dark brown hair broke free from my ponytail at the nape of my neck and hung in my eyes. I huffed and blew it out of the way while shifting my stance, placing my hands on my hips and stared obtusely at my packed bags.

"Isabella!" My mother called from down the hall, making her way to my room. She opened the door without knocking. "Izzy, you ready? I don't want you to miss your flight." Her face was tired and full of concern. She took-in my stance and frustrated expression. I only looked at her with my now-vacant chocolate-brown eyes. My mother was usually vibrant, exuding excitement and child like wonder at all times. My situation had taken quite a toll on her.

"Yea, mom. I'm ready." I responded. It's not that I wanted to be terse or rude to my mother, I just couldn't help responding that way. Before the car accident, I was the picture of perfection when it came to an offspring. I was responsible, easy-going, respectful, and loving. I did all the cooking ever since I was allowed to operate the appliances other than the microwave, and I cleaned up after myself _and_ my mother. I got good grades and kept good friends. I was never late for my curfew and I always did my homework before being asked. Calling me a good kid would be an understatement. That, however, was not who I was anymore. I had no idea who I was. "And mom, it's just _Bella_ now. Ok?"

"Right! Sorry _Bella_. I forgot that you had said that. Ok, hunny, let's get all this into the car. Phil is driving us to the airport." Renee, my mother, picked up half the luggage and headed to the car where my step-father was waiting; she was trying so hard to be patient with me. She was attempting to deal with the abrupt change in my personality since my car was wrapped around a telephone pole over a month and a half ago. It would be one thing if I had extensive injuries to recover from, but I didn't: just a broken wrist and a cut that needed stitches on my forehead other than the concussion I acquired. I walked away from it, or I would have if I was conscious when the ambulance arrived. Although I could have died, it wasn't a serious accident: I was the only car involved. I couldn't remember anything within twelve hours prior to the accident.

I woke up in the hospital the next day sometime in the afternoon, having no idea how I got there. My head and wrist hurt terribly and I couldn't remember why. There was a nurse next to me was fiddling with my IV who took notice that my eyes were open. "Well good mornin' sunshine! You gave us quite a scare! How's your pain?" She had a slight Southern Twang that somewhat comforted me. I opened my mouth to respond but couldn't find my voice so I coughed to clear it and winced when I did… oh yea, I had a broken rip or two as well.

"Uhm, it's alright," I whispered. "My head hurts a bit." Understatement of the year.

"Ok, dear. I can get you something more for that. I'll let your mother and doctor know that you're awake." She gave me a cheery smile and left my room. I looked around at the stark hospital room and heard the chirping of the monitors. My stomach gave a nauseated turn: I hated hospitals. I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing. _It's ok, I can get through this_, I thought. A few minutes after the nurse left I heard the panic-quickened steps of my frantic mother.

"Izzy! Oh my Isabella!" She cooed, as she flew to my bedside. "Honey, I was so worried! Charlie and Emmett are too! They just boarded their plane so they'll be here in a few hours. Phil went to go get some coffee." Emmett was my older brother that lived with my dad, Charlie, in our native Forks, Washington. "How are you feeling!? What happened? You were supposed to be sleeping over at Lauren's, why did you leave?" Overly concerned, it seemed as though Renee could not stop talking. When she realized that she wasn't yet getting any answers from me, she shut up.

"What? Mom, what are you talking about?" My hoarse voice was little more forceful than a whisper. "Why am I here?" I could tell by the expression on her face that it didn't occur to her that I wouldn't remember what happened. Just then, the doctor walked in.

"Ah, Isabella. I'm so glad you're finally awake. I'm just going to do a little check-up and then ask you some questions, ok?" He smiled and waited for my nod before he touched me. When Dr. Fairfield was done examining my few injuries and taking my temperature, he drew up a chair and sat next to my bed. "Everything looks as it should be; you're healing on schedule. The nurse said you had some head pain, correct? Could you tell me 1 to 10, ten being unbearable, how bad it is?"

I cleared my throat again before answering, "Maybe a seven?" He nodded and wrote that down on my chart before continuing.

"Do you know today's date?" he questioned.

"Not really. I think it's Saturday? Uhm… July something. It's 2009."

"Yes, it's Saturday July 25, 2009. What is the last thing you remember prior to the accident?" He asked.

I shook my head. "What accident? Is that why I'm here… a car accident?" Everything they had been saying to me slowly started to fall into place: there was a car accident, I was involved, and now I was in the hospital.

"Yes, Isabella. At around two-fifteen a.m. this morning Mrs. Mallory reported hearing you screaming, and running from her house. You then got into your car and sped off. We're not quite sure what exactly happened after that, but the police think you got tired or distracted or something and your car swerved and collided with a telephone pole. No alcohol or drugs were found in your system that could have impaired your driving. Isabella, do you know why you left and got into the car?"

"Uhm, not exactly. I don't even remember being at Lauren's house." This all sounded foreign to my ears.

"Ok, what is the last thing you do remember?"

He waited a moment while I searched my impaired memory. Numbers, frustrating numbers came to mind. "Damn trigonometry test!" I suddenly shouted out, surprising even myself. That was the beginning of my absent mild-manners.

"Izzy, honey, that was only around eleven a.m. yesterday." Concern colored my mom's statement. I was fully aware that my trigonometry test from summer school was at ten-thirty in the morning. I remembered being upset that I had to wake-up to take that stupid thing on a perfectly good summer Friday. She and the doctor exchanged apprehensive glances.

"Ok. What else?" He pressed on.

"Well, I uhm… went home after the test to get ready and pack before Lauren's sleepover party that night. I think I ate a sandwich? I can't be sure. The sandwich is that last thing I remember. I'm pretty sure, well, as sure as I can be I guess." Not remembering an extremely significant event can be a very frustrating experience. I do not suggest ever trying it.

"I see, and what time was that around?" His stare was sort of cold and calculating. I got the strange feeling that he did not trust me.

"Maybe around three? It was after I took a shower."

"And Isabella," he continued. I was beginning to loathe the way he said Isabella. In fact, since I woke up in the hospital I've really hated being called Isabella by anyone, even my mother. Something about it rubbed me the wrong way. "Do you have any inkling as to why you would have run screaming from your friend's house in the middle of the night? Has there been any tension between the two of you recently that could cause a fight?"

These new questions of his were odd to me. "Not at all. Everything was normal. I don't think Lauren and I have ever had a fight…"

"How have you been feeling lately, I mean previous to this week? Have you been feeling low or sad at all?"

Now, they were getting really bizarre. "No. I've been fine." My answers to what I considered dumb questions were getting shorter as I was getting more annoyed.

"Hmm. Ok," he paused for a moment while conferring with my chart, "well it seems to me that you might have a bit of retrograde amnesia. What that means is your memories of before the accident and subsequent head trauma are having a bit of trouble being brought to the surface. This can only last a few hours, days, a few weeks, or perhaps become permanent."

"Permanent!?" My mother shrieked. She was more shocked than I was.

"No need to worry, Renee." He comforted. "Actually, could I speak with you in the hall for a minute? Just a few things we need to go over," he said before looking at me and saying "you know, parent-stuff. Try to get some rest kiddo, I'll be back to check on you later." _Kiddo_? I was less than two months away from turning seventeen… I'm pretty sure I was not a kid. I knew I didn't like him. I only politely nodded and pretended to close my eyes and rest. My mom leaned over and kissed my forehead before she followed Dr. Fairfield into the hallway. They tried to talk in hushed voices so I couldn't hear, but they underestimated my curiosity and auditory abilities.

"Renee, I wanted to discuss with you what the police discovered at the scene." He paused, probably trying to gauge her reaction. "There were no skid marks approaching the pole. There were only tire tracks from a minor swerve before the crash site… Renee, what I'm trying to tell you is she didn't brake and try to stop herself from hitting the telephone pole. In fact, we think she might have been aiming for it as a suicide attempt."


	3. Chapter 2 Therapy

**A/N: Thanks for the Reviews! They make my heart gush like slamming down a suitcase! **

Disclaimer: I own nothing; Stephenie Meyers owns all of Twilight.

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**Chapter 2**

**BPOV**

_**W**HAT!? _I thought. Why would I ever want to kill myself!?

"WHAT!?" She screeched. I was glad, only minutely, that she felt the same why I did. I tried to make my face impassive with my eyes closed because I knew they'd be checking to see if I had heard. There was about a minute of silence before my mother continued. "My Isabella would _never_ attempt to kill herself. She would never even think of such a thing! She's a happy girl, the perfect daughter. She wouldn't. She couldn't." My mother said fiercely. Her motherly desire to protect me was etching away on her somewhat calm mask she had been wearing in front of me. Being Renee, she would endeavor to protect me from anything, especially slanderous remarks from some trauma room doctor.

"Mrs. Dwyer, please calm down. The evidence, well… it's very suggesting. I'm not trying to say that it was most definitely her aim, but the way she left the house is also questionable. I think that after she's released that you should take her to some sort of counseling. This event will invariably be traumatic for her and it would be helpful if you could try to discover what occurred before the accident. It's imperative, actually. I can give you the number of my colleague Dr. Uley, Samantha Uley. She's a psychologist and an excellent one at that."

"You think she needs therapy?" Worry colored her question unabashedly. My mother had no idea how difficult the next month and a half would be with Dr. Uley when she took that business card.

I'll never forget what I overheard that day in the hospital. It chilled my bones—a chill that hasn't yet left them. I looked around my now-sparse room. It was an odd sensation when I realized that I probably wouldn't even miss it. I wouldn't miss my life in Phoenix at all. I had become so separate from it in the last weeks that it was starting to feel like I didn't belong anywhere in it.

"Bella! Let's go!" My mother called from the car. I picked up my carry-on bag and left our small ranch-style house in Phoenix. I didn't even look back as we pulled away. One thing I would miss, though, would be the sun. It's the only thing that kept me feeling alive since the accident. Forks would be devoid of sun and affluent in rain, I knew that much from my visits to my brother and dad. I also knew that I needed a new parka: I would be freezing this coming winter. Yet, I couldn't fathom how it could be any different than the chill that was already inside me. Perhaps I would feel more at ease if the weather matched my insides.

I boarded my plane after a tearful good-bye (on my mom's part) and found my seat by the window. If I had to fly, the only way I didn't feel the suffocation of claustrophobia was if I had the window seat. I closed my eyes and let the last bit of sun before my self-imposed exile to Forks filter through the window and wash over me before take-off. I had decided that I should go to Forks after weeks upon weeks of talk therapy, hypnosis, drug therapy and other stupid methods Dr. Uley thought might work. None of it worked. I still couldn't remember what happened that made me leave Lauren's house, much less _being_ at her house. I was pretty apathetic to finding out anyways. I figured it was just meant to be one of those life-changing mysteries.

Sitting on the plane, I thought back to the second time Dr. Uley tried hypnosis on me after the first epic failure. She had me lay on her plush over-stuffed couch with my eyes closed and dimmed lights. There was light swirly-type music playing in the background; it was all too Freudian for my taste. She used phrases like relax, sleep, you're floating, just listen to my voice. I wondered when she would pull out her pocket-watch on a chain and wave it in front of me saying "you're getting very sleepy, very sleepy!" I had to stifle back my laughter as I thought of this while she was talking. When I realized that there was no way that this broad could hypnotize me, I decided I was going to have some fun with this. I let her do her psychology magic and patiently waited for her to start asking me questions.

"Isabella, I'm going to ask you some questions now," Dr. Uley informed me. "The Friday of the car accident, what's the most vivid image that comes to your mind?"

I thought out my answer carefully, I had to make her think that this psycho-babble was working. "The test, my final exam in trig," I responded with a breathy voice. I tried to make it sound like it was coming from my subconscious like she wanted it to.

"Isabella, why do you remember the test?"

"…it made me angry."

"Why did it make you angry? What about it upset you?"

"The problems… they had answers."

"What do you mean they had answers?" She was curious, that was evident.

"I was …jealous. The trigonometry problems had answers." In my mind, this was pure gold. I wasn't sure where I was going to take this, but at least that day's session would be fun… for me.

"Isabella, why were you jealous of the answers?" I could hear her beaming with pride; she actually thought this was her doing, that she was the genius to solve my defective mind. What a twit.

"My problems… they don't have… _easy_ answers. I was jealous of the trig problems… They had easy answers." I thought she was going to cream her panties with excitement and write-in to the American Psychological Association at that very minute, gushing with how excellent she was. Give me a break.

"I see," she said. "What are your problems, Isabella?"

"I'm trapped. I'm not… able to be me."

"Good, good. Continue..."

"I don't feel like… like an _Isabella_. I feel like an… like an… Ian." I had to bite down hard on my tongue to keep from giggling. This was all so ridiculous; I thought that there was no way in Hell that she would have believed what I just said.

"Uh-huh… and why do you feel like an _Ian_?" She asked. Her own curiosity peaked at epic levels.

"I … well, I…" I continued. I paused for dramatic effect and threw in a fake muffled-sob for her pleasure. "I want… I want to be a Boy! There's no easy fix for me."

"A boy!? You mean, like… trans-gendered?" She was astounded, clearly not expecting that from our session. In her politically-correct psychological terminology, I lost my composure and sat straight up only to crumple forward with heavy laughter. I shook the couch with it. I peaked up at her through my curtain of hair and saw the perturbed look on her face. Undoubtedly she didn't find this whole debacle as amusing as I did.

"Isabella Marie Swan, this is serious business: your recovery!" She forcefully stated when she had collected herself.

"Oh, c'mon 'Uley! Lighten up! It was _funny_. I can't believe you BOUGHT that!" I replied in between fits of giggles. "But seriously," I continued after composing myself. "The not being called Isabella thing has some truth… How many times do I have to ask you to call me _Bella_?"

She sighed before responding. "Bella, if you can't treat this seriously how do you expect to get better?"

"Get better? I'm fine. I just have a little bit of a memory problem, that's all."

"It's more serious than that, Bella. We're concerned for you. Your mother tells me that you haven't been quite the same since the accident. Has anyone told you what the doctors that cared for you in the hospital and the police officers that reviewed the scene of your accident think?" I shook my head no. I did know what they thought, but no one had outright told me. She continued, "They think that you were trying to commit suicide by driving your car into the telephone pole… What do you think of that?" She stopped talking and just looked at me. It was obvious that she was trying to figure out what my reaction would be. I could be quite surprising lately.

"Well that's just… ridiculous. I would never try to kill myself. I have no reason to. Besides, I'm not selfish. I think suicide is essentially a selfish act." The minute she told me what everyone else was thinking I thought back to my dad's offer to me at the hospital. Charlie had said that I could stay with him whenever I wanted. I had to get out of Phoenix with all these people thinking I'm going to off myself at any moment. I informed Dr. Uley of my idea to move to Forks, claiming the change of environment might be therapeutic, and how it would be nice to spend time with my big brother. That was our last session—two days prior to me boarding my plane—removing me from the scene of the accident, so to speak.


	4. Chapter 3 Escape

**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything; Stephenie Meyers owns all of _Twilight_ and its characters.

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**Chapter 3**

**BPOV**

**A**fter a slightly bumpy landing in Forks, my second plane arrived at the local airport. The pilot helped me take the luggage out of the small plane we arrived in. I struggled with all my bags, making my way to the pick-up zone. Why did I have to bring my entire book collection and every single article of clothing I owned? One of my smaller bags fell off the pile I had collected so I huffed and spun around to grab it quickly. Before I continued on my way I was suddenly engulfed in a big bear-hug from behind.

"Oh Izzy-Bear! I'm so glad you're here!" Emmett cried in my ear. He set me down and spun me around to face him. Surprisingly, when I looked at him, a smile started to form at the corners of my mouth and I flung myself at him again, trying to wrap my arms around him. He was much too full of muscles to accomplish this effectively. Pulling back, I looked up into his hazel eyes, mom's eyes; I had Charlie's eyes, but we both had Charlie's hair: dark brown and somewhat curly.

"Hey Big-Bear! I'm glad I'm here too, but Em, call me Bella… _please_." I replied as we started walking towards his red jeep, most of my bags easily fitting in his vast arms. He looked down and winked at me.

"Oh _Bella_. Why did you get so serious? You were much more fun when I got to call you Izzy!" he chuckled. Despite his jab at the changes in my personality, I still felt at ease around him. "Dad's still at the station, he's meeting us at the diner for dinner," he said while driving into town. Ah, yes, the hard working police Chief Charlie Swan. Emmett's face got a little sheepish when he paused before asking me a question. "Hey Bella, is it ok if Rose comes to dinner too?" Blonde goddess Rosalie Hale, my brother was smitten with her. The first time I met Rosalie was over my Thanksgiving vacation 2008 when I flew to Forks to visit with Emmett and Charlie. She and Emmett had been dating since summer, but I had only met her at our big dinner. I was grateful that she helped me in the kitchen as my dad and Emmett watched football all day. The last time I'd seen her was the beginning of this summer, before my accident. Truth be told, although I was slightly jealous of this bombshell my older brother was dating, I liked her. She could be conceited, but she was fiercely protective of those she loved, and I could tell she loved Emmett.

"Yea, sure Em. That's cool." I could be cold and distant to everyone except Emmett. There was something about him that made me peaceful. Maybe it's because I feel so safe around my big grizzly-bear of a brother.

"Sweet! Good, I'm glad you're not moving up here to sit in your room and read all day like a bump on a log," he chuckled. To be honest, I sort of had similar plans to what he just described intermingled with solitary sight-seeing and trips to the bookstore in Portland or Seattle. "I was worried! Not as worried as dad or mom though. You sure you're doing ok?" There was only a small change to his usually sunny disposition. It was sweet of him to be concerned about me, but definitely unnecessary.

"Yea, Emmett. I'm fine. Really! I just _had_ to get out of Phoenix. I know Forks has never been my favorite place but mom, the therapist, and everyone else looking at me sideways all the time like I might just collapse any second was really wearing on me. Plus, I've missed you and dad! It hasn't been the same at home since you moved out here with dad."

" Aw, Izz! Don't be like that. You know I can't stand Phil! He always acted like one of my football buddies. But, I'm glad you're coming to live with us. It'll be fun, just like those old vacations we used to take." He playfully punched my arm. I could already tell that moving to Forks was going to be better than being in Phoenix the last month and a half if only for the reason that I had Emmett now.

Dinner was usual as the diner in Forks has been the same for the past twenty-five years: same people, same food, and same management. Rosalie actually seemed genuinely happy that I was staying in Forks now, probably for Emmett's sake, but it made me feel good none-the-less. I didn't talk much at dinner but it was hardly noticeable with the charismatic Emmett carrying-on about God knows what making everybody laugh. I loved seeing Charlie laugh with his dark eyes getting all crinkly. That was my favorite. He seemed less lonely after Emmett moved-in with him shortly after our mom's re-marriage two years ago. I felt bad bailing on Renee so I stayed behind; I really didn't mind Phil. He made my mom happy which, in turn, made me happy.

"So Bella, you're coming to the bonfire tonight right?" Rosalie asked. I must have been spacing out again because I felt like I had just missed a whole conversation.

"Uhm, what?" I asked lamely.

"My best friend Alice is having a bonfire at her place tonight. Well, Emmett and I thought since you really didn't know anyone that it would be a great time to meet people before school starts next week. She lives in this _incredible_ mansion just inside the town's limits. The backyard is perfect for bonfires! So, are you game?" She asked. Wow, it really seemed like she wanted me to go. I looked to Emmett for some sort of guidance and then at Charlie

"C'mon Izzy-Bear! We can drop your stuff off at home and meet Rose over there," Emmett said.

Charlie added on, "Yea Isa—Bella. You go on ahead and have fun."

"Sure. Yea, ok." I couldn't think of anything to add to make it sound like I was thrilled when I wasn't. I was nervous. Emmett hadn't yet told me what he told the other kids about me. All I wanted to do was take a bath and get my room unpacked and now that wasn't an option.

When Emmett said that we were going to drop my stuff off, he meant it. He left the jeep running as he single-handedly ran my stuff into the house and ran out. I didn't even get to see the inside of the house and get a sense of familiarity before I was thrown into a group of strangers and made to play nice. If it was anyone but Emmett dragging me along, I would have thrown a shit fit. When I don't want to do something, I don't. Yes, that was a new development of mine, but it held fast. I was still wearing my black zip-up hoodie, Kings of Leon band tee that hung loosely from my petite frame and plain blue jeans with Chuck's from the flight. Judging by the way Rosalie fabulously dressed, I was not going to fit in.

On the way over to Alice's house I struggled to find my voice and figure out how to ask Emmett if people knew of me. I mean, it was a pretty strange question to ask. Phrasing must be perfect in order to avoid confusion. I gently cleared my throat before speaking. "Em? Uhm, so … what exactly have you told people about me? Like… do they know why I'm _here_?" I finally asked.

"You mean: do they know about the accident?" He saw right through my pretenses, which was good. I nodded my head. "No, they don't know about the accident. They just think that you got fed up with Phil too so you moved-in with Charlie and me. Only Rosalie and probably Alice know about the accident. Oh! And Jasper, Rose's twin and Alice's boyfriend. He's _my_ best friend."

"Jesus Emmett! Does everyone date their friend's siblings around here!? Well, anyways, I guess it's ok if they know but, just not the whole town. I know how the folks of Forks can talk…" he laughed with my last statement which only proved it all the more true. "Well I mean you know I was just trying to get away from rumors and stuff in Phoenix. So yea… Uhm, and Emmett?" He heard the anxiety in my tone.

"Yea Izzy?"

"If and when you introduce me to people, call me Bella."

He guffawed before answering. "Yea, fine Bella. Sorry, old habits are hard to break." I looked over at him to make sure he wasn't upset and saw his smile. Good, I was in the clear. Now all I had to do was concentrate on not getting anxious about all these strangers that will invariably want to meet me because I'm Emmett's baby sister. Hell, I'm only a year younger than him, but I just knew that it is how he would introduce me.

Rosalie's description of Alice's house did not fail to meet my raised expectations. She had a huge white house in the center of a wide, shaded meadow in the middle of nowhere. When we got out of the jeep, we could hear the voices echoing off the trees and saw a faint flickering light reflected on the them. We walked around the house and a group of at least twenty teenagers gathered around a large bonfire came into view. Emmett grabbed my arm about two-hundred feet away from everyone and stopped us suddenly.

"Oh and Bella? I'm not drinking tonight so if you want to: go ahead. I'll be your sober driver!" I thought about my flask in one of my suitcases, cursing Emmett for not warning me ahead of time that his friends liked to party. He winked at me right before a bunch of guys from the football team called out his name and he shouted back a greeting. The guys jogged to us as we continued walking towards the fire.

"Hey guys! This is my sister Bella. Bella, this is Ben, Mike, Tyler, and James." They all enthusiastically replied a greeting and I muttered one in response. I did _not_ like the way James or Mike… or Tyler for that matter were looking at me. Emmett must not have either because he doled out a warning. "And guys… behave yourselves! It's her first night in Forks and she's going home with _me_ tonight." James looked slightly crestfallen but the others just laughed and agreed. Just then Rosalie walked over to us, trailing a petite girl next to her. She looked like what I imagined a human-sized fairy would look like: short black spiky hair, small features, and large amber eyes. I assumed that it was Alice.

"Hey Bella!... _Hey Baby_," Rosalie called to myself and Emmett as she approached us. "Bella, this is Alice Cullen. Alice, Bella."

"Hi Bella! It's nice to finally meet you! Have you seen your room yet?" Alice hedged. What an odd question to ask…

"It's nice to meet you too Alice. Uhm, no I haven't even had a chance yet to go _inside_ my house much less my bedroom." She giggled a bit; it sounded like tinkling bells.

"Gotcha." Alice dragged some tall blonde guy over from a group near the fire to where we were standing. "Bella, this is my boyfriend, Jasper Hale, Rosalie's twin." Wow, I really was going to meet everyone tonight.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet Emmett's sister. How do you do?" Jasper asked formally. He had a bit of a southern accent which I found odd since Rosalie didn't. Or maybe she did? People usually don't pay attention to how Rosalie says something, just what's said and what she looks like: she's that beautiful.

"Very well, thank you." I remembered my manners. "I'm glad to meet all of the people in my brother's life." I gave them a little smile and decided that I had been polite enough. They all joined in each other's conversation and I edged toward the outside of the group. I felt like sulking away from all this forced friendship. I must have been inside a gathering of the popular crowd of Forks High School because most of the guys were wearing letterman's jackets on this chill, summer evening and the girls were all wearing short denim skirts. I looked like the outcast I knew I would be.

I surveyed the crowed and scanned for where they kept the booze: I was in need of some social lubricant. That's when I saw _him_, the bronze-haired god. Through the flames of the bonfire I saw a tall, thin but muscular attractive guy of about seventeen in a dark leather jacket with a black t-shirt and tighter than average dark jeans. He had a chiseled jaw and piercing green eyes that I could see even from a distance and at night, they were that beautiful. As I stared at him, I realized that he was holding the exact bottle of whiskey that I had been searching for.


	5. Chapter 4 The God

**A/N: Thanks everyone for the reviews and support! After this chapter is posted it might be a few days before another one can be, I want to have an inventory of already-written chapters before I post anymore! **

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyers owns all of Twilight, I own nothing.

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**Chapter 4**

**BPOV**

**A**s far as I saw it: I had three options. Option one: ask Emmett to go over and ask the boy if I could have some of his alcohol or something like that. Option two: I could go over there and procure some myself. Option three: I could forget about it and stay sober or wait for someone else to offer me a drink. Option three, I did not like because I felt it would be pansying-out and then I'd be forced to stay sober. Option one seemed slightly embarrassing as well, so option two it was. I marched halfway around the bonfire towards the mystery god-like guy so non-chalantly drinking his alcohol when I noticed the shiny eyebrow ring above his left eye. _Hot_ was the only word that came to mind. I was suddenly nervous as waves of attraction washed over me. I looked down at my feet as I kicked the grass, willing myself to get over it and get some booze!

I lifted my head, and continued walking while feigning confidence. Surprisingly, he noticed me approaching immediately and seemed a bit thrown-off. "Who are _you_?" he asked, too bluntly for my taste. He eyed me up and down, his face inscrutable. My anger flared towards him and his reaction; it got the better of me.

"Ex_cuse_ me?" I spat.

"Oh, uhm, sorry. I didn't mean it like that… it's just that I thought I already knew everyone in Forks. You caught me off guard," he responded somewhat flustered, running his hand through his ruffled hair. His face changed into a look of surprise. "Nice stud!" He said. My hand surreptitiously went to my nose-stud. I had just gotten it pierced a few weeks prior; the minute redness had finally gone away.

I shrugged and verbally ignored his remark. "Well that was a perfectly polite way of addressing a stranger." I responded. My anger brought a slight flush of pink to my cheeks.

"I _said_ I was sorry… well, what are you doing at my house?" he asked.

"_You're _ house? I thought this was Alice's house." This idiot was frustrating me more and more by the second. He was rude, presumptuous, and he seemed pretty conceited with the way he was standing as if he was the god he looked to be and all of these partiers were here worshiping him. It made me sick. Not even Rosalie seemed this conceited.

"It is. I'm Edward Cullen, Alice's step-brother. It's my house too." My stomach plummeted. I just mouthed off to Alice's step-brother; maybe Forks _wasn't_ the best place for me to go. "And now you're going to answer _my_ question: who are you?" He asked again.

I gathered my thoughts momentarily before responding. "I'm Bella Swan, Emmett's sister."

"Ah, so you're Emmett's mystery sister." He replied. He didn't seem to be as angry with me as I was with him.

"I'm not a mystery." I responded tersely. My plan for procuring alcohol from this Edward was failing miserably.

"What are you then?" He questioned. He had sort of a smirky expression with a hint of a crooked smile. I couldn't tell if he was being obscenely rude to me or if he was perhaps trying to flirt with me. He was an attractive asshole, I'll give him that. Either way, it didn't matter which one it was: I had already made up my mind to hate him, him and any other dumb teenage guy that Forks had to offer me. That was another change after the accident: I became something of a man-hater. In answering his question, I had a sudden inspiration for my alcohol situation.

"Thirsty," I stated.

"I see. What do you … thirst for?" He was trying to be seductive, I thought. I couldn't be sure though, everything he said could have come from a place of anger instead of flirtation.

"Well, I had come over here in hopes of you sharing a little bit of that whiskey with the new girl, but I can see it was a wasted effort on my part." I turned and briskly walked away towards a line of trees. Edward began following me, trying to match my angry pace.

"Bella, wait. Come back! I'll share with you!" He shouted to me. He quickly caught up with me and grabbed my arm, forcing me to stop. "Where are you going!?"

"To wait by my car." Edward laughed at my response.

"Well, Bella Honey, you're going the wrong way," he said and laughed again. I yanked my arm out of his grasp and spun around to walk back the way I had come. I felt a slight warm, tickling sensation from where his hand had held my arm.

"I'm not your 'honey'." I yelled to him behind me. My anger was bubbling uncontrollably inside me. I needed something to calm me down and quickly. He caught up with me again as we both reached the fire and stopped.

"Ok, sorry. But seriously Bella, I'll share some of my whiskey with you. I need to make up for coming across like an ass at first." Edward said, smiling. He was trying to amend whatever he thought was going on. He had no idea that this was just how I was lately: moody, angry, and abrasive.

I looked at him and saw sincerity. "Alright, fine," I said shortly. He handed me a red solo cup, unscrewed the cap of his Jim Beam and poured some into it. I was taken aback that he had given me such a decent amount: my cup was three-fourths full. "Thank-you," I muttered, brining my lips to the plastic cup. I saw that he had brought the bottle to his.

Before he took a sip, he declared, "cheers!" I mumbled it back and we each took a big swig of our beverages. He kept eyeing me anxiously, as if he was waiting for me to spit out the strong stuff or make a disgusted face. I did neither. I could handle my liquor. After about five big gulps of my drink, I decided to let the burning in my throat and stomach subside before drinking more.

I noticed Edward looking at me funny and it edged at my nerves. "What?" I asked obstinately.

He chuckled before he answered. "Nothing, I just keep waiting for you to get sick or something. But you're not; you're drinking this like a seasoned veteran."

I didn't find anything funny in that. "So?"

"So… you're not like any of the girls I've ever known in Forks. I've known you for all of ten minutes—an amount of time that I could easily figure someone out in—and you're a mystery to me. You drink like a man, and yet there's nothing manly about you. You are obstinate when there's nothing to fight about and yet I can tell you're very angry because your tiny hands have balled up into fists at your side." He saw that? I looked down at my side and sure enough, my cup-less hand was balled into a tiny fist of fury.

"So?" I repeated. What did he expect from me? I had nothing to say. If I wasn't worried about offending him at his house which would somehow get back to Emmett, I would have walked away and stayed away ten minutes ago.

"Well _Bella,_ you may think you can fight like your brother, but you are nothing like you're brother!" He chuckled. "Not in a bad way, he's just like a big teddy bear… that could rip your face off if you angered him. You're more angry, but definitely not scary like he can be," he amended after he saw the look of nearly pure hatred on my face. "You're just… _different_. Plus, you remind me of a ferocious kitten. You're cute when you're mad." Ignoring the fact that he just called me cute, I was more enraged because he didn't take me seriously at all. Not that I needed him to take me seriously, after tonight I planned to never talk to him again. Instead of responding, I merely sighed heavily.

"Oh come on… don't be like that. I just told you how I'm attracted to you and you're ignoring me." He was trying to coax a conversation out of me. Why couldn't he just let me drink in peace? Why must people always _want_ something from you when you just want to be left alone?

"Be like what?" I questioned, again ignoring his candid confession. I gave him my best pained-annoyance face and tilted my chin up in defiance.

"Bella, you're driving me crazy! …Most girls would _kill_ to drink with me at one of my parties, much less have me call them cute. To be honest though," he paused. _Here it comes_, I thought, _he's going to ask me to leave his party because I'm being a bitch… oh well. It had to happen sooner or later_. "You're much more than cute. You're quite striking in your own way: all fury and brunette." Oh come _on_! Couldn't he tell that I didn't _want_ him to call me those things?

"Well, I'm not _like_ most girls," I responded. I had wanted to add on: and I don't _like_ you… but, I didn't.

"Too true… you're like the challenge that Forks had yet to present me! I like a challenge," he replied with a wink. Oh this conceited, pathetic pick-up attempt was going to make me vomit. If it hadn't been for the warm numbing sensation of the alcohol that was starting to take effect, I would have been completely miserable. But now, I was only _slightly_ miserable. _Two can play at this game, ass hole,_ I thought.

"So, where's your letterman jacket like the rest of the fools of Forks? Your smug nature has you _oozing_ 'King of the Jocks.'" I hoped that my biting sarcasm would make him leave me alone. If I had only known it would fuel his fire, I wouldn't have said anything.

He laughed harshly. "Oh _Bella." _He said my name with such distain. Or was it flirtation? I couldn't tell; the alcohol was starting to interfere with my perception of things. "Like _I_ would be caught dead prancing around the football field with those field-fairies." He took out a cigarette from the pack in his jacket pocket and lit it in his mouth. I had to admit I found it somewhat attractive, but never would I admit that to Edward. "Besides," he continued, "my smoking doesn't go over well with athletics." He laughed as he took a drag.

"That," I said as I pointed to his cigarette, "doesn't impress me, you know."

"Bella, Bella, Bella," he chimed. What was _with_ him and saying my name!? At least he didn't call me Isabella like everyone back in Phoenix; that was the only positive I saw from this conversation. "If I was trying to impress you, doll face, we would have been the ones making-out behind that shed over there, rounding the bases, instead of your brother and Rosalie." He laughed darkly. As if I would be caught dead making-out with Edward Cullen, letting him drunkenly feel me up behind the shed in his backyard. _What a tool_, I thought.

"Oh you should only be so lucky." I pounded back the remaining liquid in my cup and stuck it out to him for a refill.

"So you think that you can stand here and _criticize_ me while drinking _my_ booze?" he asked.

"Yea, pretty much." I responded. He only shook his head and laughed at me while filling my cup with more whiskey. The rest of the night passed that way: him trying to shamelessly flirt with me and me insulting him all the while sharing his bottle of Jim Beam.

Later, when it was time to go, Emmett had gotten frustrated with my slow-sloppy pace while walking to the car. He picked me up and carried me to his jeep, laughing to himself. "Oh Izzy, You sure know how to pound back that alcohol with the rest of them." I think I passed out on the way home because everything after his comment was sort of dark and fuzzy.


	6. Chapter 5 Home

**A/N: ** **Thanks everyone for the love & reviews! I'd like to shout a special thanks to my Beta Lynnardx3--she is MARVELOUS! Reviews/Comments make me happier than a drunk Bella!**

Disclaimer: I do not own _Twilight_ or any of the characters--that is all Stephenie Meyer's genius.

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**Chapter 5**

**BPOV**

**I **woke up the next morning with only a slight headache in a room I did not recognize. I looked around and—oh wait, it was _my _room. It was decorated in varying shades of purple: dark plumb, light violet, and also periwinkle blue, which was very different from the plain white-walls and stuffed animals of my childhood. That must have been Rosalie and Alice's doing, and indeed it was: I found a note saying they hoped I enjoyed the much-needed makeover. How sweet, a housewarming gift—a newly styled room—from the girls in my brother's life.

Alcohol makes my sleep dreamless, I have discovered. It's a useful tool for blocking nightmares, especially ones I don't understand. Last night was the first time since the car accident that I didn't dream; it was also the first time I had been drunk since. Every dream is the same really, I'm in a dark room and I'm screaming but no sound comes out. To me it's scary because I don't know _why _I'm screaming—it feels too similar to the night of the accident that I have no recollection of.

My head started whirling with memories from the night before. That _asshole_ Cullen guy nearly ruined my first night in Forks. I found my few suitcases by the closet and decided to unpack, hoping I could distract myself from my re-found frustration. After an hour of putting away my clothes in the closet, shelving my books, and arranging the room to my taste, my stomach growled. I looked at the clock and it read 10:07 am. Excellent, I could still get away with eating breakfast!

Before I plodded down the stairs, I looked down at myself to make sure I was wearing something appropriate: oh good, a gray tank top and blue pajama pants. _When did I put those on?_ I wondered. Emmett was in the kitchen eating cereal when I walked in. "Well good morning sleeping beauty! I trust you slept well," he winked.

I gave him an evil smile, and playfully punched his arm. _Ouch! _I forgot he was much stronger than me as his un-flexed, stationary biceps could hurt my tiny fist. "Har-Har-Har!" I fake-laughed, helping myself to the cereal on the table and milk in the fridge, and sat down on the opposite side of the table from Emmett.

"Sassy in the morning, that's new!" Emmett laughed while I started munching on my frosted-flakes. I merely feigned a smile and continued eating. "So, I saw you and Edward Cullen hit it off last night," he stated, matter-of-factly.

"What!?" I scoffed and nearly choked. "That _ass_hole and I did NOT hit it off. He bothered me intensely. I was merely using him for his booze."

"Ah, so he got you all _hot _and bothered?" Emmett guffawed.

"Shut up Emmett!!" I yelled, embarrassed that he would say such a thing. "Where's dad? Fishing?" It was, after all, a Sunday morning.

"Yup, you don't have to worry about him overhearing that you _like_ Cullen, just like every other girl in Forks."

"Emmett! I don't like him! He _really_ pissed me off. Are you friends with that arrogant jerk?"

"Yea, he's not so bad. Plus, he's in our group because he's Alice's brother. Jasper, he, and I are kind of like the three-musketeers in a way. He's a blast to party with and before I was dating Rose, he was a verrrry talented wing-man!"

"Greaaaat."

"So… speaking of people that liked you, Alice thought you were sweet, by the way."

"What? I was drunk when she met me… and probably not very sweet."

"Her best friend is Rose, and I'll be honest: Rosalie can be a bit bitchy to some people from time to time. So to Alice, I'm sure you seemed sweet." Emmett looked at me and I rolled my eyes.

"Well, ok. Oh, tell Rosalie and Alice thanks for the room spruce-up. It was very nice to come home to a room that wasn't styled like I was still twelve."

"No problem. Dad and I thought you might want a change so we enlisted 'the gals' as he likes to call them," he paused to laugh. "They did it all in one day, since you only gave us two day's notice that you were even coming! So… you nervous for school to start on Tuesday?" Emmett asked.

"No. Not really. I mean, it's just high school, right? Been there, done that." It's true that I wasn't nervous, but I also wasn't excited. It was just one more thing I was apathetic about.

"True," he replied, shrugging.

"So, Em. What are you doing today?"

"I'm taking Rose on a date, dinner and a movie: the usual; the last one of the summer. Do you have any plans? Maybe with Edward?" He laughed. If looks could kill, Emmett would have been a dead man from the stare I was giving him.

"Not. Funny. I think I'll just read and finish unpacking or something."

"You _could_ call Alice—I'm not sure what she's doing—or you could also call her step-brother…"

"Give it a rest Emmett! You had your laughs, now cut it out. It's really starting to bother me."

"Oh Izzy-Bear, more a grouchy bear than an Izzy," he skulked. He looked up at me and saw that I was about to correct him when he modified, "I mean, than a _Bella_." He nervously laughed at himself. His words were truer than he knew. I wasn't the same anymore.

After breakfast Emmett went to take a shower and I was left with the dishes, a task that I had always willingly undertaken. While rinsing off my bowl, I noticed the dust that was in the corner of the counter. When was the last time either of them had cleaned the kitchen? It had probably been a fairly long time. Well, there was no time like the present, seeing how I quite literally had nothing better to do. After I had finished scrubbing the floor into a glistening shine, I decided to move over to the family room and clean that too. I put the works on that house: dusting everything, cleaning the windows till they were practically invisible and vacuumed so forcefully that I thought the carpet might come up.

When I finished cleaning, it was only three p.m. so I took a shower, washing the filth of the house off me before I went to the store for groceries. Upon cleaning the kitchen, I had discovered the serious lack of food in the fridge and pantry. I had also discovered a long-forgotten and particularly dusty cabinet of alcohol. Charlie had bottles upon bottles that were dusty and only a quarter empty. I figured that they were from the time of the divorce, when my mother had taken Emmett and me to Arizona to start her new life. Clearly now-a-days Charlie preferred his beer because that was about the only thing other than condiments in our fridge. I thoroughly dusted the alcohol cabinet and relieved Charlie of a few bottles of the multiples he had. He'd never miss them and I needed something to fill my flask with. After all, I couldn't count on Edward Cullen to give me booze all the time. Normally, I do not condone stealing and would have felt extremely guilty, but somehow in my new apathetic ways I truly didn't care.

By the time Charlie came home around 5:30 I had dinner on the stove: fried chicken, Charlie's favorite mashed potatoes, a salad, and sautéed green beans. Walking in, removing his boots, Charlie called "Woo-ee! That smells good Bells! I forgot you could cook." He rounded the corner coming into the kitchen, smiling my favorite crinkly-eyed smile. "And you cleaned too!" I didn't do it for the praise, but I had to admit that it felt nice having my hard work being admired.

"Well, Emmett's out with Rosalie and I thought… well, maybe we could have dinner together."

"That's sweet, Bella."

Charlie and I ate together in near silence: both of us enjoying the food and the un-forced conversation. It felt like a tradition in the making, Charlie and I together while Emmett was with his girlfriend. It was strange how comfortable I felt eating with my dad when I had been so uncomfortable for the past few weeks with my mom and Phil. Everything with them was forced, but with Charlie, it was easy and natural. I had never realized how much alike we were in temperament, well, _before_ the accident. Everything about me was either a before or after trait; it felt like I was living that way: keeping traits from before and making new ones from after. I hated how much this silly accident had affected my life, but I couldn't fight it. I didn't feel like my old self and there was no way to explain why; I didn't even know who that was.

The Monday before school started Emmett and I laid around all day, enjoying the clean house and each other's company while Charlie was at the station. Later in the evening Rosalie came over and brought with the _Definitely, Maybe_ DVD. Although I found Ryan Reynolds particularly attractive, I got the feeling that Rose wanted to watch it _alone_ with my brother to have some… _alone time_. I'm not one to miss out on any subtle hints, so I excused myself and went to my room, feigning fatigue. It was, after all, about 9:30; that was a decent time to be tired, right? Anxious about my first day at Forks High School the following morning, I put in my Sleep Mix CD and took a couple shots of Jack Daniels which lulled me into a dreamless slumber.


	7. Chapter 6 School

**A/N: Special thanks to my thorough Beta--Lynnardx3! Thanks for those who support me behind the scenes and the "finished product"! :o)  
**** Your Comments/reviews make me smile! Especially when you guess at what _could_ happen! **

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the _Twilight_ characters (etc); it all belongs to Stephenie Meyers.

* * *

**Chapter 6**

**BPOV**

**T**uesday morning I awoke to the sounds of rain beating on my windows: just another rainy day in Forks. When I realized what the day would bring, I groaned and rolled over. High School was a form of Hell, made for the torture of my youthful years. I beat Emmett into the shower and had just finished drying my hair in time to hear him pounding on the door. "C'mon Bella, I have to piss!" he cried. I flung open the door, only to see him smiling. "Nah, I'm just kiddin'! But I _do_ need to shower: you done in there?" I hadn't expected that our new morning routine would be so pleasant. All of my friends in Phoenix told me horror stories of the fights they got into with their siblings while trying to ready themselves in the morning before school. My new home life was much easier than I had imagined it would be.

I strolled downstairs with my red backpack slung over my shoulder after dressing in a low-cut black fitted tee with holey jeans and green Chuck's, unable to keep the lightness of my new realization out of my step. I set my backpack down by the front door, adding my new apple-covered designer raincoat, which Renee had gotten me as a goodbye gift before I left Phoenix, on top of it. Charlie was already sitting at the table drinking coffee while eating his toast when I entered the kitchen. "Morning Bells," he said cheerfully. "Excited for the first day of school?" My expression was dumbstruck: why would I be excited?

"Oh, you know Dad, not _really_. I mean, high school is high school anywhere you go."

"I know _I am_!" Emmett called while thumping down the stairs, "Senior Year, baby!" He joined us at the table, taking the cereal box from in front of me.

"Bells, it's your junior year—you're an upperclassman now. That's pretty exciting," Charlie attempted.

"I guess." I replied. Charlie went to work shortly after his pep-talk and wished us luck. Emmett drove us to school in his red off-roading jeep that he loved so dearly. Apparently the teenage boy population of Forks was big on driving in places where one is not normally meant to drive. I was again reminded of how I'll never understand the male psyche. We pulled into the small student parking lot that was slowly flooding with cars and their teenage drivers. As we walked towards the front office, I searched the crowds of students for people I recognized. There was a guy, Ben something I think, that was with a few other football players that looked familiar and a couple girls that were also somewhat memorable (they were some of the denim-skit girls). Other than those few, I hardly knew one face from another in the crowd: it was wonderful.

Being brotherly, Emmett walked me to the front office so I could pick up my class schedule. We looked it over and saw that I had a typical junior-year schedule: Junior English, Government, Calculus with trig, Spanish 3, Biology, and Gym. Ugh! Gym! Apparently, in Forks you had to take it all four years instead of only two. Saying that I hated gym was an understatement by far. I loathed it and it, me. I groaned after reading my schedule. Emmett, seeming confused that I would groan, looked at my schedule again and saw the tiny three-letter-word and started laughing. "Oh yea! Bella, I forgot to tell you about the gym thing! Sorry!" He led me to my first class before wishing me luck and heading to his own. I set my backpack down at a desk in the back, took out a fresh notebook and a pen and started doodling. I used to be a front-of-the-class sort of gal, but now I only felt comfortable in the back, having my long dark brown hair almost shielding my face from the rest of the classroom. Suddenly I became aware of how boring my hair was, and I mentally decided to change it sometime this week. I must have been much consumed with my hair-issue because I did not notice the person who plopped down next to me.

"Hey, you're Bella, right?" a male voice asked. I looked to my right and recognized that Mike guy from the bonfire Saturday night. "I'm Mike Newton; we met at the Cullen's on Saturday?"

"Oh, yea hi. I'm… Bella Swan—but you knew that." I lamely replied. Why was he talking to me? Despite my awkward reply, Mike laughed.

"So, how have you been enjoying Forks so far? Has your brother been showing you around?" He eagerly questioned.

"It's fine. I've been here before many times to visit; I know my way around. But no, we only went to the bonfire on Saturday after my plane landed." Why did he care?

"Then how come we hadn't met till Saturday?"

"Well, Mike, I didn't know you were personal friends of my father's because usually when I had visited, Emmett and I hung out with our dad." I was getting snotty now because he was becoming more annoying.

"Perhaps I should have been, and then I could have met you _much_ sooner." Holy shit! Was he flirting? I looked into his eyes and he winked. Yes, he was indeed trying to flirt. It reminded me of Edward on Saturday, and I had to admit: Edward was much smoother than Mike. I only felt embarrassed for Mike, but had been quite upset with Edward. Before I could make a bitchy remark to shut Mike up, Mr. Mason—my English teacher—walked in and quieted the classroom: school had finally begun.

Thankfully, Mr. Mason was a talkative bookish type; once you got him going on a subject he never shut up. Mike wasn't able to pick up our conversation again. I, aware of the impending end of class, was able to gather my few belongings and bolt from the classroom before Mike could again capture my attention. Government was boring; most of the material I had covered in my Honors American History class in the spring when I was in Phoenix. Mike was in my Government class and again, sat in the back of the classroom with me but wasn't able to talk. When I made it to Calculus with trig, I was beginning to recognize people from my previous classes and a few from the bonfire because Forks High School was painfully small. That Ben guy was in my Government class as well as Calc with Trig, and Tyler was in my English and Calc classes—they were some of Emmett's football buddies. In Calculus, I sat in back again: enjoying my new seating pattern. The girl who sat next to me introduced herself as Jessica Stanley, one of the jean-skirt girls from the bonfire. She was very nice and gushed about how excited she was that I was here. Jessica had claimed that she had grown tired with the high school population of Forks and couldn't wait to get to know me, a new face. I had begun to notice how nice and inviting the youth of Forks seemed to be. It was making me sick. So, annoyed, I had come to Forks to be left alone and here all of these strangers were trying to befriend me. It was maddening.

In Spanish, Jessica sat in the back with me again. Already, in my first four classes of the day I was being claimed by two of Fork's most avid social climbers: Mike and Jessica. They should just climb on each other and stay away from me. Another one of Emmett's football friends, James, was also in my Spanish class. He sat diagonally in front of me, turned in his seat and said "Hola Bonita." I rolled my eyes, and he asked how the rest of my weekend went before class started. After Spanish, Jessica had asked me if I wanted to eat lunch at her table. Thankfully, Emmett had already asked me to sit with him at lunch so I declined but thanked her. Maybe it was because these people didn't know me well or perhaps they were just incredibly stupid, but I was amazingly annoyed with their overly-friendly behavior and they never seemed to notice.

I walked into lunch and spotted Emmett, towering over a lunchroom table in the corner. Only Jasper was at the table with him. Emmett waived to me to come with him into the lunch line. We chatted easily as he grabbed almost one of everything (typical of his veracious appetite) and I grabbed a banana, a salad, and fountain water. He led me to our table as we joined Rosalie and Jasper, at that point I could only _guess_ who would fill the other two vacant chairs. "Bella!" a tinkling squeal of excitement called to me. "I'm _so_ glad you're joining us for lunch!" I turned around in my spot and saw Alice loping up to me. She gracefully approached the table and then engulfed me in a surprisingly firm hug for such a tiny person. I couldn't bring my annoyance back up to its original levels from class, partially because I was around Emmett and partially because I found myself _liking_ Alice. I felt as though I actually wanted to be friends instead of only through our mutual knowledge of Emmett and Rosalie. Alice, having brought a packed lunch from home, sat down on my other side immediately. A minute or two later, as I was unpeeling my banana, Edward appeared at the empty place next to Alice. My stomach, again, did the funny dancing plummeting feeling it had done when I first met him. It was the hatred I knew I harbored for him.

"Well, well,well! I see my best friends and newest friend have started to eat lunch without me!" Edward joked, placing his tray of food down in front of him before taking a seat.

Emmett replied with his mouth full of pizza, "Shhowrry dude! I whas howngrrry!"

Edward smiled his branded crooked-smile and turned to me. "Bella, do you think you could translate that for me?" He winked. It felt as though Munchkins were blowing up balloons in my stomach and sighed.

"He said Sorry. He was hungry." I replied, shortly. Edward laughed and shook his head, looking again at Emmett, and then to Rosalie.

"Well, Rose, it appears there's now someone else here that speaks 'Emmett'! Maybe the two of you can finally refine him." Edward teased. I wasn't oblivious to the slight sentiments of a jab in his tone or the tiny stiffening movement Rosalie made before obviously putting her hand on Emmett's lap, laying claim over him in front of the table. To me, it was a wasted response: I didn't care. Emmett was my brother and I knew nothing anyone could do would change it. I also wasn't the jealous type; she could have my brother's undying whims and affection: I didn't want it all for myself. I ignored them all and stared intently at my banana, slowly chewing the bite I had taken during their exchange.

Jasper laughed and changed the subject: always one to sense a nasty mood shift coming on, he averted the potential catastrophe. I listened to his faint southern accent, and was lulled into a sense of peace. Suddenly they all started laughing; someone must have told a joke, and I lightly chuckled along with them. After a few minutes went by, Alice leaned over to me. "Hey Bella, what are you doing Thursday night?" She asked. I had to search my mind, but not very hard. The answer was painfully obvious.

"Uhm… nothing, I don't think. Why? Whats… up?" I became wary, but not nearly as much as I had expected myself to.

"Want to go shopping with me? I've decided that nothing in my closet goes with what, I feel, says 'Fall, junior year', ya know?" I nodded lightly—I had no clue about fashion. I just wore what I liked and what I felt looked good, not to mention what was comfortable. My wardrobe was mostly band tee's, varying styles of jeans (mostly dark with holes), random tank tops, zip-up hoodies, a very few amount of dressy shirts and a collection of Converse shoes. Perhaps I could add to it, or maybe convince Alice to come with me for a hair appointment. She seemed like she would be able to direct me to a decent hair salon.

"Sure. Yea, I'll go," I responded, trying to add more enthusiasm to my tone, and then added more softly, "I think I want to make a hair appointment too… change things up a bit." Well that did it. Alice was now melting into peals of delighted laughter.

"Bella, that's a _fantastic_ idea! Rose, do you want to come with?" Alice asked, always democratic. Rosalie shook her head before answering.

"I would, but my mom is taking me to Seattle that day for my own Senior Year shopping extravaganza. I thought I told you that, Alice?" Rose wondered. I knew exactly what Alice was doing. Alice, not wanting Rosalie to feel left out, wanted to spend alone time with me without causing trouble. What a clever little pixie, that one was. Just then the bell rang, alerting us of our impending classes. Biology was next on my schedule. Edward, standing up and slightly stretching his lithe but defined muscles walked over to me after grabbing his belongings.

"So, Bella, wasn't that just a pleasant lunch?" He asked. I couldn't tell if he was laying on the sarcasm too thickly or if there was a molecule of truth in his question. My own answer eluded me so I merely um-ed and shrugged. "I look forward to our lunch tomorrow." He said before I nodded, an acquiescing lie, and walked to my next class while he walked to the garbage cans. Walking rather quickly for my usually clumsy and apathetic self, I beat most of the other students to the Biology class room and got a seat in the back, right where I liked it. The students sauntered in, surprisingly leaving only the seat next to me open—a first all day. Just as the bell rang, who should walk through the door with the air of Royalty, but Edward-freaking-Cullen. My stomach did its flips and turns again, and my cheeks slightly flushed from anger. I felt as though this guy was going to be the death of me in Forks.


	8. Chapter 7 Chemistry in Biology

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the characters of _Twilight_, everything belongs to Stephenie Meyers.**  
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**Chapter 7**

**BPOV**

** E**dward sauntered from the doorway to the empty chair next to me. To show my great dissatisfaction, I sighed heavily and gave him a pointed stare as if to say: don't you _dare_ sit next to me! He returned the look, albeit less pointed. He opened his mouth to speak but was abruptly cut-off by Mr. Banner, our Biology teacher. Instead, a few minutes later as Mr. Banner droned on about how _exciting_ the study of biology could be, Edward withdrew a loose-leaf sheet of paper from his backpack and a pen. He wrote: _I didn't know you were in bio with me! ;o) Now we can have time away from the others_. I glanced at it and debated whether or not I should reply while annoyance crossed my face. The trouble in deciding was do I give-in just this once to him and write back, or do I hold out and keep ignoring him? I decided to go for a combination of the two, ignoring the smiley face I wrote back: _Why did you sit with me? I CLEARLY told you not to with my eyes. I don't _want_ time alone with you_. As he read it, he didn't seem to look discouraged at all which deeply bothered me. Again he wrote back: _That's not what _I_ saw in your eyes…_ I could have slapped him right then and there, but luckily exercised better self-control than that.

I re-read what I wrote—just to double check—and was actually displeased! _Shit!_ I mentally cursed, _I totally set him up for that!_ My anger with him faded but was replaced with impatience for my own lack of censorship. I decided that, for once—since I shouldn't be upset with him—I'd reply a real response. I wrote him back: _I guess I set you up for that… don't get used to it._ Before he could reply, Mr. Banner walked around the room and handed out index cards for us to fill out our information on, just like every other teacher had on that first day of school. It was all the same; Name: _Isabella Swan_; Preferred Name: _Bella_; Birthday: _September 13, 1992;_ Parents Names: _Charlie Swan, Renee Dwyer;_ Phone #… etc. It was so repetitive and dull that I probably could have completed it in my sleep.

"Shit! Bella, I didn't know your birthday was this Sunday!" Edward exclaimed in a whisper-shout. I narrowed my eyes when I realized where he was coming up with that particular, purposely undisclosed, information—my damn note card. From the moment Edward had walked into my bio class, I knew that nothing good would come from it. There was a silent terror in my eyes when I pleadingly looked at him. I hated attention and that's _all _that birthdays were filled with: unwanted attention.

"Edward," I whispered, "don't you dare say anything to anyone." I tried to make my tone a warning instead of a plea, but I think I failed. Edward only looked dumbstruck. Other people—normal people—loved their birthdays; they lavished in the attention that's paid to them. Not me. They always made me nervous and uncomfortable which only aided in making me clumsier. I had always thought that the more people looked at me, the more they would see my flaws. Now, I suppose, that's only partially true because the people here didn't know my history well enough to know my flaws. Thank god, or whoever, for that!

Edward didn't try to pass notes again for the rest of class; Mr. Banner kept us busy with worksheets. At the end of the hour I was so worried about the birthday comment, I forgot to be rude to Edward. We stood up after the bell rang, gathering our things at a similar pace when Edward ventured another question. "So, what class do you have next Bella?"

I didn't need to think about it; it was the one class all day I had been dreading the most: gym. "I have gym with Coach Carr," I sighed. I may have been mistaken, but there was a faint sense of disappointment in his eye for a moment, and then it vanished. I was probably just seeing things. Today, after all, had been a bit stressful even if it had been relatively easy.

"Oh, I have Spanish," he replied. There it was again! The small disappointment I had seen in his eyes had come out in his voice. I nodded in response, making a face that I don't remember making. "Well, have fun!" he called.

"You too," I responded, again, before I could be rude; but I didn't care because I was mentally psyching myself up for gym, which I would inevitably fail at. When I got to the gymnasium and found Coach Carr and the rest of my class, I lucked out: today we were going over the basic policies and picking lockers. Unfortunately though, Mike was _also_ in my gym class so I had to put up with his overly-friendly demeanor the entire period. When the last bell rang dismissing us from school, I bolted to Emmett's jeep before anyone else could attempt to claim my attention. I had had my fill of people and social interaction for the day, and quite possibly, enough for the rest of the week. I was not used to it all. In Phoenix, I belonged in (some would say) the popular crowd but never received the attention for it. Lauren Mallory had been the ring-leader of my group, but my best friend was Angela Weber. She was more the quiet-type like me when it came to people we weren't close to.

While waiting for Emmett, I noticed, for the first time, the silver Volvo that had parked next to us. It was very shiny. Then, I mentally laughed that something shiny had caught my eye. Next to the silver Volvo was a red BMW. I had no idea that some families in Forks would let their teenagers drive such nice cars! I suppose, however, that not everyone's dad is the Chief of police. Today had been very mentally exhausting, so when I saw Emmett striding towards his jeep, I celebrated.

"Hey Izz, how was your day?" He called, while unlocking it. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Edward and Alice walking towards us in the parking lot.

"Oh ya know: shitty," I replied hastily while trying to speedily get into his jeep. I wanted to avoid more social situations before I could escape to the safety of my house. "There were too many people trying to be my friend. It was annoying." I could always be honest with Emmett; he was so easygoing and actually seemed to understand me.

Emmett started to laugh and shake his head at me. "Bella, you are too funny! Of _course_ people want to be friends with you. You're _my_ sister! And, all brotherliness aside, you're pretty good-looking too." He chuckled again.

"But I don't _want_ to be their friends! I don't even know them!"

"So, you came to Forks to be alone? Fat chance." In all of our bantering, I had forgotten my rush to leave. Before I knew it, Edward was tapping me on the shoulder. I whirled around only to be face-to-face with him.

"What?" I demanded.

"Whoa, Bella. _Someone _had a bad time in gym today. You weren't this cranky when I left you after bio." He teased. _Edward_, I thought to myself, _this is _not_ the time to mess with me. _I merely glared at him until he continued with what he had wanted. I had not forgotten, in his teasing remark, that _he_ had tapped _me._ "Ok… well I just wanted to get into my car." He said.

"Your car? This is your Volvo?" I asked. Of _course_ it was his Volvo. He had money: I'd seen his house. Well, _mansion_ was more like it.

"Yes, and if you'd rather keep talking, I would gladly stay and chat with you. Otherwise, I think I'll go home." I flattened myself against Emmett's jeep as Edward passed by me. Suddenly I became aware of the question: why was I still at school? I looked around for Emmett and found him standing by the red BMW kissing Rosalie. Ohhh, so the BMW belonged to Rosalie—I had already assumed she came from money—which made sense. I looked to Edward, already in his driver seat, to see him laughing at my predicament. He pulled out of his space and left. A few minutes later, Emmett joined me in his jeep and we headed home.

When we got in the door, Emmett went straight to the family room to turn on the Mariner's game while I hung up my much-needed raincoat and put away my other school stuff. Deciding that I was hungry, I headed to the kitchen for a snack. "Bella, could you get me some chips?" Emmett called, noticing that I was going that direction. I mm-hmmed and started roaming around the kitchen, trying to decide what I wanted to nosh on. I settled on a handful of almonds and another handful of Emmett's potato chips. I set down a bowl of chips and the dip that I had speedily whipped up and joined him on our big couch. The rest of the evening passed by quickly without any significant events. I made dinner, as was beginning to be tradition, which was ready as Charlie walked in the door. After our little family dinner, I did what little homework I had and just watched whatever nonsense was on TV with Emmett and my dad until it was late enough for sleep. Keeping up with my new routine, I put on my Sleep CD, took a couple shots of Jack Daniels and fell asleep.

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**A/N: Special thanks to my Beta Lynnardx3-- terrific job as always! A double special thanks to those who review/comment; they always make my day!**

**-Short Chapter today, sorry [it has to be done tho] :o(... It's gonna be a few days till I post again, I think. I'm trying to get things squared away.**


	9. Chapter 8 WhiskeySour

Disclaimer: The usual-- I own nothing, etc., Stephenie Meyers is God, etc.

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**Chapter 8**

**BPOV**

**T**he next morning started like the first: a rainy school day. I didn't let myself think of the warm, dry, sunny mornings I woke up to in Phoenix; instead, I decided to prepare a way to improve upon yesterday's experience. I packed an MP3 player with headphones, a book for pleasure reading, and my flask filled with Jack Daniels—my true love. After my shower and the rest of my getting-ready ritual, I stood in my room, staring out my window at the depressingly gray sky. I was right: the weather here _did_ match how I felt on the inside. Even with all of the new distractions my life in Forks was offering—more like shoving—me, I remembered the remaining chill in my bones. If it weren't for the shot of Jack I had warming my stomach, I might have just shivered.

Downstairs Charlie was reading the paper and drinking his coffee. I offered to make him some eggs but he declined, saying he already ate. I wasn't very hungry myself and decided against cereal (being that whiskey and milk _do not_ mix well) and opted for some toast. Good, safe toast. The alcohol in my system was making me pensive this morning: I started to think about the things I left behind in Phoenix. For example, contrary to my mother's knowledge, the antidepressant pills that Dr. Uley had prescribed me were sitting in the bottom drawer of my dresser. I was still supposed to be taking them, but I don't like being medicated. Luckily Charlie doesn't know that I'm supposed to be on medications, or I might have had some issues with that. They think I'm depressed, but I'm not. Emmett had finally finished with his breakfast and interrupted me from my musings as he asked, "Bella, you ready?" I nodded. Of course I was ready; I was wearing my raincoat, sitting at the table with my shoes on and my backpack was on my lap. Psh!

We arrived to school and parked in Emmett's spot. Before lunch, school was just as it had been the day before. The same people were _trying _to be my friends and I was still annoyed. The only plus was I had tuned Mike out before English with my MP3 player—effective, but socially acceptable, and in-between classes I snuck to the bathroom to dull the experience with my handy-flask. By the time lunch came around I was practically _starving_ with the drunk-munchies. I wasn't technically drunk, but the edge had definitely been taken off, so to speak. I plopped down in the chair I had occupied the day before and made Emmett get me some pizza and a Coke (which I planned to put more Jack into).

I was sitting at the table by myself while everyone except Alice and Edward were in line, listening to my MP3 player, quietly singing to myself. I didn't notice Edward sneaking up on me because suddenly someone was shaking me and I started to let out a scream when a strong, firm hand was placed over my mouth—effectively cutting off my scream. Edward leaned forward into my line-of-sight and I let out the air my lungs had been holding. He unclamped his hand before he started to say anything to me. "Bella, good God! You almost just scared the whole _fucking_ cafeteria! It was just me!" To me, he sounded upset, but his crooked-smile said otherwise. I narrowed my eyes at him and pursed my lips.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't Mr. Sneaky-Fucking-Cullen himself," I replied.

He must have found something I said amusing because he started to lightly chuckle. "Well, Ms. Prim and Proper! I didn't know you knew the f-word."

I stared at him icily. "Oh there is _so_ much you don't know about me," I stated, matter-of-factly.

"I see, playing the 'mysterious card', are we? How original, Ms. Originality," Edward replied sarcastically.

"If I recall _correctly_, and I do, YOU were the one that called me mysterious before. I'm not playing anything!" I said and hiccupped. Shoot! Emmett, hurry back with my food! Edward looked like he was sniffing the air, but perhaps was about to sneeze. "And here you are playing the too-cool card. Fool." I continued, lamely. Wow, maybe I should call it a day with my buddy Jack.

"Did you just… hiccup?"

"No."

"Yes you did. You definitely just hiccupped, and it smelled like… whiskey…"

"No I didn't and it doesn't." I replied with a forced shortness.

"Bella, are you _drunk?_"

"No!... Are _you_ drunk?"

"Holy shit! Bella, you're drunk! How did this happen?" He had a shocked, almost impressed look on his face.

"Edward, shut your damn mouth!" I chided and added under my breath, "_people_ can hear you!"

"Why are you drunk?"

"I'm not." He merely looked at me and I knew he saw through my lie. "Ok, fine. It's because I'm _almost_ regretting my decision to come here. Your stupid friends won't leave me alone: they all want to be buddy-buddy. It's maddening; it's… driving me to drink!" I whisper-shouted.

Edward looked confused. "You mean… Alice-, Rosalie- and Jasper-friends? Or the people that stalk them?"

"The stalkers! Mike Newton is driving me nuts with his pathetic attempts at flirting. Jessica Stanley is almost willing to throw herself off a bridge if I tell her to, and James Smith is about five seconds away from humping my leg like a damn dog." I frowned, deeply. Edward looked about as unhappy as I felt as soon as I mentioned Mike or James. Jessica, he merely smirked at, but the others he looked extremely displeased.

"Well, of course they are," he continued slowly. "You're the new toast of the town. I bet by Homecoming, they'll nominate you to be on the Court. Besides, you're also friends with _us_. We're the ones people follow." He said it all so matter-of-factly. It made me uncomfortable. It wasn't right; I didn't want the social power that was being thrust into my hands.

"They better not!" I warned. Just then, everyone else joined our table. I was surprised that they all came at once, but shrugged it off: the alcohol was having a bigger effect that I had anticipated.

"Better not what?" Alice asked as she gracefully took a seat next to Edward, and Jasper next to her. I decided on honesty, after all: clearly something was bothering me.

"Bella has some stalkers," Edward coolly replied. I looked at him and tried to communicate _nice save_. I think he got the message because he winked at me.

"Stalkers?" Emmett questioned, as he sat on my other side, followed by Rosalie. Finally, our table was full.

"Mike Newton, Jessica Stanley, and James Smith are particularly bothering me. Not to mention the fact that all of these other strangers keep trying to befriend me!"

"Oh not _this_ again!" Emmett rolled his eyes and laughed.

"Bella, there is absolutely _nothing_ wrong with being admired," Rosalie said and winked.

"You're a very pretty girl, Bella. Of course it'll warrant you some attention." Jasper comforted. _Despite_ _the fact that I felt like I dress like a bum he means_, I thought. "It's kind of a fact: when you're in our group, people will want to be around you."

I looked around to everyone at our table and sighed. "I guess," I resigned and took a bite from the slice of pizza Emmett had brought me. "Thanks for the Pizza, Em."

I breathed a sigh of relief: crisis averted. I had to hand it to Edward, maybe he wasn't _such _and asshole if he could keep my little accidental drunk day a secret. I looked over at him with new eyes. Suddenly the way his eyebrows quirked wasn't cocky… it was cute and I had always enjoyed his eyebrow _ring_. The way he half-smiled wasn't like a stroke victim with a black heart anymore; it was … dazzling, and when he winked at me I didn't want to throw up, I wanted to—

"So, Bella. What are you doing for your birthday this Sunday?" Edward loudly asked. _I wanted to punch him in his smart-assed face!!!_ I thought viciously. My eyes virtually screamed murder as I willed them to shoot lasers at him.

"Your birthday is _this_ Sunday!?" Alice cried in shock. "Oh my goodness! Why didn't you _tell_ me before!!! Do you have plans yet?" I was glad she asked because my answer would have been a lie. _Yes, Alice_, I thought¸_ of course I have plans._ Before I could answer, Emmett stepped in.

"Nope! Izzy-Bear is wide-open!" He boasted. Emmett was now on my shit list, right after Edward, but before Mike or Jessica.

"Oh this is _too_ perfect!" Alice squealed. "Our parents aren't home this weekend—Carlisle's at that medical convention and Esme went with! Bella, we _have to_ have a party for you on Saturday night! We'll ring-in your birthday at midnight with all the festivities! Luckily I have just enough time to pull something together!" Alice got out her blackberry and began to frantically pound away at the keys. "Ok, so I'll get the Facebook event up and running… and, done!" Alice looked up momentarily at the occupants of our table. "Well I'm going to go get this stuff taken care of. Rose, do you want to help me after school?"

"Yeah, of course!" Rosalie replied, too enthusiastically for my liking. Everything was spiraling out of my control faster and faster.

"Well if Rose and Alice are going shopping, can I get a ride home with you after practice, bro?" Jasper asked Emmett. Emmett nodded and then looked from Jasper to me with a look of apologetic horror.

"Shit, Bella! I forgot to tell you I can't take you home today because I have football practice after school. Dad _really_ needs to get you a car. I'm so sorry Bella, I—"

"I can give her a ride home, Emmett," Edward offered, cutting off Emmett's apologetic rant.

"Thanks dude, that will be a big help."

I found it odd that I had no say in the matter whatsoever. I darkly thought about how that was true. I had no say in any matter of my life—although it was my decision to come here, the action that lead to my decision was completely out of my hands. In fact, I didn't even know what it was. When the bell rang dismissing lunch, everyone from our table ran in different directions, all hell-bent on their own purposes. Edward remained by my side and walked me to class.

"Do you have a death wish?" I coldly asked.

He looked taken-aback. "No… why?"

"What the hell is your problem? Why did you just go announcing in front of everyone at the table that my birthday is on Sunday!?" I half-yelled while stomping to class. Edward easily kept up with my angered pace.

"I didn't think it was that big of a deal… Anyways, you deserve a good birthday and Alice is the best at providing that."

"It is _none_ of your business when or what I do on _my _birthday!"

"Bella, whether you think so or not, I've started to care about you and not just because you're the sister of one of my best friends. I think you deserve a good birthday party. Trust me. You'll have fun." Edward was so sure of himself. If he had said something like that only a half an hour beforehand I would have been persuaded. Now, he was a half an hour too late and my whiskey was wearing off.

"What. The Fuck. Ever." I huffed and took my seat in bio, Edward taking his next to me. We sat in silence the entire class; it was the first class all week that no one had said anything to me in. It, however, was bittersweet for some reason I couldn't quite wrap my mind around. Gym passed quickly enough as it was another day of learning. We didn't have to dress, but we did have to listen to an hour-long lecture about Volleyball. If there was just one lecture that put me to sleep that day, it was the one on volleyball. Mike kept nudging me to wake up as my head drooped lower and lower into my hands which eventually fell into my lap. I looked like a crumpled piece of paper. What kind of person is so into hearing their own voice that they don't notice one of their students falling deeper and deeper asleep? Coach Carr was king of the idiots, in my book.

As I walked out of the gymnasium, I noticed Edward leaning (God-like as usual) against a wall opposite the doors. Despite my chilly nature around him earlier, he greeted me with his usual crooked-smile, the one that did funny things to my heart and stomach. The atmosphere around him was warm, and I felt a weird almost burning sensation in my heart. This was a new reaction to Edward…

"Well, you look tired." Edward greeted. What an odd way of saying hello.

"Newton kept waking me up in gym," I replied.

"What a good-for-nothing—Oh hey Mike!" Edward had seen Mike exiting behind me and called out his greeting. Even I, only knowing Edward for less than a week, could tell that it was faked. Mike, however, seemed not to notice and was thoroughly pleased that Edward had even _glanced_ in his direction, much less said hello to him.

"Edward Cullen!" I exclaimed, bent on joking with him. "Why, you're as fake as Jessica!" I teased. He looked shocked.

"Well lookey-here! Look who _finally_ decided to grow a sense of humor!" He retorted. I smiled at him, and probably for the first time ever.

"Oh, hush. You can dish it out, but you can't take any jokes about yourself?" I inquired.

Edward only winked at me in response. My body reacted to Edward differently than I was used to: I blushed, but I wasn't angry, and my heart started to beat faster. Maybe I was coming down with something.

"Well let's get you home, Sleeping Beauty. We don't want you passing out right here in the hallway," Edward joked. Although I was still upset about the birthday comment, I just couldn't find it in myself at that moment to be upset with him. All I could do was nod, and faintly at that. I felt weak and did not recognize why. "You okay, Bella?" Edward asked while guiding me with his hand on the small of my back towards his car. "You look flushed."

"What? Oh. Yeah, I'm fine. I probably just need fluids or… something." The sun had come out for a brief interlude that afternoon which beat down on my face pleasantly. I attributed my sudden nicety towards Edward as the effects of the Sun on a sun-starved girl. The sooner the weather became gloomy again, the sooner I would be gloomier to him. It could have been the Jack talking, or perhaps the sun, but I mentally decided that perhaps I could actually be _friends_ with Edward Cullen.

The ride home wasn't silent; I just don't remember it well. What I do remember is the way it smelled—just like Edward. It was honey and musk, and some other scents I couldn't name: all combined in such a way that it was stunning enough to make me forget an entire five-minute lapse of time. The rest of that evening was also a bit of a haze. I can only assume I had followed my newly formed bedtime routine after making dinner for my dad and brother.

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**A/N: As always-- Love to my Beta Lynnardx3! Thanks everyone for your queries, reviews/comments! **

**It appears I was mistaken and underestimated my ability to crank out another chapter so soon, and there are more to come very soon as well! **


	10. Chapter 9 Old Meets New

Disclaimer: The usual stuffs. (Twilight is not mine)

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**Chapter 9**

**BPOV**

** T**he next morning I awoke with a pounding headache and immediately regretted drinking _all day_ on Wednesday. I ran to the bathroom to fill a cup of water and guzzled down several of them along with a few Advil, thinking I could hydrate the headache away. I got ready for school and packed everything from the day before _except_ my flask. It was a useful sleep aid but I felt like a lush using it to numb my everyday school experience. Downstairs, Charlie was doing his usual, as I did mine, while waiting for Emmett to do his. Was _this_ why I came to Forks? Predictability? It _did_ make me forget, however, about the lingering ice in my veins and subtle hatred of most things. The rest of the day passed by in a self-induced fog. It was the only way I could tolerate the fools of Forks. Lunch, however, was always a bittersweet time. I enjoyed the company of people I felt to be real, but still felt I was putting on a bit of a front.

"Ok, so Bella, here's the plan for after school: You and I are going to ditch last period to go to Seattle to do some shopping! We'll stop at some shops for every-day stuff, and then hit up some places to look for your party-dress. Ok?" Alice wasn't really asking; it was just a polite formality. "Oh! I also made you hair appointment for five o'clock at Salon Blast. It's my pre-birthday present to you!" Alice's chipper attitude and genuine excitement about a trivial shopping trip even made an apathetic girl like me somewhat excited.

"Alice, you really don't have to do _that_. I have money—"

"Nonsense! So it's all set." Alice smiled. She went back to talking in whisper tones with Rosalie about party details. The boys were having their own conversation so I was left to space out while eating my usual banana. I should have known that I could never be left to my own devices for long; it shouldn't have startled me when Edward started to speak to me.

"Bella," Edward started, pausing when I jumped a bit in my seat. "Aren't you just thuuuper exthited for girlz-night?" Edward lisped. I giggled at his attempt to be effeminate. "So, are you drunk today?" He asked. I vehemently shook my head.

"Of course not!!!" I replied.

"Good."

"Well, don't you just think you're so funny?" As I spoke, he quirked an eyebrow at me and the ice in my veins started to thaw.

"Well, I made you laugh, didn't I?" He retorted, keeping up with our usual banter.

"The thing is, _Edward_," I was surprised at how much pleasure I got out of saying his name. "You don't know if I was laughing with you, or at you. But, you can let your ego think whatever it wants. It's ok. It'll be our little secret." I teased.

"I love sharing secrets with you." He winked. I never fully realized how that wink _did_ things to me. Oh god, this has got to stop. I can't… I can't just start _liking_ talking to him like that!

The bell sounded, dismissing us again from another lunch. _Saved by the bell_, I thought and then chided myself for being so corny. Shit! What was Edward _doing_ to me! Then, out of the corner of my eye I saw some red-headed girl coming up to Edward and me while we were packing up our stuff.

"Edward," She called, "Could I talk to you for a minute?"

He and I both whirled around to see this girl. I recognized her as one of the jean-skirt sluts that were drunker than I was at the bonfire. I looked from her face to Edward's in curiosity. His was full of what seemed to be anger and frustration. Did I detect a hint of embarrassment? He noticed that I was looking at him with interest.

"Uhm… Bella, this is, er, Tanya. Tanya—Bella," he tersely stated. Something was amiss here because Edward was acting very strange.

"Hi." I said, feigning politeness.

"Oh, _hi_ Bella," Tanya responded. Wow, someone had their g-string in a bunch.

"I'll meet you in class, Ok Bella?" Edward asked, _actually_ asked.

"Yeah. Ok. See ya. Oh, and it was nice to meet you, Tara, was it?" I said.

"Tan-_ya_," she replied, annoyed. Well, my work was done here, so I headed to Biology.

The bell rang for class to start and Edward was nowhere to be seen. I really wanted to know who this Tanya chick was. No one in our group had ever mentioned her. Although, she did seem like she fit into the stalker-crowd that followed my new group of friends around. She wasn't really that important to me so I let it be, attempting to listen to Mr. Banner's lecture. A few minutes later when he finished, he passed around worksheets that we were supposed to work on with our lab partners. Mine was missing. Instead of being productive, I asked for the bathroom pass as to waste time until Edward arrived.

I roamed the hallways of the school, looking for the girl's bathroom I had yet to use. In my peripheral vision I saw a couple leaning against some lockers in a corner of the hallway. My interest was piqued. I subtly looked at the two and instantly recognized them: Tanya and Edward. She had him pinned against the lockers, practically throwing herself at him. I didn't have enough time to read his expression because he spotted me.

"Oh—Bella, I this isn't—" Edward stammered uncharacteristically. He was usually one with words. Tanya looked at me with such disdain and clear hatred.

"Yes it is," I heard Tanya whisper to him as Edward stumbled for words.

"I was just going to the bathroom!" I cut them off, awkwardly. I didn't know what he thought I was doing. _Spying _on him, perhaps? I ran back to bio, extremely uncomfortable with what just happened. I was filled with an unknown emotion, one I was neither familiar with or OK with. I calmed my breathing and stepped into class, placing the hall-pass at the chalkboard before taking my seat in the back. My cheeks were flushed, not from the running but from the thing I was feeling. I couldn't put a name to it… I immediately disliked Tanya, the way she just _looked_ at Edward… My insides were turning. I was angry and … sad with Tanya. That couldn't be right… Holy shit! Was I _jealous_!? I had always thought that jealousy was an inferior emotion and had never felt it before. I had no right to feel it now! Instantly, I was pissed with myself.

Suddenly Edward appeared at the door and walked to our lab table. He muttered an apology to Mr. Banner as he took his seat. I didn't look at him; I couldn't—not now—not knowing that I felt jealous. He leaned over our table, with his elbows on it, while his right index finger and thumb pinched the bridge of his nose. He looked stressed, well, as far as I could tell from my not-looking-at-him. I decided that sitting back here with the elephant between us wasn't going to do any good, so I started to work on the worksheet we were _supposed_ to be doing. A few minutes later, after his shoulders had lowered from their previous anxiety-rigid pose, Edward withdrew a pen and piece of paper from his backpack.

_Bella, I'm sorry… about _that_. But, it's not what you think; _He wrote and slid the sheet over to me.

_It's ok. Whatever. Do what you want._ I replied.

_Tanya… she's still obsessed with me. I broke up with her last week before the bonfire and she's _still_ on my nuts, trying to get back with me, which _won't_ happen._ What!? They dated? Unconscious nausea filled my stomach.

_ Edward, it's fine. No need to explain. You're a free man, do what you want. _I repeated. I was trying like hell to disguise the jealousy I felt, now that I knew about it. He scribbled something else down, but I refused to look at it. Instead, I focused my attention again on the worksheet that was due at the end of the period. I finished right before the bell rang, and handed it into Mr. Banner, all without looking at my lab partner, who was supposed to help, but didn't (in no small part due to my blatant ignoring tactics).

Outside of my class, Alice stood, vibrating with excitement. Even a deaf, dumb, and blind person would be able to tell that Alice truly _lived_ for shopping. She was sort of a contradiction in herself: the girls that lived to shop back in Phoenix had been devoid of a personality or any redeeming qualities, but Alice had a fabulous personality and all of the redeemable qualities the other girls' lacked _combined. _

"Ready Bella?" Alice asked. I nodded, and couldn't help but let a little smile escape. "Alright, then let's go!" She led me to the yellow Mini-Cooper that was parked in the parking lot for the first time all week. Alice _would_ have a sun-shiny yellow car. Driving with a lead-foot, mini Alice sped to Seattle in her mini car. We chatted easily about non-important things the way there, filling up the time with our easy-friendship as I truly enjoyed being light-hearted and care-free with Alice.

With Alice's speed driving and unique knowledge of short-cuts, we arrived in Seattle about two hours and forty-five minutes after departing Forks. Since it was only three-forty-five, Alice chose for us to hit-up some boutiques before my hair appointment. We browsed, Les Amis, Show Pony, and Bliss: all of which we each carried out two bags easily, before heading across the highway to my appointment at Salon Blast. I had to admit, I was having fun being girly with Alice. She took me into stores that I considered unique and unpretentious. I was beginning to realize that Alice knew me better than I thought she did. At one point she even scolded me for holding back on a purchase that I considered to be to dressy for me (even though it was only a cotton, v-cut pale pink shirt, with one layer of ruffles around the neckline). She exclaimed, "Bella, if you're going for a certain look—you might as well go for it all the way! You're probably one of the few that could pull off the indie, I-don't-care-but-I-still-look-fabulous style."

Because of my long-hair, it took an hour and a half for a cut and streaked color. I kept it long, but it seemed more edgy than before: choppy, with a hint of side-swept bangs with only a few streaks of vivid red. Alice, of course, picked it out but I loved it intensely. It was the outward me to match the inward me that I had been missing for a while. True to her word, Alice paid for every penny of the appointment, except for the tip, which I vehemently insisted on paying myself. After our time at the salon, we stopped and picked up sandwiches quickly before heading back to Forks. I was thoroughly exhausted from all this time and money spent on looking-good—something I was definitely not used to.

About ten minutes into our ride home to Forks, Alice brought up a new topic of discussion. "Bella, just so you know: I know about the accident… Jasper and Rose both confided in me. I hope you don't mind that they did, but I just wanted to tell you that I know and understand." I only looked at her in awe and shock, but she continued. "You know, you can talk to me about it if you ever needed to. No pressure, or anything; I just know that going through something like that and keeping it bottled up can be tough." It was surreal the way my Phoenix life and my Forks live were now suddenly colliding in this car ride.

"Uhm, thanks Alice. No, I'm not mad at them… I figured you knew."

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked, easily broaching this topic I refused to even think about on a daily basis, let alone talk about it.

"Not right now. But, when I do, I'll talk to you. Thanks, though." I replied. I heard in my voice the dullness that had been there after the accident—the dullness that I tried to hide from everyone.

"Do you know how Edward and I came to be brother and sister?" Alice asked, rapidly changing the subject of the conversation. I gently shook my head no, so she continued. "My dad and mom got divorced when I was three. Apparently he used to beat her, but I have no memories of it. She's a strong woman though, and doesn't put up with shit like that." It was the first time I had ever heard Alice swear. It was sort of empowering, in a way. "After they were divorced, and I was about… eight, Esme, my mom, met Edward's dad Carlisle in a furniture store in Seattle. They hit it off immediately: finding their new counterpart in the other. Two years later they were married. Life, after my mom meeting Carlisle, became stable and happier. Carlisle adopted me as Esme adopted Edward. We've been our own little happy family since."

"I had no idea," I offered. "I'm sorry to hear about your dad…"

"Thanks, but that's ok. He's only biological. My true dad is Carlisle. I had the easiest and happiest transition to our new life: I had grown up for those few years _without_ a father-figure. Edward, on the other hand, had had a mother: one that he was very fond of."

"What happened to her?" I asked. I could tell that this fairy-tale-like story was about to take a darker turn.

"I'm not trying to speak for him, but I'm just going to tell you the facts, ok?" She clarified. I nodded again, in agreement for her to continue. "When Edward was about two, his mother—Elisabeth I think her name was—became pregnant again and miscarried. She was in a lot of pain and became deeply depressed. The pain medication that she was on was strong and she easily became addicted. Apparently she battled with the addiction for a year before she went to rehab. Carlisle, ever the doctor, made her get routine check-ups for everything, trying to monitor her health post-addiction. A year after her stint in rehab, they found stage four intestinal cancer despite her timely evaluations. She died three months later when Edward was almost five," Alice finished. I was frozen with empathy for Edward and his father, whom I'd never met. My heart ached, and went out to Edward. Alice eyed my expression and started to talk again. "What I'm trying to convey, Bella, is that Edward and I understand complicated. You're in good company, and I hope that maybe you'll let us in someday."

"I don't know what to say…," I finally said a few minutes later. "I feel so horribly for Edward and Carlisle." She nodded, appreciating the sentiments.

"I know you're hell-bent on hating my step-brother. After all, he can be a cocky ass sometimes, but he's got a good heart underneath it all. He is the way he is so people can't see his weaknesses… as I'm sure you can relate to." That surprised me, I didn't _hate_, hate Edward. I just… easily became frustrated by his cocky, I'm-the-shit attitude.

"Yea, I can, but I don't _hate_ him, Alice." I replied.

"Ok, but you aren't necessarily fond of him in the way he's fond of you."

"What do you mean?" I was deeply confused, now.

"Just think about it. That's all," she concluded. "Now, moving on from such a serious topic, on Saturday: I want you to wear that navy blue cotton-wrap with the frills around the hem. No questions about it: that's your birthday party outfit." Her tinkling-laughter filled the car as my own giggles joined her.

"Alright, Alice, whatever you say."

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**A/N: Thanks to my beta Lynnardx3 for getting back to me SO quickly with your efficient edits! You are THUPER-DUPERths.  
& as always: thanks to the reviewers and the peeps that do read my little-known story. :o)  
**


	11. Chapter 10 Tension

Disclaimer: The usual that SM owns all & I own none

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**Chapter 10**

**BPOV**

** W**hen I walked into my house—carrying my many bags of clothes, shoes, and accessories—sometime after nine, my ears were filled with the sounds of boys and baseball coming from the family room. I removed the Chuck's I had been wearing, placed my raincoat on its hook, and brought my backpack and bags with me as I sauntered past the family. Crowded around the flat-screen t.v. was Emmett, Jasper, Edward, and Charlie, cheering for the Mariners. They all noticed me and muttered their various greetings.

"Hey Bells! Come join us," Charlie called to me.

"Yeah, but before you do, bring more chips, Izz," Emmett added, smiling his silly bearish grin.

"Thanks guys, but I don't want to interrupt your 'boy's night'. Plus, I have to put all this stuff away and get crackin' on my homework." I replied, laughing quietly to myself.

"Did you do something to your hair?" Emmett called back to me.

"Uh, yea. Cut it, and stuff." I was mildly embarrassed that he mentioned it in front of Edward, for some odd reason I couldn't fathom.

"Lookin' good!" He called before returning his attention to the t.v. I looked at Jasper and Edward and smiled and nodded _hello_ to them. I hadn't noticed before that Edward was staring at me with a goofy grin on his face. I faintly blushed, nodded again, and ran up the stairs to the safety of my room. Once in it, I decided to take-on the task of putting all of my new things into my organized closet. Surprisingly, for the amount of stuff I had purchased, it only took ten minutes to put away. I then started to work on homework. I didn't really have much so that only took about twenty minutes' time. I sighed, it wasn't yet ten. Getting ready for bed, I brushed my teeth and washed my face. I regarded my new hair in the bathroom mirror and a feeling of pride washed over me: I _really_ liked my hair! Once back in my room, I decided my habitual night-cap was in order. There was no way I wanted to have nightmares tonight! I got out my flask and what about to take a swig when there was a soft knock on my door. _Shit!_ I mentally cursed and tried to remember if I had locked my door. The knob turned and was slowly pushed open. _Fuck! No, I didn't!_ I thought.

Edward peaked his head around the door and asked, "May I come in?"

"Sure," I replied before I realized what I was saying. He closed the door softly behind him and headed to sit on the edge of my bed, a few feet from where I was sitting. He looked at what was in my hands and chuckled.

"So, _this _is the mysterious Bella's room." He exclaimed while looking all around him. "I see that you not only are a lush at school, but you partake in a night-cap before bed, I presume?" So what if Edward was clever, he thought I had an alcohol problem: that made me mad! I had a nightmare-and-people problem, not a drinking problem.

"Shut up. It helps me sleep. Besides, yesterday was a _first_ for me." I playfully pushed his shoulder, and my fingers tingled where I had touched him.

"Ok, ok. Sorry, I really didn't come in here to judge—not that I'm judging!" He attempted. What was _with_ him today? Edward _never_ stuttered or stumbled over words. I nodded, showing I understood, smiling as I did.

"So, why _did _you come in here?" I asked, placing my flask underneath my bed.

"To apologize about the Tanya thing today." I rolled my eyes. Of _course_, Edward just couldn't let it lie.

"I told you not to bother. It's none of my business." I huffed; I could just _feel_ the jealousy creeping back into my system.

"But Bella, I _need_ you to understand!" He was being so transparent with me, it was startling. "Nothing happened with Tanya." He sighed. "She and I used to date… on and off for about a year. I officially and finally ended it with her that Saturday morning of the bonfire. Ever since, she's been trying to get back with me. Bella, I have no intentions of ever dating her again. She's spoiled, superficial, and slutty. We didn't have anything real: she was a just-for-fun sort of fling."

"Ok, I believe you," I said.

"She wanted to talk about 'us' today, but there _is_ no 'us' when it comes to her. When you walked by us in the hallway, she was trying to seduce me, but clearly it wasn't working… as you may have seen." He looked sheepish, and raked his fingers through his messy hair.

"Well, I will admit that I was curious as to what was going on. I _truly_ was just going to the bathroom; I didn't want you to think I was stalking you or anything." I laughed and he quietly joined me.

"Sassy Bella, stalk me? Never. I know better than to hope for that!" He continued to chuckle.

"I should hope so."

"So, we're ok?" He looked hopeful.

"Of course. I told you: we never weren't!"

"Good," He smiled. "I'll let you drift off into your drunken slumber now."

"I'm not drunk! I haven't had _any_ yet!" Edward winked after my reaction and my heart started fluttering away. I swallowed, not knowing what else to do. Suddenly it made me nervous to have him in my room, sitting on my bed. I became aware of every minute movement, every breath, and every eye twitch. He was my prey and it was like I was hunting him. They way he smelled lingered in my nose, sending tingles down my spine. Did he notice the goose bumps that rose on my arms?

"Chill, Bella. I was just kidding," he said in a deeper, calm tone as he raised himself off the bed, standing up. I stood too, mirroring his action.

"I know," I responded quietly. He hesitantly took a step towards me, and if possible, I became even more aware of him _all_ over my body. I took a smaller step towards him. I looked deeply into his emerald green eyes and became entranced. My breathing became a bit labored as I noticed his eyes raking over my tank-topped and short-shorted body. I had forgotten to worry about how much skin he was able to see. His eyes froze over my chest—eyeing the exposed tops of my breasts, creating a subtle cleavage. Edward, then, looked into my eyes and I felt at home. He reached out his hand and cupped my chin, tilting it upwards to better our gaze. I stepped forward unconsciously. Our faces were so close, merely inches apart, but I couldn't bear to tear away my eyes from his beautiful, soulful eyes. I knew of all the pain and hurt they must have been through, and how they could still be so sparkling was a mystery to me. There wasn't darkness in his eyes, like you would expect there to be. An electric tension passed between us as the rest of my body wanted to be next to his, to touch it. Our heads moved closer together, closing the small distance. I swallowed hard, nervous again. I placed my hand softly on Edward's hand that held my chin.

"I … should go." Edward said, breaking the silence.

"Uhm. Ok. Yeah." I was still under his unknowing spell. Neither of us moved a muscle. There was so much unsaid wanting and desires not acted upon. My lips were aching in their neglect from his. Neither of us had looked away: perhaps we were both cowards in this moment, because we didn't make a move either way. I cleared my throat and took a step back, looking at the floor. I unconsciously licked my lips and waited for his move.

"Sweet dreams, Bella," Edward wished, and I brought my eyes back to him. There wasn't any awkwardness between us, and I heard none in his voice.

"Thank you." I replied softly. Where had my fierceness gone? I was back to meek, quiet Bella from Phoenix in this moment.

Edward winked as he disappeared behind the door, which sent chills down my spine. I was suddenly and inexplicably aware of a void inside of me because of Edward's absence. It was odd—this feeling. Earlier in the day I became aware of the jealousy I had felt towards Tanya and her relationship with Edward but I didn't bother to think _why_. Now, I was. After this—what was it? A moment?, Alice's hinting, and my feelings of jealousy, I started to realize something. Was I _falling_ for Edward Cullen?

Edward had infuriated me more than anyone else in Forks had thus far, multiple times. He was also self-important, cocky, and a smart-ass. He seemed vain, rude, and a bit of a man-whore. Yet, he was funny, kind, and cared about me—the realization of that surprised even myself. He was deep, smart, and incredibly sexy. I liked his messy, unkempt sex-hair, and I liked the way he always winked at me. Edward had, in his infinite knowledge of his sister, purposely spilled the beans about my birthday in order to make it special; he kept my secrets and truly understood _complicated_, like Alice had said… This was the last thing I would have thought could have happened when I moved to Forks: me falling for Edward-Fucking-Godlike-Cullen! I was beyond denial now, I liked him. I truly liked him. I wanted to steal kisses with him in secluded halls of the school; I wanted to drag my tongue across his perfectly carved lips and _taste_ what made him smell so good. I wanted Edward more than any guy I had ever wanted before. That was the first night I went to sleep in Forks sober.

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**A/N: Thanks to my Beta-tastic Beta Lynnardx3!!! You-ROCK!**

**Thanks everyone for the story-alerts, favorites, & reviews/comments! Thanks to some of my super-dedicated fans for all of the recommendations & hard work!  
Another chapter to come soon! **


	12. Chapter 11 Pampering

**Disclaimer**: The usual copyright stuff--SM owns all; I own nothing.

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**Chapter 11**

BPOV

** D**uring that night was the first time I had dreamt about Edward Cullen—actually, it was the first time I had dreamt at all in Forks. Oh, what a dream it was. In my dream, Edward and I were like marble statues, forbidden to move: locked in an entranced gaze with each other for the rest of eternity. Edward looked liked a God carved from the white stone, reminiscent of the ancient Greek edifices created to worship The Olympians. Even though it was prohibited to move, Edward quirked his crooked-smile, winked, and then ran to me: crushing his lips to mine. After a moment of blissful connection between our lips, the marble Edward shattered into a million small pieces and marble dust that fell through my now-empty marbled hands. Then, my dream went black, and I awoke screaming. It ended like all my other nightmares: with confusing, depressing blackness all around me. The darkness that had forced me to scream was made bearable only by the previous part of the dream where Edward was kissing me. I shivered while recalling it. I rolled over and looked at my alarm clock. It was five-to-six, late enough to get out of bed and start getting ready for the day.

Although it was Friday, nothing of note happened. My day was as predictable as the previous school days had been this week. As strange as it may sound, I was impatiently waiting for it to be Monday already (or even next Friday) because then my birthday and party would be over-with. Truth be told, it was my party that made me anxious today, not the annoying people I had to put up with outside of my group. Even lunch had become predictable: waiting in line for food, Emmett and Rosalie whispering in their corner, Alice gushes excitedly about something to Jasper, and Edward and I bicker back and forth. Biology was the same in that it was a class, which had its own routine formalities, but Edward and I behaved similarly to the way we did at lunch.

I think that my favorite part of that entire day was my ride home: Edward drove me again. I loved being trapped in a small space with him as his intoxicating scent filled my lungs and made my heart light. Now that I knew how I felt, it was harder to enjoy myself while I was with him; the difficulty was in hiding the fact that I had a crush on him. To me, crushes were fleeting and easily dealt with: you ignore them. Nothing good ever came from having a crush on someone, I was sure of it.

"Ok, well I'll see you tomorrow night. Thanks for the ride… again," I said to Edward as I reached for the door handle to exit his car.

"No problem… Hey Bella?" Edward called. I looked at him in response. "What are you doing tonight?"

"Uh… Nothing? I'll probably be finishing all of my homework so I can have the rest of the weekend for Alice's dumb birthday stuff for me." I huffed. "Why?"

Edward looked taken aback, not expecting me to question his query. "Oh, I was … just wondering. I should probably work on homework too. After all, I _do_ have your kick-ass birthday party to go to tomorrow night," He winked and I rolled my eyes at him.

"Oh please!" I exclaimed, exasperated with all this birthday hoo-ha, as I exited his Volvo. He chuckled as he drove away. I walked into my empty house and contemplated what to do with myself. I didn't know what Emmett's plans were for the evening after he got home from practice, but I decided to get some steaks marinating before starting my homework. That way I could have dinner ready by the time Charlie got home. Oh, shit! I was becoming Suzie-fucking-homemaker! Although it was quite unnerving to be this girly, I couldn't help but want to do something nice for my dad and brother. Emmett did end up going out to dinner and a movie with Rosalie, so it was just Charlie and me for dinner.

"So, Bells, Alice called me at The Station today." Charlie said, breaking the silence, after swallowing a bite of steak. My dad was always more talkative after a good meal.

"What?" I was shocked, and then concerned. "Why?"

"To tell me about this party she's planning for you tomorrow night. I think it's a great idea. I like that Alice; she's always been a good kid. She asked if I was mad that she was throwing the party because it's not at our house, how funny."

"Oh, yea—that. I was going to ask you tonight if I could go."

"I know. Alice said that you'd be sleeping over—all of the girl's were invited to. Emmett's staying over at Jasper's that night too, so I think I might do an over-night fishing trip with Harry Clearwater and Billy Black."

"Yeah, that's right." I pretended to know. It was weirding me out that Charlie knew more about my birthday party than I did. _Damn, Alice was good_, I thought. She crossed every T and dotted every I in order to create no way for me to worm-out of it. "And that sounds like fun, dad! You should do it!" At least then I would know it wouldn't be Charlie coming to break up the party when the Police arrived, which was inevitable in my eyes that they would.

"Well since you're going over to Alice's tomorrow night, how about you, Emmett, and I go out to dinner on Sunday to celebrate your birthday?" Charlie asked.

"Yeah, dad, dinner sounds good." The rest of the night was easy: Charlie sat in front of the TV watching some sports game while I did my homework, randomly replenished his supply of beers, took my nightcap with my Sleep CD playing, and fell asleep.

Saturday I awoke to the very surprising sunshine. After five minutes of lying awake in bed—deciding that I was too tired to get out of it yet—Alice appeared, opening my bedroom door. "Bella! What are you doing still in bed! It's time to get going!" She squealed. I rolled over and looked at the alarm clock. It was only eight am.

"Alice, Christ, it's fucking _early_ still! Wait… go where?" Through the fog of my just-awoken brain, I attempted to process what she was trying to say to me.

"Rosalie and I have planned a 'girl's day' with manicures, massages, hair-styling and makeup appointments before we meet the boys for dinner before the party. Actually, all of the appointments are coming to my house: Rose pulled some strings. So get out of bed, shower, brush your teeth and let's go!" Although she was tiny and sweet, she could make her voice as forceful as one of those guys on TV at wrestle mania.

"Alice… you never told me about this." I was pushing my luck arguing, so I got out of bed like she had wanted.

"Well _something_ had to be a surprise, Bella!" She and her little maniacal laughter made me laugh too. Alice watched me like a hawk and saw me dawdle. "Shower—now!" After I had showered, brushed my teeth and packed a sleep-over bag, Alice had me in her yellow Bug and on the way to her mansion.

"You said _Rose_ pulled some strings for our house-call appointments?" I questioned, curious how much money was being thrown into today. I was going to owe them _so_ much!

"I sure did!" Alice was quite chipper now that we weren't going to be late.

"Uhm, how?"

Alice looked at me with questioning eyes. "Do you know about Jasper and Rose's family?"

"Uhm… no. Should I?" Alice tinkled with small laughter.

"Not necessarily, no. The Hales are from a long line of Texas Oil-Well Owners… they're _loaded_." Alice sounded impressed, which I found ironic since Rosalie was the one gushing about Alice's house last week.

"As in _The _Texas Hales? No offense Alice, but I thought you were the ones that were 'loaded'."

"The very same. Oh, we have money—don't get me wrong: Carlisle's job at the hospital doesn't pay much here, but my mom is a renowned interior decorator—we just don't have as much as the Hales do. They like to keep it pretty low-profile though. Mrs. Hale has a sun allergy so they moved to Forks three years ago after she was diagnosed. She's totally fine, now." Well, well, well: wasn't Alice the source of all gossip in Forks, not that I had ever cared about gossip.

"I had no idea. Interesting. No wonder why you're all in the 'popular crowd'!"

"Bella, are you trying to say that our winning personalities aren't amiable enough to be appreciated by all of Forks High School's students?" Alice sarcastically asked. I liked them all, but they had seemed too much like _real_ people to be associated with the stereotypical, superficial popular crowd.

"Never…" I replied with equal sarcasm. We both laughed as we pulled up to her house. I saw that Rosalie's red BMW was already there, as were the vans that belonged to our masseurs, hairstylists, nail technicians, and makeup artists.

In the daytime, the Cullen Mansion looked much bigger than I had remembered. I was taken through the first level of the house and saw an array of beautiful rooms in different shades of white that held beautiful things. Alice led me up a set of stairs to the second level and into what she mentioned was her room. It was large and decorated in varying designs of red, black, and white. Within it, somehow Alice and Rosalie had converted her bedroom and large bathroom into a small private spa. We each had a massage in a curtained corner of Alice's room, before our individual, private mud-baths in her tub. The bath was followed by a sea-salt scrub and hot shower which led to our hair and nail appointments. We got dressed in Alice's extra-grand walk-in closet before our makeup was done. I felt like a princess, which sort of revolted me. All this time and money was spent on making me beautiful: I didn't want that type of beauty—that is, until I saw the finished product in Alice's three-way mirror.

I stood, in my navy blue, cotton wrap-around dress, looking into her mirror. I didn't recognize my reflection. Who was that ivory-skinned beauty staring back at me? I didn't look like I had come off the pages of Cosmopolitan—thank god—but I did look like I was a rock star on my way to the Grammy's. The red in my hair was brought out perfectly by the shade of the dress, which also made my eyes look like melted chocolate. I was surprised—usually I hated my brown eyes: they literally looked like _shit_-eyes, but today they were fabulous. Or, maybe, I was just finally appreciating my natural beauty? After admiring myself—which was definitely out of character for me—Alice and I had an argument about the shoes I was to wear. Alice and her team of stylists all wanted me to wear these scary-looking stilettos, while I wanted to wear a pair of chucks, naturally. We finally settled on a compromise: black, high-heeled boots. They were fashionable enough to appease Alice, and to promise lots of tripping and falling on my part. Rosalie looked stunning as usual in a short, red dress. Alice also looked very beautiful in her little-black-dress; it flawlessly complimented her shiny black hair.

When all three of us were _finally_ ready, we traipsed down the stairs to meet the boys in the foyer. Emmett looked great in his crisp, button-down white shirt, black vest, black pants and red tie—no doubt Rosalie's doing. Jasper looked charming in his deep gray sweater over a white-collared shirt with black pants. Edward—_oh god—_looked hot. He was incredibly sexy in his black button-down, un-tucked, shirt with tighter-than-average black jeans. He was wearing his leather jacket over it which only added to the overall _badass_ effect I was feeling from him. The black-on-black was definitely my favorite; it made his eyebrow ring all the more visible. All I wanted to do was _rip_ it off until I had popped off every last button. I wasn't expecting this: I might need a new pair of underwear soon.

"Ah, yes—here are our beautiful girls; ladies, you all look _stunning_," Emmett called to us, always the charmer. The three of us murmured our thanks as we finished descending the wide staircase.

"Well, we better get going. The limo is waiting out front," Alice informed us.

"Wait. Hold-the-fucking-phone! _Limo?_" I gasped. "I draw the line. I don't need a damn limo for my birthday party! We're just going to dinner!"

"Bella, chill. We always take a limo when we can't all fit into one car; my parents let us borrow theirs," Jasper replied, always the voice of reason. If it had come from anyone but him, I probably would have still been throwing a fit. There was just something about him that always seemed to calm me down; he always seemed in control. "Plus, this way we can all have a drink at dinner." Clearly he was forgetting that we were only teenagers, but I figured their money might have its advantages in that aspect.

"Oh… alright. Well, you heard the man: let's go!" I said, slightly embarrassed at my outburst. We all filed out the door and into the limo. Edward held the door open for us while the driver sat in his seat. Before I got into the black stretch, he stopped me and leaned his head down to my ear. He was so close that his nose lightly brushed it, and then I was _sure_ that I'd need new panties.

"_You_ look absolutely _sinful_. If I weren't some sort of gentleman…" he whispered, seductively. Chills ran down my spine and my blood pounded through my veins. "I'd watch out, if I were you… not everyone can control themselves like I _attempt_ to." Edward then flashed his devilish smile, and winked at me before we both entered the vehicle. He sat so close to me, our elbows touching, that if my older brother weren't in the same limo as me, I might have jumped on top of Edward right then and there. Luckily, I'm not some sort of Harlot, and had better control of myself than _that_.

Dinner was fun: just our group. We went to the nicest restaurant in town, which isn't exactly saying much for Forks. We drank champagne—the waiters knew better than to card us—and laughed merrily. I had almost forgotten that it was all in honor of me. I felt somewhat awkward, drinking underage in public while being the Police Chief's daughter, but not enough to stop myself. I did, after all, just go to school drunk on Wednesday. Everyone toasted me a "happy birthday" and contrary to my pleas and although I was turning as red as a tomato, they sang to me as well.

When we arrived back at the Cullen House, everyone was already there. Alice led our group into the back yard that was alight with tiki-torches, birthday balloons, and people—_a lot _of people. Everyone that mattered from the high school was there—all of the football players, the jean-skirted girls, the cheerleaders, the social climbers, my personal batch of stalkers and more. Music was playing and I recognized another boy from school in charge of it. There was a dance floor, a drink station, the bonfire was going, there was a food buffet, and a present table. I glared at Alice and mouthed _I thought I said no presents!_ She simply looked at me, face filled with a huge smile and mouthed back _sorry!_ Edward took my arm and escorted me to the middle of dance floor. _Oh my god—is he planning on dancing with me?_ I thought, _Because I cannot dance!!_ I gave him a worried look and he merely winked and my thoughts were momentarily detained, unable to think about the possibility of dancing.

"Edward, if you're serious about this dancing thing, I'm going to need a few more drinks in me first: I'm a _terrible_ dancer, seriously." I warned.

"Well I was just giving Alice a chance to introduce you to the party, we'll get drinks in a minute," He coolly responded. There was a faint smile on his face: he seemed to be enjoying this. I also noticed that his hand was still on my arm: I was enjoying _that_.

"Hey everybody! Let's wish Bella a happy 17th birthday!" Alice called over a microphone. Really, Alice, was it necessary to have a microphone? Just then everyone erupted in a chorus of Happy Birthday. It was mortifying. Luckily at the end of their rendition Edward made good on his promise and got me a good stiff drink: a Whiskey Sour on the rocks.

"Cheers to the birthday girl," Edward said as he clinked our glasses. He leaned over to my cheek, ever so slowly. There was less than an inch distance between his lips and my cheek. "Happy Birthday _Bella_." He whispered. Ohhhh his voice did things to me. Just then, ever so lightly I couldn't be sure, he kissed my cheek before taking a drink and returning my stare. I drank mine and swallowed hard—nervous for the first time all evening.

"Thanks," I murmured, suddenly becoming meek all over again. We both finished our drinks quickly: Edward seemed as antsy as I was. After he got us our second, our conversation started flowing. We talked about nothing important, yet it felt so good.

"Wanna dance?" Edward asked once we had finished our second drinks.

"Uhh I don't know if that's a good idea…" I stammered.

"C'mon, we'll take a shot for good luck first," He offered.

"Oh, alright." After our shots, I let the burning warmth that was now in my stomach flow through my veins: into my arms and legs. I practically willed the alcohol to take over my body and remove the clumsy so I could dance with my Crush, Although I knew that alcohol did quite the opposite in anyone else. Edward, taking my hand, led me to the dance floor where the youth of Forks were grinding to the rhythm of the music. He spun me around once we had reached the middle, and placed his hands on my hips while I placed mine around his neck. My heart started racing and my nervousness increased. He pulled me closer; our bodies only separated by fabric, and began to move with the beat of the music. It took me a few more seconds to become comfortable with it all, but once I did, I let go all my reservations and just _danced_. I felt comfortable in his arms as our bodies moved seductively against each other. We maintained eye-contact, which made our dance seem more intimate than just a dance; I became lost within the emeralds of his eyes. We danced for hours, only stopping to drink more. I enjoyed my time with Edward on the dance floor, as I let his hands roam my body's soft curves, turning me on as he twirled me around the floor.

Before I knew it, people started counting down until midnight to ring in my birthday properly. It felt like New Years' Eve. It was magical. _Ten! Nine! Eight!_ They all called. Edward and I were rooted in our spots, staring into the other's eyes. _Seven! Six!_ I felt the primal urge to devour his face, to pin him down in the middle of this crowd and take him—take all of him. _Five! Four! _There was a tingling sensation, roaming over my body. I felt it settle my lower abdomen, calling out. I parted my lips slightly, subconsciously licking them. Edward started at the small movement of my mouth, entranced. _Three! Two!_ My heartbeat picked up in anticipation. I wanted him, I wanted all of him and I wanted it _now_: I had to have it. I moved my face closer to his, hoping he would want it too. One of his hands moved up my back and onto the nape of my neck, and the other to my butt with a firm grip. He bent his head down, attaining my level, his eyes were hooded in what I assumed was desire. We were closing the shrinking gap between his luscious, kissable lips and my own. It was now or never, do or die. It was a time for truth.

_One!!!_ As everyone was screaming _Happy Birthday Bella_, Edward's lips and mine finally met. It was like a spark ignited from our lips and flooded my body with warmth: a burning desire to touch him more and be touched. Our kiss was sweet at first as our lips initially met, but immediately we mashed them together more fiercely. His desire seemed to match mine as our kisses became more needy and frantic. I opened my mouth and invited in his warm, sweet tongue. While we kissed, one of his hands stayed firm on my ass, pulling my closer to him, while the other ravaged my hair, sending tingling sensations from the roots at the top of my head all through my body to my toes. His teeth lightly bit my lips and waves of ecstasy splashed through me completely. It was slightly playful the way his teeth tugged at my lower lip, and somewhat erotic to me. I pulled at his hair, not getting enough of him. When we finally broke apart breathless and a little awestruck at what just happened, I had to unwrap my leg from around his. _Oops_. At first, I looked at my feet, unable to meet his eyes. After a moment of cowardice, I regained myself and brought my eyes at his level. He was eyeing me with interest: watching me. When our eyes met, I couldn't help but smile, happiness that he caused started to gush through me, and he smiled in return.

"Well, that was a long time coming," Edward whispered, seductively as always. I wondered if he did that on purpose or if it was just in his nature. I nodded, simply staring into the green depths of his soul.

"So… Bella. How about I get us a drink, and then we can… maybe, talk?" He faltered. I thought Edward was sexy when he was being a bit of an asshole, but this flustered and somewhat awkward Edward was rather hot to me as well. It was cute, that was for sure.

"Sure," I smiled warmly, showing him that I'd do anything with him. Edward took my hand which tingled of its own accord, and led me to a few Adirondacks that encircled the fire-pit which was less than one-hundred feet from the drinks station.

"Stay here, I'll be right back with our drinks," he said charmingly, quirking his signature half-smile. Then, he lifted the hand he was holding and kissed the top of it as if we were a pair from an old movie. Did I mention that tonight felt magical? I was left alone for only a few moments: not minding his absence too much because I knew he'd be back in a matter of minutes. Alice and Jasper waved to me from the dance floor, smiling as they too were having fun. I noticed Emmett and Rosalie coming from behind the shed, walking towards the dance floor hand-in-hand. My brother was such a horn dog, but I smiled none-the-less. Deep in thought about my new friends in Forks, I was taken by surprise when James tapped my shoulder.

"Hey Bella, I saw you sitting by yourself and I thought how perfect: I can finally wish the birthday girl a happy birthday!" He said, while sitting in the chair next to me. He had two drinks in his hands and I wondered who they could be for.

"How sweet, thanks James."

"Oh, you remembered my name!" He sounded proud and I couldn't help but smile, it was kind of cute.

"Of course, you play football with Emmett."

"True. Well, hey, I also noticed you didn't have a drink, so I brought you one. The birthday girl should never have to get her own, ya know!" He replied warmly. I couldn't remember, at that moment, why I had found him a little scary when I had first met him.

"Oh… thanks," I said as he handed it to me. "Well, actually Edward was just getting me a drink." I stated loyally.

"Well, one more wouldn't hurt, right?" He responded. He was right: it was my birthday and I wanted to get _hammered!_ I was only slightly drunk so I felt as though I wouldn't be betraying Edward if I had one while I was waiting for him. "Cheers!" James declared, while clinking our cups.

I took a sip from the cup James had brought me. It tasted like a rum-and-coke, not bad. I _did _like rum. My legs started to feel heavy after I took a few gulps, I thought that maybe the night was finally catching up to me. Suddenly Edward was with us, he looked pissed. _Oh no,_ I thought, _now he's jealous too._ Then, everything went black…

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**A/N: Thanks & Love to my beta Lynnardx3! Thanks to the reviews/comments, alerts, and favorites as always! :o) You're all super rad!**

**There's a surprise coming next chapter... haha I hope you can wait for it! ;o)**


	13. Chapter 12 Masochism

**Disclaimer: **The usual copyright stuff-- Stephenie Meyers owns all, I am merely a fan!

**A/N: warning-- there's a lot of swears in this chapter... so if you find that offensive, don't read!!!**

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**Chapter 12**

**EPOV**

**W**hen I first saw Bella Swan, confidently walking over to me at my last bonfire before the start of school, I practically got a boner instantly. She was so unlike the carbon-copies of the girls in Forks, I was dumbstruck. She was hot—no, _beautiful_, the kind that made you go on crazy journeys across foreign seas for it. Even though she was so plainly dressed in a band-tee and jeans (also very unlike the female population of Forks) she caught my eye with her all-brunette fury in hers. I accidently came across as the asshole I didn't want her to think I am and I had stumbled for words in front of a girl for the first time _ever_. When I saw that nose-ring though—an indication that she _truly_ wasn't like the preppy, perfectly manicured bitches I had previously known—I got really _excited_. _Shit, _I had thought, _now I have to hide this boner, unless…Oh, _fuck _Cullen, you just met her._

Yeah, I am kind of an ass, aren't I? Bella had me so wound up that I had needed a cigarette, _bad_: it was my lucky-fucking-day to find out that Bella had a sharp tongue, which was so damn _hot_. Bella had continued to unconsciously torture me every moment of my life since, and I have to admit, I'm a bit of a masochist, myself. If it wasn't bad enough that Bella, herself, tortured me (in ways that I enjoyed), Alice started in on me too. The next morning, while we were cleaning up our backyard from the morons that didn't know how to use a damn trashcan, she started probing me with questions about Bella.

"So, _Edward_, I noticed that you and Bella … hit it off last night." She called to me, ever so innocently.

"Bull_shit_. We practically fought the whole time. She was just using me for my booze."

"Oh, puh-leez, I am _not_ blind! I see everything! You practically pitched a tent when you saw her. Don't lie to me Edward Masen Cullen!" _Damn it!_ I thought, _How does Alice always know everything!?_

"That's sick sis, you shouldn't talk about my dick like that. It's weird," I responded, ignoring the conversation at hand. She only stared at me with tiny daggers in her eyes, tapping her foot, impatiently waiting for my admission. _Fuck…_ "Ok, _fine!_ Bella's hot. So what? Sue me. But she really did just trash talk me the whole time. Nothing will come of it," my words hurt me as I felt them to be true, sadly.

"Edward, you are so thick! She may not know it yet, but she was interested in you too. You're both _such_ idiots when it comes to this stuff," Alice stated, and rolled her eyes. I knew better than to hope her words were true: good things just don't fall into my lap that easily.

I figured that Bella would end up sitting with us at lunch on the first day of school, seeing as how I was the only person she actually got to know at all at the bonfire; Emmett would look out for her. I had happily anticipated it, but it was only to my surprise and extreme pleasure that Bella ended up in my Biology class as well. What another _lucky-fucking-day_. She seemed like she hated every minute of it and I made a mental note to change that the next day. School finally became something more exciting than Hell with the promise of seeing Bella every day.

Bella once again surprised me when she showed up to school, drunk as a mother-fucking skunk. This girl was _nearly_ as fucked up as I was! I could count on more than two hands the amount of times I had to drink to make the school day bearable. It made me wonder though, what the hell was going on in Bella's life that drove her to it. Admittedly so, I didn't have much knowledge of Bella before I had met her. Of course Emmett had all told us random funny anecdotes but he was nothing, if not vague, in his telling of why she was moving here. I didn't expect to like her in the way I did—I'm not really sure what I expected: maybe a girly copy of Emmett? That would be _fucking_ _weird_. When Emmett forgot about Bella's ride home situation, I was only too happy to fill in. Being alone with her in a small space and with the way she smelled—all freesia and strawberry and sex—(don't ask me how the hell I knew what freesia was) was only too good to be true. I didn't really have a plan to seduce Bella and make her mine, which probably was my _first_ mistake, but I knew it had to be done.

The tension between us slowly started to lift, even though the bickering continued (not the sexual tension: that was only increasing). It seemed as though we bickered for fun, at least, that's what I was doing. Everything started to progress the way I had hoped—that was, until Tanya came up to me during lunch. I saw her out of the corner of my eye approaching Bella and me, _wishing_ she would keep walking past us. I fucking _hated_ Tanya. She was one of the carbon-copy, easy skanks that I could get some from whenever I wanted. I let her put her little labels on whatever we were doing, like I cared. It didn't stop me from hooking up with other girls, if that's what she was trying to do. Tanya was similar to Bella _only_ in the sense that she also had a sharp tongue, but whereas Bella seemed to only have one with me, Tanya was a huge bitch to everyone. It started grating on my nerves immediately, but the head was good, and the sex was ok, so I continued to see her on and off. That Saturday, before Bella arrived into my life, I had finally had it with Tanya and told her to stay the fuck away from me forever. I didn't want to catch some disease from her: my record was thus far clean. She was a bitch through and through.

Against my better judgment, I acquiesced and went to have a talk with Tanya or whatever—maybe I hadn't been clear enough the first time: we're _over_. Bella, always shocking me, snubbed Tanya before she headed off to bio: I had to stifle back my laughter, trying not to make this situation worse. I shouldn't have been as stupid as that: I was fucking naïve if I thought that Tanya would _just_ want to talk. So when Bella had walked by Tanya trying to convince me to let her give me head and me politely refusing, (attempting to be a gentleman and let her down easy), I was _furious_ with Tanya. Poor Bella—what she must have thought—I had to make it right. Once Bella disappeared to where she had come from, I pushed Tanya away from me once and for all yelling "Listen you _cunt!_ Don't you ever fucking touch me again. How many times do I have to tell you it's fucking over! You're so damn pathetic." before I ran to bio.

Bella wouldn't give me the time of day as I tried to apologize. I had to make it right. I agonized over it for the rest of the day. I thought I'd get my chance when I headed over to the Swan's house for the Mariner's game with the guys. _Shit,_ I had thought as I remembered that she wasn't there, _Fuck. I forgot Alice had Bella on some girly shopping spree. Damn it!_ I impatiently waited for Bella to get back, unable to enjoy the game, although that was partially because we were losing. When she finally entered her house after nine, I was riddled with thoughts of how to get her alone. She did most of the work for me as she immediately went to her room to work on homework. I was so nervous that I didn't even allow myself to appreciate the sexy new haircut Bella had gotten—which, by the way, was fucking hot on her: the red streaks matched her fiery temper perfectly. Now all I had to do was wait an appropriate amount of time and pretend to go to the bathroom.

When I got to her room, I was so anxious that I didn't even feign politeness and wait for her to answer her door: I just walked-in after the first set of knocks. That was how deep my _need_ for her to forgive me and accept my explanation. I noticed right away the flask she held in her hands, which made me laugh: typical Bella, a hot mess. I started in with our usual banter, easing into the subject of my intent. When I finally saw it in her eyes that she believed and accepted my explanation, I felt an incredible sense of relief swim through me. Now that the hard part was over, my relief was colored with my intense attraction to Bella. _Damn_, she was barely wearing suitable clothes… We were both standing, for some reason, and I was _really_ turned-on. All I wanted to do was touch her. I took a step closer, unsure if I should. I became lost within her chocolate eyes and their endless depths. Finally, I reached out and cupped her chin; I had wanted a better look at her face, the beautiful face with the sparkly nose-stud. I tried to read her eyes and figure out what she had seen with them, what had they been through to make her so… fucked-up? I wanted to make it better, and I knew that I couldn't, not now. I wanted to kiss her so badly, her full naturally red lips called to me. Tonight was not the night, though, for our first kiss: I didn't want it to happen on the coattails of the Tanya-fiasco. I felt like a pussy, but reasoned that I would make it up to her. I begrudgingly left the room, and seemingly, my heart with her.

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The moment Bella glided down the steps of my house in her short blue dress and sexy hooker-boots, I was in my own version of Heaven. If Hell had been life before Bella, than surely now was some sort of wonderful Heaven, probably better. Bella looked like some rock-goddess; the image went straight to my dick. _Oh, the things she _does _to me!_ I thought. While gentlemanly helping her into the limo, I became unable to keep up the façade for long, as I told her how delicious she looked. The whole while at dinner I remained next to her, needing to remain in close contact, fearful that I was somehow dreaming her up.

After dinner was over and we headed into the back yard to her party, I took her arm and led her to the middle of the dance floor, as Alice had previously instructed me to. There was a look of fear and apprehension in her eyes, surely the idea of a little dancing didn't scare her? I mentally chuckled, fearless Bella, afraid of dancing; the thought was hilarious. I had gotten us drinks after the birthday song was sung, Bella blushing away the whole time. She was so fucking cute! When I wished her happy birthday myself, I kissed her on the cheek: this chaste contact we had been keeping was driving me wild! I fucking wanted to just take her right then and there, but my Bella deserved more than that. Finally, after a few drinks Bella was dance-ready and we hit the floor. We, barely separated by the thin layer of clothing, were inseparable while moving to the beat. Bella should give herself more credit: when it came to bumping and grinding, Bella was quite good. Maybe that's because it's reminiscent of more _primal_ movements. The only time we parted each other's side was when I replenished our drinks.

Drunk dancing with Bella was the most fun I had ever had while dancing—and _that's_ saying something. When everyone had started to count down to midnight to ring-in Bella's true birthday like New Years, I decided that the moment was right when I looked into her chocolate eyes: I wanted to fucking kiss the hell out of her. It was the best _fucking_ kiss in the entire history of first-_fucking -_kisses. We were so in tune, like our mouths were created to perfectly hold the other. At first it was all sweet, our lips gently touching, but I couldn't stay like that for long. I wanted her to fucking _know_ that I wanted her. I could feel it in her as well as she returned my urgency. I bit her full luscious lips with my desire for her coursing through my body. I pulled her closer to me as I palmed her perfect-fucking-ass, and ran my fingers through my girl's sexy hair. _Damn_, did it feel good too. Finally, unable to breathe we pulled apart, heavily gasping for air. I offered to get us another drink to quench our sucked-dry mouths before we could go somewhere alone. I wanted to talk to her… This may sound like a chick thing to say, but I wanted to just _fucking_ _know_ how she felt about me. It was killing me not knowing.

I had left Bella for less than minute and already the sharks were swarming around her. I saw Mike look at her from the drinks station where he and I both were. That pissed me off. I turned around to look at Bella and saw James walking towards her, that _fucking_ prick. He stopped a few feet away from her and grabbed something from his jacket. _What the fuck? _I thought. He removed whatever he had been searching for and kept walking towards her. I was rooted in my spot, curious as hell as to what the fuck this dooshbag thought he was going to do with my Bella. He chatted her up, reeking of smooth-operator tendencies, and … wait. _What the—did he just _fucking_ slip something into her drink?!_ I thought as he handed her the drink, cheers-ed and took a sip. _NOOO_!!! I ran over to her, pissed as all hell at that fucking scumbag James. She looked confused as I arrived; I could detect her eyes becoming fatigued, as the fucking roofies started kicking in. I punched James in the face and yelled.

"What the _FUCK_ were you _thinking!?_"

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**A/N: Thanks to my super-talented Beta--Lynnardx3; you are a lifesaver! Thanks for putting up with my crazy hurriedness!  
****Thank you everyone who has reviewed/commented, favorited, and/or alerted! It makes my day every time I see that in my inbox!**

**If you haven't read: Wide Awake by AngstGoddess003, or Emancipation Proclamation by Kharizzmatik... then you MUST. RIGHT AWAY! Soooo good! **


	14. Chapter 13 AssKicking

**Disclaimer:** The usual.

**A/N: Warning-- I am _extremely_ potty-mouthed; if it offends I am sorry... but don't read this. Edward has a dirty mouth with no Orbit to clean it up!!**

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**Chapter 13**

**EPOV**

** I **swear to God, I am going to kill James-_fucking_-Smith. After I had punched him, he looked up at me bewildered, while his nose was gushing blood. Was he _really_ that fucking stupid that he thought no one had seen? James was the biggest fuck-head I had ever met. If anyone in the in-crowd of Forks had wanted some pot, maybe a little coke, or to score some adderall, they went to James. He was the biggest and best-kept-secret drug dealer to the high school population. Apparently, now James had his hands on roofies or other date-rape drugs too—well, this has _got_ to stop. James was going to die one way or another, that's all I knew. Bella looked disorientated; the drugs started taking effect—rendering her memory inept. My heart twisted painfully as I thought about what could have happened to her. It was just another thing to fuck-up the girl I had grown to care for; it was unacceptable. I didn't feel comfortable leaving her alone, or that piece-of-shit unattended, so I took out my cell and rang Jasper. _Please pick up…:: ring:: Please for fuck's sake, pick up!_ I thought. ::Ring:: Jasper picked up on the third ring. "What?" He shouted, in the midst of the music-filled dance floor.

"We have an emergency situation, bring Alice to the bonfire, and call Rose and Emmett to meet us here. And fucking hurry Jasper!" I yelled. It was hard to remain calm when this fuck-head was to be dealt with. After pacing back and forth, cursing obscenities, and practically ripping out my hair, I remembered myself and tended to my Bella. I held her shoulders, gently despite my anger, and looked into her eyes. Knowing she wouldn't remember this, I still tried to comfort her anyways.

"Bella, hon… are you ok? How are you feeling?" I softly questioned. She looked puzzled.

"Yes, why wouldn't I be?" She answered; a slur was present that wasn't there when I last left her.

"Do you feel _strange_ at all?" I was overly-concerned, but—I felt—rightly so.

"I feel a little weird. I… I'm so tired, Edward," she slightly whined. God, even her drugged-up whine was sexy to my ears. What was _wrong_ with me?

"I know, Bella, It'll be ok. I promise. I'll make it up to you—I'll fix all of this." My words rang true: even if it was the last thing I ever did, I would correct this mother-fucking-wrong that James had bestowed upon her. That fucking asshole, dipshit. I whirled around to look at him, and he was nursing his still bleeding nose. "Hey—you, fuck-wad, what the _hell _is your problem?" I called to that piece of shit.

"Dude, what are you talking about…" he played dumb. I _hated_ when people played dumb in such a serious situation. I lifted my right fist, threateningly so.

"Roofies. In _my_ girl's cup! You are the dumbest son-of-a-bitch I have ever heard of!" I yelled at him.

"Shit, sorry dude! I didn't know she was with you!" he tried to qualify. Lame ass excuses couldn't sway my ever-bubbling anger.

"That doesn't matter you sick fuck! What kind of low-life _scum_ has to roofie a girl to sleep with them? And for the record: she would have _never_ slept with a fuck-up like you!" Fortunately, right as I was about to punch that mother-fucker again, Jasper showed up, trailing Alice.

"Whoa, Edward! What the hell is going on?" Jasper called.

"_This_," I said with all the venom I could muster, "mother-fucking-cunt, piece-of-shit, ass-wipe, fuck-up roofied Bella. I punched the sad-sap before she felt the full effects about a minute after she drank from the cup he handed her." Jasper looked horrified. His Southern-gentlemanliness was sure to almost over-react as well.

"Mother-_Fucker!_" Jasper yelled. I had never seen that kind of anger in his eyes before: it almost looked like pure murder. Alice only whimpered and ran to Bella.

"I have an idea, but… I don't know how to tell Emmett…" I was nervous. Emmett could be every bit as beastly as he looked. I just didn't want him going ape-shit and involving his Police Chief father—then we'd all be fucked for a very long time. If James had even _touched_ Bella, I wouldn't have hesitated in calling the cops, but since he didn't I thought we could handle it ourselves. Jasper crouched down to where Bella had been sitting and Alice was stroking her hair, asking her how she was doing. Bella was becoming less and less conscious as the minutes ticked by.

"I'm not sure Edward. I agree though, I don't want Emmett to freak out when we tell him." Jasper thought aloud, and I nodded. Bella, beautiful even while semi-comatose, had slunk back further into the chair she occupied. This wasn't right. It was her god-damned-birthday party, a party she didn't even want to have. My anger intensified. "Edward, just… let me punch the sad-fuck, just _once_ before Emmett gets here." Jasper pleaded.

"You shouldn't—although I desperately want to beat him to within inches of life—it's bad enough that I punched him. It could really fuck with my plan. _Trust me_ on this," I said forcefully. Jasper nodded, seemingly pacified with my explanation. Emmett and Rosalie joined us and surveyed the odd scene: Jasper had James pinned to the ground, I was furiously pacing back-and-forth while raking my hand through my hair practically pulling it out, and Bella was passed out on an Adirondack chair in Alice's lap, quietly snoring. She looked like an angel—a tough-ass angel—while she slept.

"What the…" Rosalie called as they both walked up.

"Emmett," I said, while trying my best instill calm in him while looking into his eyes. "Now, I don't want you to freak out… remain calm. _Something_ happened…" The veins in Emmett's neck started to thicken and his body tensed up. "James, that piece-of-_shit_, roofied Bella's drink. He didn't do anything… yet. I had caught him before shit went down." Emmett, keeping a cool head, stepped out of Rose's arms, and over to where Jasper had James contained. He withdrew his right hand—balled tightly into one of his deadly fists—and knocked James square in the jaw. I heard a fucking crack, and had to say: I was impressed by his boss punch. Emmett looked up from his handy-work, satisfied, and back at me.

"Sorry, Edward, go on. I just couldn't let that fucker sit there, staring at me as I had to hear about what his inevitable _sick-ass-plans_ were for my baby-fucking-sister," Emmett said, coolly.

I nodded, but admittedly shocked at his composure; I was, after all, about to flip-a-fucking-shit. "Ok, so here's what I'm thinking," I started. Emmett, Rose, Alice, and Jasper gathered around me to hear it. "We return James to his pitiful drug den, dope him up with some of his own shit, and place an anonymous tip to the good officers at the Police Department of Forks. Basically: we get James busted for all of his drugs while technically having nothing to do with it, thankfully none of us has ever bought from him… right?" I questioned. Everyone nodded: we knew better than to deal with good-for-nothing dealers.

"Emmett," I continued, "I'll let you and Jasper do the honors in setting up his place, Rose, you call the station and leave an anonymous tip. Alice, you work on clearing out the party inconspicuously. I'll carry Bella upstairs to my room and keep an eye on her until everything's done—Alice and Jasper will have Alice's room, Emmett: you and Rose can have the guest room; I'll sleep on the couch. All clear?"

Everyone nodded and immediately started on their specific courses of action. Jasper and Emmett each took an arm of James' and dragged him out of the yard, staying in the shaded areas and out of sight—heading to his house to get him loaded so he didn't remember our confrontation. Rosalie went inside to make the call to the police once she got the go-ahead from Jasper or Emmett. Alice went to the DJ to announce the last song while all the other party-goers enjoyed their night, oblivious to drama that had just went down. I was surprised, though, that no one had heard my yelling, or seen the few punches that were thrown, albeit one-way. I regarded Bella, sleeping peacefully in her chair where Alice had left her. It made me sad: she had no idea what could have happened to her tonight and it sickened me. I also felt as though I had let her down: if I hadn't left for those few minutes for drinks, we both would be awake and happy right now. I had only known her a week and already I wanted to pledge the rest of my life to keep her safe. If James wasn't getting royally _fucked_ by the cops, I probably would have killed him with my bare hands.

I slid one arm under Bella's knees and the other behind her neck, lifted her from the chair, and carried her princess-style towards the house. It didn't matter if people saw us; they'd probably just think she passed out from too much to drink. I didn't _fucking_ care; all I wanted was the angel sleeping in my arms to be safely tucked-into bed. Bella felt as light as air in my arms; did the girl ever eat anything other than her damn bananas? I carried her into the house and up the two flights of stairs to my room on the third floor. I laid her gently on my bed, under the covers. When she awoke I wanted to make sure that she was comfortable. I didn't know what to do, I was at a loss. My anger and sadness for her were warring inside me: I felt as helpless as I had when I was four-years-old when I had to watch my mom suffer from the cancer that was killing her.

* * *

The last day of my mother's life was the worst of mine. My mother—Elizabeth—had withered to nearly skin-and-bones within only three month's time from her diagnosis. The doctors were amazed at how aggressive her cancer had been. She, always the fighter, attempted every kind of treatment they offered: surgery, chemo, radiation, drug-trials, you name it. Because my father was a renowned surgeon, he was able to pull some strings and keep her in the best treatment and care possible. Because of his trust fund, money was no object. I, little Edward, watched my mother suffer in silence. I was the only one who saw what it was really doing to her: killing her all the more quickly. First, it killed her spirit, and then it killed her body, as it fucking killed me along with her.

I had put on a brave front while around my mother, acting the part I knew they all wanted me to play. But at night when my father Carlisle took me home, I would cry and beg for him to let mommy come home too. I wanted them to unhook her from all of those fucking machines that drained her life away as they attempted to save it. I looked into her empty green eyes—the same eyes I had inherited from her—and her sallow face covered in her bronze curls—the hair I had inherited. Even at age four, I could tell she wasn't happy; the liveliness that had always been in her eyes was gone. The day I saw my mom take her last breath, was the last day—until Bella—I felt that I had anything to strive for.

That was thirteen-fucking-years ago. Every plan for the future after my mom's death was pointless: I didn't have any goals anymore. I didn't want to be the doctor my mother had wanted me to be, following in my father's footsteps. I knew that college wasn't necessary; I was getting a huge trust fund after age 18 because of my mom's death and my dad's inheritance. I had hated my father, although he was a good man, for putting my mom through that hell. It was a hatred I didn't get over until Esme and Alice had come into our lives. Alice was the sister I never knew that I had always wanted: nothing ever got her down. Alice and Esme were better therapy than any shrink had ever been to me. Now, Bella was my saving grace.

I watched Bella sleep: the slow rise and fall of her breathing was comforting to me. I was getting fucking tired too, but I didn't want to leave her. I didn't want to creepily spoon her in my sleep either. I was at an impasse. I didn't know at what stage everyone else was at in the plan, but I didn't care. What I really cared about right now was making sure Bella was left so sleep in tranquility. As I sat next to the bed, musing over the evening's events, Bella startled me.

"Edward…" she breathily said. She was still sleeping, so I was confused. "Edward," she called softly again, "don't leave me alone…" she breathily called. I finally realized that Bella talked in her sleep. _How fucking cute!_ I thought. Well, if I crawled into bed with her now, she was the one who asked me to, _technically_. Oh, the fuck if I cared. I had a big bed; we didn't necessarily have to _touch_ or anything… I walked around my bed and took off my shoes, after turning off the light. I _could_ take a quick nap until everyone returned. I was fucking bushed. I leaned over and kissed her forehead goodnight. I silently wished her sweet dreams before completely laying down. I didn't expect, though, that the minute my head touched the pillow I would pass out.

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**A/N: Big thanks to my beta Lynnardx3; our giggle-fests over Twilight Parodies are so dear to my heart.  
Thanks to the reviews/comments, and what-nots! I know the story started a bit slow, but I hope it has been picking-up enough for you.**

**&& LadyTx: thanks for the rec of Clipped Wings & Inked Armor! The minute I started reading, I couldn't stop! **I recommend this for anyone who has not read it! **


	15. Chapter 14 Truths

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Twilight or its characters; they are all the property of Stephenie Meyers and her genius!

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**Chapter 14**

**BPOV**

** I **opened my eyes in a room I had never seen before. It was a bedroom—which I knew because I awoke on a bed—decorated in varying shades of gold. Deciding to look around at my surroundings, I rolled over into a large, warm lump. Shocked, I recovered myself and realized that it was _Edward_! I closed my eyes and willed myself to remember getting _into_ bed with him. The last thing I remembered was chatting with James by the bonfire while waiting for Edward to return with our drinks… after that, everything was black. Dizziness washed over me, making me nauseated: this feeling, the waking in a place I didn't remember getting to, not remembering the significant events of the night before were making me fucking _sick_. It was unnerving, a waking nightmare. This was the second time in two months that it happened to me. Overwhelming sadness washed over me, actually bringing me to tears. I couldn't help it; I was becoming irrational with my unknown grief. Sobbing, I started to shake the bed while my head hung in my hands. That's when Edward woke up, concern lacing his discerning stare.

"Bella, oh Bella." He knowingly called and rubbed his hand in large circles on my back. I just couldn't figure out exactly _what _it was that he knew. "… Bella, I need you to tell me what you remember from last night," he pleaded. I met his eyes, wiping the tears from mine.

"Oh, god. Edward, I'm just being ridiculous. Don't worry about me. I'm sorry. I'm kind of … really fucked-up right now," I tried to make him understand. But the concern didn't go away. I looked deeper into his pain-ridden green eyes. He _knew_ something, I could tell. "Edward… what…is going on?" I asked.

"Bella, I promise to explain everything to you. I will. I just really need you to tell me what you remember from last night. It's… important." I trusted him, truly. I nodded in agreement to his terms and he waited patiently for me to search my drunken memories.

"Uhm… We came back from dinner. There was the singing—which was pretty damn embarrassing—" he lightly laughed as I said that. "We drank, and then danced… then…" Should I admit it? Should I admit that I remembered our kiss? There was a sliver of hope in his eyes; was that what his questions were all about? _Fuck!_ I swallowed my pride and admitted the truth. After all, I had decided that I trusted him. "I remember us kissing. Then we went to get more drinks, I think James was talking to me… and everything kind of fades into blackness." I finished. A small bit of relief colored his still-worried face. My head whirled again as I verbally confirmed what I had been feeling: the darkness within me, again. Tears welled up in my eyes again and threatened to spill over. I looked at him and in his eyes, I saw the sadness I felt mirrored. Edward looked concerned. I wanted to know what-the-_fuck_ was going on. "So. Tell me, Edward, why do you ask?" One tear betrayed me on my right cheek, which I wiped away before he could see it.

"I have to tell you about something that happened last night. It's not easy to say, and you won't like it. Please remember to stay calm and hear me out. Ok?" His eyes pleaded for me to stay composed as much as his voice did. I nodded lightly, preparing to hear something like _Charlie died in some freak fishing accident_ or something equally, tragically devastating. "Well, first off: Happy Birthday," he said as he quirked his signature half-smile. My stomach did a summersault and I couldn't help but smile a little this. "So… where to begin? Probably where you left off, huh? I went to get you and myself a refresher drink before we were supposed to go off and talk—as you remember—when James came over to talk to you. As I was bringing our drinks over to you, I saw James slip something into your drink… and then you drank it before I could get there, although I was running. You don't remember any of this because… well, it was roofies, Bella. I'm so sorry. I punched that son-of-a-_fucking-_bitch the second I got to you, after taking away the cup he gave you." My eyes welled up even more than before, tears unconsciously streamed unchecked down my cheeks. Seeing this, his own face contorted in pain. "Bella, I'm so sorry. It's all my fault, I couldn't stop him in time, I—"

"Edward," I cut him off, "it's not your fault: the actions of others. You behaved responsibly, as much as you could, and dealt with what you were given. Although I never condone violence, even when I feel like beating the shit out of someone, I thank you for punching James. He's… a despicable piece of shit. So… what happened next?" I asked. I was surprised that I had gotten all of that out without sobbing once. Edward then explained his crafty plan and the parts that were carried out by my brother, his girlfriend, her twin and his girlfriend. I was thankful that these four, in addition to my brother, had come into my life. I was right when I judged them: they were damn loyal.

After Edward finished, it finally dawned on me what James was planning to do, and the bile in my stomach started rising to my throat, I jumped out of bed: searching for a bathroom. Edward, realizing what I needed, pointed to the ajar door on his west wall, shouting _in there!_ I hadn't realized that he followed me in there as I hunched over his toilet, heaving all-liquid into it. His gentle hands grabbed my hair and held it while I puked my revulsion away. When I had finished, I grabbed a piece of toilet paper and wiped my mouth off, threw it into the toilet and flushed. Standing slowly, I went to the sink, washed my mouth out and my hands and turned around to look at Edward with tear-streaming eyes. I couldn't bring myself to say anything yet, but it seemed like he understood.

"Bella, I am _so_ sorry. You didn't deserve this," he stoically said to me, comforting in a way.

"Thanks," was all I could manage through my sobs. He wrapped his arms around me and held me as I not-so-quietly sobbed all over his t-shirt, soaking it through. Softly, he stroked my hair, which reminded me of my childhood and my mother comforting me after I had skinned a knee. This, however, hurt worse than a bloodied knee. Gently rocking me, he hummed. I wasn't sure if it was a real song, or some random melody he concocted on the spot, but it soothed me none-the-less. We stood like that, him cradling me, and me holding onto him for dear life for who knows how long. As my sobs finally quieted, I decided to confide in him the things I had yet to confide in anyone. I trusted him implicitly now and I felt as though he deserved to know about my oddly-twisted past. I pulled away, ever so slightly from him, though only to see his face as I was still holding onto him.

"Edward, I want to tell you something," I started. He nodded encouragingly, so I continued. "This wasn't the first time I woke up in a place I had never been, while not remembering what happened the night before…" I then went on to tell him about the accident I had never consciously told anyone about. I explained in great detail the very small memories I had from that night and following day. I told him about what the doctors and police officers who reviewed my case had thought. I told him about therapy, earning a few laughs from those few funny moments I had with Dr. Uley. I also told him how I still felt empty inside—that was until, somehow, I had found something to look forward to in him—even unconsciously so. I told him everything my mind could uncover, releasing my pent-up emotions and pained thoughts.

By the time I had finished my horror-tale, we were both sitting on the floor—pretzel style—while he held my hands in his, stroking them softly. The tears had never ceased to quietly fall down my cheeks, but they were full of bittersweet release. I looked up at Edward's passive face once I had no more to tell and sniffed back a few tears. A sad smile appeared on his lips, as he removed one of his hands from our laps and brushed away a few tears from my cheeks. The simple, yet intimate gesture brought a small smile to my own face.

"So, let me get this straight," Edward attempted after a moment of comfortable, pensive silence. "_No one_ in that _fucking_ house that night—not the three other girls sleeping over, the mother, the father, or the brother—knows _why_ you ran screaming from the house, only to end up in the hospital less than an hour later after crashing your car?" He questioned. I nodded mutely. It was true, un-fucking-believably true, but true none-the-less. "Well, someone has got to be lying, Bella."

"Perhaps," I sighed. "I really don't see what I can do about it now, though." I felt defeated, even through the relief I felt at getting this burden off my chest. Having Edward see my darkness and still hold my hand wasnice too. After my last remark, Edward looked pained, and… annoyed?

"Of _course_ there's still something you can do! We can call them: all of them, and hound them for answers!" He replied, forcefully.

"I _don't_ want to talk to them! Don't you think that if they knew something they would have shared it when it happened?"

"Maybe not, Bella. People sometime can act scared or weird in the moment." He clarified, "Maybe time will have helped _their_ memories."

"Well it sure as hell hasn't helped mine!" I laughed darkly. Edward joined-in with his own breathy, forced laugh.

"Maybe you were drugged then too?" Edward asked after a few minutes of silence.

"No, my tox-screen showed nothing," I replied matter-of-factly. "So… now that you know, I don't want to talk about it anymore right now, ok?" Edward nodded, and brought my hand up to his lips as he kissed the top of it, and looked into my eyes.

"I have something else we can talk about," Edward said quietly. Curiosity now held my attention.

"Oh? What's that?" I asked.

"Us."

My eyes widened as my eyebrows shot up into my forehead. I had _not_ been expecting _that!_ "Ok…shoot!" Edward laughed at my response, but it was a mystery to me as to why.

"I see you're going to go about _this_ the difficult way," he chuckled, I quirked an eyebrow questioningly. I was scared, afraid that he'd admit that our kiss as a mistake and wish that it was on the list of things I hadn't remembered from last night. My heart-rate started to pick up a bit. He sighed and decided to continue. "I know we've only known each other for a week, but it really feels longer than that. Bella… I _like_ you." Whoa! Again: definitely _not_ expecting _that!!_ My heart was racing now—I could feel it pounding away. I opened my mouth to speak but no words or sounds came out. I cleared my throat and willed myself to have the courage to continue. When it came to declarations like _this_, I was meek, shy Bella all-the-way.

"I… I like you too, Edward," I managed. I couldn't look him in the eye, I was so nervous. Edward was full out laughing now and I couldn't _fathom _as to why. This was a serious thing! I never tell my crushes that I like them! My face turned into an unconscious pout as I became frustrated with him. "What—for the love of God—is _so_ flipping funny!?"

"You!" He guffawed. "You're tough as nails every day of your life, hiding these secrets, acting like tough-shit, but throw in a little romance—the type of thing _normal_ people deal with day-to-day—and you get all flustered! It's _very_ funny!" He continued to shake with laughter but I couldn't find the humor in it; and I thought _I_ was messed up.

"_How_ is that funny?" I asked, seriously.

"If you saw you as I saw you—the real you—you would think so too," he managed through his laughs, slowly quieting himself. I shook my head and rolled my eyes; the old familiar frustration that had crept in from previous days of being around Edward had settled within my gut and provoked my potty-mouth.

"Ass…" I quietly muttered, not expecting him to hear me. Unfortunately, he _did_ and broke into new rounds of loud, unchecked laughter. My cheeks flushed from the anger I was suddenly feeling. "Not _funny _Edward!!!" I yelled.

"You're such an _angry_ little kitten!" He spat, laughing all the more. Seriously, this was getting incredibly ridiculous. I removed my hands from his—angrily folding them across my chest—and was about ready to stand up and walk out of his bathroom, never looking back. I huffed a forced sigh, attempting to calm my frustration-turned anger. He also worked on quieting himself. "Bella, I'm sorry, but this is how you make me feel, all smiles and fucking giggles," he attempted, and I actually understood. Even though the first moment I met him I had decided to hate him, I couldn't _stay_ angry with him for long. He was the only one that could melt the ice in my veins, to a point where I completely forgot about how icy they began.

"Ok, fine. Are you done, though? I'm ready for our conversation—are you?"

"Yes, _Bella_ I'm done. But it may be hard not trying to anger you: you're too damn cute when you're pissed," he admitted. I mentally rolled my eyes yet again. _Cut the crap_, I thought.

Getting pissed at Edward for laughing at me gave me the courage for this conversation that I previously had lacked. "So, now what?" I hedged, very unlike myself. He unfolded my arms, and once again took my hands into his.

"This may be a bit pre-mature, but Bella… I want to be with you, _exclusively_." His green eyes pleaded with mine to not freak out. He could have asked me to do anything while looking at me like that and I would have done it: no questions asked. I was entranced, as usual.

"Like, boyfriend-girlfriend?" I clarified. He chuckled and then responded.

"Yes. Like boyfriend-girlfriend. Just you and I, saying 'fuck you world, we can be happy too!' What do you think?" He smiled, and waited for my response.

"Did you just ask me to be your girlfriend?" I asked.

"I did," he said, his smile lightly faltering.

"Well. The only thing I have to say to that is…" I was dragging this out to torture him how he had tortured me by laughing. "… Yes!" I yelled my face alight with happiness—an emotion I wasn't quite used to. His smile returned in full force.

"Oh thank-fucking-God!" He exclaimed as he swept me up into a passionate kiss.

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**A/N: Thanks & Love to my beta- Lynnardx3! As always--thanks to the reviewers, alerters, and favoriters. **

**Hope you're enjoying! RL is getting more and more in the way of my updates. As is catching up on other fics , oops! Sorry! :o)**


	16. Chapter 15 Birthday

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of Twilight or its characters; they all belong to Stephenie Meyers. No copyright infringement intended.

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**Chapter 15**

**BPOV**

** "U**hm… I'll have the mushroom-ravioli?" I ordered. The waitress nodded and took all of our menus. For my birthday dinner, Charlie met up with Emmett and me at a nice Italian place in Port Angeles, because Emmett was planning to take me to a movie after we ate. I looked from my dad to Emmett, both of them smiling at me as I did. Charlie's smile was from pure joy. I could tell that he was excited to finally spend a birthday with me instead of belatedly when we took our vacations together with Emmett or over the holidays when he had custody. His joy also could have been the result of his most excellent birthday gift to me: a red Chevy truck. When Emmett and I arrived home sometime in the late morning, there it was sitting in the driveway, teasing me. It wasn't flashy or expensive, but it had character: it was _perfect._ When I walked in through the front door of our house Charlie—waiting in the living room—tossed me the keys, saying something about a test drive. If I was being honest, I'd have to admit that it was the best birthday gift I had ever gotten.

Emmett's current smile was strained, most definitely because of everything that had happened last night at my birthday party. After having breakfast this morning at the diner in town, the six of us—the boys, Rosalie, Alice, and me—split up and went our separate ways, Emmett driving me home. He and I briefly talked in the car about the previous night's events, mainly reassuring each other that everything _would_ be ok. Accompanying us in the car was the vast amount of presents I had received the night before from my "friends" that I had never actually met. I could tell by the way some of them were packaged that people had mostly gotten me booze. _How does the teenage population of Forks get their hands on all of this alcohol!?_ I thought, although I was more than OK with _that_. I had yet to actually open any of them; I always felt awkward receiving gifts.

"So Bells, how was the party last night?" Charlie asked, interrupting my thoughts. "We never _did_ get to talk about it with all of the truck-excitement and getting ready for dinner."

Although being uncomfortable, surprised, and having my heart-rate kick up a notch, I kept my face composed and didn't meet Emmett's probing eye-contact. I could lie easily with the best of them. "Well, dad, it was pretty rad!" I replied enthusiastically. When I said this, I pictured the parts I could remember so my statement would ring-true. "Alice and Rosalie had me pampered all day which I actually enjoyed, dinner was fun with just the six of us, and we danced a lot at my party. It was a well-balanced day," I said with excitement that I truly had felt the previous day, despite all of the singing and attention. "But, I'm glad it's just us-three tonight," I added, before Charlie could feel guilty for not making a big deal out of my birthday like Alice had. I preferred for it to be this way.

"You? Like dancing?" Charlie questioned with shock on his face. "That's a first!" he chuckled.

I laughed a little nervously, "It surprised me too, dad." I decided that although I had skills when it came to lying, I should probably stick as close to the truth as possible. The three of us chatted easily that way until our food came. My mushroom-ravioli was as delicious as I had hoped it would be. When Charlie was half-way through his chicken-parmesan, his police-pager went off. Charlie jumped—we were all unaccustomed to hearing _that_ particular sound. Due to its infrequent use, Charlie called-into the station to inquire about the purpose of the page. Emmett and I were stunned: Forks never needed their police-chief for emergencies when he was off-duty because there usually weren't any emergencies to warrant the need. This was the first time _ever_ in our collective memories that Charlie's pager had gone off and he had to go running. Emmett and I exchanged apprehensive glances.

"Yeah… _really?_... You sure?... Yeah, OK, meet you there in," Charlie paused to check his watch, a look of excitement plastered on his face, "about an hour. Yea, I'm still in Port Angeles but I'll use my lights. See ya." Charlie hung up and his face was filled with guilt. He looked at me and smiled sheepishly. "Bells, I'm _so_ sorry to bail out before dessert of your birthday dinner, but I have to go: there's, uh, police stuff to be done."

"It's fine dad, I understand, I do!" I said, trying quell his feelings of guilt. "Everything OK?" I asked a little bit more hesitantly. I thought I knew _why_ he might be called in and it made me quite nervous.

"Oh, yea: nothing for you two to worry about. Apparently some evidence from an anonymous tip checked out so now we have to do a bit of a bust. Don't worry… It's kind of exciting though. I get to take out my bullet-proof vest that I have yet to wear!" Charlie beamed. My stomach dropped the moment he said _bullet-proof_. Oh _shit, fuck, damn!_ I mentally cursed. My predicament was now causing my father to have to wear a bullet-proof vest… I thought I was about to be sick.

"_What?!"_ I almost yelled. I eyed Emmett nervously, he was more composed than I was but I could tell his mind had gone to where mine was. "You need a bullet-proof vest? Don't do anything reckless dad!" I warned, worry drenching the statement.

"Oh, Bells. Really: it's not that big of a thing. It's just a precaution, really. I'll be fine." Charlie comforted.

"OK. Well, be safe," was all I could say.

"Always am," Charlie replied as he kissed the top of my head, saying goodbye. He handed Emmett some bills to cover dinner before leaving. "You two have fun at the movies!" He called to Emmett and me as he was exiting the restaurant.

"Will do," Emmett called to our disappearing father before he regarded me. The curiosity and concern on his face instantly appeared when it was just the two of us. "Do you think that—"

"—James?" I interrupted. He nodded, eyes wide.

"I don't know whether to feel relief that the son-of-a-goddamned-bitch is finally getting busted by the cops, or to feel nervous that it gets back to us. Either way, James will be fucked. We just didn't know how you'd feel about everyone knowing he drugged you…" Emmett trailed off.

"It's fine, Emmett; I trust what your decisions were. I think…I think it's the perfect justice without sending me to therapy all over again," I ended in a darkly humorous way. Emmett understood and quirked a small smile that rapidly diminished in the seriousness of the moment.

"Do you still want to see the movie?" Emmett asked, half knowing the answer.

"Not _really_. But, we can if you do…"

"I don't feel like seeing it either. Let's just go _home_." He suggested. I nodded enthusiastically. Home sounded really good right then. "Maybe you can get cracking on opening your presents! I can't wait to see what the teenage population of Forks' got you!" He joked, we laughed easily. Even in the worst moments of my life, Emmett had always brought humor and relief into them.

When finally home, Emmett and I went into the kitchen to eat my birthday cake. Although I nearly-hated birthdays, I _loved _the cake. The cake Charlie had selected was one of those generic _happy birthday_ confetti-sprinkled, chocolate cakes: perfection. By Charlie just being Charlie, he had made me infinitely happy while being none-the-wiser. Since I was too nervous to just pace and wait with Emmett, I decided upon opening my presents. After sorting, and counting my presents, I had received ten cards with cash, seven bottles of varying kinds of alcohol, one bottle of expensive French perfume, and maybe a dozen American-Express gift cards. The unwrapping, putting away, and cleaning up of the garbage was enough to distract me for all-of (maybe) twenty-minutes. Realizing this, I started to pout. _Oh _why _in god's name did I finish my homework on Friday!!_ I mentally cursed. It was only eight-p.m.: not late enough to attempt sleep, even if I _could_ fall asleep.

I found my thoughts straying to Edward. _Edward_, I thought, _I miss him already_. It was strange, I had just seen him this morning, partied with him last night, and seen him previously almost every day since arriving in Forks, and _still _I was missing him. Due to the dramatic turn the night had taken, I felt like I needed him, even if only through virtual means. So, I texted him.

_Dad's on a police raid. Guess who; freaking out! Miss u. _It took Edward less than a minute to respond.

_On the way. B ther in 10. Open ur window._ Open my window? I did as he instructed and looked out at the side of my house: there was a lattice. It looked strong, perfect for climbing. I received another text from him about a minute later: _BTW: I miss you more._ While trying to pass the time waiting for Edward, I changed into a comfortable v-neck, fitted t-shirt and a pair of boxer shorts. If Edward was scaling my house to see me, than clearly this wasn't a normal social call where dress codes apply. I sat on the edge of my bed, tapping my feet and unable to sit still, while waiting for my boyfriend. _Hmm. Boyfriend._ I thought. _Edward-fucking-Godlike-Cullen is _my_ boyfriend! Holy shit_. I was never one of those girls to get overly-excited and girly at the prospects of having a boyfriend or being _liked_ by a boy. I had many crushes, don't get me wrong, it just never made me giddy and—what I considered to be—unreasonable because of it.

My previous and only other boyfriend had been my best friend growing up: Jake. We had met at the park in our neighborhood at age 7; I threw sand at him, and he flung a rock at me. It was an instant soul-mate type connection, really. He had moved away for a few years in middle school, our friendship dwindling to a very few letters exchanged. Then out of the blue, freshman year of high school, Jake showed up (looking _hot_ I might add). Although it had been a few years since I had seen him, it seemed like he transformed overnight: shooting up a few feet, his face losing its childhood roundness. We started dating a week later, and he was my _first_ everything. Well, everything except sex. I hadn't been able to bring myself to _that_ particular base with him yet. I mentally laughed at myself for thinking about it. _I haven't thought about Jacob since I broke up with him…_I mused. Well, it wasn't _that_ long ago considering I broke up with him two days after the accident.

I remembered it perfectly: I was still in the hospital pissed at the world, connected to IV's and whatnot. Jake had heard I was in the hospital—probably from my mother because I sure as hell wasn't contacting _anyone_—and came to see me. The minute I saw him I became angered and annoyed with him for reasons unknown to me. He was fussing over me, asking if I was OK. I remembered he had annoyed me so much that I suddenly said, "Jake, our romantic relationship is over. I would like to be left alone now," and just like that, it was over. That was the start of my post-accident man-hating phase that apparently I had just finished.

"What-cha thinking about?" Edward called from my open window, startling me. _Shit! He scared me!_ I thought. What an awkward way to have your boyfriend enter your room: interrupting you from thinking about your ex.

"The past." I didn't want to lie to him, which would start a bad precedent. But, I also didn't want to exactly admit to thinking about Jake.

"Hmm. Interesting. So what's this about a bust?" Edward questioned—his curiosity evident. I told him about dinner and Charlie leaving and confessed my worry and feelings of guilt and responsibility for the bust. _That_ pissed Edward off.

"Bella, are you crazy!? You're not responsible for _anything_ that mother-fucker did! It was inevitable that the police would bust James on something, we just helped them along for your sake: getting him off the streets." He took my hand and gently began caressing the back of mine with his thumb. "OK?" he asked, making sure I understood.

"OK."

"So what else did you do today?" Edward asked, actually interested.

"Uhm… my mom called so I talked to her, she can talk _a lot_. Just that, dinner, and opening birthday presents since I saw you," I stated, matter-of-factly. It felt like we had been doing this forever: the _us_ thing.

"Oooh! Presents! What did you get?"

"I received alcohol, money, and a bottle of perfume. Oh, and a truck—the red one out front—from Charlie!"

"Hmm… none of them are really _personalized_ huh? Though, the truck is pretty sweet!"

"I guess you could say that," I responded, not knowing where he was going with his comment.

"I can remedy that," he said as suddenly a thin, square present appeared in his hands.

"What is _that_!?" I asked pointing to it, full-well knowing it was a gift. I was upset, though, because he knew how I felt about presents.

"Your birthday present. Nothing much, just a little something to help you sleep… its main job is to keep you from being an alcoholic at night." Edward winked. My cheeks were flooded with blood and turned red, I'm sure. Embarrassed, I didn't have a response so instead I took the wrapped package from him and opened it. It was a shiny CD in a clear case. On it was written _For Bella, _in sharpie. I eyed him cautiously, nervous because we hadn't discussed music yet and I was notorious for being super picky. I didn't want to hate the first gift he ever got me.

"What's on it?" I asked, warily.

"Some instrumental songs I've written. Just piano and guitar. Nothing special." He shrugged. Immediately, I was filled with appreciation for him. It truly was the most thoughtful gift I had received all week.

"Of _course_, it's special! You composed these songs yourself! This is my favorite present. Ever," I insisted, my face stretched wide with my smile. I threw my arms around him, hugging him as tightly as my little body could manage in my excitement. "Can I put it on now?" I asked, wanting to follow his wishes if he had wanted me to wait.

"Sure," he acquiesced, and I flew to my CD player, fumbled open the case, stuck it into the open slot and pressed _PLAY_. My room was filled with the soft, but beautiful melodies Edward had played on his piano and guitar. I felt my smile growing in sheer awe of his talent.

"Edward, I'm not saying this because I think it's what you want to hear, but… _damn_ babe, you're _good_. Like, not just good, but great, excellent even!" I looked at this musical, god-like guy on my bed and felt truly unworthy to call him my own. But, I _could_ call him my own; just this morning we had claimed each other. My entire being was flooded with admiration of him. Slowly, I walked from the CD player to his sitting form on the bed. I lowered myself onto his lap and hooked my arms around his neck, all the while never breaking the eye contact I had started.

"Thank you," I whispered. His lips found mine as mine were searching for them. I broke the kiss for only a second as I murmured; "it _so_ turns me on." _That _was probably too much for him to handle because _one_ second after I whispered it, he lifted me off his lap and threw me to the bed, climbing on top of me. His urgent kisses caressed the hallow of my neck and visible collar bones. His lips met mine and again our tongues darting back and forth between our mouths. One of his hands held the side of my face and neck, while his other grazed over my left breast, effectively hardening the nipple. _Oh shit_, I thought, _this could get intense…_ As much as I was turned-on, that's how much more he was as I could _feel_ his arousal against my leg. It didn't disgust or embarrass me. Instead, it only fueled the passion I was feeling for him. Out of no-where, as Edward was beginning to lift my thin t-shirt over my head, we heard Charlie's car door slam. _Shit!_ I thought. Edward immediately pulled my shirt back on over me and leapt up toward the window.

"Goodnight, beautiful," he said as he kissed me one last good-bye, and disappeared through my window as my front door closed. I was left panting in my bed, thoroughly frustrated. I decided to take a cold shower. Before I did, I looked at my alarm clock. _Eleven O'clock!?_ I thought, _Wow, we made-out longer than I had thought!_ After my long, cold shower, I re-started the CD Edward had made me. I went to bed, filled with only thoughts of him, and uncharacteristically smiling.

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**A/N: Thanks to my beta Lynnardx3... sorry for all the stress I've been putting you through! Thanks again to my readers!! You guys rule!**


	17. Chapter 16 Awkward

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Twilight _and its characters: they belong to Stephenie Meyers. No copyright infringement intended.

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**Chapter 16**

**EPOV**

** A**s I walked to lunch that Monday, all I could think about was Bella. This morning she had insisted on driving herself, excited to take her new truck to school. Of course I understood but was saddened by the idea that after school I wouldn't be able to drive her home. _Man-up! For christsakes Cullen!_ I berated myself. I kept forgetting that she was my girlfriend now and I didn't need these excuses to see her anymore. Whenever I had wanted I could see her. Granted, it had only been less than twenty-four hours. _Maybe I should have waited to ask her out,_ I thought in light of my current musings, _taken her on a few dates first, let her see how the gentlemanly, un-asshole Edward could be. _But, she seemed to know, or rather, like me anyways.

There she was, sitting at our table, beating me to lunch as usual. My Bella always looked so beautiful in her aloofness to conforming to the mainstream-teen in Forks. Whenever I looked at her my body reacted the same way: _excitement_. Taking into account recent events, however, I could not and should not act on these physical impulses for _her_ sake. Being date-rape drugged could do a number on someone's mental well-being, and I didn't want to be the asshole that pushed her into a breakdown. But _fuck_ if it wasn't _hard_ to not want her that way: she was like pure sex to me. I walked right up to her, placing my face next to hers before saying anything. "Hello _beautiful_. I've missed you today." Even in my limited view, I could see the edges of her mouth tug upwards, filling her face with the smile. It made her even more beautiful, if such a thing were possible.

"Hi," she breathily replied, embarrassment edging at her simple greeting. My Bella, blushing? _Fucking Hot!_ I took my seat next to her and grabbed her hand to hold. It was the simplest thing I could do (at school and in front of others), yet it felt intimate to me. I _liked_ that. "I've missed you too, Edward." Oh _Damn_! Every time she said my name, I became filled with thoughts of _other_ times she could say my name and the images went straight to my dick. Yeah, I was a typical horny, seventeen year old boy, so shoot me.

"How's your day been going?" I lamely asked. I had no idea what to say; I was trying to keep my raging boner under control.

"Seriously? You're going to ask me _that?_" She startled me with such a brazen response. Though I should have expected it, Bella always managed to surprise me with her cheeky remarks. "_You_, who have seen me have to drink to get through a day of school, are going to ask me how my morning of _high school_ is going? Especially when it's before I get to see you? Edward," oh that name again, "I thought you were smarter than that!" She winked. _Holy fucking cow!_ It was hotter than anything I've ever seen: and I've _seen_ a few things in my seventeen years…

"Yeah, sorry. Lame question," I obliged. "Did you hear anything from your dad this morning?" I had to admit that I was pretty fucking anxious to see how everything went.

"No! _Ugh_, he was gone already when I made it downstairs! I guess it'll have to wait until dinner," she pouted. Usually I hated when girls pouted, it annoyed me more than anything, but when Bella did it, it was pretty _fucking cute_ if I say so myself.

"Bummer."

"_What_ the hell is going on here!?" Emmett chastised when he spotted my hands interlinked with Bella's. He, flanked by Rosalie, set his tray down at the table, looking like a grizzly bear. _Shit_, I thought, _I had forgotten to tell Emmett about me liking his sister…_ I froze. I hadn't been sure how Emmett would react when he found out the truth. I had told Alice, who was thrilled, but I had forgotten to talk to the one person who would possibly kill me… the person I _should_ have talked to: Emmett. I opened my mouth to speak, but was cut off.

"Settle down Emmett! I told you about it this morning!" Bella called, playfully punching her brother's beastly arm. I couldn't make a coherent thought.

Emmett busted into a semi-thunderous peal of laughter. "Dude! You should have seen your face! It was like you got caught with your pants down and your hand on your dick!!!" He was messing with me? _That son of a bitch!_ I thought. "Chill, Bella. I'm just giving him shit!" he amended.

"Oh you _ass!_" I retorted. "I nearly pissed myself! I thought that my face was going to be re-arranged behind the school at three o'clock because you caught me _holding_ your _sister's_ hand!" I was being honest: the image flashed through my brain when Emmett had used _that_ tone.

"Nah, man it's cool. I figured as much that this shit would happen after I saw you two at the bonfire. But, _damn_, I didn't know it would happen _this _fast. You better watch yourself Cullen!" Emmett winked. I felt relieved that now everything was out in the open. Jasper and Alice had joined the table towards the end of Emmett's razzing of me.

"So, has anyone seen the paper this morning?" Jasper asked the table while producing his own folded-up copy of a newspaper. Everyone shook their head _no_. "Well," he continued, "it seems as though our little friend James has made the front page. Or, rather, his drug bust did." Jasper held our attentions raptly. He proceeded to unfold it and opened the _Forks Daily_ onto its front page. He then read the article on James in a low voice so only our group could hear:

"_On the evening of September 13__th__, after the Police Department of Forks had looked into  
its anonymous tip's claim of a major drug scandal, a bust was made at the residence of  
James Smith, 18, of Forks. Smith, a local high school senior had, apparently, been suspected  
of allegedly dealing drugs to the local teens for several months before the bust and his subsequent  
arrest. In his possession at the home of his ownership, the Police allegedly found several pounds  
of varying drugs including: marijuana, rohypnol, cocaine, and other amphetamines—  
not excluding others substances yet to be disclosed. The tip was received in the early hours of that Sunday  
morning. Police Chief Swan has refused to make a comment at this time."_

"And then it goes on with facts about James before his arrest," Jasper concluded. Instantly, we all looked to Bella. For me it was to see how she was taking it, for the others—I'm sure—it was mere curiosity. While our hands were still connected, I slowly rubbed large circles on the back of hers with my thumb, trying to be comforting.

"You guys, I'm _fine!_" Bella, always intuitive, assured us. I had to quietly chuckle at this. Sometimes, Bella beyond amazed me.

"Well, this is only step _one_ of what he's got coming to him!" Emmett thundered, accepting his sister's reassurance of her well-being. Although it may not seem like it to the others, I could see that his acceptance was his way of protecting her. He was shielding her from questions prying to see if she truly _was_ alright.

"I can't wait until he's indicted," Rosalie, always vindictive towards those that deserved it, offered. "I've hated him for _years_."

"There always was something _off_ about him, wasn't there?" Alice chimed in.

"Well, he had _me_ fooled," said Emmett. Once again, only I could tell that he was protecting Bella from any slander, even though she didn't need the protection.

"Well, now that we're all caught up on the latest gossip," I responded, "let's change the subject." Bella squeezed my hand in thanks, unknown to the rest of our table. Alice, taking the bait, launched into a tale about Jessica throwing up in the corner of our yard, earning laughter from everyone including Bella and myself. Once that tale had finished, and all of our spirits had been raised, Emmett turned to Bella to ask a question.

"So, Izzy, what are you doing after school?"

Bella rolled her eyes, for reasons unknown to me, before responding. "Job hunting. I figured now that I have a truck, I'm going to need a job to pay for its gas… and _STOP_ calling me Izzy!"

_Izzy?_ My stomach curled in on itself. Hearing that name made me nauseated. I couldn't figure-the-fuck-out why but… it sounded startlingly familiar. They went on with their conversation but I heard none of it. Suddenly, it dawned on me and when it did, it hit me like a sack of bricks _whooshing_ the breath right out of me. I felt incredibly nauseated. I stood up and bolted to the bathroom: afraid I was going to be sick. Indeed, I was. I didn't hear them calling my name from the table or them asking me if I was OK. I didn't hear any of it. I felt like such a pussy but it didn't matter. I'd rather run away to vomit than cry in front of someone, anyways. How long I was in the bathroom, I did not know. As I exited, I saw Bella leaning against a row of lockers across from the door to the boy's bathroom. She had her own backpack on and was carrying mine.

"You OK?" She hesitantly asked. Her eyebrows were knitted in apprehension. I could lie to her and say _Yeah, I'm just getting a bug or something_ but I never wanted to do that to her. I had vowed to myself that I would never lie to her, so now wasn't the time to start. Shaking my head, I felt how empty my eyes were as ours connected, but I couldn't put any feeling into them. "Wanna talk about it?"She sweetly asked. About to shake my head no, I knew better than that: she would make me talk anyways because that was Bella.

"So… do you know about my mom?" I asked. Alice previously mentioned to me that she had told Bella a brief outline of our history together. Bella nodded in understanding. "Well, this may sound like a chicken-shit reaction or whatever," and continued, "but, when Emmett called you… Izzy, it reminded me of my dad's name for my mom," pausing, I prepared myself to say the name I hadn't said or consciously thought about since I was five. "He called her Lizzy." Another wave of nausea rolled through me, but I controlled it now that I could recognize it. Before, it had been the pure shock that removed me from the lunch table.

Bella immediately engulfed in me in as big of a hug as her tiny arms could manage. "I'm so sorry, Edward. That must be incredibly painful for you. If it helps, I hate it when he calls me that," she comforted. Hugging her back, I couldn't help but wonder _why_ he had called her that.

"But, your name is Bella," I said into her hair, slightly dumbfounded.

"My real name is Isabella. It's actually what everyone called me _before_." The meaning was implied, but being in the state I was in, I didn't pick up on it.

"Before what?"

"…The accident." She responded softly.

"Oh…right. Well, I _like_ Bella better," I stated stubbornly.

"You're probably the only one. My mom and Emmett always call me Isabella or… well, the other one," she censored. I could tell that she truly understood and cared. Not many people would consciously sensor themselves to exclude you from pain. "Edward, I don't think it makes you weak for reacting to it." I felt instant relief when she said it; I hadn't realized that she was the only person that I cared about what they thought of me. I leaned away from her embrace, only to see her face as I spoke to her.

"You don't? I _feel_ weak." I replied. Her eyebrows set in a quiet fury when I said that.

"Edward, for fuck's sake, you are not weak! You're human. You feel grief, so sue you! So what if there's a little darkness in you that makes you react to things emotionally. I'm the _last_ person to care!" She forcefully said. "I mean, fuck! What I refer to as my 'dark passenger', made me change my name! Trust me, Edward; I think your strength exudes itself more than the grief you feel, or what you call 'weakness'." _Damn_, I thought, _I had no idea my girl could be so insightful._ Well, I had only known her little over a week. Had it only been that long? It felt like I've known her my entire life.

"Thank you," I said, full of meaning.

"For what?" she asked, picking up on it.

"For being _you_." After I had said that the bell rang. "What's that bell mean?" I asked, not bothering to look at my watch to see the time.

"That it's time for us to go to biology," my Bella replied and winked. My mood instantly perked _up_ with her sexy little wink.

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**A/N: Thank you Lynnardx3, my Beta-tastic Beta: you put up with more shit and nags from me than anyone! Thank you to my readers: I hope you enjoy!**

**RL Is getting in the way very much, but I'm working on it! haha**


	18. Chapter 17 Sugar

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of _Twilight _or its characters--they all belong to Stephenie Meyers.

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**Chapter 17**

**BPOV**

** S**lamming the front door, I entered my house in wrathful frustration. The people in Forks were _really_ grating on my nearly frayed nerves. I kicked off my neon pink Chucks and stomped further into my house to the living room. Emmett sat there befuddled, his wet curls alerting that he was freshly showered after football. Charlie wasn't home yet, being that it was only 4:55. Quirking my eyebrow, I challenged Emmett to ask what was pissing me off, just _daring_ him—I needed to vent. I also really needed a drink.

"What's with the dramatics, Izz?" he asked, accepting the challenge. _That_ name again, great. I needed to have a talk with Emmett about calling me that, but right now I felt more selfish: I wanted to talk about _my_ frustrations. Using my annoyance with his insistence that I was being dramatic as fuel to my anger, I responded to him.

"Fucking Forks. I swear these people are going to force me into jumping off a bridge. Why the _hell_ are they so damn friendly?" I huffed.

"And that's a problem, why?"

"They act like I'm a Saint come to Forks, like I'm the prodigal son. It's _annoying_! OK so I went to the diner after school with Edward so I could apply for a job—I figured waitressing would earn me tips—and they practically hired me on the spot because I'm _Bella Swan_, Chief Charlie's daughter and Emmett Swan the Football Star's sister. They fawned over me the whole time, saying how great I was and they would be lucky to employ me. I hate it when people notice me almost as much as I hate it when things are easy! It almost made me turn down the damn job."

"So, what then? Did you get the job?" Emmett's confused expression hadn't changed.

"Well, _yeah, _I got the job… but that's beside the point! Jesus, Emmett, haven't you been listening?" I was fully aware that I was being irrational now, but I just couldn't help it. Since vacating Edward's usually warming presence, the ice in my veins returned in full force. They were out to wreak havoc on my sanity and personal relationships. I was a mess. Heaving a forced and heavy sigh I continued conversation with Emmett. "OK, I'm… sorry, or whatever. Don't go anywhere. I'll be right back. I'm just gonna… put my shit away, yeah?" Emmett must have been used to bitchy mood swings because he only nodded back _ok_. I must be like a strong wind with a drizzly-rain compared to the thunder, lightning, and gale-force wind storms of Rosalie.

Going into the kitchen, I grabbed a coke from the fridge before running up the stairs, taking them by two, in a rush to get into my room. If I was honest with myself, I knew that the only reason why I had taken the job at that diner was because I would be allowed to wear whatever the hell I wanted—within reason—which included my favorite brand of shoes: my Chuck's. Once in my haven, I locked the door behind me having learned from previous mistakes. I threw my shit somewhere in my room, not caring where any of it landed. My room was a pitiful mess, everything out of order and chaotic: a visual metaphor of my life. Under my bed, I found my hidden stash of liquid fire. Choosing my Jack Daniels, I poured myself a shot of the whiskey. It burned its way down my throat, finding rest while blazing my empty stomach. I decided that one was not enough, but two more would suffice. Once the trifecta of shots had been taken, I chased them down with my coke, it searing my already-scorched throat with its carbonation. _Yuck_, I hated pop, which sadly was necessary when consuming some alcohols. After stowing the bottle and my shot glass back in their hiding spots under my bed, my weary eyes drifted around my room. They settled upon a very comfortable pair of pink sweats, which I instantly donned. I went to the bathroom to swish with mouthwash; although Emmett wouldn't be opposed to a drink, I also didn't need his unwanted questions.

My descent down the stairs to see Emmett was slower than the climb that had led away from him. My hands were slightly shaking and I couldn't figure-the-fuck-out as to why. My anxiety has been on mega-high levels since making my decision to leave Phoenix. I somewhat started to regret leaving behind my newly prescribed anti-anxiety/depression meds. Forks was beginning to seem cathartic in some ways, but it didn't entirely quell the anxiety that boiled and pitted against my insides. I realized that I needed something stronger than booze to relax me.

"Hey Emmett?" I called, thanking god that our police-chief father wasn't home yet. Emmett looked up at me from the sofa he was watching TV from.

"Yeah Belley?" he tested. I had to admit, I liked that nickname _much_ more than his others.

"Don't… judge," I cautioned while doing my best to contour my face into something innocent-looking. My hands were constantly threading themselves: intertwining as if to twist away the anxiety in my being. He nodded slowly in acquiescence before I continued. "Uhm… do you know where I could get some pot around here maybe? I just really want to chill out, you know?" My cheeks flushed in slight embarrassment, the warmth staining them red. I hoped like hell that he'd understand my need. I had never smoked pot before, but I had heard wonders about its calming effects.

"Did I just hear you correctly? Does Bella, my baby sister, want some weed!?" he asked incredulously. I merely rolled my eyes. I had just _known_ that he would make this difficult for me. That, or tell dad.

"Yes, Emmett. _Fuck_."

"Whoa there Tiger chill out! I can see why you _need_ the weed: you're wound up tight!" He paused to laugh not-so-quietly to himself. "Ya want some right now?" My expression must have betrayed my surprise because he started laughing again, but softly this time.

"Now?" I was also unable to hide the shock from my question.

"Yea, you can have some of mine. But don't smoke a joint in the house: that would be _incredibly_ stupid," he concluded.

"Shit, Emmett. I didn't know you smoked. I've never smoked though… could I just bake it in something? I've seen that in movies… I can do that right?" My lack of experience with the illegal substance was extremely noticeable and to Emmett, funny.

"You did, huh? A good ol' _Cheech and Chong_ movie, yeah?" He guffawed. Emmett was always easily amused. I sighed and waited for him in hopes of getting my question answered sometime in the near future. He seemed to recognize my impatience so he continued. "Yes, Bella, you _can_ bake it in something. I might suggest brownies… and I'd also suggest giving me one, or two. I'll give you enough shit so you can make a decent batch to save for sometime in the future." _Damn_, my brother was generous. I really did love him—with or without his connections.

"Emmett! I… thank you!" I gave him a big half-in-the-bag grin; I was, after all, starting to feel the effects of my whiskey shots now. He shrugged off his generosity and disappeared to his room for a moment before returning with his baggie of the greenish, brownish basil-like substance. Immediately, I went to work on dinner and my brownies. I needed the calming effect in my system in an imminent way. For dinner, I decided to fry up some of the fish Charlie had caught that weekend, hoping to make him happy so he wouldn't notice my future highness, along with a nice big salad. Scooping a little of the brownie batter into a tiny baking-pan, I made a small amount of normal brownies for my dad to enjoy before I added Emmett's _Mary Jane—_as he referred to it— to the rest of the mix in the bowl. I should have known that the always calm Emmett was a pot head. The fact was even more ironic because of who our father was and that Emmett had just aided—although anonymously—in the biggest drug bust in Forks' history. I laughed at these facts to myself while preparing our dinner and dessert.

My body was buzzing with excitement at the prospect of taking something new that would calm and numb me—something more than the whiskey my body was sadly used to. The burn that alcohol elicited as it seared its way down to my stomach contradicted the ice in my veins almost uncomfortably. Drunkenness didn't give me nearly enough of a high or numbness, which is why I had decided to turn to other alternatives. The brownies were ready first; my need to self-medicate outweighed the family's collective need to eat dinner. _Well I'll be damned_, I thought. _They smell like regular brownies. _I placed all of the brownies—regular and hash—to the side to cool off while I finished preparing the rest of our meal. Once the fish was fried and being kept warm in the oven, I set to frosting Charlie's normal brownies so they'd be more appealing than my pot-ones. Everything was ready and waiting for the arrival of my father so dinner could begin. Feeling on edge, I decided to have one of my _special brownies_ before dinner. Emmett, watching me, offered me a caution.

"Belley, you only need half of one—you're so tiny!" he called out. Anyone next to Emmett could look tiny, and I was no Alice: petite and pixy-like. I rolled my eyes at him but did as he suggested, eating only half of my correctly-portioned bud-brownies. They tasted normal enough to me, but that could have been a side effect of the whiskey that had scoured my tongue not forty-minutes beforehand. I definitely rivaled Betty Crocker with how good my brownies had turned out though—I was good at baking! I left one hash-brownie for Emmett, as promised, on the plate with my father's frosted normal ones before storing the rest of my special ones in a tin and taking it up to my room for under-the-bed storage along with my collection of alcohol bottles. I was taking no chances in leaving a whole stash of psychedelic brownies lying in the open on the kitchen counter with my cop of a father walking around. While I was in my room, I heard the front door open and shut before I had made it back down to the kitchen. I was glad I hid them when I did. My hands started feeling slightly cold and heavy as I assumed that was the weed taking affect. Licking my lips, I realized that my mouth was slightly going dry. I was in serious need of some liquid refreshment.

Before joining Emmett in the living room and after downing a whole coke, I noticed that he had taken his brownie off of the platter of frosted brownies—he obviously didn't want to wait until _after_ dinner. Inwardly, I giggled at how alike we both were. I sat with him and we waited for our dad to finish putting away his gear before beginning dinner with him at the kitchen table. We all smiled and greeted each other in typical family fashion, asking how the other's day went, not really offering much in the way of how our own had gone. Charlie seemed to really be enjoying the fish I fried: he just kept eating more and more. I had looked up the recipe especially for him. He was so parched that he had to get one or two other beers from the fridge to quench his seemingly overbearing thirst. I, not liking fish, only ate a salad. Secretly, I was saving my stomach for more brownies once I could escape to my room. We all settled into a comfortable silence as the only sound was the scraping of silverware against plates and the passing of dishes. The pot I had ingested was becoming fully active as everything started to move in slow motion. I felt almost as if I were in a Dali painting, the world was moving so slowly that it might start to melt. That combined with the insatiable hunger I was feeling along with the insane desire to giggle was interesting to say the least.

"Oh god—Bells—those brownies you made?" Charlie stated, but it came out more like a question. "They were _so_ good! I can't remember the last time I had brownies that good! You must have gotten the recipe from Renee—she used to make _excellent_ brownies. Sometimes, though, she spiked hers with a little marijuana. Don't tell your mother I told you that. She'll kill me. But what can I say? She was such a little rebel back then," chuckled my dad. He leaned over the table with his laughter, almost as if he was unable to breathe. At first I found this quite hilarious: for obvious reasons being that the ones I had made for myself _did_ have weed in them, and that I _did_ get the recipe from my mom… but also just seeing Charlie all giddy like that sent me over the edge into my own fit of giggles. While trying to capture my breath, my eyes scanned the too-small kitchen. I looked to the brownie platter expecting to see it quite emptied, except it was the same as I had seen it when I first came downstairs. _OH shitfuckdamn! _I mentally cursed. The realization that Charlie might have eaten my pot-brownie that had been intended for Emmett was quite startling.

"Dad?" I tested, trying to keep my composure after my giggle-fit. "Did you have one of the _frosted_ brownies that I had specifically made for you?" I asked. I hoped against hope and prayed to the God I didn't have faith in that my dad had only removed a slice of the frosted brownie instead of a whole one that I assumed he would have.

"No, Bella I'm trying to watch my sugar intake! I took one of the powdered-sugar ones," he managed in between his crinkly-eyed laughter. I punched Emmett under the table for not eating the damn brownie himself, unable to keep my rage to under control. It was my fault for assuming that Charlie would eat a frosted brownie and that Emmett would just somehow _know _that the only un-frosted one was his. But fuck-it-all if I wasn't upset none-the-less. I. Was. Royally. Screwed.

Unbelievably screwed.

Fucked, undeniably.

_Damn it!_

I was starting to sound like Edward—every other word a profanity. I couldn't help it though; my anger was hard-wired to three things: my tears, blushes, and curse-words. The need to fix this was overwhelming; it took over. Even in my alcohol and marijuana haze, my stress went through the roof. Charlie was giggling now at his reflection in a spoon, acting like it was the funniest shit he'd ever seen. If my dad needed to take a random drug test anytime soon, I could have just cost him his job and pension with my foolishness. I had only been in Forks just over a week and already I was ruining his life like this. Ever since the accident, from time to time when things get really bad: I wish that I had actually died in the crash along with my old shitty car. This whole dad-being-high thing was totally killing my pot-brownie buzz.

As if Emmett caught my brain waves, he cleared his throat trying to get our dad's attention. "Dad, wow, aren't you just _bushed_? I mean, that dinner was so good and filling. Plus you got home late. I think we should hit the sack." Emmett soothingly suggested. He sounded as though he was talking to a five year old, trying to convince them it was naptime. It was late, though. Charlie had come home later than usual: not showing up until seven-forty-five. It was now eight-thirty, plenty late enough for my dad to go to bed.

"Oh yeah. Yeah, you're right Emmett. I am tired. Woo! Great dinner Bells! _Excellent_ brownies," my father called before trudging up the stairs. I looked to Emmett and burst into a fit of laughter as soon as I heard my dad's bedroom door shut. Suddenly, and it might be the pot, but suddenly everything seemed _so_ funny.

"Oh my god. Dad's high!" I whisper-giggled to Emmett.

"Damn Bella! Those were some strong ass brownies!! It nearly knocked dad on his ass. What, with those beers, I thought he was going to strip naked and dance to some crappy old music!"

"Oops!" I giggled. "Did you ever think you'd see the day?" I asked, fully knowing that our straight-laced father would never again be high—especially by my own doing.

"Oh fuck, you're high too. Belley, I got the dishes, you just… go be high somewhere else and try to stay out of trouble," Emmett said, starting to clear the table of our dishes. He never did that, ever. I thought he was upset with me until I saw him laughing to himself, muttering about me. He was right, though: I was _definitely_ high now. It felt a-ma-zing. While completely being on the verge of giggles and any second, my body was tingling all over. Going to my bedroom seemed to be like the best course of action, especially with the promise of the other half of the brownie that was waiting for me under my bed.

Once in my bedroom, after locking the door I put on some Pink Floyd which seemed appropriate for my current state. As I had promised myself, I finished the other half of the brownie I had started eating. Lying on my bed, it felt as if I was floating on clouds: my body was swirling with tingling sensations. To say that I felt _good_ would be a gross understatement. I couldn't recall a previous time that I felt this amazing or better. The sensations started at the crown of my head and trickled down in pleasurable eddies of electricity that tickled and lapped at my skin, coming from the inside. It passed over my shoulders and down my chest and arms, making goose bumps rise on my arms and my nipples to harden as it continued to trickle down to the tips of my toes and back up again, settling in-between my legs in a surprising turn. I giggled at the awareness: it felt too damn wonderful to be real. I considered texting Edward, but my fingers felt too heavy with this delicious feeling my body was consumed with. It could have been mere minutes or hours that I laid on my bed, feeling wonderful, listening to Pink Floyd before I heard a knock at my window.

Sitting up, Edward was suddenly inside my room having just climbed through my window. If I wasn't high I would have assumed that he materialized out of thin air. His startlingly beautiful green eyes caught my attention—I became locked in his gaze. Attempting to get off the bed and walk to him, I stumbled and tripped. Looking down, I was shocked to find that my jeans were unbuttoned and around my knees. _Oh Shit!_ I realized, _Was I _touching_ myself_? _Oh God!!!_ That would be the reason for the odd smirk on Edward's face. I hadn't even realized that I was doing that… in my heightened sensual awareness, I must have sought to _release_ the delightful building tension. Quickly pulling my pants up when I realized that they were down, I blushed with embarrassment. No words came to mind to remedy this situation I found myself in.

"Uhh…" I stumbled for words, "…Hi." Even after my lame greeting, Edward still appeared to be dumbstruck. It was a few moments before his purpose came back to him.

"Bella, why the hell didn't you answer your phone?" he worriedly questioned. "I must have called five times. I had texted you before that to tell you that I was going to stop by."

"Oh. I… didn't know. I've been a little out of it," I fluttered through. Unexpectedly the awkward tension I first felt when Edward had arrived dissipated and a renewed fit of giggles overtook me. Oh, God, I loved weed now.

"Why are you laughing?" Edward's bad boy façade was starting to crumble now as he looked even more bewildered than when he entered with my pants down. I finally recovered myself enough to stumble over to him and wrap my comparatively small arms around him. I kissed his chin, the only part of his face I could reach without getting on my tip-toes.

"Chill, man." Rushing to the side of my bed, I pulled out my tin of brownies, smiling hugely as I did. "Want one?"

"A brownie? … Pet, have you been drinking again? How many shots have you had?... Did you just call me _man?_"

"They're not just _any_ brownies, Edward. They're… special," I tried to insinuate, ignoring his alcohol comment, but apparently my skills at conveying hidden meanings were slightly out of order at the moment.

At first Edward frowned, thinking I had gone off the deep end. _Really, Edward_? I thought. He was supposed to be this bad boy, but at the moment he was acting like a goody-goody innocent that didn't know that one could spike brownies with pot. When the realization dawned on his face, it was fiercely so, which only served to increase my laughter.

"Holy shit, Bella, did you put _pot_ in those brownies?" It was silly how astonished he seemed. He was reacting so oddly, that it only infused me with more hilarity which irritated him faintly. Ah, yes—bad, angry Edward was back. "Stop laughing! I'm only surprised because Charlie's home… and you're high… while he's home," he tried to recover—it didn't fool me.

"So what? He accidently ate one. He's high too," I managed in-between giggles.

"What!? Fuck! Bella, did you get in trouble? Is that why you weren't answering—you don't have your phone?"

"Pa ha ha! He didn't even realize he was high! He just kept drinking his beer and scarfing down his dinner! If I wasn't so paranoid when it happened, I probably would have peed from laughing so damn hard," I explained.

"Oh."

Edward looked intensely attractive in his all-black clothing that he had worn to school. The sadness he experienced at lunch had since left him, leaving his face and posture in their sexy-goodness. My body started to swirl with the undulating sensations I had felt before Edward knocked on my window. My cheeks began to flush, which strangely felt amazing: usually I found it terribly embarrassing. Ditching the brownies on the floor, I slowly stalked toward him, longing for his soft caresses that was beginning to be his habit—always touching me. I wanted some relief from the concentration of blood flowing to in-between my legs. His eyes followed me and his arms wrapped around me when I finally reached him.

"Edward," I breathily broke the silence. I pulled away from him minutely, only to drag him slowly towards my bed with me. Pulling his hands from my back, I placed them on my sensitive chest, squeezing my hands over his. Leaving his hands there, I slid mine down to the button of his jeans while keeping eye contact with him. The pads of his thumbs traced the edges of my nipples, causing me to involuntarily moan at the pleasure rocketing through my body. I could see him stiffen the moment I caught him staring at me when he first came in so I hoped he wouldn't deny my needs now. Every touch of his brought the swirling tingling I had been feeling on my bed earlier to a whole new level. The electricity intensified gloriously. I craved his hands on my bare skin. Not realizing that my breathing had become a bit labored, I brought my bottom lip in-between my teeth, trying with all my might to not just rip off both of our clothes right then.

When Edward realized that my hands were on his pants, he quickly moved his to stop mine. "Bella, we… we can't," he unsurely stated.

"But Edward, I'm so horny!" I whined, and jutted out my bottom lip in pouting.

"I know babe, I am too… but you're high and I'm sober. It wouldn't be right," he attempted to convince me. I, however, was not having it.

"So! You're my boyfriend, which means that varying states of sobriety doesn't matter… it means we can fool around _whenever_… Edward," I huffed, "It's making me _so_ horny. I need you." It was true, I did need him. It had been two months since I had felt release—I needed this—it was a lonely two months. Edward already meant more to me than I could fully realize then. A physical act between us could surely only strengthen our bond that was being forged.

He looked so conflicted, which I decided to take advantage of. I removed my hands from his and placed mine on his chest over the dark fabric that covered his lithe hardened muscles, slightly squeezing them as I brought my lips to his. At first I let my lips feel the soft lushness that were his lips in the midst of all his rebellious stubble. Then I crushed mine to them, bringing the ferocity of my feelings into the kiss. Pressing my body flush against his, I could feel his erection harden more, proving that his need matched mine. Our tongues battled out our wills, pressing into each other, much like how I wanted our bodies to be matched: give and take. I backed us into the bed a little bit. My fingers of my left hand had found their way into his messy copper hair; they entwined in them strongly. My hungry kiss traveled along his strong, stubbly jaw, tracing my way to his ear, which I nibbled. Edward lost his composure then. He threw me backwards on the bed, about to hover over me, he found his chivalry again.

"Shit! Damn it Bella. You know guys only think with their cock… I can't. I'm not… I'm not high. I can't take advantage of you like this." Anguish crept into his brilliant jade eyes, half extinguishing the fiery emerald passion in them.

"I was counting on it…" I replied under my breath from my reclined position on my bed. "Well, have some brownies… I _did_ offer them to you." I persuaded. I saw his eyes resting on my heaving breast. My heart was pounding; I wanted him to give-in and jump at the opportunity to prevent him from getting blue-balls to literally jump _on_ me. His lack of response somewhat hinted that I might win this argument. I lifted myself off the bed, slowly and pressed my body flush against his body again. Lazily, I dragged the tip of my tongue on my bottom lip, tasting where he had been. Delicious. I looked down to the swell in the front of his dark jeans, and bit my lip, hoping this might work. Peaking up at him through my lashes, I lightly smiled. Oh, how I wanted him. Bringing my nose to rest on his chest, I took in his glorious smell—citrus and honey, yet musky. It was intoxicating. His chest swelled with a slow calculated breath. I dragged my nose from his chest, with my hands braced on his abdomen, up his throat where I stopped to place a soft kiss before acquiring his eye contact. Suddenly, his lips were a frenzy on mine, instantly deepening our already-frantic kiss. I took his passion-consumed moment to take advantage of the situation, so I tried to spin him around, and threw him to my bed while I hovered on top of him, still pressed against him. My aching groin found his hardened dick through his jeans and it gave me the friction I had been searching for as I rotated my hips softly into him.

Straddling him, I reached down to the bottom of my shirt and quickly yanked it over my head with a smooth grace I usually lacked. Internally, I was thanking my lucky stars I had chosen to wear my lacy-red bra today. Honesty, though, after previously having a boyfriend for two years, most of my underwear and bras were sexy. I leaned over and brought my lips again to his, the bra-shot he had just gotten clearly intensified his desire for me as he practically devoured my face, enjoyably so. I reached my hand down between us to his stiffened dick, rubbing the outside of his bulging jeans. I must have hit the good spot because suddenly Edward was _very_ aware of where my hands were on his body. He went rigid as he realized he was losing his resolve, and pulled my hand from between us, curling his fingers around my tiny wrists.

"Shit!!! Bella, sugar, you know I want to… but we shouldn't. You shouldn't do anything that you could regret," Edward exhaustedly repeated. I was beyond sexually frustrated at the moment. Weed was like some aphrodisiac to me that warranted a strong need for a release.

"Edward… please. I won't regret it. I'm… so horny. It almost is painful… I—I… please," I begged, actually begged. I craved his touch, needed it. Why was he holding out on me? Weren't teenage boys supposed to be uncontrollably aroused all the time? They were supposed to be the ones begging for sex acts. It wasn't fair that now I was the one that had to beg for it.

"Bella, I can't let you get me off, it wouldn't be right…but," he contemplated. "Do you… well I mean, if you really wanted me to, I could… help you out?" He meant it as a question but I saw his own selfish want in this—he wanted to touch me, it was obvious. What he didn't realize was that I wanted him to touch me even more than he did.

"Yes," I exhaled while nodding. Edward released my wrists carefully while a new look of determination set on his devastatingly handsome face. His fingers moved with sensual ease to my hips, which he firmly but gently gripped, lifting me off of him slightly. In a swift, controlled motion, he rolled us over on the bed so that I was flat against my back and he hovering over me on his side. The intensity of our gaze was never broken. I slid my sweatpants down my legs when Edward appeared to be hesitating. Seeing me fully unclothed, in only my bra and underwear—which appeared to be matching today—Edward lost his composure and crushed his lips to mine in frenzy. His hand grasped my breast, squeezed, and his thumb stroked slow circles eliciting a moan from me. My body spiked a pleasurable reaction and all I wanted was for the aching between my legs to be relieved. Slowly, his hands traced an unknown path down the exposed skin on my stomach, trailing down to the hem of my underwear. The anticipation alone would have killed me if he hadn't slid his hand underneath them. When Edward's hand met with my bare skin, it looked as though his eyes were bulging out of his head.

"Fuck, sugar, you're bare?!" He groaned.

"Yeah… I just like it better that way." I whispered shyly, confused as to if this meant he thought it was a good or a bad thing. The sly grin that tugged at his mouth answered my question.

"You're so damn hot," he whispered in a deep, sensual voice—his lips next to my ear and gave them a little nip. Arousal seeped through my being and out between my legs.

His fingers traveled further down, tracing small circles that taunted me until he hit the slick wetness in my slit. When his finger hit the swollen sensitive part my whole body shivered in excitement. Slowly, as if to tease me, his fingers gently circled my clit, working his magic. A warmth I hadn't felt in ages filled my body as I began to flush with the building of tension. Settling in my gut, the pleasurable pressure began to build. He sped his movements when he noticed I was getting close. His needy lips found mine as we selfishly consumed each other; his need matching my own. It wasn't long until my hips were bucking in orgasm, and pleasurable spasms rocked my body; stars rocketing through my mind. I moaned his name through clenched teeth—the god that brought me to orgasm in record time. After having the release I had begged for, the combination of post-orgasm bliss and weed was making me drowsy—almost drifting off to sleep entirely. Edward, noticing that I was almost no longer conscious broke the comfortable silence that had settled in the wake of my orgasm.

"Bella, sugar, I should go—you need sleep," he chastely kissed my forehead as he uttered those words. Hearing that he might be leaving me jolted me into alertness.

"No! Wait; don't go… just… please stay 'til I fall asleep?" I begged unabashedly. I fluttered my eyelids in struggle to keep them open.

"Fine. But you're going to have to put on something more decent so I don't decide to take advantage of you when you fall asleep," he half-joked. I knew Edward would never be as sleazy as to actually take advantage of a girl passed out. He may be a bad boy but he wasn't a creepy asshole. I, however, obliged to his request and lifted my nearly-exhausted body off my bed. I wasn't ashamed by my state of undress. After having Jake admire my body for so long I sort of got used to the attention paid to it. Edward having noticed that I was struggling with fatigue, stood to help me dress. We picked out a deep gray fitted t-shirt and the pink sweatpants. It was with a loving pride that he put my shirt on for me, even though I was capable of doing it myself. I put my pants on myself, though. When I was fully dressed, our eyes meeting, Edward kissed my forehead and kissed slow soft kisses down my nose to my lips.

"You're lovely when you cum," he stated matter-of-factly. There was a sensual edge that was clearly detectable in his declaration.

"Your hands are magical," I sighed. He quirked his crooked-smile—my favorite one—as he took in my compliment, slightly chuckling at the way my exhaustion colored the statement.

"Mmm… I think it's bedtime," he declared as he took my hand and led me to my bed. With his free hand he pulled the covers down and laid me in them. Surprisingly, he covered me up with them before lying down next to me. Engulfing me in his wide arm-span, he spooned me. Usually I detested spooning and found it a ridiculous way to sleep, but with Edward it was different. I needed him this close to me.

"Sweet dreams," he whispered and kissed the side of my head.

"Mmm." His honey, musk, and sunshine scent lulled me right to sleep.

That night was the first that I had dreams, but not my nightmare of darkness. I knew that it had everything to do with the fact that it was Edward's scent that enticed me into a safe sleep. Surprisingly though, my dreams were of Jacob and our previous relationship. It was a nightmare in the sense that while I dreamt of him, I felt a void in my heart. As I recalled in my sleep the times we had fooled around, the extreme feeling of happiness and fulfillment was missing. I realized that my relationship with Jake had been one of convenience because _now_ was when I truly felt fulfillment as I drifted off to sleep in Edward's strong, safe, and magical arms.

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**A/N: Thanks to my Beta Lynnardx3-- Sorry for my incessant urging and stressing you out girl! 3 to you for being an awesome beta!!**

**Thanks to my gal Name89--you always make me giggle and are full of inspiration!**

**My loyal readers & reviewers: thanks guys! Sorry for the strange sabbatical from updates! Too much RL gets in the way, ya know? Anywho, hope you all enjoy!**


	19. Chapter 18 Meet the Parents

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Twlight _or its characters. It all belongs to Stephenie Meyers.

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**Chapter 18**

**EPOV**

** T**he rest of the school day passed without incident after my breakdown at lunch. Bella didn't bring it up again, to which I was fucking thankful for. I wasn't the type of person that just had emotional breakdowns at school or ever. Actually, I never showed emotions at all. I was strangely glad that Bella had been there for me, I found her touch soothing. All throughout bio I would stroke her hand or arm, and occasionally her cheek if no one was watching us in the back. I just couldn't get enough of the electricity that flowed between us as our skin touched. I wanted to have my hands on her always. That, however, would probably be inappropriate.

After school I insisted on joining Bella in her job search. I could be a selfish mother-fucker and desperately wanted to spend time with her. I insisted on driving, after dropping off her truck in her driveway. Although I was thrilled that my girl could now be independent because she had her own car, her old red truck didn't have _shit _on my silver Volvo C70. Besides, I was almost a complete control freak. Once Bella's shit had gotten taken care of, we drove off to downtown Forks together in search of employment.

"So, Bella, where do you plan on applying?" I questioned, half legitimately curious and half just wanting to know where to drive to.

She looked up at me with her beautiful brown doe eyes in apprehension. Shit, was she nervous? Not my Bella—she was fearless.

"Uh… I don't know any suggestions?" She rearranged her facial features to put on a look of apathy mixed with slight annoyance at the task at hand. Tricky, Bella, if I hadn't seen the apprehension before I would have believed her now. I tried to think of a place where Bella could work, I could stop in whenever I pleased, it would be flexible, and she would make a decent amount of money. The only place that truly came to mind was the diner. The other places in the small town would not do: I would have no reason to go into Newton's Outdoor Gear shop seeing as how I didn't do shit like that, and there was no way in hell I would step foot into the nail salon, _ever_.

"The diner, maybe?" Once I had said this, her eyes lit up in realization.

"Yeah, that could work… good idea. Let's head there first," she exclaimed as if the thought had come from her. I loved the way Bella, even through her anxiety, always seemed to take charge in a situation which was fucking hot, if I say so myself. Bella did her thing, being personable and friendly. Although she claims to hate people, she's a natural at charming them into liking her. It was a side I had never seen of her and I liked it _a lot_. The Bella I had previously known was assertive, tenacious, and wary of other people. This new, smooth talking Bella was sexy as hell. She was still true to herself and very un-fake, but it was as if this charismatic tigress lurked under the skin of an apathetic social goddess. I started to wonder if she might want to act that out in the bedroom sometime in the future…

The thirty-something hostess knew who Bella was the instant Bella introduced herself; Forks, after all, was a very small town and being the daughter of the Chief of Police and the sister of a football stud made you easily recognized. Once Bella had let it known that she wished to apply for a job, the woman got very excited because a waitress had just quit the week before, which made them short staffed—a very uncomfortable situation for the popular and only diner in town to be in. Bella, showing her amiable qualities, practically got the job on the spot. I was so proud of her. My girl was a sexy job-acquiring dynamo. When we had gotten back into the car Bella was noticeably less than enthusiastic, muttering something about it being too easy under her breath.

"What are you talking about?" I questioned, not really knowing what else to say.

"I… ugh. I'm just frustrated," she huffed. It was the strangest response I never expected.

"What?" Bella looked like conflicting emotions were warring within her. I couldn't for the life of me figure the fuck out as to why.

"I'm sorry Edward, I'm just—I can't even explain it. I _really_ don't like people. I feel as though my skin is crawling whenever strangers act really friendly to me. I'm weirdly uncomfortable right now," she paused and looked at me taking in my—sure to be—bewildered expression. "I'm not uncomfortable with _you!_ Just… being around people in general. You know that anxiety feeling? Like, your chest is on fire and you feel slightly nauseated, yet not? That's how I feel _constantly_, when I'm not around you…" It was such a candid confession that seemingly came out of no-where.

"Bella, I had no idea. Are you OK?" I was becoming aware as to how concerned I was for her. Her eyes were dazed and her mouth was set in a small, sad frown. It didn't even look like she heard me.

"Uhm… what?" Nope, definitely didn't hear me.

"I asked if you were OK."

"Oh. Yeah, I'm fine… I don't know. I'm glad I have a job now… one that will be quite lucrative, but I can't shake this anxiety I'm feeling right now after going in there. Can you just take me home?" I looked to this girl who appeared fierce: fire-red streaks in her that shone brighter because of the blood-red v-neck shirt she was wearing, those skinny black jeans with a matching black vest, and—of course—red converse high tops; (I loved the way that my Bella wore whatever she felt like, not worrying about what the other bitches at school thought was popular). It was such a contradiction that she felt so… helpless and pained inside. I couldn't deny the small prick of hurt that I felt that she no longer wanted to be with me but I figured I could always come over later; I knew that she liked to make dinner for her dad and Emmett. She probably saw the slight pain in my eyes because then she felt the need to add, "I just, have some stuff to do at home and… well just call me later OK?"

"Sure, sugar. Whatever you want. I should work on my homework some… can I stop by later?" As I pulled into her driveway I was practically begging my girlfriend to spend time with me. I wanted to try to calm her down a bit, so I thought that calling her a pet name might show her the affection that I wanted to while respecting her desires for separation. Sugar was the first thing that rolled from my lips. It seemed appropriate though, because her lips were fucking deliciously sweet. Besides that, she always looked practically edible, she was so sexy. Just thinking about how I wanted her gave me a raging hard-on.

"Oh, well yeah. I would hope so! I just… need some time to get my head on straight." She leaned in and kissed me good-bye and walked to her door, letting herself inside. Hours later when I first saw her, I was instantly hard again, even after masturbating multiple times in my bathroom. She had scared the shit out of me by not answering my texts or calls when I told her I was coming over, though. I thought something terrible could have happened because of the way she was acting when I left her. Even worse, I was afraid that she had drunk herself into a coma. _That_ scared me. But I'll be damned, if when I saw through her window, hand down her red panties, playing with her kitty. How the hell did she go from seemingly having an almost-anxiety attack to so horny that she can't be bothered to pick up her phone for her boyfriend because she's masturbating? However, when I found out that she was high all of my questions were placated in that knowledge.

I thought that I had handled myself pretty well considering that I walked-in on my girlfriend touching herself, giving me a steel-hard boner while she was trying, and succeeding at seducing me. I tried so hard to not just give-in and practically fuck her brains out. I was so hot for this girl, it was ridiculous. Keeping in mind that not more than forty-eight hours ago this girl was date-rape drugged and almost sexually assaulted at her birthday party, not to mention the fact that she was currently high, probably slightly intoxicated, and pretty emotionally unstable due to the day's extreme emotion—I did not want to fool around. Spending time with Bella had been my goal. I tried to use her highness as an excuse to not act on the physical desires that we both shared instead of pointing out that she was likely to use sex as self-medication as well as her alcohol consumption (and now, apparently, marijuana consumption) whenever she was emotionally distressed. She whimpered and practically moaned in her desire to get-off. Understanding the shittyness of being completely and uncontrollably horny and not being able to satiate it, while her little whines went straight to my dick, I decided to help my girl out. It, however, was slightly a selfish act because when I saw her hand on her kitty, I wished it was mine, or my dick.

I stayed until she had been asleep for at least five minutes, although I wished I could have stayed all night, all the next day, and pretty much forever after that. The need for me to get rid of my hard-on was imminent. Besides, I though it inappropriate for me to whack-it next to her, or try to palm her ass while she slept, although it looked completely fucking juicy. The moment her body was connected to mine in any way at all, she was relaxed. Not being able to get enough of her, I went the sensitive-guy way and spooned her to sleep, enjoying the fuck out of her flowery-freesia and orgasm after-glow scent.

After getting home before my 11:30 weekday curfew, I had to pull a double-wank session again to just slightly clear my mind of the naughty images of Bella I had conjured up in my head, also the ones that I had witnessed first-hand. I wondered if she would ever willingly let me watch her pleasure herself sometime… man, was I a dirty fuck, or what. As I lay in bed, attempting sleep, I thought about how un-normal my experiences with Bella had been so far. The night before I asked her out, she was drugged; just before we became official, she enlightened me of her very traumatic car crash experience, and I had previously seen this girl drunk at school, and high as well as drunk on a school night (after accidently getting her father high too) because of which she guilted (somewhat) me into getting her off; also, she was completely erratic in her moods. If it had been anyone except Bella, or in a different order of occurrences, I probably would have run for the fucking hills from this crazy fucked-up alcoholic girl. But knowing that my Sugar had been through Hell and back, multiple times, and the freshness of her most recent traumatic event left her emotionally seared, I expected nothing less. All I wanted to do, however, was give her something normal and fun to do. I wanted to have somewhat of a normal relationship with her and show her off.

Realizing that what I really wanted to do was introduce her to my dad and Esme before taking her out on a real date, I felt somewhat like a pussy. Then I realized that I would do just about anything for Bella, not withholding donning a fucking dress and traipsing around town or something equally ridiculous like that if it made her all-better. Recalling that this would be my first date, _ever_, even though I had been around a bit with the bitches at my high school, I became nervous. I wanted everything to be perfect for Bella. Knowing that the only way such a goal could be achieved was through the genius of Alice, I decided to discuss it with her the next day. After my realization I felt much less anxious and fell into a restful sleep filled with dreams and fantasies of Bella.

I woke up feeling renewed. After showing, I did my best to fix my hair into the perfect "I don't give a fuck" look, which took about fifteen minutes of coiffing. After throwing on a black tee with silver and gold graphics and a pair of dark wash jeans with my black and gold converse shoes, trying my damndest with my devil-may-care look, I haphazardly bounded down the stairs to be greeted by Esme in the kitchen.

"Hey Es," I nonchalantly greeted. She eyed me warily.

"Good morning Eddie… you're in a good mood this morning," she smiled warmly. If there was anyone in the world I would want as a replacement mom, it would be her.

"Am I? Hmm… I think I had good dreams," I inwardly chuckled. Good dreams, my ass! They were fucking fantastic _sex_ dreams.

"It's about time," Esme murmured.

"I'll pretend I _didn't_ hear that! Anyways, I have a favor to ask… so I recently started dating this girl, Bella Swan— " Esme cut me off before I could finish asking my favor.

"Oh my! _That's_ why you're in such a good mood. Oh Edward, I never thought I'd see the day that you would decide to settle for a good girl!" She clapped to herself merrily.

"Oh, Ma! Cut it out! So anyways, tomorrow night I wanted you guys to meet her and have her over for dinner. Would you be cool with that?" She merely looked at me incredulously as if I had grown a fucking second head. I raised my eyebrow and shrugged my shoulders in questioning.

"Edward," she gasped, "that was… that was the first time you ever called me mom." Her face was alight with the biggest smile I had ever seen. I hadn't even known that I had said it. Out of respect for my own mother's memory I hadn't consciously called Esme mom, always just some form of Esme. Now that I had said it, I didn't feel uncomfortable. Alice, though, had always called Carlisle _dad_. She had never met her birth father, who was apparently an extreme piece of woman-abusing shit. To Alice, the only father she had ever known had been mine, which made her transition into Carlisle and Esme's marriage much smoother than mine had been at first. If I had known that a smile like that could have been brought to Esme's face because of my simple use of the word, I probably would have started calling her mom a few years ago after I accepted her fully into my life.

"Oh, yeah… no sweat," I awkwardly stumbled out the words. "But uh, what about dinner tomorrow night?" I brought the focus of the conversation back to my original question.

"Yes, well of course we will! We can play board games after, you can take her on a walk around the property and of the house. This will be fun!" She squealed, showing her relation to Alice. She kissed my cheek as she set down my plate of breakfast at the table before she left the kitchen, probably to go tell my dad all about it.

A few minutes later, as I was noshing on some crispy bacon, Alice appeared at the kitchen door entry and flitted to her spot at the table. Alice, as I knew, turned out to be a great help in planning the week's activities with Bella. She said that Wednesday should be the night of meeting the parents and Friday should be the date night—that much I had figured out for myself.

"And Edward," she added on to her previous scheduling, "Tonight Rose and I are taking Bella to Rose's house for some girl time. You've been with her every day since her birthday; you don't want this relationship to start off unhealthily." I eyed her suspiciously. Sometimes I wondered if we were somehow related because she could be every bit as controlling as me. Rolling my eyes, I sighed for her benefit.

"Whatever Alice, you can't fucking stop me once she's at her own home though." I thought aloud. My admission frustrated Alice a bit, as she did not expect me to be so petulant.

"But Edwaaaard! You've been hogging Bella all to yourself! I'm going to be great friends with her, you know! It's not fair that you get to steal all of her attention!" Alice whined. It wasn't an annoying, bitchy whine, but just the typical sound Alice made when she was frustrated.

"Fine. I can spare one evening without Bella…_I hope,_" I whispered the end of that more to myself than anything. It was starting to scare me how much I looked forward to Bella's presence and the thought of being absent from it almost physically hurt. _Fuck_ I was starting to sound pathetic. Maybe I should have the guys over tonight for some pool and video games or some masculine shit like that.

"Suck it up Edward," Alice tinkled. We drove separately to school so she could drive herself over to the Hale Manor afterwards. On the way I indulged in a before-school cigarette, usually not wanting to smoke in my car, today I didn't fucking care. School was the same fucking usual shit, and I was only given reprieve when I got to hold Bella's small hands in mine at lunch and on the way to bio. At lunch I invited the guys over for some poker and man-time while the girls did their frilly shit over at the Hale's. I also invited Ben Cheeny and Peter Whitlock over because they mentioned not having plans later while in gym. Five guys for poker was a better number than three, to be perfectly honest.

Using my fake, Emmett, Jasper and I picked up a case of beer to add to the fun we were about to have with just the guys. I had to admit, my backyard may be famous for its bonfires, but my basement was equally as famous for what it had to offer: two pool tables, a kick ass poker table, an indoor swimming pool, and a fully-stocked bar (which my dad kept locked up). The hardware of it, however, was still fun to use. It also had this totally wicked dance floor and lounge set-up. Needless to say, getting drunk in my basement, playing adult at the bar, and dancing our drunk-asses off has always been a fucking blast.

The rest of the guys arrived, cards were dealt, and beers were cracked open. We bullshitted about sports teams, lame-ass teachers, and compared the hotness of our girls; in my mind I had no competition but Emmett and Jasper thought to argue. Ben was single, but expressed his liking of Angela Weber, this quiet but funny girl that occasionally hung around our group. I had to hand it to Ben; she wasn't one of the skank-squad so I had a penchant to approve. Peter surprised us, though, because none of us knew about his secret hook-ups with Charlotte King, one of the less-skanky cheerleaders. She was pretty smart—if I recall correctly—she surpassed my 99% on our algebra final freshman year with her 100%. Yeah, I was actually pissed about it back then but wouldn't give anyone the satisfaction of knowing it. The guys-night went without incident.

I called Bella around ten o'clock. We talked about how our nights went and bullshited about what was to come within the week. To be honest, though, Bella still didn't know about our date Friday. She would find that out the next day after the meet-the-parents dinner. Because we were horny teenagers, the call ended in a phone-sex sort of way and mutual masturbation followed leaving us both tired enough to sleep. My girl, very good at talking dirty, had thoroughly exhausted me when I came (multiple times) I fell into a very dreamful sleep. The dreams, however, weren't of a pleasant kind, but that of a nightmare.

The next day I awoke in a near-panic and cold sweats: my girlfriend Bella was going to meet my parents that evening. I didn't worry about Bella, knowing that Carlisle and Esme would be perfectly accepting of her, but I worried for my dad and Esme, hoping that they would love Bella as much as I did. I mean, _like,_ like Bella as much as I did. _Fuck_, I hated being nervous. I smoked a few extra cigarettes that day with my nerves fucking frayed and contemplated rolling a joint for the extra-calm effects. As much as I wanted the meeting to happen, I was also anti-normal. Being normal for Bella's sake was going to start wearing on my nerves, except for the fact that it was for Bella.

"Edward, slow down. It'll be fine… Are you nervous?" She questioned on the ride to my house.

"Hmm… what? Oh. Oh, yeah. I'm fine." I answered not really knowing what she asked of me.

"Edward, seriously. I'm totally fine with meeting the P's… Are you OK with that?"

"Bella, it was _my_ idea. Of course I'm OK with it. I'm just… _fine_. Fuck, I'm just a little nervous OK? So sue me."

"It's alright Edward. I'm a little nervous… if that helps," she sweetly answered. Shit, she always knew what to say to ease the tension I felt. I could fall in love with her, I swear.

"Thanks Sugar, it does help. It'll be fun. I promise. I'll never break a promise to you, I swear on my life," I answered in full conviction. Her face lightened at my sincerity. "Thanks baby. I'm so excited for you to know my _whole_ life, seriously. I want you in it all." Bella looked at me intently with scrutinizing eyes. _What? _I thought.

"That was strangely the most serious I've ever seen you be, save for lunch on Monday," she spoke after a few moments.

"I just… I want everything to be perfect for you. You've gone through so much shit recently and all I want to do is give you a sense of normalcy and happiness."

"Edward, you do make me happy, and _normal_? Normal is a steaming pile of shit. But the thought of is sweet, I suppose." She paused to smile before continuing. "Thank you."

I drove through the winding greenery that surrounded our hidden private drive and when I noticed the usual thinning of trees that lead to the meadow my house was situated in, I looked over to my beautiful girl staring out the window. She had been here a few times but I doubted she'd ever get used to the finery of it all. I still was in fucking awe of how awesome of a home I lived in. I pulled into the circular drive and parked right by the porch steps. "Wait a moment," I motioned to Bella as I got out of my car. Walking around to her door, I opened it hoping to seem like the gentleman I was raised to be, and wishing that I had been less of an asshole when she first met me. Surprise crossed her ever lovely face as I did it. _Fuck, _I thought, _now I'm thinking the word _lovely._ What is wrong with me!_

"Why thank you, Edward. How very chivalrous of you," she winked. I loved it when she did sexy shit like that. It went straight to my ever-throbbing hard-on. I had noticed that Bella was wearing something different than usual: a navy-blue and pink dress. OK, so it was one of those cotton dresses paired with black leggings and pink converse, but still it was different. I gathered that she must have bought the dress with Alice last week when they went to Seattle. It was cute how Bella had wanted to dress up to meet my parents and I was glad she was trying.

Bending down so my mouth was right next to her multiply-studded ear, my nose grazing down her cheek and into her hair as I did—causing her to slightly shudder—I whispered, "You're welcome Sugar" in the most seductive voice I could manage. If she was going to taunt me with her sexy-little-winks and her beauty, then I wanted her to feel as sexually frustrated as I was feeling.

"Oh _god_," she moaned. Yep, mission accomplished. Fuck, she sounded so hot when she moaned. When I withdrew my head, she gave me a devilish stare and pursed her lips. "Not fair Mr. Cullen. You'll pay for that _later_," she warned. I hoped she would make me pay… in sexual favors.

"Promise?" I winked. Before either one of us could start humping each other's leg like dogs, I laced my fingers through hers and guided her up the stairs of our wrap-around porch and through the front door. The smell of cooking assaulted my nose and made my mouth water. Esme was holding up to her end of the bargain above and beyond. My dad and Esme were waiting to meet Bella inside in the kitchen. Upon entering, we were greeted with the scene of Esme in her cooking apron, sipping a glass of white wine while my dad was perched on a stool at the counter, watching her cook. He loved doing that shit and I never understood why. Next to me, I could feel my girl tense minutely as she was about to meet my parents, evidently she was more nervous than she had let on.

"Oh, you're here!" Esme cooed when she noticed us. Whipping around the granite counter and wiping her hands on a towel, she stuck out her petite, feminine hand to my girl's equally tiny one. The large smile on her face was contagious and I saw out of the corner of my eye that my dad shared it.

"Hi Mrs. Cullen. It smells delicious in here and you have such a lovely home," Bella returned the smile as they shook hands.

"Oh, please Bella, call me Esme. It's so delightful to finally meet you! I couldn't wait to meet the girl who put a smile on my moody Edward's face," she giggled. What was this? Gang up on Edward, day? Fuck.

"OK, yeah. Thanks _Esme_." Bella replied. I could tell she was slightly taken aback by calling an adult by their first name. When Esme released Bella, my father outstretched his larger, more masculine yet gentle, doctorly hand which dwarfed Bella's.

"Hi Bella, it is really nice to meet the first girl Edward has ever brought home. We never thought we'd see the day," he chuckled as he embarrassed me. What. The. Fuck. Even my dad was harping on my pickiness when it came to dating. I rolled my eyes animatedly to show my discomfort and annoyance with how _candid_ my parents seemed to be.

"Thanks Dr. Cullen. I'm really excited to meet you guys too!" Bella seemed to be relaxing more and more as the greetings continued.

"Call me Carlisle, please. I insist."

Bella nodded and widened her smile. For as much as she said she hated people and didn't need the approval of others, she was gleaning happiness from my parents' apparent acceptance of her. Alice flitted down the stairs soon after the meet and greet, engulfing Bella in quite a large hug that one wouldn't suspect Alice capable of due to her petite stature.

"So, Ma, what's for dinner?" I asked—my curiosity and stomach getting the better of me. The same smile that appeared on Esme's face the first time I called her mom graced hers again as she blushed. She was beautiful when she smiled like that.

"Chicken marsala, homemade garlic bread, salad, sautéed asparagus, mashed potatoes, and chocolate cake for dessert," Esme gushed. This whole—doing things to make people happy—shit was totally not my style. Now, I couldn't seem to get enough of it. In a matter of a week and a half my entire personality was changing, what the fuck was that about? Oh, that's right… Bella. It was fucked up how I wasn't even aware of my changing personality. Maybe it was for the better.

"Well it smells fucking delicious!" I returned. I looked from Esme, to Alice, to my dad, and finally rested on the beautiful vision that was my Bella. She seemed at ease and was far less nervous than she had been in the car on the way over. Slowly, Bella's face started to alight in a secretive smile that even I couldn't fucking comprehend.

"That's my favorite," she stated softly.

"What?"

"Chicken marsala is my favorite," she repeated for me. I could have played if off smoothly like I was some debonair mother fucker knowing and planning for her favorite meal, but truth be told the dinner menu was just a coincidence. A lucky-fucking-coincidence. Not knowing really what to say, I only winked in response which made her grin become somewhat goofy-looking. I couldn't recall ever seeing her make that expression before, and I'm pretty sure that for the past few weeks every time she's been around me I've stared at her like an idiot.

"Can I help you with anything, Esme?" Bella asked. I never noticed how impeccable Bella's manners were. Was I a creep for finding it somewhat arousing? Oh hell, everything Bella did aroused me so it shouldn't be surprising that her being polite in my parent's home would turn me on too, right?

"Oh, how sweet!" Esme warmly and genuinely answered. "But, everything is just waiting to finish cooking! If you'd like, you could frost the cake? That's really all that's left."

"I would love to." Bella went right to work on frosting the chocolate cake with chocolate mousse frosting. It looked about as appealing as she did, all fucking edible and hot. My mouth watered just looking at the sugary substance in my Sugar's hands. Alice had gone to set the table, so my dad and I just sat there at the kitchen counter, watching my mom and Bella finish with the dinner and dessert preparations. It was hot watching Bella cook in any capacity. I had been dying to see her in action since she told me that she cooked for Charlie and Emmett. I looked at my dad out of the corner of my eye, watching him watch Esme. He harbored the same look on his face that was sure to be on my own: a crooked smile, hooded eyes, and pure happiness. Finally, after all of these years of thinking him fucking odd for watching Esme cook—a task that, for me, could be fucking boring to watch—I got it. I could watch Bella move around a kitchen forever. She flitted around with such a grace I had never seen her petite body possess. Her hands were sure of their work and her lips frequently ducked inside her mouth as she slightly bit them, sticking out a tiny pink tip of her tongue in the corner of her mouth, showing her concentration. Maybe my dad had it right all along.

"There! Done," Bella enthusiastically called out, pleased with her work and helpfulness.

"I have to admit, Bella dear, you made it look so much better than I ever could have!" Esme complimented, truthfully. Esme was an excellent chef, but she was much better at cooking than baking with all of its fineries. Bella blushed at Esme's admission, refusing to believe that she could do a better job than my stepmother. It was sweet how well they got along. Alice rushed-in to the kitchen, exclaiming that Jasper would _die_ to get a piece of that chocolate cake and insisting that she invite him over for dessert later since dinner was supposed to be Bella's time with our family. I felt so euphoric at how much my family seemed to be enjoying Bella's company. Before this dinner, Alice had been the only one that had met Bella. Begrudgingly, I had to admit that I felt a sense of relief that Esme and my dad seemed to be enraptured with her as much as I was.

The meal itself went very well and everything was so damn good! It was also the most I had ever seen Bella eat, to which I was very fucking thankful—that girl needed to gain at least five pounds before I would ever be able to have sex with her. She looked so fragile—even in her beauty—that I was starting to get afraid that I might hurt her one day. For the first time ever, Alice was purposely reserved so my parents could get a chance to know Bella for themselves. My Bella charmed them with her witty anecdotes about her seemingly flakey, yet lovable mother Renee (whom they had never met, and I had only heard briefly about), and stories about Emmett being fat as a kid. My parents adored Emmett and were howling with laughter along with Alice and myself at the thought of Emmett being anything but completely in tip-top shape. Bella asked my dad questions about his profession, and inquired about Esme's design company as well, seemingly very interested with both. After we had all sat around conversing for a while, Esme rose to start clearing away the table as she always did. Bella offered help, but Esme vehemently refused.

"Edward," Esme called to me after refusing Bella's kitchen services, citing that she was a guest and that frosting a cake is completely different than doing dishes."Why don't you give Bella a tour around the house? That way we'll finish around the same time and everyone will be ready for cake by then." She smiled a special motherly-smile that was meant only for my eyes. I nodded in agreement and took Bella's hand to lead her on her first official tour. Esme didn't know that Bella had pretty much seen the entire house before over the weekend, and that little bit of information was going to stay a secret. I showed Bella rooms that she hadn't seen before: the basement (tricked out and all), the library, my father's office, Esme's design room, the music room, etc. Somewhat slacking in thoroughness, I rushed through the tour so we could spend some time alone in my room for a little while, letting the dinner digest.

"And you remember this room…" I said while leading Bella into mine on the third floor. Her smile increased and took over her beaming face.

"That I do," she winked. _Ohhh Fuck!_ I was so inconceivably turned-on.

"Is it later yet?"

"Hmm," she glanced down, pretending to look at an invisible watch, "I suppose it is. You've been a _bad_, very naughty boy. I'm about five minutes late with your punishment…" she throatily exclaimed. The come-hither look in her eyes was sexy-as-hell. Had I been timing, it took me about .354 seconds to take my pants off.

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**A**_/_**N: Hey All! Sorry It's been SO RIDICULOUSLY LONG since I've updated. Life has gotten busy this past month. I had my birthday and several of those close to me, have one too. ... Just bought the Eclipse soundtrack the other day, by the way,... it's fantastic.**

**Thank you to my special beta Lynnardx3, she rocks my socks. Thank you to my readers, reviewers, favoriters, and alerters. Whenever I get an email saying that somehow someone has added love to my little story, it makes my heart squee! **


	20. Chapter 19 Useful Employment

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of Twilight or its characters- I merely admire Stephenie Meyer's work.

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**Chapter 19**

**BPOV**

**A**lice chatted non-stop on the ten minute drive to Rosalie's house from school. Usually, a person such as Alice (chatty and always chipper) would piss me off, but I knew that Alice was just genuinely excited to hang out, just us girls. It was nice that I didn't have to say much to keep her happy because that sort of effort was exhausting. I had to admit that I was somewhat nervous about spending time with Rose without Emmett there. Other than the spa-day at Alice's, I had never hung out with her outside of my brother. While knowing that Rosalie was a Texas Hale, I did not know what to fully expect upon arriving at her house. I assumed it would be incredible, but maybe not as much as the Cullen's because Rose bad boasted about their home. Getting off the one-oh-one, Alice drove down a private road that held a sign saying _Trespassers will be Shot._ A giggle slipped from me that I couldn't help because of how _Texas_ their sign while I was trying to squash the feelings of anxiety trying to bubble to the surface. When the many trees parted and I caught a glimpse of their house mansion I was completely at a loss.

"Welcome to Hale Manor," Alice, almost eerily, called to my attention. I swallowed audibly and felt like I was in one of those ridiculous teen horror films were a bunch of girls ran around half naked getting their limbs chopped off in a mansion such as this. Don't get me wrong, the mansion was gorgeous and well-kept, but my thoughts immediately went to the _dark_ place in my head.

"Holy Shit, Alice," was all that came out of my mouth.

"I know right? This house is _so_ much fun to hangout at!"

She drove us up the long, windy drive and into the circular part by the house, parking just to the left of the front steps. The home was a _huge_, beautiful red-brick three-story mansion that was trimmed in white and accented in black iron. It was somewhat pretentious and oozed sophistication and comfort. Through the view of the side yard and into the back, I could see a tennis court, a swimming pool, a guest house, a three-hole golf course and various other leisure activity installations. Interrupting my musings on how fabulously rich the Hales were, Rosalie surprised me by whipping open the front door.

"Hey gals! What took you so long? My car has been parked in the garage for over three minutes!" She called to us.

"Sorry, Rose, but my Bug doesn't get as good of an engine rev as your BMW," Alice joked.

"Rosalie. Your house. I—I—… I love it!" I choked out. She looked at me queerly for a moment and then burst into laughter.

"Bella, darlin', you are so much funnier than Emmett gives you credit for!" She giggled and motioned us inside. I left the stupid grin on my face and nodded at her in awe. That was the first time I truly noticed her slight Southern accent. I was kind of glad that Alice insisted on me leaving my truck at home today which lead me free to eat another one of my _special_ brownies in the bathroom after school. I think they were starting to take effect because I couldn't stop grinning. There was no way that I could tell Edward that I was afraid to hangout with the girls without his soothing presence. Although I was starting to love Rose and Alice to death, my nerves were going crazy.

Rosalie took us on a tour—which Alice had already experienced years before—and showed us _everything_. She showed us the private spa in the basement with sauna, hot tub, and massage table. We saw the movie theater room and weight room. Her house was like the Cullen's on steroids. Compared to my friends' homes, my house looked and felt like a fricken closet. We three girls didn't really do much—we made dinner for ourselves, watched a movie, talked about our boys and Alice drove me home. It was fun. It was nice to have a girls' night—in fact, it was the first since my accident. Just like the last time I had ingested pot, I became unbearably horny. When Edward called at ten, I got my _relief_.

Meeting Edward's parents the next day was much more delightful than I could have ever imagined meeting my boyfriend's parents for the first time could be. Esme was sweet, the perfect combination of compassion and grace. Carlisle was equally great and it was funny to see that my Edward shared the some of the same mannerisms as him. Although on the drive leading up to the dinner I was almost a nervous wreck, the moment I got there and met Esme and Carlisle I was completely at ease. It was easy to be myself around them and converse like I had known them much longer than just a few short hours. Ironically, that was the first night I gave Edward a handjob.

The moment I crossed the threshold of his bedroom door, I was turned on. This was the room that we shared our first sober kiss, and it was magical despite the circumstances surrounding it. As soon as Edward closed the door and locked it, his pants seemed to drop instantly. Gliding slowly across the distance between us, I locked eyes with his smoldering stare. When I reached him, his hands moved roughly to the hem of my dress, yanking it off over my head while I kicked my feet out of my Chuck's. Our mouths mashed to each other and the electricity that seemingly flowed though us was ever present.

My fingers wound themselves into his messy copper locks as his hands moved from my hips to my ass, squeezing it as they paused there. Suddenly, his hands were lifting my butt up and I wrapped my legs around his waist for support as he walked us to his bed, our lips never parting. It was amazing how connected our minds and bodies seemed to be, reacting to each other's actions so effortlessly. When my legs initially wrapped themselves around Edward's torso, through my leggings, I was met with the contact of Edward's hard-on through his boxers. It was a friction that felt delicious and sent an instant wave of tingles across my skin and down my spine. My body shuddered with delight which caused me to slightly moan. He set me down on the edge of the bed and hovered over me, leaning me backwards and deepening our kiss.

"Oh god, Edward…," I tried to add on more but as I uttered his name, he thrusted his hips into mine, his boner once again grazing my sensitive middle. Amazing wouldn't even begin to describe how it felt to have Edward flush against my body, sober, with his dick sandwiched between my thighs while knowing that someone could come looking for us at any moment. _Wow_, I thought, _I never realized how kinky I was before…_ I moved my lips against Edward's to speak when he thrusted again, mashing our bodies together providing the friction that they longed for. Although the possibility of getting caught somewhat turned me on, I did _not_ want to go back downstairs to see his stepmother and eat the delicious dessert we created together with sex hair or with my cheeks flushed looking like I had just came. This was, after all, the first time I had ever met them. Some propriety would be necessary.

"Edward, shit… this feels so good… but, I mean… Esme and your dad are _downstairs_!"

"So?" he growled. Horny Edward was a compulsive, almost selfish (except for when it came to getting me off), deeply passionate guy. Once he had deemed that it was OK to fool around, there was no stopping him.

"I don't want to look like sex when we go back down there…" I shyly admitted. Why the hell was Shy Bella coming back? Shit, I just needed to get to the point…

His narrowed eyes met mine in slight confusion. "Uh… Bella I have a bathroom where you can fix your hair in…" he almost snapped. It was comical how snarky he could get when he thought he was about to be cock blocked.

"So I was thinking… maybe I could just, you know, get you off?" I tried to make it sound tantalizing and sensual but somehow I felt as though I had failed miserably. That was, until I saw Edward's eyes nearly bulge from his head. His jaw dropped and I had to fight back laughter as I both saw his expression and _felt_ it where his boner was pressed in-between my legs. Apparently Edward Jr. agreed with me. Before I could even realize what he was doing, Edward had whipped us around so now I was on top of him. Not wasting any time before cake, I immediately started to tug his shirt off and was stunned by the sexy abs laid out in front of me. _Had I really never seen my boyfriend shirtless before_? I wondered. As my eyes raked from his devastatingly hot V to up over the contoured abs, my eyes halted at his pecks. Over his left one was a pair of angel wings about an inch and a half squared in size.

"Edward…"

"Mmm" he replied, not noticing that I had stopped moving.

"You never told me you had a tattoo." His eyes opened in a flash and were held in a sheepish expression. I raised an eyebrow and waited for his response.

"Oops?" was all I got in return. I shook my head, letting him know that such a simple response wouldn't cut it in this situation. Admittedly so, I found tattoos sexy, especially on Edward. Clearly this tattoo, albeit a bit feminine, was hot and most likely for his mother, Elizabeth. I waited somewhat patiently for his response. "Ok, well sorry, it slipped my mind. It's not like all I ever think about is _my_ chest. I got it last year… on mother's day." His tone became sad as his eyes followed his thoughts into far-off memories.

"Well that's all I wanted," I breathily dismissed the anguish he was surely feeling. Luckily his hard-on didn't go away or I would have felt guilty bringing it up. I brought my lips to the tattoo and kissed it reverently, tracing my way up his throat, over his strong jaw, and to his very kissable lips. He sighed when my lips first made contact with his skin, understanding that I hadn't meant any harm. It turned me on that my guy was inked… I had always wanted a tattoo of my own but was too indecisive, young, and unsure of what to get. As quickly as our seriously moment came, that was also how quickly it left. In a matter of minutes he was cumming… apparently my skills are what he called "fucking amazing." That's always nice to hear.

The next day after school was my first day of work. Nervously, I drove myself from the high school to the diner, berating myself for even taking the job. The darkness within me was bubbling and brewing inside and my anxiety was on the verge of skyrocketing. An ominous dark shadow loomed over my shift this evening and I had no idea why I felt that way. I had to pull over on the side of the road to vomit up the remainder of my lunch before arriving at the diner. Upon entering and setting off the dinging bell attached to the door, I was greeted by the woman who interviewed me. Strangely enough, she looked younger and prettier than I remembered her being. Perhaps my dim mood that day had tinged the memory of her.

"Oy, Bella! Yeh're a punctual lass, aren't yeh?" Siobhan called to me as I entered the diner. I knew I was ten minutes early and had planned it that way. The Irish woman was actually quite beautiful, now that I thought about it. She had dark, nearly black, curly hair, piercing blue eyes and a large smattering of freckles. Her body was curvy, yet snug and femininely petite. She was confident, that's for sure and couldn't have been any older than 33.

"Hey Siobhan. Oh you know, just trying to make a good impression," I retorted, hoping that my stained voice conveyed the humor I had meant it to.

"Call me Bonnie, remember? It's what me friends call me!" Siobhan corrected. Suddenly I couldn't remember why I had felt so nervous or even why I dreaded coming back here. Bonnie was so friendly, how could anyone _not_ want to be in her presence? "And don't worry luv, yeh've already made a good one," she winked. No wonder why in such a small town they had great business at the diner, everyone must be in love with Bonnie.

"Where should I put my backpack?" I asked, having brought my homework inside incase I got a break.

"In the office. I'll show yeh! First we'll start off with a wee bit of a tour, I'll show yeh how ev'rythin' works around here and then I'll show yeh a few tips for serving! After yer break, you'll shadow Victoria, the other lass that works tonight so you can get the hang of it all. Yeah?"

"I get a break?" I asked incredulously.

"O'course yeh do! Don't be silly," Bonnie retorted, full of laughter. I wish I was Irish; they all seem like such a happy people. "It'll probably be around, oooh say, six-thurty?"

"Alright. If it's OK, my boyfriend will probably want to stop by and eat with me."

"Oh o'course it's alright! Jus' remember that yeh're the one that gets a free meal for your break. Put it in with Liam, the cook, about fifteen mintues a'forehand."

Bonnie showed me all around _Fork's Diner_. Seriously, that was its name. It had never previously occurred to me that it _hadn't_ been named something else; I merely believed it was the town's slang. The tour consisted of seeing her tiny office, filling out the necessary new hire paperwork, seeing the kitchen and meeting her brother Liam. I also was informed of the other people that worked there: Victoria, nineteen; Sue, a much older woman of at least late fifties; Maggie, twenty-one; Paul and Seth, the high-school-aged busboys. Bonnie was nothing if not thorough. She was cute, funny, and incredibly nosey. Once she heard that Edward was coming for my break, she was non-stop asking questions. It was sweet. I couldn't help but think how she was the exact opposite of Charlie: wanting to know every little detail, filling the silence with talking.

Once the chit-chat was done, I was shown how to group the silverware with napkins, "marry the ketchup" bottles, and how to put an order of food in. Just before my break, I was introduced to Victoria who had just arrived for her shift. Her wild, red curly hair was startling and took a few moments to get used to before I took the rest of her appearance in. She reminded me of Kate Moss, all thin, lanky and had faintly gray-tinged pale skin. I noticed her Caribbean-green eyes shifting uncomfortably ever so slightly. _She must me just as awkward with meeting new people as I am_, I thought. Trying to give her my best reassuring smile, I extended my hand in greeting.

"Hi, I'm Bella."

"Victoria," she sniffled as she took my hand in return. Her hand was shockingly cold. _That could explain the gray color of her skin: she's recovering from being sick._ "Having fun yet? It's your first day, yeah? Soon you'll know all of the regulars and the job will become a breeze. I remember my first day…" she paused from talking a mile-a-minute in her very girly voice. _That_ was definitely unexpected. "Well, have fun on your break. I'll bring your food out when Liam has it ready, since I'll already be back there and what not."

"Er, thanks." Just as I thanked her, she walked off to the kitchen. I had to shake off the weird greeting if I was ever to work with her again. The front door chimed and—sensing it was Edward—I turned around to see his handsome form staggering towards me. I don't think I will ever get over how devastatingly sexy he was at the most random moments in time. His messy bronze hair was dampened from the drizzle outside, darkening it into a deeper reddish hue. As our eyes met, the corner of his lips tugged up into a sultry lopsided smile, my favorite. While wrapping his hands around my waist, he kissed my cheek reverently.

"Hey gorgeous," he whispered in my ear. My blood pressure instantly picked up, sending tingles right down to my lady parts. Yeah, my guy turned me on _in public_ just by saying hello. Every woman out there should be jealous. Hell, I was jealous of myself.

"Hello, sir. Welcome to _Fork's Diner_, can I get you a booth?" I played and winked, knowing it would probably drive him crazy and insure that I would _get some_ tonight.

"Naughty, Bella," he tisked, "you should behave. You'll pay for that later."

We chose a secluded booth in the corner. We liked our privacy. Chatting easily for a few minutes, we waited for my food. I had ordered extra so Edward could eat some of it. There was _no way_ I could finish a whole meal and a half from the diner. As promised, Victoria brought out the meal once the order was up in the kitchen. When she approached the table, setting down the plates, Edward visibly stiffened. Confused as to his reaction, I ignored it while she was still present and settled for thanking her and giving her a reassuring smile. The moment she left I shot daggers at Edward with my eyes for being so rude. Before I could verbally chastise him, he began to speak.

"Bella," he started, eerily calm. "Do you know who that was?" _What an odd-friggen-question._

"Yes Edward. That's Victoria, she works here. You're Edward and I'm Bella. Any other obvious statements you would like me to address?" I couldn't help but be snarky. I just hoped that she wasn't already offended by my boyfriend. Edward merely rolled his eyes, not disguising his annoyance with my childish response, but not verbally acknowledging it.

"Bella, she is James' _girlfriend_."

_Shit. Fuck. Damn. _I knew this job would give me an anxiety attack. I just didn't know that it would be over a co-worker's love life.

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**A/N: **** Thank you, as always, to my wonderful Beta Lynnardx3!- You Rock my socks and thanks for being patient with my nagging, girl!  
Loyal Readers- thanks for your comments and support as always :o). **

**Check out my profile for a few polyvores of some of the outfits throughout the story so far! **


	21. Chapter 20 Spotless Mind

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight at all... it all belongs to Stephenie Meyers... I just like to play!**  
**

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**Chapter 20**

**EPOV**

** T**he hair on the back of my neck stood on end as my whole body tensed, like a cat readying for a pounce. When I had walked into the diner her back had been turned to me, but something about that feral red hair seemed eerily familiar. Once she approached my booth with Bella and I finally saw her face and my body reacted swiftly as the anxiety washed through my body. Clearly Bella didn't know the significance of _who _she actually was. As James' cocaine-addicted girlfriend (his doing of course) being completely in love with that ass was bound to make her react hastily if she ever connected the dots—the dots being that Bella was technically the last person to have contact with him before his arrest. At the time, I hadn't worried too much or even thought about Victoria being an issue for Bella. After all, she was nineteen and out of high school. What were the chances of Bella ever meeting her? Fuck it all to Hell. Bella's luck had to be the _worst_ I had ever seen.

"Bella, she is James' _girlfriend_." Recognition and anxiety flashed across my girl's eyes. She knew the issue instantly and I was glad I didn't have to spell it out for her, wasting time. Bella's face started to pale and I realized that she had stopped breathing. "Breathe, baby, breathe. It'll be OK," I calmed, as I reached across the table for her hand, gingerly holding it in my while my thumb padded soft circles of reassurance on the back of hers. When she regained color in her face, I knew that the impending anxiety attack had been averted—sort of. It was amazing how such simple words shared between us and physical contact could be so calming to one another.

"Edward, I can't do this. How the heck am I supposed to work with her now? Knowing that she _associated_ with him is enough alone for me to want to treat her differently…_Shit!_" She confessed.

"But you know you can't," I paused, reaching out for a French fry with my free hand and taking a bite. "So far today you've been sweet to her, so you'll just have to keep doing that. There's something else that I should tell you, although I ought to wait until after your shift tonight to tell you this, but, oh _fuck_ it. She's kind of a coke-head, so she'll be really spacey. She'll flash through moods quickly and intensely because her brain has hardly any control over them. It's going to be difficult to treat her the same way all the time, but I know you can do it Sugar." Her eyes rolled in incredulity.

"Oh, so now is she not only his girlfriend, but his coke-whore as well? Great. This day just keeps getting better and better. Well, that explains why she keeps sniffling. I just thought she was sick." I laughed at the near innocence of her assumption because the moment I saw Victoria, other than my tensing, I thought _damn has she gotten thin. Cocaine has not been a good friend to her_.

"Yeah, she's addicted to blow alright. Hmm… I wonder who her new supplier is. Her stash has got to be dwindling down after James' arrest. They confiscated all of his shit," I thought aloud.

"I don't even want to know," she huffed and waived her hands dismissively in the air. Discussing Victoria with such nonchalance was starting to cause her anxiety to pick up again, so I decided to end the subject.

"Enough of this, well talk about it later, OK? Sugar, you need to eat now." She grimaced at such a blatant dismissal of the conversation at my part. Bella grabbed the unpeeled banana off of the fruit plate and half of one of the grilled cheese sandwiches on the other plate. Dipping a corner of the sandwich in ketchup, she took a bite and made the most satisfied, _orgasmic_ expression. Being a dirty teenage guy, it instantly reminded me of whenever she cums. _Damn! Popping a boner at diner with my girlfriend, most definitely inappropriate. But fuck me, that was hot_. "Enjoying it much?" Bella opened her eyes and sheepishly looked at me. A faint pink blush crept over her cheeks as she realized what she must have looked like.

"Oh god… did I make _that_ face?" she asked, her chocolate-brown eyes wide.

"Oh yes, yes you did. And Fuck was it hot," I winked. Lightly, she kicked me under the table, pursed her lips, and squinted her eyes as if to say _you're a dead man_. Laughing at her felt freeing and melted all of the tension that had frozen the air between us earlier.

"Oh how _embarrassing_," she hissed, looking around to decided if anyone had seen. Satisfied that it had only been me, she relaxed into her seat again and took another bite of her grilled cheese. "Whatever. This is the _best_ grilled cheese I've ever had," she said with her mouth full, ripping another piece off of her sandwich, dipping it in ketchup, and popping it in her mouth. The rest of the meal continued like that: attempts at lightheartedness in order to keep Bella's anxiety down.

Leaving, I kissed her and wished her luck. I told her to text or call if she needed anything and that I would gladly break the land speed record, and not to mention several traffic laws, to be there within minutes. Once at home, I sought out Alice. She always knew what to do in any situation and the one time I had chosen to act on my accord and rely on my decision making, I had made a huge oversight by forgetting that Victoria was the one loose end I had left. As I entered the family room where she and Jasper sat watching TV, Alice stood immediately with knowing eyes.

"What's wrong?" she asked. Out of the corner of mine, I saw Jasper reach up his hand, grasping hers in a calming gesture.

"Nothing," I started, but saw the _cut the bullshit_ look on her face and amended my approach. "OK, well nothing _too bad_. It's just that… Victoria works at the diner with Bella." Seeing Alice's expression fall even further to match Bella's anxiety-riddled one I had seen not twenty minutes before made my own concern grow again.

"Damn it!" Jasper huffed, startling me.

"Jas!" Alice chided, surprised as well for once.

"Well it's just that Emmett and I tried _so hard_ to make sure that there was nothing left to chance. We had no idea that Victoria worked at the diner," he explained.

"If I had known I never would have insisted that Bella work there." Once again, I felt responsible for the mess I got Bella—our friends as well—into. I was always fucking things up when all I wanted to do was make things right. I should have let Alice formulate a plan the night of Bella's birthday. At least then I wouldn't be the dipshit responsible for this fuckery. I slumped into one of the plush couches, sighing loudly. "So what the fuck do we do now?" I conceded.

"OK boys; let's not get ahead of ourselves here. Yes, Victoria _could_ pose a problem but we won't let her. Bella will just have to play it cool—she can do that—and how the _hell_ could Victoria know anything about what we did? She wouldn't. The only possibility would be if Victoria found out that Bella was the last person to talk to him and it would make her jealous. That's it! So, unless someone wants to continue making a big _fricken_ deal out of nothing, I'm willing to just let this play out," she concluded. At least I had made _one_ right decision by coming to Alice for advice immediately. Finally, I was able to breathe a sigh of somewhat relief.

"As long as you think you can handle this—that Bella can handle this—I'll let you fill-in Emmett and Rose. I just don't have the energy to even try to convey this with nonchalance, because I sure-as-fuck don't _feel_ nonchalant," I huffed. I was so high-strung at the moment, and I knew that I needed to fucking chill out but I couldn't do it on my own. Apparently Jasper and Alice noticed too, because both of their eyes were narrowed in annoyance with my attitude. Rolling mine, I jumped up from the couch I had been occupying. "OK, _fine! _ I'm gonna go smoke a joint. Clearly my presence is too bothersome in this state. Any takers?" I arched an eyebrow in questioning.

Alice was quick to shake her head as she never partook in smoking. Jasper, on the other hand, hesitantly nodded his. A smile crept to my face at the idea of Jasper joining me, my old smoking buddy. It was I that introduced him to Alice a few years back when he became my best friend. Jasper and I enjoyed a leisurely stroll through the forest on my property while smoking some weed and shooting-the-shit. It had been so long since it happened; I made a mental note to invite Jasper to do this again more often.

After the Victoria incident at the diner, we all fell into a comfortable pattern—except for whenever Bella was at work. It was rare for us, as a group, to feel anxiety over the situation because Bella only worked Sundays, Tuesdays and Thursdays. Friday night was date night, and Saturday was considered group night where we would all get-together or go out and party.

Pleasantly surprising, I found that Bella enjoyed our first official date. I had discovered that a restaurant in Port Angeles was hosting a special event that included a small culinary class where couples got to prepare their own romantic meals while learning tips from the masterful chefs as they progressed through preparing their meal. Bella ate that shit up: literally and figuratively. The smile on her face ignited a passionate-burning sensation in my chest. Although it was quite sensual to cook _with_ her, both of us creating something together—which tasted fucking fantastic, by the way—all I wanted to do was to sit to the side and watch her smile as she worked. She was just so_ happy_; I had never seen her like that and it was a bit disarming. I had never been the guy to plan romantic dinners or activities. In fact, I abhorred the idea in general, but there was something about Bella—seeing her smile, knowing I made her happy—made me want to always be that guy. _Yea, I'm pussy-whipped_, I had thought. For dessert, I took Bella to my favorite meadow on a picnic after the sun had set. In my basket that Alice had given me were chocolate-covered strawberries, champagne, and chocolate cake (because I noticed it was Bella's favorite). She had also instructed me to pack outdoor candles so that we could actually see. Alice had said that they were for setting the mood, but I sure as hell wasn't going to eat shit in the dark. I knew that Bella wouldn't eat all of the portions I had provided, she was so damn skinny, but she enjoyed what she did eat. It was the perfect first date and I thought that I had done it quite expertly: not too flashy to scare her off or give her ridiculous expectations of me, but enough to show her that she was worth fawning over.

After an evening of eating out with my girl, I ate out my girl.

The second week into October, after bringing up Bella's accident a few times, I finally confronted her about her avoidance.

"Bella, what about the list?" I asked, feigning a patience I had lost ten minutes prior.

"It's not important… let's just forget about it. I can think of something _else_ I'd rather discuss, or do…" she sultrily whispered in my ear as she leaned into me. Instantly, I was hard. Although I had a mission to accomplish, my girl knew how to distract me so easily it was _almost_ embarrassing. She crushed her lips to mine, attempting to ignite the flame into a roaring blaze that already burned steadily within the both of us. I would like to say that something as simple as a blowjob couldn't distract me, but I would be oh so wrong. That's exactly what Bella tried. She had my zipper halfway down, going agonizingly slow—tooth by tooth—when I put a stop to her trickery. Grunting, I zipped myself back up and shimmed away from her little grasp in order to regain composure. After a moment of concentration on dead puppies, I regained purpose and opened my eyes again.

"Sugar, come on. It's just a list of names and numbers… it's not like you actually have to talk to those fucking people, I will," I urged. She let out a low, frustrated growl in response—to which I scowled.

"Ugh! Fine! I don't understand what the big _freaking_ deal is! I don't care what happened anymore. In fact, I'm pretty sure it was for the better—if I hadn't moved here I would have never met you," Bella played, as she planted a kiss on my lips in attempt to distract me again. _Clever girl,_ I thought.

"Ahem, the list?" I questioned and pointed to the pad of paper and pen that sat on the coffee table in front of the couch that was situated in my room that faced the TV. Bella and I had been watching _Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind_ which reminded me of Bella's own amnesias. We had begun to argue about the list she was supposed to provide me with weeks ago. Rolling her eyes, she aggressively reached for the paper and pen and reluctantly started scribbling names down, pairing them with telephone numbers from memory. Apparently she had been mulling over this for a while. Ripping off the top sheet from the pad, she shoved the list at me.

"There!... Whatever," she huffed.

"Oh c'mon sugar, don't be upset. You know that you actually _want_ to know what happened that night… you're just scared of finding out," I comforted and used my limited amount of psychology on her. Sadness glazed over her eyes as she sighed.

"I'm sorry E, I'm just… I _hate_ talking about it. Everything about that night just feels wrong, and I don't like feeling like that," she justified. I understood implicitly, but I hated what it did to her which was exactly why I just _had_ to find out what happened to my girl that night in July. Regarding the list, I recognized some of the names I had heard her say previously:

_Mr. & Mrs. Mallory—(555)738-2876_  
_Lauren Mallory's Cell—(555)739-7808_  
_Jane Gilroy's Cell—(555)739-0390_  
_Maggie Mcphear's Cell—(555)739-8389_  
_Alec Mallory's Cell—(555)739-7809_

"It's fine babe, it is. So, is this everyone?" I asked.

"Yeah… it's everyone I can think of—everyone in the house that night at least."

"What about people you talked to that day—" I was cut off by Bella's cell ringing, something it rarely did other than when Renée called sporadically. Bella removed her eyes from mine, and flicked them to the screen of her cell before they widened. "Answer it, Bella," I told her after noticing her hesitance. It worried me. She gulped down a breath, slightly nodded, and pressed the _answer_ key.

"Hello, Jacob," she said while keeping eye-contact with me.

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**A/N: **** Hey! It's been a while! I hope you didn't lose interest  
and forget about this little unknown!  
It's been a busy time!  
Eclipse came out... what a spectacular movie.**

**Responses and Recs make me write faster! :o) **


	22. Chapter 21 Tricks & Treats

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Twilight_ or its characters- they all belong to Stephenie Meyers.

**Chapter 21: Tricks & Treats**

**BPOV**

** "B**ella! How can you just up and _move_ to Washington without so much as telling me!" Jacob shouted into the phone at me. I knew he'd be upset; this was the exact conversation I had been avoiding. Under the scrutiny of Edward's astounded stare and Jacob's inherent need for answers, I felt extremely uncomfortable at best. It was unclear if Jake was pausing for me to answer or to catch his breath, but I took advantage of the opportunity to speak. Clearing my throat, I willed myself to calm down one of my oldest friends.

"I'm sorry Jake… I—" I stammered as he cut me off.

"No, Izzy! I'm not done!" Hearing that name again, bile rising in my throat, I snapped.

"Jacob Ephriam Black! Do _not_ call me that name ever again… continue," I snapped at him. Edward's eyes darkened as his jaw set in a protective fury. His imagination would undoubtedly concoct the worst scenario and worst _name_ Jacob could call me. "Edward, it's not what you think…" I whispered to calm him as my palm covered the mic on my cell. This was exactly why I didn't want Edward to root around in my past—there was bound to be something he wouldn't like: Jacob.

"What is _with_ you? You dump me while you're still in the hospital after two-fucking-years of dating, after _not_ telling me that you were in there in the first place. I had to have your mother tell me because I kept calling your house too much! Then, you don't talk to me for months all the while you _move_ 1,000 miles away! Fine, I guess I can deal with you not wanting to date me sort of, but apparently our friendship also meant nothing to you? That hurts Isabella," he concluded in his little rant.

"It's Bella—I prefer Bella. And… I'm sorry. I can't explain my actions because I don't _know why_ anything worked out the way it did. I don't remember _that _night," I half-whispered to Jacob at the end as tears formed in my eyes and my breath hitched in my throat. Edward's hand snaked around my free one as he made gentle and reassuring squeezes. "I wish I could say something to make you understand, or to fix… stuff. But it is what it is…"

"There are rumors, Bella." Jacob informed me. "They say… they say that you went bat-shit crazy—that you _purposely_ wrapped your car around that telephone pole. So, you don't know what happened?"

"No. The last thing I remember was eating a sandwich at my house. I don't even remember being at Lauren's."

"Wow," he huffed into the phone. "So, you don't remember seeing me that night?"

My attention had fallen away from Jacob after I relayed my sandwich memory; after all there was a beautiful Greek God in teenage form sitting next to me on a couch. All the while I had been uncomfortably reliving my past with my past, my eye-contact with Edward had never faltered. I felt intimately connected with him in a way I hadn't before. Sexually, we were completely compatible, and mentally too. Yes, we had connected emotionally, and deeply before on my birthday while I regaled him of my trauma and again when he had his mini-breakdown about my ex-nickname that had reminded him of his mother, but previously eye-contact had been difficult to maintain. Now, as I was re-experiencing the confusion and frustration I had felt while waking up in the hospital, now while on the phone with my ex-boyfriend, previous best friend and confidant, my current boyfriend was holding my hand like a trooper—his eyes never leaving mine. _I love you_, I mouthed to Edward as the weight of the moment pressed down on me. It was the first time I had ever thought it and I acted impulsively by saying it, but not-saying it felt wrong.

"I love you too," Edward whispered, a lopsided grin growing from his previously tight lined lips. My head became fuzzy in the wake of that smile. The room spun and righted itself, Edward anchoring it. Suddenly I knew that no matter what other crap came our way, I would be OK as long as Edward was there with me and that feeling as astounding.

"Bella, Bella? Did you hear what I said?... Bella, are you still there?" Jacob called into the phone. I had completely forgotten that I was even on the phone let alone with Jacob.

"Uh, yeah Jake: I'm still here." I didn't know what I was supposed to say to Jacob, there were no words that willingly came from my mouth.

"Is someone else there? You sound distracted," Jake admitted in a jealous tone.

"No. I mean… yeah, but I'm not distracted."

"Who's there?"

"Uh, Emmett?" I lied. I didn't have to lie, but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to tell Jacob about Edward, not yet anyhow.

"Liar, that's not Emmett," he paused and exhaled loudly. "It's fine _Bella_. I understand… you're a new girl now with new guys. It's OK that you forget about your _best_ friends back home. Go ahead and just change for them up in Washington, I bet they'll just eat you up! _::click::_"

_Jacob just hung up on me, _I yelled in my head, _he just fucking hung-up on me!_ I tried to redial his number but to no avail, he wasn't planning on answering my call anytime soon. It felt as though steam was pouring from my ears as I felt the heat of my blood filling my cheeks in an angry flush.

"Bastard," I muttered under my breath.

"What did he say?" Edward asked in his protective-concerned voice.

"Nothing important… the _ass_hole just hung-up on me!" I hissed.

"We'll fix it, OK?" Edward attempted.

"No. It's fine… leave it be. I'll talk to him when I'm ready." Hesitantly, I took back the paper I had handed Edward just before Jake called me and scribbled down another name and phone number.

Jacob Black (555)739-5109

"I probably talked to him that day too… but I don't remember. He was my boyfriend at the time," I said while pointing to the freshly written name on the paper, not letting my eyes meet his in embarrassment. I could practically feel Edward's eyes widen in shock as I heard his jaw pop open.

"Wait! You had a _boyfriend_ when you were—was that him on the phone!" Edward's reaction was exactly as I predicted. He was being jealous, unthinking, and freaking-the-fuck-out. I didn't mind, truly I didn't, but I just wished it wasn't at this particular moment in time. If I were being completely honest, then I would have to admit that it turned me on in a sick way that Edward was so irrationally jealous.

"Yeah… I broke up with him when I was in the hospital," I explained. Edward, as I could have guessed, pressed for more details, details which I had avoided telling him. While he held my hand, I told Edward everything that came to mind, even things that I didn't want to share at that instant like the status of my virginity and how Jacob had tried pressuring me into giving him a blowjob the night he asked me to be his girlfriend, which didn't work. Somehow amongst the uncomfortable remnants of the past, an understanding and trust settled between Edward and I. Even though he didn't want to imagine me with another guy, he listened as the details poured from my lips.

"I guess that explains the hostility," Edward surmised once I had finished.

"_What_ hostility?" I spat.

"The night we met, you were impossibly, er… unfriendly." _Oh, _that_ hostility,_ I remembered. I also remembered thinking Edward was a tool, but I admit I had him wrong on that count.

"And you seemed like a self-important asshole, but I'm willing to put it behind me if you are," I teased. At first his face only expressed his shock, but slowly melted into his signature lopsided smile—the one I loved best.

"Deal!" Edward agreed. We both laughed, breaking the thin tension that had settled between us the minute prior. After a pause his expression became serious. His soulful green eyes darkened to a jade hue as a hunger infiltrated them. I merely blinked and suddenly his lips mashed to mine. _Oh… it was _that_ hunger_, I thought devilishly as I kissed back. At least for the moment, that awkward conversation finally ended.

"Bella, I swear to god, if you don't dress up…" Alice scolded. It was not so much a scold as a death threat.

"Alice! Calm down, of course she's dressing up. Halloween only comes once a year!" Rosalie spoke authoritatively. "Besides, this is a _special_ year! Your parents are out of town which means only the most epic party of the semester." I really hated when people talked in front of me as if I wasn't there and listening. Annoying.

"I'm really not in the mood… I have a headache and—"

"Bella!" Alice cut me off, "seriously? Seriously, you're going to pull that bullshit? Not. Going. To. Happen." She was a tiny typhoon, a force of nature. I swear I thought I saw her stomp a bit like she was five and throwing a tantrum.

"FUCK! Fine. Ok, so I don't have a headache… I just don't want to _fucking_ do this. I'm not in the mood to play all nicey-nicey with the dumbass kids from Forks High. Ok, so I get that you're all popular and crap but, I'm not. That's not me. I don't do 'the cool kids' thing…" I pouted—actually pouted.

"You don't have to go all out if you don't want… just dress up a little bit, _please_ Bella!" Alice whined, her voice tinkling like bells as per usual. "It'll be fuuuuun!" There it was again, the signature Alice Cullen pout. Her eyes were wide and puppy-like as her lower lip popped. That little she-devil could have cracked far greater men (or women) than me.

"Oh screw it, fine, but I'll dress myself, got it?" I qualified. Alice and Rose nodded vehemently in approval right before my phone vibrated. Edward. The two went back to chatting about the night's upcoming festivities while I removed myself from the conversation to read my new text.

_Hey babe. So what are we wearing? _It was a little absurd that he was texting me from his bedroom which was only one flight of stairs away from Alice's. I too, however, was too annoyed to go to him so I texted back.

_We're embracing local culture. Get your flannel ready._ I responded.

_ …What the Fuck? I don't _wear_ flannel! _Typically difficult Edward. He had his brooding style, which I loved, but it was Halloween for cripe's sake!

_ Thatz ok, Emmett's got some for ya…_

_ Bella, what are we being?_

_ Just come to Alice's BR, lazy ;o)_ A few moments later there was a knock at Alice's bedroom door. With her approval, I went into the hall to talk to Edward.

"Lumberjacks. We are being lumberjacks," I stated once I closed the door behind me. "I have to head home to pick up some stuff and I'll be over later, Ok?" I asked as I kissed him on the cheek.

"Do you want me to come with?"

"No, I got it. I'll only be a few minutes… plus I create a far more convincing alibi for Charlie when you're _not_ there," I winked and left his side.

Halloween. It should just be another day… operative word being _should_. Two years ago on Halloween Jacob and I went on our first real date. We had only started dating a couple weeks prior and on that day our relationship felt more official, like a milestone. After some cheesy-we're-fourteen-type date we went to a costume party at Lauren's. I had dressed up for him in sassy witch costume. It was new, it was exciting, and it was fun. I felt like I was floating on air that year.

Last year I was a Playboy Bunny for him (tacky, I know: a fifteen-year-old Bunny). My body, however, did not resemble the curvy knock-outs because I practically had zero tits and a barely-there ass; but I was a girl in love, or at least lust. Regardless, we were happy, Jacob and I. A flash of that night came to mind as I oriented through the still-wet roads of Forks. Lauren Mallory had had another costume party, albeit more adult than the year before: alcohol was a new addition. I remembered how much Lauren whined that night because her mother had forced her and Alec, her brother, to combine parties much to their dismay. Alec was older, cooler, and it was his friends that had provided the alcohol unbeknownst to his mother. Back in those days Lauren was straight-laced, anti-alcohol. It was the reason for her whining; although that wasn't the reason she gave her mom.

Alec had paid me a fair amount of attention that night, I recalled. When Jake, dressed as Heff, went to go refill our cups of Jungle Juice Alec had invited me to dance with him on their basement's makeshift dance floor. I obliged because I was tipsy and unable to feel self-conscious. Suddenly I was flooded with a memory I had never accessed before—it was only a few seconds long, but it was there. As we danced, his hand grasped my ass and stayed there swirling and squeezing. It was such a vivid memory that it almost felt like someone's hand was there now, and made me uncomfortable. I couldn't help but cringe. _Why do I remember this_ now_ of all times?_ I thought. The next memory from that evening was sleeping in Lauren's room, texting Jacob under my sleeping bag. Before Jacob's dad picked him up from the party, he seductively whispered _I love you_, planted a kiss, and left. It's crazy what a person can randomly think of from time to time.

The memories from the times before I was jaded hurt now as I drove back to my house. It was shocking how painful it actually was. I definitely had not been expecting that… I thought I was over Jake… well, I was. Am. What I missed were the times that were easy, when every breath I took wasn't evidence of having survived something I couldn't even remember. It was in that moment as I turned onto my driveway that I had finally bent to Edward's will: when I returned, he was going to call the list of people from that night. I decided that I could no longer wait and hope that it would suddenly come to me. Curiosity and thirst for the missing knowledge fueled my need for answers.

Once back at the Cullen House, Edward was more than happy to get my consent to call the numbers on my makeshift contact list. But as part of the terms of agreement, he was not going to call until _after_ Halloween. I left him one of Emmett's flannels, a black and white buffalo plaid one so he didn't look too different from normal Edward, and went to join the girls in getting ready. Thinking back to those previous Halloweens, I had been so stupid. I had behaved like one of those ridiculous and typical teenage girls: dressing too sexily for the attention of boys. Well not this year! Never again. I would be more than willing to dress up for Edward in private… but not in front of a hundred of our closest strangers.

The six of us took a celebratory shot before the hoards of people arrived, and I really started enjoying myself again. It was like a typical Cullen house party plus crazy costumes and minus me getting drugged… that would have been slightly better than what had happened. Around midnight when almost all of the teenagers present were good and drunk some kids from other schools started showing up, presumably because word had spread through the night that this was _the_ party to be at for Halloween. One moment, I'm enjoying a game of beer pong with my boyfriend and best friends, and the next minute Victoria is yelling at me. As I sunk the ball in one of the three remaining cups, Victoria comes flying out of left feel, screeching like a bat out of a cave.

"It's your entire fault, YOU LITTLE BITCH! I thought I could trust you and it turns out that it's _your _fault that he's in there!" She screamed, lunging to attack me when Edward jumped in between us, gently shoving her backwards.

"Not now, Victoria. Let's take this inside," he said with a calm I didn't know he could be capable of.

"Fuck—"she was caught off guard by the blood that spontaneously started dripping from her nose, "what did you _do_ to me Cullen?" She sounded terrified. She sounded how I felt.

"Edward, what's going on?" Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper called from surrounding areas. I looked from each of them to Edward and back to Victoria just in-time to see her collapse. It was the strangest thing, one minute she was standing there, bleeding from her nose and looking at us indignantly, to crumpled on the ground. Her body began convulsing in chilling pulsations.

"Edward?" I screamed, sinking to my knees to help her… to try to do anything at all.

"Shit, she's seizing. Somebody call 911!... and clear out the party before they get here!" He yelled, panic creeping into his voice. We were all so undeniably screwed.

**A/N: Thank you for your support, all of you.**

**I have not, nor will I abandon this story.  
I deeply and profoundly apologize for the incredibly long wait.  
**

**Hope you enjoyed... Reviews are lovely ;o)**

**::FabulousiTyxXx:: **


	23. Chapter 22 Mistaken Identity

**Disclaimer: _Twilight _and its characters are not mine, they are Stephenie Meyers. This plot, however, is mine. SO... just deal with that...**

**Chapter 22: Mistaken Identity**

**Victoria's POV**

** I **liked Bella, the new girl at the diner. She was kind of flighty and always on edge at first, but gradually she became more comfortable. How could she not be comfortable, though? Bonnie was an incredible boss: very understanding. We had worked together for several weeks now and it has been good. Bella and I work well together. A few times Bella had even taken a shift for me when I was, uh… under the weather. It was sweet how she continuously reminded me to eat, almost maternal in a way. My own mother had run off ages ago. My father wasn't much more present than her so at fifteen I emancipated myself, got an apartment, and a job at the diner.

I met James at Forks High School during my senior year. To me, it didn't matter that he was a year younger and two years behind me in school. He took care of me anyways. It amazed me that he could afford his own house so young, but I didn't question it. Later, when I found out what he really did, I didn't mind so much because to me he was still an outstanding guy. I didn't have many other friends in high school; mostly I hung around James and his crew. On our first date was the first time I tried blow. I was nervous to say the least but he had assured me that I would be fine. Prior to that, I had never even had so much as a drop of alcohol. My father was a drunk so I never saw the point in following in his footsteps, after all he had driven my mother off and even myself with that shit.

My first high was… un-fucking-believable. I literally felt like nothing could hurt me. Everything just felt so _good_. Every little touch of James' sent chills down my spine, leaving my hips bucking at him in desire. I had no idea I was such a sexual person. That first night, I believe James counted three orgasms, but everything felt so good that it was hard to decipher what was C and what was James' doing. The sex with James was amazing, truly. Sometimes we had sober sex, but he liked high-sex best. I liked them both, so it didn't matter to me. James was such a sexual being that we had sex often. I knew that it meant that we were very intimate because he wanted it so frequently. I felt loved.

Ever since James was arrested, my life felt as though it was crumbling at the edges, in small bits at first. It wasn't just that my blow was taken, but my _life_. That's who James had become to me. Yeah, he and I liked to take a bump of C every once and a while together, but that's what people do when they're dating: they share interests and do the same things. He was very protective of me and made sure that we always had the purest, best quality of cocaine. I trusted him with my life. He was so sweet: I never had to pay for any of it. He'd call me his pretty little strawberry—presumably because of my red hair—and say that I had earned it already. James was such a sweetheart.

It was hard on me, having James gone. Aro, James' boss, helped a little by dropping off some C every once in a while. He asked me how much James charged me and I told him the truth: nothing. He smiled and nodded and hadn't brought up payment since. He knew that I was having a tough time just as he knew it wasn't me that turned James in. The thought of one of James' buyers turning him in sickened me. I was determined to find out who that little prick was. Perhaps that's why Aro kept me so informed with his searching efforts. So far all of those that had purchased from James still showed interest in purchasing directly from Aro now, so the mystery had not yet abated.

On Halloween, Aro showed up at my apartment with another gift of coke. Usually he came alone, but this time he had two of his "enforcers" with him: Demetri and Felix. I had assumed that they had another stop to make after my place, so I graciously invited them in. It was understandable that Aro would need scarier looking muscle-men than him. He was a semi-nerdy looking twenty-five year old, like he could be Adrian Brody's younger brother or something. How he got in the business of dealing, I had never known, but it must have been a fascinating tale.

"Knock Knock, precious," Aro called from outside my door as per usual. I answered as usual too.

"Hey Aro—oh, Demetri, Felix, hi guys. Come in," I greeted as I opened the door. "More already Aro? You're too kind." Truthfully though, I was running low on my supply already.

"Actually, my little strawberry, it's time to pay up. Where's your bedroom?" He questioned.

"Hey, James told you his nickname for me? … uh, it's through there," I said pointing to a hallway in my apartment. I thought that he must have wanted to deposit the coke in there, but wasn't quite sure. "Why do you ask?" Once directed, he immediately headed to my room, Felix and Demetri staying behind in my living room. Curious, I followed Aro. Once I passed the threshold of my room I couldn't see Aro. I walked clear into the center of it by my bed and didn't see him until he closed the door behind me. Whirling around to face him, my heart leapt in my chest.

"Jesus, Aro! You scared me!... Hey can I have a bump now?" I exclaimed. I was starting to feel tired and badly in need of a little pick-me-up. In truth, Aro had arrived just in time for me to need another hit of C.

"Of course, precious. You have to pay, though. I am here to collect," He spoke, slowly and ominously.

"Oh. Uhm… well, James never made me pay…"

"Of course he did. Just not with money. Here's your bump, precious." I snorted the bit of white powder he had on his thumb, inhaling the powdery goodness. Within seconds, it seemed, my nose became numb. He had given me just a very little bit, enough to leave me wanting more.

"Another?"

"You're gonna have to earn that, my little strawberry…" As he said that, I could feel the coke affecting me more and it was… delicious. My vision became clearer, if that was possible, my heart-rate picked up. I felt _alive_ again.

"Mmm… and how do you propose I do that?"

"I'll give you a line, and then I'll make you feel _good_. Ok, precious?" It all sounded well and good, so I nodded my approval. Aro traced a line for me on my dresser and I snorted it… letting myself feel the gooey numbing effects again, and this time more than the last. The next thing I knew, my shirt was lifted up over my head as my skirt was pushed up against my abdomen. Aro's pants were down around his ankles after he removed his own shirt. And then he was inside me, grunting and shoving himself rudely so. Contrary to reality, he moved in fast-motion. Before I really knew, it was over. It was short, but not sweet. I was so high, that it even felt a little enjoyable. After he re-dressed us, Aro lobbed a big bag full of the good white powder onto my dresser.

"You're good, precious. I can see why James has kept you around so long as his little strawberry." My mouth was too numb to respond, so I merely stared at him. "Oh, and before I go, I have a little… assignment for you." I willed myself to concentrate and respond.

"Like what?"

"I have recently discovered who was behind James' arrest. I am under the impression that you work with the girl."

"WHO!"

"That Bella Swan girl. She's the Chief of Forks' Police's daughter… perhaps we can make a trade with him of some sort…" Aro looked pensive for a moment before he remembered my presence. "Anyhow, I thought you might like to know that justice will soon be served."

No. Not Bella. Surely not. She was such a sweet, albeit feisty, girl. I liked Bella… and besides, she was new. How could she have even had the time to meet James yet? It can't be…

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely. Vicky, you know I am _always_ sure of my actions," Aro forcibly remarked.

"Of course," I shuddered. His tone was chilling and truthfully scared me a bit. "So, what are your plans?... what do you want me to do?" I tried to convey simple curiosity; at least I hoped that's all I did.

"I want _you _to figure out where she'll be tonight and convey that to me. That's all… I'll have the others abduct her. Interrogate her. Perhaps concoct a ransom note for her… That little shit head boyfriend of hers could use a smack-down as well," he mused aloud. "Ah, but not to worry precious Victoria; James will be avenged and my business will remain strong. Enjoy your night of debauchery," he called as he exited the room.

I was in awe of what just happened. So many things were whirling in my mind. The first thought was that Aro just had sex with me… which made me feel sick. It was hard to remember the details. The more time that passed since he walked out of my bedroom door, the fuzzier it got. The second was that James would be pissed because of that action and I was terrified of him finding out. The third was the contemplation of the impossible facts Aro had just laid before me: Bella was to blame for James' arrest. He gave no details, but then again it was Aro. I was lucky enough to just know at all. To say that I was confused would have been a gross understatement of my current state. I was in shock, disbelief, and utter horror. Everything that had just occurred had served to mystify, torment, and sicken me. There was no sorting through it easily.

Where it came to Bella, there must have been a mistake. Even further, he wanted _me_ to have some part in harming her? The girl practically took care of me at work—_work! _Shit! I had forgotten that my shift was starting soon and I looked like a bum off the street with the degree of sex-hair I was sporting. Quickly I showered; thankful I had my energizer running through my veins. I was still high enough that it hadn't really mattered to me—the sex with Aro. I was ok. It wasn't _awful_ per say. My mind was a flutter as I walked the short distance to the diner. The thought that comforted was that at least I had gotten some free coke because of it.

Throughout my shift, teenagers had slowly filtered in and out, babbling about their Saturday-night Halloween plans. I tried hard not to listen, to not find out the thing that I was supposed to, what I _didn't _want to know. If I found out what I was supposed to, I wasn't sure if that would make me more or less inclined to tell Aro what he required of me. That was when I heard the very information Aro had wanted me to uncover.

"Oh of _course_ I'm going to the Cullen's place tonight! That's where simply _everyone_ is going to be!" A girl with mousy-brown hair that I recognized by the name of Jessica had spoken. Sitting across from her was a darker-haired one whose name escaped me. Damn drug-related memory loss.

"I don't know… Last time at her birthday party, Bella Swan had gotten so shit-faced that Edward had to carry her away from the guests. I mean, pretty lame, right?"

"Or pretty _awesome!_ I want to get so drunk that Edward has to carry _me_ to his bed too!" Jessica gushed again. Girls like her made me thankful I had graduated high school early.

"He's with Bella… as if," the other one retorted. "She'll _definitely_ be there tonight."

_Shit! _Well, now I know. I was still unsure of whether or not I should disclose that knowledge to Aro.

"I don't know…" Jessica interjected, "she looked pretty chummy with James earlier that night."

_Oh that little SLUT!_ I mentally cursed. Suddenly, I saw red. How could that little bitch steal my boyfriend! My body went cold. I nearly dropped the dishes I was carrying. Swallowing my anger for a brief moment, I relinquished the plates to their patrons, and made a mad dash to my purse.

I know it was a little cliché and so _Cruel Intentions_, but I needed some of the coke I kept in a miniature perfume-holder necklace. I needed it, and I needed it _now_. After one long inhale, I held my breath and just let the effects trickle over my skin. The tingling sensations mixed with my increasing pulse and created wonderful vibrations throughout my body. _Much better,_ I thought.

The next step in feeling better was to call Aro and inform him of Swan's whereabouts. That little bitch deserved to be punished for unjustly locking-up my James. I picked up my phone and dialed his number. It rang only twice before he answered.

"Strawberry, I must say that I am impressed with your speedy timing. I assume you've discovered her location this evening?" He greeted.

"Yes. Do you know where the Cullen Mansion is?" I muttered through gritted-teeth. I was angry still as I imagined images of Bella and James _together_.

"Not really… not to worry. I can find out. So is that where they'll be?"

"Yes. There'll be a party there… When will you get her?"

"Hmm… not until much later, I suppose. A drunk Bella will be a more compliant and abductable Bella," he mused aloud. His nonchalance about it sent eerie chills through me. His tone, even more so.

"Oh… I see."

"Thank you Strawberry… you've earned a little more of the _good stuff_ for that tip—" He whispered as he hung up. I had gotten my revenge but my strong negative emotions towards Bella hadn't subsided… _why don't I _feel_ better?_ I thought. Luckily my shift was about to end in ten minutes… I could live with this for the next short while before I formulated a plan that _truly_ made me feel better.

Fifteen minutes later I was in my car, driving to the county jail. They would let me visit James, at least I hoped so. Twenty minutes after that, I was sitting across a sterile metal table that was bolted to the floor across from my beloved James. As soon as we were alone, James broke the silence.

"Vicky, what the fuck are you doing here?" He spat, clearly upset with his situation.

"I'm here to visit you… don't you want me here baby?" I pleaded.

"I would rather be _out_ of here."

"I know, baby, and we're working on that. Actually, that might be sooner than you think. But before I tell you how," I stopped him as I saw his mouth part aggressively, "you need to tell _me_ something. Were you sleeping with Bella Swan?"

"Oh _hell_ no!" He shouted immediately. He was so committed to his statement; he almost looked scared for me—or anyone else for that matter—to think otherwise. "Is that why you came to see me? Jealousy issues?"

"No! It was just a stupid rumor… and well, now I feel I've behaved irrationally…"

"Strawberry… baby, what are you talking about?" He questioned. He was trying to smooth me over with his loving tone. So much was on my mind that I wasn't even affected by it. Usually I was.

"Uh… nothing. It's not important." My mind was fuzzy as I stared at the palms of my hands. There was nothing particularly fascinating about them. They were ordinary, pale, lined palms. Perhaps they were bony and slightly shaking, but nothing remarkable.

"Victoria. Victoria!" James' yelling snapped me out of my zoning-out, as I returned his stare. "What is wrong with you? You've been staring at your hands for the past five minutes, not saying a word. They're going to make you leave soon."

"Oh, I'm sorry. It's been an _awful_ day. I really miss you, baby! I miss _us_. We're so good together…" I responded.

"Yea. I miss sex. Is this why you came to see me? You're cutting my visiting privileges short because you wanted to _talk_. Go away Victoria."

"You can't say that, James," I pleaded with a tear slipping down my cheek. His face was so cold. It wasn't full of love for me like I had expected. _He's in jail_, I had to remind myself. Of course he couldn't produce loving emotions right now when he was so miserable. He was right, of course he was right. "You're right. I'm sorry baby, I'll go now. I just love you _so_ much. I hope I'll be able to see you soon," and because it was forbidden, I left without giving him a kiss or even a hug. Instead I blew one to him, which he did not catch. Jail was messing with our relationship and it wasn't fair.

I left the county lock-up feeling exhausted, while purposely trying to not think about anything. I wasn't there long, but the minute amount of cocaine I had been able to snort at work, which was miniscule in comparison to what I was used to, had long-left my bloodstream. When I got home, my body cold as usual, I decided that a warm bath was the best way to relax. I spent a long time in the tub, draining the luke-warm water and refilling it with the hotter stuff, and trying like hell to still _not_ think about anything. Although newly-relaxed, I was even more tired than before due to the extreme lack of C in my system. Lying on my bed in a clean, fluffy hoodie that swallowed me whole and a pair of shorts, I fell into an uneasy slumber.

Groggily, I awoke not really remembering deciding to sleep in the first place. Leaning over, I looked at my alarm clock.

_11:15_

Shit! I had been asleep for about five hours! …With that realization also came the memories of the day. _Bella_. After talking to James, although briefly, I had decided that those girls were just discussing a false rumor. I knew both James and Bella better than that. Besides, Bella was with Edward. Every time she was working, he would come in and eat with her on her break. It was sweet to see… it made me wish James would do that from time to time… but that was another matter.

I had given Bella up to the wolves when I told Aro where she was going to be… but I was upset then, so I couldn't totally fault myself. I needed to do something, though, anything to save her. The very least I could do was _warn_ her or something. If I did warn her, however, Aro would surely tan my hide. I would receive the beating of a lifetime, he would be so angry. James would understand, though, because he was a good guy. He would protect me in the end…

After wrestling with my conscious for several moments, I got out of bed and dressed myself in public-appropriate clothes. A knot had formed in my stomach, eating away at my calm. _After I warn her, I can come back and take a big hit of coke_, I told myself. It's what kept me going in the face of my growing anxiety.

Because it was in the middle-of-freaking-nowhere, it took me a half an hour to get to the Cullen Mansion. My nerves were at an all-time peak. I worried that I was too late, having slept the early evening away. I just prayed to a God I didn't believe in that Aro hadn't yet descended upon the party, that Bella was still safe, and that I hadn't been the one to cause her harm. When I parked, the party seemed to be at full-swing, a good sign for me. I was almost to the point of breaking down, so I knew that what I did next was a little selfish, but I rationalized it for the good of the situation in the end if I remained calm. Needing it badly, I did a line of coke off of my dashboard. _Mmm_, _much better_, I rationalized.

With each step I took, the calming effects intensified. My high was back. Entering the party, I saw Bella at a make-shift beer-pong table, really enjoying herself with her friends and boyfriend: laughing the night away with a good, solid drunk-buzz about her. It was then that I saw red again. All I could think about was her and James… again. It was irrational and completely untrue but I just _lost_ it and started screaming.

"It's your entire fault, YOU LITTLE BITCH! I thought I could trust you and it turns out that it's _your _fault that he's in there!" I don't know what came over me! I couldn't help but scream like a crazy person. I had come there to warn her, to help her, but at the moment it was almost like I _wanted _her to pay… Edward, seemingly quite sober, stepped in between us trying to calm the escalating situation. He held me back from Bella, as I flew at her.

"Not now Victoria, let's take this inside," he said calmly. It only made me more upset.

"Fuck—" Just as I was about to tell him to fuck off, a warm goo trickled from my nose. I wiped it on my finger and was shocked by its crimson color. It scared the shit out of me! Again, it only exacerbated my seemingly angry state. "What did you _do_ to me Cullen?" I had asked incredulously. It was unreal. It was then that things got weirder. A feeling of utter fear came over me as sound left the world. Everything went silent, save for a slight high-pitched tone. Blackness shrouded my vision as my last memory of that moment became a crimson red color.

I came-to sometime during the ambulance ride, slowly at first. Sound came back to my ears as the harried voices of the paramedics discussing things of an important nature around me.

"Did she take anything?" One man asked someone else.

"I don't know…she just showed up screaming," Bella's voice answered. Hmm, Bella was there? I then became aware of her small hand holding mine. How sweet.

"Ok, well we're two minutes out. I'm sure the hospital will do a tox-screen. Healthy young women don't just seize for no reason," he replied. "Looks like her nose was just bleeding… she's thin and gray-looking… if I had to venture a guess I'd say she's strung-out on cocaine and that little habit of her caused the seizure."

I opened my eyes when the ambulance parked. I needed to tell Bella.

"Oh! She opened her eyes! That's good, right?" Bella asked the paramedic, with hope in her voice.

"Uh... yea." He said, distracted with other matters. I moved my hand to take the oxygen mask off of my mouth so I could speak clearly just as the doors were opened.

"Can you give us a moment?" I rasped to the paramedics that were preparing to push my gurney into the waiting doctors in the Emergency Room. "It's important."

"You have ten seconds, OK?" One of them responded and gave us some space.

"Victoria, are you alright? You don't have to speak, rest!" Bella's face was washed in concern. "Edward followed the ambulance, he'll be here soon too," she offered, as if that made everything alright. I was thankful, though, that at least she would have his protection in case Aro came looking for her.

"Did you tell them my name?" I whispered.

"Uhm, no they didn't ask that yet… I can tell them that right now if you want!" She offered.

"No! No, don't. Don't tell them anything about me: I can handle it. Bella, I'm sorry. I came to the party to warn you—"

"No need to explain, it's fine, you just rest," she cut me off.

"No, you listen! You're not safe. Aro, James' boss, thinks you're the reason that James was arrested. He's coming after you. He's dangerous Bella… like guns and murder and illicit activity, dangerous. Get the hell out of here… Bella, you're in danger—" I was then cut off by one of the paramedics, a very cute one, might I add. Bella's face visibly paled as she struggled to swallow.

"Alright time's up, ladies. Let's get the red head over here into the ER." They unloaded me from the back of the ambulance after Bella exited. I didn't see her follow me inside, presumably because she had gotten the full extent of my message and was too shocked to come in. Finally, I had accomplished my task.

"What's your name, Red?" One of them asked.

"Jane Doe, I'm a Jane Doe."

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**A/N: Hello my loyal readers! Hope you enjoyed another update!**

**It'll be a couple weeks until I can update again... maybe a little longer.**

**Thanks for the Reviews! Love you guys!**

**-FabulousiTyxXx-**


	24. Chapter 23 Now What?

**Disclaimer****: **The usual copyright stuff- Stephenie Meyers owns all, I am merely a fan

**A/N:** It's back! I'm back! I've got lots of stuff written and saved! :o) Sorry it's been so long! Un-Beta'd as usual.

* * *

**Chapter 23: What Now?**

**BPOV**

** I **knew that I shouldn't have believed her so readily being that she was coked-up and had attempted to attack me minutes before, but Victoria's conviction in what she said had scared me. I instantly felt her words to be true. Suddenly, being in the Ambulance loading bay of the hospital didn't feel like a safe enough area to be standing out in the open. Victoria was in good hands with the paramedics and soon to be with the doctors, so I slunk away into the shadows to a scarcely trafficked area with dumpsters and fumbled for my cell phone. Crouching on the ground, eyes wildly scanning around me for any sign of suspicion, I prayed the seconds away until Edward answered my call.

"Bella?" he answered.

"Edward," I whispered into my phone, "We have to get out of here. Victoria said someone is after me."

"I'm parking the car, I'll come in to get you," he rushed.

"No, I'm by the dumpsters. Come get me. We could have been followed here."

"Stay where you are, I'm coming to get you."

"E? I'm scared," as I whispered this, a stray tear drifted down my cheek.

"It's ok, Sugar. It'll all be ok. We'll make everything alright. Trust me."

"I'll always trust you. Please hurry," my voice cracked as I hung up.

So, this was my life now. Its pattern was starting to discern itself: go through a little trauma, have someone make me feel safe and comfortable, have the rug ripped out from under me again, and repeat. I knew that no one said life was easy and that the one certainty is that one day we will all die, but I never realized how much suffering could be attributed to one lifetime. Yes, I was only seventeen and seemingly prone to dramatics, but I still couldn't comprehend all of the traumas I had thus far endured in my young life. Victoria, for example, appeared to have just as messed up a time as I have. She was, after all, addicted to cocaine, in a relationship with a nutcase drug dealer, and came from a crappy past much more so than I knew, apparently.

I heard a car pull up nearby and began to panic. A door opened and slammed and footsteps approached me. My panic rose like water boiling in a pot and was just as unruly.

"Bella?" Edward whispered into the night air, "It's me, Edward… I brought the car."

I rose from my place of hiding and spotted Edward immediately. If I hadn't been so afraid of drawing attention to myself, I would have run to him screaming and crying, but I controlled myself with a brisk walk. Edward put his arms around me immediately, kissed my forehead, and opened the car door for me. Once we were both inside, Edward locked the doors and took off.

"What exactly did she say?" Edward questioned after we had pulled out of the hospital parking lot.

"She said that James' boss, this Aro guy, thought that I was the one that got James arrested and that she thought he would come after me. Victoria said that he was very dangerous… sort of in a Mob way, but she didn't say Mob… just guns and 'illicit activity'. I'm really scared Edward. She said she came to warn me, that's why she was at the party!" Edward was pensively silent for a moment. All I wanted was him to offer some sort of explanation of why this was a gross overreaction and that everything would be ok and that he and I could go back to his place and get naked in his bed… or something like that. It was incredibly naive and too hopeful, but it was all I could do to keep from panicking.

"This is what I was afraid of happening," he said after a while. I looked out the car window and didn't recognize what I saw.

"Edward! Where are we going?"

"We need to get away from town and reassess." And then what he said about his fears clicked.

"You were afraid of this happening? What aren't you telling me?" I demanded to know. Edward's phone began ringing, effectively stalling our conversation.

"Hello?" he answered. "What?... Well apparently that's why Victoria came, Bella said she warned her of some Aro guy coming after Bella… Did they come up to the house?... You sure?... Stay there, keep an eye out. Bella and I are heading to a hotel. We'll call you when we're settled… Yea, she's ok… Bye." He hung up.

"Who was that?"

"Emmett. They stayed to clean up and apparently they saw some rough-looking guys were checking the house out on the security cameras after Jasper turned them on again. That would probably be Aro's guys. And to answer your previous question, nothing really. Bella," he paused. Fear trickled through my veins like a paralyzing ice-water. Edward exhaled forcefully before continuing, "I think the James thing runs so much deeper than Victoria getting pissed… I think James was involved in some sort of gang shit and that Aro guy Victoria warned you about?" He paused to look at me, "I think he's one scary motherfucker whose out for some revenge on getting a chunk of his product into the evidence locker at Forks' Police Station… So I don't think it's such a good idea for us to be fucking sitting ducks in town tonight."

Edward was reacting as he saw fit and out of fear. I took a few calming breaths while processing what Edward was saying. Obviously it was shocking to me learn of possible gang-related activity in the _tiny _town of Forks, but in some small way, maybe I wasn't surprised. Trouble seemed to follow me. It would be just my luck that I somehow would have manage to poke the sleeping drug-related gang bear in Forks… It was so damn ridiculous, that I almost felt like an idiot for not seeing it from the beginning. And then I inwardly laughed at myself for the ridiculous thought of "drug-related gang bear." My metaphors needed help, even if I was in a state of panic. After a few moments of contemplation I came to a realization.

"Edward, I don't think we need to go to a hotel," I stated in complete sincerity.

"_What! _Of course we do. We need to get you out-of-fucking-town. Those fuckers will be looking for you," he answered, pissed off at the suggestion. He took my safety incredibly seriously, apparently. Good thing I hadn't been conscious when I was drugged, otherwise I probably would have made him lash out at me then too.

"Well, think about it. They were coming to abduct me from a party… where I, and everyone else, would have most likely been so drunk that it's almost possible to think I would have gone willingly. They were looking for an easy pick-up. Not some covert-op mission… I don't think they would ever try to grab me from my father's house, being that he's Chief of Police, or even attempt to try to get past your home's security system. I think I'd be safe with you at your house. We should go back," I rationalized. When he looked at me for a brief second, his eyes conveyed warring emotions: his intense need to keep me from any harm, and his logical side trying to see reason.

"I don't know…" Edward was still trying to resist my logic. Secretly I think he was enjoying the idea of him and me at the hotel a little _too_ much for this particular situation.

"We could all be together and form a plan. Six brains are better than two… Edward, you know I'm right. Please don't over-react and take me to a hotel so far away." That did it, he sighed and nodded, unable to say the words "you're right" even though he knew them to be true.

"Fine, but if something seems fishy, I'm taking you away to a safe distance from those fuckers, got it?" He demanded. "I can't lose you," he added a little less forcefully.

"You won't ever have to. We'll figure it out, E." He reached for my hand and held it as he turned around and drove back to his house.

.::.

The six of us sat around a circle in the basement, security feed streaming through the TV, giving it the feeling of a sort of bomb-shelter/hostage scenario. The first thing Edward had done when we arrived back at the Cullen's was go around and make sure that every entrance, window, and balcony to the house was locked up more secure than "Queen Elizabeth I's vagina," as he so eloquently put it. I tried my best not to laugh at him, knowing he wouldn't be able to move onto any sort of discussion until he felt that we were safe enough to do so. All the while he dragged me along, holding my hand, as he did his security ministrations.

Once satisfied with the state of the house, he went into Carlisle's office to check the security camera feed, to play back the footage of Aro's men. There were only two of them. One was a very tall giant-like man with broad features, dark hair, and a dark complexion. The other was slimmer, but still muscular with sandy hair and quick steps. No one recognized or knew the names of the two, but we had agreed that no one could forget the enforcers' faces after this. Edward printed out the stills of each guy's face, if only to save it as evidence later. Usually when something was on the security tapes that Edward didn't like, he would have Jasper—a seemingly apt computer genius—delete it for him, but tonight he left the footage of the two guys on there just in case we needed it for something in the future. I was glad Edward was thinking rationally about it all.

Soon we all ended in the basement. Hours seemed to tick by as miscalculated plan after miscalculated plan was thrown into the ring, only to be beaten into submission by the other five present. No one could agree on one single course of action. Everything seemed unlikely, too complicated, or even down-right dangerous. If danger was involved, Edward was the first to veto my involvement all-together.

"I think one thing that is for certain," I started, "no more house parties. They seem to get us no-where good." Everyone nodded or mm-hmmed with their agreement. At least one thing came to a consensus.

"I'm pissed at myself for getting us into this mess. I wish we had just called the cops when James drugged Bella, then no one's life would be in danger now… So what if we all would have gotten grounded or in trouble for underage drinking, at least we'd all be safe. If I only knew then…" Edward admitted, defeat coloring his very presence. My hand tightened in his, giving it a squeeze.

"Edward, shut. Up. We're all responsible for that. We all agreed. It seemed like a great plan. None of us could have known that James' shit went way deeper than just being a dealer. So don't fucking bring that up anymore. I'm sick of it," Emmett boomed with finality.

"I still say we ask Charlie what to do, hypothetically of course," Alice chimed for the fourth time. Emmett and Edward rolled their eyes collectively while Rosalie just shrugged and Jasper looked conflicted. Me, I was tired. Tired and confused, not a good combination for decision-making.

"Fuck. No. Alice! That will seem way too weird. There's no covert way of doing that. So for the millionth time, drop it!" Edward huffed.

"Well I don't hear you making any clever suggestions, Edward!" Alice pointedly retorted.

"Cut it out you two," chided Rosalie. She had been quiet for a while, making me worry about what she was thinking. "Do any of you really think that we can solve this shit in one night? Most likely not. So bitching and moaning at each other for not thinking of something ingenious is ridiculous. I, for one, am going to bed because I'm fucking tired, and it's three a.m." With that, she got up and made for the stairs.

"I'm coming with you, baby," Emmett called after her.

"Gross," I muttered under my breath, and suddenly everyone that remained around the circle started laughing. I guess I was louder than I meant to be. The tension diffused as the rest of us decide to call it a night as well, two by two going to our separate bedrooms. Edward held my hand the entire way. In fact, since I had convinced him to turn around he had been holding onto me in some sort of way or another whether it was holding my hand, having me sit in his lap, or putting his arm across my shoulders. Not a moment had gone by, save for the minute I spent in the bathroom, that he was not touching me in some way. It was as if he was afraid I would be taken or disappear if he didn't have a hold on me.

When Edward and I had reached his door, he scooped me up into his arms and carried me to the bed after closing the door. I yanked off my flannel shirt-dress and leggings while Edward removed the remnants of his costume too. Had it only been _one_ day? Had all of this craziness only occurred within the past four hours or so? The Halloween party seemed like weeks ago, years even. My accident felt like centuries ago. We had been stuck living in this uncertain day for far too long and all I wanted to do was close my eyes and end it. I shimmied myself back against the headboard and pulled up the comforter so it was over me, not under.

Edward stood at the foot of the bed, watching me with his ever-startling green eyes. There was pain in them mixed with fear. I understood it, but I wanted it to go away. I lifted my hand out to him, a gesture calling him to my side. He climbed across the bed, got under the covers, and I reached up to his face. It was contorted in such pain that I wanted to smooth it away with the brush of my fingers. My touch seemed to work, but I needed more assurances. I lifted my face to meet his, our lips meeting in perfect symmetry. It was the first time I realized how perfectly matched they were. Out of all the boys I had kissed (all two of them, excluding Edward), nothing and no one could compare to kissing Edward. At first our kiss was soft and reassuring, the in-sync movement melting all memories of the day away. It soon became more urgent, backed with other emotions. Love and desire. At least, those are what I felt. My love for Edward came bursting forth like a geyser, steamy and strong. Tonight, however, was not the night to act on such compulsions. I had only told him once before, but I was struck by the strong desire to do so again. I broke the kiss, only to be met by his vibrant green eyes again, filled with need. Oh, those eyes. They could get me to agree to anything under the right circumstances.

"I love you, Bella. So very much," Edward said, breaking the silence. He beat me to it, but it was beyond comforting to know that he was very much of the same thought patter as I was in that moment.

"I love you too, Edward," I reassured him. "So _fucking_ much," I added, bringing a hint of a smile to the corner of his lips.

"If I ever lost you, if anything ever happened to you…" he attempted, but couldn't finish. His throat closed on his words.

"Nothing will. As long as I have you, I'm safe."

He nodded at this, and I knew that it was the reassurance he was looking for. I knew he had been feeling guilty for all of this, thinking that it was his fault that he had overlooked the Aro side of things when such a short time ago he had overlooked the Victoria element as well, though he never admitted his guilt to me. I could see it in his eyes and feel it in his every movement. Nothing would be solved tonight, and I knew he wanted it to end just as badly as I did.

"Hold me," I told him. Without question, he wrapped his arms around me and brought our heads to the pillows, my head cradled to his chest, our fingers entwined and resting next to my head. Every so often I felt his kisses on the top of my head, as if he felt he was atoning for a sin that was not his to claim. His other hand traced small circles on my shoulder as I drifted off to sleep in his arms. Nothing could compare to sense of security I got from sleeping in Edwards capable arms.

.::.

I awoke to being shaken, somewhat. Sitting bolt-right up in bed, I looked for Edward only to find him about a foot away from me on his bed. Apparently sometime between us falling asleep and now, he had released me and I rolled away. Before I could contemplate why the heck I had been awoken in the first place, Edward started shaking again.

"Mm… meh… no, mom…I-I…mmm" he huffed in his sleep. It took less than a second for me to realize that he was having a nightmare. "Mmm, Bella… please," was all he got out again before I had to put a stop to this. It was a painful thing to witness. He looked so… _scared_ and fragile. Two things that Edward-Fucking-Cullen never looked. _Ever_. I loved him so much that it almost hurt, and it hurt me that he was having such a terrible dream.

I scooted back towards him, to where I had fallen asleep on him. I started placing feather-light kisses over his chest, reverently kissing the pair of angel wings on his left peck, giving them the extra attention they deserved. I made my way with my kisses to his neck, cheeks, forehead, and finally stopped after I had kissed his lips a few times. He had been calmed since the first kiss, but I continued on with all of them as if to seal-in my protection from his nightmares.

I resumed my earlier sleeping position again and traced my fingers over the angle wings as I thought about the fact that in his nightmare-state, Edward had both mentioned his mother and me. I didn't know what to make of it. As I touched each wing, over and over, I couldn't help but think of his mother. One day I would make him tell me all about her, perhaps talking about her would make it easier for him? I didn't want him to hurt like this ever, even if it was in his dreams. Soon enough, I fell back to sleep in his arms while thinking about the angel that watched over him.

.::.

* * *

**A/N: Seriously, I'm SO SO SO sorry that it's been a year since I've updated.  
It was never supposed to be that way, but what can I say?  
Life is ever in the way. **

**But, I'm back. So to those of you that have stuck with me,  
and the characters, and the story,  
You will NOT be disappointed.  
This story has and ending and its waiting for you to read it. Until next time!**

**::FabulousiTyxXx::**


	25. Chapter 24 In the Arms of an Angel

** Disclaimer**: I do not own Twilight... I just mess with it.

* * *

**Chapter 24: In the Arms of an Angel**

**EPOV**

**S**lowly, I began to wake. Consciousness became thicker, more attainable as the dreaming state diminished. I had had my usual nightmares to begin with, all death and dreariness. My mother in her hospital attire added with my new waking nightmares of Bella being taken. Suddenly, as if the clouds on a rainy day had opened, this warmth of golden sunshine spread of the darkness that was before. An angel swooped down, peppering my face with kisses. The angel had chocolate brown eyes and fire-red streaks through her deep brown hair. My Bella.

Yea, ok, so it sounded like I was some fucking pansy-assed little bitch dreaming about angels. I didn't give a shit. I couldn't help what I dreamed anyways, so fuck. It was a strange assortment of dreams, that's for damn sure.

With my eyes still closed, I rolled over, my face planting into another pillow and breathed in the heavenly lilac and freesia scent that was Bella. She always smelled so fucking good! It took me longer to realize _why_ the pillow was available for smelling in the first place. Once I did, my eyes shot open.

"Bella!" I yelled, sitting up in bed. I looked at the bed next to me. Empty.

I ran to the bathroom. Empty.

Scanned my room. Empty, fucking empty. My stomach dropped as I thought about what could have happened to her. My Bella wouldn't just leave without a note at the very fucking least. "Sugar?" I called as I pulled open my door. No response.

I took the stairs practically three at a time; I was about to have a god damned heart attack if I didn't find her within the next five seconds! I ran to the living room. "Sugar?" I again called… no response.

SHIT FUCK DAMN, I mentally cursed. I stood there in the living room, hands raking viciously through my hair, trying to calm myself, to think rationally, but shit… it had only been—_what time is it? Ten?_—nine hours since learning that Bella could have been kidnapped: rationality was not something I could expect from myself at the moment.

A noise from the kitchen startled me, bringing me back to the present. "Sugar?" I called, for the umpteenth time. I busted through the door to the kitchen and was greeted by Bella's backside facing me. Her hair was piled on top of her head in a very messy bun exposing the nape of her pale neck, making me want to just _bite_ it or something. Her hips were swaying to the music she had playing over the radio, as she mixed something in the bowl in front of her.

"Bella! God-damnit, Sugar! You scared the shit out of me when I woke up when you were there! I thought they had gotten you!" I practically yelled at her. It was clear that I startled her because as I first shouted her name, she spun around with her hand over her heart as if to say _you scared me!_ Seeing my unkempt and worried self, Bella came to me in an instant, wrapping one arm around my waist as she wove her other hand through my hair.

"I'm just making breakfast, Edward," she attempted and chuckled lightly to herself. "I can tell by the state of your hair that you must have been very worried. But as you can see, I'm just fine." Her fingers were moving in a calming circular-motion, bringing me back to sanity as they roamed through my hair.

"I'm sorry I freaked out," I said after I had calmed down a few minutes later. She leaned up and kissed my cheek by way of accepting my apology. I wasn't satisfied with such a simple kiss. I grabbed her chin and brought her mouth to my lips, showing her my need for her with my kiss. She tasted like sugar, my Sugar. Reaching down, I palmed her ass, and lifted her hips to mine, making her wrap her legs around my waist. I walked her to a clean counter-space before setting her down, all the while kissing her like the hormonal teenage-fuck I was. One of my hands found its way to one of her boobs, I could barely contain myself. I needed her. In every way.

"Are those Belley's famous banana pancakes I smell!" Emmett boomed as the kitchen door slammed open. "Ew, gross. Edward's tainting the goodness!" he said when he got an eye-full of us. Stepping away from Bella, I winked before giving her one last chaste kiss.

"Interrupt much?" I replied, not hiding my irritation one damn bit. After all, this was my fucking house and I should be able to mack my girl in it wherever and whenever I fucking pleased.

"Yes Emmett, I'm making banana pancakes and blueberry and chocolate chip pancakes. Oh, and hashed browns too," Bella all but squeaked in an embarrassed rush. She didn't like being caught by her brother any more than I did, but for different reasons, I'm sure. Satisfied with embarrassing his sister, Emmett dragged Rosalie by the hand to the kitchen table in order to wait for their food to be ready.

Looking to my Bella, I wondered at why she was going through so much effort. "Why so many varieties?" I questioned. She shrugged before answering.

"Well, _you_ love blueberry pancakes and Emmett is addicted to my banana pancakes… and I adore chocolate chip pancakes. That way we all win," she smiled.

She really did look like an angel, even if she had flour all over her face and she was wearing one of my t-shirts and pair of shorts, which dwarfed her in the most amusing way. She still looked edible though. My Sugar, so fucking sexy even in men's clothing and covered in flour. How did I get so lucky?

"Do you do this sort of thing often?"

"Yea, I guess," she replied sheepishly, half-shrugging. Bella was so thoughtful and selfless. She just wanted all of us to be happy and taken care of. I loved her all the more for it.

"I'm coming around for breakfast more often," I smiled and reached over and patted her very pattable ass after she hopped off the counter, making her squeak in surprise. It was so fucking hot, that sexy little sound that came out of her mouth. Her cheeks stained with a slight pink as she got back to her work.

I sat on the stool at the kitchen island and watched her finish her preparations. Bella flipping pancakes was an amusing sight. Though this wasn't the first time I watched my Bella in the kitchen, I was still amazed how graceful she looked within it. Not that I was a chauvinistic prick or anything, but it was like Bella was made to be in the kitchen… yea, no matter which way I slice it, it sounds bad, but it's not like that. She just… comes alive in such an unexpected way while she's cooking. I could watch her in it for the rest of my life.

Soon enough we were joined in the kitchen by Jasper and Alice, the wonderful smells no doubt interrupting their wake-up-sex. _Ew_, I chastised myself, _do NOT think about your fucking sister this way… sick!_ Shortly after their arrival breakfast was ready. The six of us sat around the kitchen table, passing this, passing that, mm-ing and thanking Bella for the delicious food. It was so Brady Bunch, but no one really gave a shit. It was nice to enjoy time with one another in a way that didn't involve high school cafeterias or pseudo kidnapping-prevention seminars.

.::.

After everyone ate their fill of breakfast, we sat around the living room watching whatever crap TV-show marathon that was on, talking and shooting the shit. The conversation we had been having the night before was reopened and tensions began to rise once again.

"So we all agree, then?" Jasper re-capped, "Bella needs to be escorted around town, never left alone or in a vulnerable position?"

"Right," we all agreed. Noticeably missing from the collective agreement was Bella herself. She sat there, half on my lap, half on the sofa, arms crossed and eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. I knew she would do what needed to be done, but she was being a little fucking petulant about making it easier for everyone else. I understood that she was frustrated that her freedom was yet again being limited, but it was for her own damn good. Naturally, being the fiery gal that she was, she wasn't going to just take it lying down, nor would I expect her to. I gave her a pointed look anyways, even though I understood.

"Ugh, _fine_. Agreed," Bella huffed in exasperation. I gave her hand an extra squeeze and a kiss on her cheek. _Good girl_, I thought. That's my Sugar.

_Thank you_, I mouthed. She returned my appreciation with the roll of her eyes, that little troublesome minx… Well fuck me, just listening to myself in my head made me want to inwardly roll my eyes at me. Still, despite sounding more and more pussy-whipped and chick-like, I really couldn't give a shit. Bella was slowly changing my insides without even the slightest knowledge of doing so. My inner-monologue was interrupted by Emmett's next thought.

"I think I should talk to my dad about getting a security system for the house, you know for the times he's not there and Bella is," he mused aloud… not that Emmett ever "mused" about anything, but it was deeper than just a thought.

"You're right," I agreed.

"But how do we get him to do that?" Rose asked the question we were all mulling over.

"You could appeal to his police-nature as well as his position of power," suggested Alice. Clever little pixy, though I'd never admit it aloud to her, she really did have the best ideas.

"Go on," I nudged.

"Well, you could say he should set the example for Forks… or maybe even just buy it for him and somehow pretend that it was the company's idea… yea, like they wanted him to test out the merchandise and somehow endorse it," She processed out loud. She was onto something, that much was evident. Personally, I wasn't sure which direction we should take, which one would make the most sense regarding Charlie. He was a simple man, but a very shrewd and exacting one too. Fuck, why did all of these decisions have to be so damn hard to make?

"The important thing is that we neither make Chief Swan suspicious, nor hurt his pride. It's a tricky balance," Jasper cautioned.

"Knowing my dad, I'm still unsure of which approach to take," Bella added. She had been so quiet since the conversation had begun. It fucking freaked me out a bit.

"I'm not sure either Bells," Emmett agreed. This conversation didn't feel as though it was being had by a group of teenagers. It was way too fucking serious and way too fucking adult. Security systems? Seriously? I could feel Bella growing tired of it as she tugged on hem of the shorts she was wearing, so when she finally stood I wasn't at all surprised.

"I think I'm going to get some fresh air," she said softly. There was an unnamed emotion behind her tone and it broke my heart a little. _Fuck._ I hate it when she's upset. As she turned to go, I refused to release her hand from mine.

"Don't go far," I requested, my eyes pleading my case further. She understood and gave a small nod in return. Bella headed to the front porch, taking all of my love and comfort with her. Turning back to the room, I took-in everyone's pained and sympathetic expressions. None of this was easy on any of us, particularly Emmett. He looked like shit. His king-of-the-fucking-castle demeanor had all but diminished. Our eyes connected and I knew that he was feeling just as fucked up over this as I was.

"She's my baby sister," he sighed, "and I don't even know how to protect her." Slumping further into his chair, he looked as vulnerable as his words sounded. Rose tucked her hand into one of his on his lap and leaned her head into his hulking shoulder. I could see her thumb rubbing circles in the back of his to show her love and reassurances instead of words, or some shit like that. We all sat absorbed in our own thoughts for several minutes; mine a storming brew of guilt, heartache, and just fucking helplessness.

"It's never going to be the same again, man," Jasper softly spoke, pulling us out of our day-dreams, "and it can't ever be." With his concise words, he summed up the entire mood. Perhaps we were grieving for the easier, fucking-fantastic times of ragers and popularity. I didn't give a damn about all that, though, and hadn't since Bella came into town and changed my life without ever meaning to. That shit had been over for me for some time now; the rest of the group was finally catching up.

The TV volume crept up again sometime after that and Emmett left to sit with Bella on the porch. I'll admit I was fucking jealous that he did it before I could. After all, he got to live with Sugar and I didn't. I was a selfish little shit sometimes, it's true, but it's only because I loved her and never got enough of her.

Not being able to sit there any longer like the helpless little fuck I felt, I started to pace around the house: in the entry hall, the dining room, in the music room, all of the front rooms of the house. Through the window I could see the two of them swinging on the porch swing, Bella's head on Emmett's shoulder and his arm around hers. From my position, I couldn't see if they were talking or not. It was fucking dreary outside to say in the least, so I didn't see the appeal in being out in the pressing fog and cold that was November first, other than to escape the conversation we had all been having.

I could have acted like the selfish prick that I am and forced my company on them, but I let them be. Instead, I found my way back into the music room, sitting at my baby grand piano. My fingers touched the keys reverently. It seemed like it had been god-damned years since I played, not just the few days it really had been. I felt aged, weary. As I applied more pressure, eliciting sounds, time started to turn back. I played it all out, releasing tension that had been building. At first I started with something classic and familiar like Debussy's Arabesque and ended in compositions of my own. It just felt fucking right.

.::.

A short while later Bella and I were lying in my by bed together. Perfection. Each on our sides, facing one another with my arm around her waist, our heads in our hands propped up by our elbows, our eyes held a quiet conversation.

"I should go visit Victoria in the hospital," Bella startled me with her abrupt approach.

"Oh?" Was all I could come up with for a response.

"Yea, you know, to ask her more about the situation. What we should expect, what we shouldn't worry about… what we should." She attempted lightly, but her words fell heavy around us.

"Ok. I can take you to see her," I said after thinking through it. It _was_ a good idea, but quite frankly, I didn't fucking feel like talking about this shit right now. I wanted time alone with my Sugar.

Bella nodded, understanding that we could talk about this later. Her eyes drifted close and she took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. When she opened her eyes again, so many emotions flickered across them like movie scenes on a projector screen.

Curiosity. Confusion. Love. Fear. Sadness. Wonder. Love.

I could read Bella's face so well and it was better than any fucking book.

Bella cleared her throat softly, preparing to speak. I expected her to say something about this fucked up James/Aro bullshit we had gotten ourselves into, but she didn't. In fact, she said the last fucking thing I would have expected her to say on this day, in this moment.

"Tell me about your mom," she half-whispered. Her chocolate-eyes shone bright and pleading. Her words tugged at my heart and stunned me a moment.

"What?" I managed, swallowing thickly.

"Your mom, Elizabeth. Tell me about her," she asked again, with her free hand running her fingers over the place on my chest where my tattoo resided.

"You really want to hear about her?" I asked after a beat.

"Would you rather talk about this Aro shit?" Bella offered pointedly. _Obviously fucking not_, I inwardly responded.

"What do you want to know?" I outwardly responded.

"Whatever you want to tell me." I couldn't get a grasp as to her motivation behind this, but it didn't matter, not really. My girl didn't need a motivation. Love was enough. This shit was important to me and therefore it made it important to her, I got that.

"She was fucking beautiful," I started and paused. The image of my mother—blurry around the edges now after such time has passed—assaulted my mind. Deep bronzy-red hair blowing around her face, laughing green eyes—my eyes—and a big smile from the equally deep red lips. The way she'd light up when I entered a room. The adoration in her eyes as she looked at my dad. The sound of her humming her favorite songs. It was almost too fucking much, and yet it wasn't even close to enough.

"She… taught me how to play piano, or at least tried. On her good days, she and I would sit at the piano for hours. I'd watch her play, she'd show me notes; teach me simple tunes like _London Bridge_… I was only three or so, but I was the best damn piano player a three year old ever could be. On good days, my dad called her Lizzy, Izzy, or his Izzy-girl. She called me Eddie, and my dad Carlisle-Dear. She was a strong woman, a force of nature. An enigma. She was a fucking terrific mother. On good days she liked to bake. The house always smelled like flour and sugar, and on good days she never stopped smiling and the sun always shone." Remembering hurt at the deepest corners of my heart. Now it was just a dull ache. As time had gone on, it hurt less, but it still fucking hurt.

"She sounds lovely." Bella smiled and it reached her eyes. She looked happy to learn about the woman who birthed me, who loved me, the first woman who raised me.

"On bad days," I continued without missing a beat, "she wouldn't get out of bed. She wouldn't shower. She wouldn't tuck me in at night, or sing songs at the piano, or even fucking eat. She didn't smell like cookies and she didn't even fucking smile as big when I snuck into her room to give her secret hugs even though my dad told me to let her be. On bad days, she was broken and in pain. On bad days, the trash next to her bed smelled like sour milk and was filled with her sick. My dad would pace around the house looking so fucking helpless and scared, on the phone constantly with doctors and people that were supposed to help her, but never could. On bad days, my dad called her your-mother, and she never called me anything." The pain beat more intensely now. It wasn't all-consuming like it once had been, but it came in thicker waves as I remembered the bad times.

I couldn't look Bella in the eyes anymore because my eyes had become blinded with my tears. I didn't realize that I had even started crying. I wasn't even to the worst memories of my mother. Like a little pussy-baby, I was crying. I didn't even fucking care. I heard Bella sniffle too, and decided to continue with the truth. She'd be the first person that I told all of it to. Telling Bella didn't even feel like revealing a secret, to me it felt like talking about memories with the other part of my soul. Natural.

"When she got back from rehab, she was almost empty. She was better than the bad days, but worse than the good ones. Sometimes she'd sit at the piano and stare at it, never fucking touching it. If I pleaded hard enough, she'd bake cookies with me. She'd try try try to smile, but it rarely ever reached her eyes. They were dead eyes. I tried to be the good little boy she'd want me to be, I never got into trouble, I practice practice practiced my piano for her. I helped dad make dinner and I always made my bed. Things started to get better, she started playing the piano again and the sound comforted. Things weren't as good as before, but they were good again."

I was getting lost in the memories. My voice was soft and whisper-like and my words came out in a stream-of-conscious manner. At some point, Bella's hand wove through my hair, twisting and turning her comfort into me. Without pause, I kept re-living these memories in front of Bella, with Bella, for Bella.

"And when she got cancer that was the worst of it. It was so advanced that she spent most of the time in the hospital. So many surgeries, so many treatments. Her smiles were scarce and her pain was frequent. Being hooked up to all of those machines nearly killed her spirit. Her usually glowing skin looked gray and sagged from her frail bones. Her red curls were limp against her sweat-matted face."

I closed my eyes as the images rocked through me. Shuddering. Crying. Clinging to my Sugar, my sweetness, I continued.

"She looked like fucking death, especially at the end. No matter how hard I cried for dad to take her home, he never would. She would die at home without the life-giving machines, he argued. But she was dying there just the same. She pleaded for it to be over. On the last day of her life, she asked me to grab something out of her bag on the other side of her hospital room and bring it to her," I paused, measuring my breaths and steeling my nerves.

"It was a bottle of pills. I did like a good boy and brought my mother her pills. She said that they were magic, that they'd make her feel better, and that she wouldn't suffer any more. As tears streamed down her cheeks she said, 'I love you sweet boy, be good' and then she downed the entire fucking bottle and followed it with water. Half an hour later she was dead. Everyone thought it was the cancer because I hid the empty bottle in the bottom of the trash," my voice cracked and I could no longer continue recounting that day.

I crumbled entirely. I shook the bed with my sobs, pleading for forgiveness, showing Bella my broken pieces because I am so broken, so very broken.

Bella pulled me tightly, flush against her body and rocked me. Comforted me. Loved me. Soft strokes through my hair and whispered _it's okay'_s and _I love you'_s calming me down. Bella smelled like sugar and lilacs, reminding me faintly of my mother, causing me to cry harder into her shirt.

"Bella," my voice broke, "I _killed_ my own mother," I sobbed harder. "She's fucking _dead_ because of me!"

"No, no, no," she whispered softly, wiping the tears from my eyes that never ceased to fall, "you didn't know any better, you were a _child_. She asked you. You were helping her." She believed the words she shared and I hurt fractionally less.

But I still hurt so _fucking_ badly. So much pain, so many memories. So much guilt.

I cried and cried and cried, and she held held held me tight. Bella was my Angel. My sugary, sweet Angel with a kick. Time passed, and it felt like hours though it had only been ten minutes of listening to my muffled sobs.

"You are my Angel, Bella. I can't lose you like I lost her. I won't be responsible for that shit again." My words cut, but I couldn't hold them back. She needed to understand.

"Edward," she huffed, "You weren't responsible then and you certainly aren't now. Life is pain. Life is out of our control. But we have to go on living it. You're not responsible; you were a fucking child, an innocent. Your mother was your world and you did everything you could to make her happy and at peace." Bella could be so damn insightful and probably the only person I'd believe when they told me I was wrong.

"You can't be a martyr to your guilt your entire life. Let it go. She's at Peace, E. And we will be too. You can't control the fucked up things that happen around us, ok? I… I can't see you in pain all of the time," Bella pleaded. Her tears returned and her words sunk beneath my thick exterior. I'd give her my guilt now, relinquishing it, giving it up for good.

"I have more memories than any four year old ought to, but I can't ever forget them," I said once nearly calmed. "They're imprinted on me; they're under my fucking skin, in my deepest core." It was the truth. I couldn't _not_ remember my mother, everything about her, everything about her last day. I was the secret keeper, I held her in her truest form. Heartbreak is fucking contagious, and I've lived with it since I was almost five.

After a moment, Bella spoke.

"That's funny," she darkly chuckled. "You can't seem forget the worst things of your life, when I can't seem to remember mine."

Ying and yang. Tit for tat. Pain and pain. We fit and understood each other absolutely.

.::.

Bella and Emmett left around four, since it was a Sunday, citing the need to make dinner for Charlie and catch up on homework for the upcoming week and all the other bullshit that normal life required.

Nothing really felt normal any more. Not that life with Bella was _ever_ a true shade of normal, but we were given glimpses of it from time to time. After this weekend though, none of us could go back to living without consequence, partying without regard and treating people as if they were disposable. Not that any of us had ever treated people poorly, but we surely didn't give a fuck about most of the people we let party with us. A taste of the real world with its problems went down harshly and left a bitter aftertaste.

Jasper and Rosalie left too and Alice and I were left alone.

After showering, I found myself in the living room, staring out the window into the fog that still lingered. The sun was setting within the next hour or so, and the diffused light gave my backyard an eerie feeling.

Soon Alice's light footsteps, more like tiny, dancing leaps, entered the room with me. I went to her, hugging her petite form in my arms, dwarfing her, and she hugged me back. Alice, freshly showered, smelled like spring and happy birthdays and family.

"It'll be ok, Eddie," she cooed. Her grey eyes wide and knowing, omniscient as always. "Why don't we make mom and dad dinner? They'll be home in an hour."

She just knew. Alice always fucking knew. And right now, she knew that I needed my family.

"Yea, ok," I nodded. "But I don't know how to fucking cook," I added as an after-thought.

"They know," she winked, "but it's the thought that counts!"

The kitchen was filled with the smells of food cooking. We weren't making anything extravagant, just delicious. Mashed potatoes—I did that, turns out it wasn't that hard—salad, pasta with tomato sauce from a jar, and Alice made brownies for dessert.

When my dad and Esme came home, they walked straight to the kitchen, following their noses, wearing matching expressions: shock and suspicion. I went to them immediately, Alice not far behind me, and engulfed Esme in a hug first. She smelled like roses and new couches and _mom_.

Telling Bella about Elizabeth made me realize how much Esme was a mother to me, and for longer. Finally, I appreciated her as such. Esme's wide smile replaced the suspicion on her face, but only intensified her shock.

I hugged my dad next. He smelled like peppermint, and backyard barbecues with a hint of hospital. He smelled like my dad. I had forgotten what it was like for me to feel connected to anything other than my own secret pain and bullshit pleasure seeking before Bella came into my life.

"What have you done?" My dad demanded. "What trouble have you two gotten into?" Ah, yes. Dr. Carlisle _would_ assume we were trying to atone for bad behavior because we never did shit like this.

"Nothing! We just fucking missed you alright? Jesus," I bit back. I was still me, after all.

"We wanted to do something nice," Alice explained next to me. "And we were hungry. We thought you would be too!"

"Smells good," was all Esme said. I could see the happy tears fighting at the corner of her eyes and it touched me deep in my heart, healing those painful corners I had avoided for nearly thirteen years.

The four of us sat around the dining room table, eating and laughing, actually fucking enjoying one another's company. It was like some damned after-school special or some shit, and it was perfect. Fucking perfect.

.::.

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**A/N: Well there you go, another chapter.  
****I hope you all enjoyed it; I enjoy writing it!**

**You guys rock hard, and I love you like hardcore sunshine!**

**As always, rec and review, it helps me improve!**

**::FabulousiTyxXx::**


	26. Chapter 25 Hospital Visits &Seeing Stars

**Hello! I'm back! Though, I never really left you. For some reason I have only been able to write small sections at a time. Call it writers block, call it life getting in the way, call it whatever. But here it is, another chapter of _Drowning In Dusk_! **

**Has anyone read _Dusty_ [;o)]... because you aught to. **

**Disclaimer: Mature content... Stephenie Meyers owns Twilight... but this is my plot bunny. Suck it!**

* * *

**Chapter 25: Hospital Visits and Seeing Stars**

**BPOV**

**S**itting around the dinner table, I watched Charlie and Emmett eat like wolves—_seriously, are they even breathing?_—and I couldn't help but think about the worst possible thing that could happen at that moment. In my mind, Aro's guys break down the door with their guns cocked and before Charlie can even throw me to the ground or grab for his own gun, they shoot him and Emmett. It's completely dramatic, I know, but it's the only image my brain can conjure. After my father and brother are shot and bleeding out on the floor, blood everywhere, _so much blood_, I'm taken, dragged out of my house kicking and screaming, but they have to gag me because I'm so hysterical. That's where my nightmare of a day-dream ended. I was entirely too freaked out to ruminate on my bad fortune any further than the point of abduction.

My situation was surreal. I didn't understand it. It was too dramatic, almost as much as my messed up thoughts about what _could _happen. Mainly, what I felt was confused. Why me? Why was I suddenly involved in this bullshit? Once again, my life had taken a one-eighty.

I tried distracting myself with the dinner dishes. Didn't work.

I ate two of my brownies. Didn't work.

I lay in bed instead. Band of Skulls drifted through the airwaves from my iPod dock as I watched my memories of the day on the back of my closed eyelids.

.::.

Emmett opened the front door and shuffled over to sit next to me, shifting the swing I sat on. Putting his arm around my shoulders, I leaned into his. We didn't need to say anything. We knew. We knew that we were both struggling with this. Me, with letting others play-guard with my freedom, and him with me possibly being in any sort of danger while he was powerless to solve my problem.

Ever since we were kids, Emmett was always there to save me, to help me, to fix my shit. Every time I fell off my bike, Emmett would be the one to pick my crying self off the sidewalk and carry me into the house, putting a band-aid on my scraped knee. If someone bullied me at school, Emmett would simply be Emmett and scare the piss out of them.

Before Charlie and Renee divorced, there was lots of screaming matches. Emmett would sing and dance with me in my room, music on loud enough to drown our parents out.

Emmett was always there for me when our parents weren't. It was true that Charlie and Renee were better off separated, but that meant that Renee took us with her wherever she moved, and it was a lot of different places at first before settling in Phoenix, making outside friends almost impossible. She held down many jobs just to make ends meet even though my dad paid child support. Emmett and I understood that she had to work, and we were fine with just each other, we were.

It was Emmett and me against the world until my mom met Phil. Emmett hated him instantly, while I remained ambivalent. This time, Emmett had to save himself and move to Forks with dad. I didn't need saving—not this time—so I tried to be happy with him going. It's funny how things end up: us back together in Forks where our family started.

From outside, I heard the piano being played somewhere within the house, close enough to hear bits of it through the walls. It brought me out of my thoughts of the past and into the present.

"None of this feels real," I admitted. Emmett Nodded. I continued, "It's all so dramatic, and too ridiculous. It's like a bad lifetime movie."

"I'm drowning in this, Emmett. It's like the sun has set on us and we're stuck in this dusk, this darkness the sun left behind and I'm drowning in it. We all are," I observed. I didn't really feel like thinking about the possible gravity of the situation and I didn't really feel like talking about it, but how could we just _not_ acknowledge the shit-storm into which we were heading?

"I feel we're in an episode of Scooby Doo," he chuckled after a beat, "like, were going to catch up with these assholes and lift off their masks and ta-daaa! It's our parents pranking us for having house parties when they're gone, or sex on their sofas." Emmett was really laughing now, and so was I.

This was Emmett saving me again. He was making me laugh by telling me something so ridiculous that only _he_ could have thought of it.

"You're such a bone-head!" I teased. "But I know what you mean." We swung in the quiet again for a few moments more, both of us laughing softly at the mess we found ourselves in.

"Wait, Emmett do you and Rose have sex on our couch!?" I half-yelled and half-laughed in disgust, punching my tiny fist into his hulking arm. _Gross_.

His laughter boomed and went straight to my bones, vibrating out the chill that was ever settled within them. The chill was always there, always has been since the accident, but it left me for the time-being. Emmett could do that for me sometimes with his laughter.

Edward, though, did it by his mere existence.

"Woops!" He guffawed again. I looked to him and saw that his cheeks had turned a shade of pink not dissimilar to the color mine turned when I blushed.

"I love you Big-Bear," I said softly, snuggling closer into his side.

"I love you too Belly-Bear," he replied, kissing my forehead. His improved nickname showed respect to the new me and I was even gladder that I had come back to Forks. I had missed Emmett so much more than I had realized.

.::.

Edward's ringtone brought me out of my meditations. My fingers clicked the answer key without my eyes opening.

"Mm, baby," I half slurred, my voice thick with my deep musings.

"Sugar? What are you doing?" He sounded better than he had before, but not fully himself.

"Tingling," I sighed, "and listening to my _Thinking Bitch_ playlist," I added.

"What are you thinking about?" His curiosity dripping through his velvety tones. _Mmm, I'm high_, I thought.

"Nothing…and everything. Mainly about chocolate at this point."

"How many brownies-deep are you?" He chuckled. I smiled because he knew me so well.

"Two… and a half. Plus another half," I admitted through my own guilty smile.

"It was a three brownie day, huh? That bad?" I couldn't get a read on his thoughts.

"Edward," I breathed, "It was a three brownie day after a ten brownie and five bottles of Jack weekend, following a brick-of-coke-four-months. Or… something like that."

"I'm sorry sugar, I know shit's pretty fucked up right now but—"

"—I don't want to talk about how shit's fucked up. It's ok. Let's just _be_."

"What do you mean, Sugar?"

"Let's just ignore this crap, yeah? Let's just forget that I might be in trouble with some scary apparently not-so-small-town dude, and be teenagers," I pleaded. "I need … normal. I had normal. I used to be so painfully plain; my life was so nauseatingly routine. I used to long for excitement, for adventure, and then I get stuck with _this?_ This is not normal! This is not healthy. I am going to _drown _in this shit—" and suddenly I couldn't breathe. I bolted up straight in my bed gasping for air. Fear trickled through my veins and my eyes went starry, then black, then back again.

"Sugar? Bella, breathe. I'm coming over. Just breathe." I could hear the jingle of keys in his hands.

"No!" I gasped, "Charlie's still awake. I'll—," gasp, "—be fine."

Panic attack. It wasn't my first and it certainly wouldn't be my last. With the realization of what it was, I remembered what I ought to do to make it go away. Leaping of the bed, I fumbled with the drawer to my nightstand, fingers clumsily scanning for that orange plastic Rx bottle. Two pills did the trick.

"Bella," Edward threatened. He didn't understand that I had been suffering through these for months now. He always worried too much over me.

"Promise," I said after a deep breath, "it was just a little thing…I took my medicine, I'll be fine." I hoped he would be placated, but one never knew with Edward.

"You not being able to breathe is _not_ just a _little thing_. Fuck, Bella! I nearly had a heart attack, what was that!?" he all but screamed into the phone. I could practically see his fists clenched at his sides, knuckles turning white, jaw snapped shut. It was an all-too-Edward-when-pissed-off image.

"A panic attack. I'm fine. I've gotten them a few times since the accident. Totally not worth even talking about," I huffed, breathing almost back to normal while my traitorous heart still beat all-too-fast.

When he spoke next, the pain was audible in his voice. "I hate it that you suffer."

It shattered.

It melted.

It healed.

It made me wish I wasn't so hell bent on pretending to be tough and strong. But my lies were my lies and they were what I lived by now: pretending to be alright. It hurt to lie to Edward.

"Well, I mean," I started, feeling guilty. "I'll be ok… eventually. You make me feel better." I offered some truth. I hadn't let him into my despair in a while. We had been in his, but mine remained selfishly within me, unshared for the time being.

We sat on the phone for a while talking about inconsequential things and simply being comforted by the sound of each other's breathing. Eventually I drifted off into an overly medicated slumber.

.::.

Dawn's light had been too harsh that morning, unclouded by rain for the first time in weeks. Edward was over-protective that day at school. Too cautious, looking over his shoulders every few minutes, watching for the slightest hint of ensuing chaos.

Nothing happened, of course. Edward's paranoia was starting to irritate me towards the end of lunch when I all but snapped completely at him.

"_Edward_," I seethed through clenched teeth, squeezing his hand that was holding mine like a boa constrictor squeezes the life out if its prey. "Enough. No one is going to gank me in the middle of a crowded High School Lunch Room. You're giving me anxiety. _Cut. It. Out_." Edward exhaled loudly, massaging his hand when I released it.

"Trouble in paradise?" Emmett interrupted. I returned his verbal jab with a tight, _try-me_ smile. Apparently he saw the hell-fire in my eyes because he immediately whispered _sorry_ before Rose even had the chance to pop him on the back of the head. Turning back to Edward, his eyes met mine. A sheepish smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. Even though his over-protectiveness of me was reminiscent of eras long before when chastity belts weren't a thing of humor, I couldn't completely fault him. He was stressed. We all were. This was how he dealt with his.

With a brief hesitation on his part, a sort of request for permission, he snaked his hand to thumb one of the fire-red streaks in my deep chocolate hair. His sheepish smile lilted into his signature crooked one.

It spiked my heart rate for a beat.

"There's my girl, the little spit-fire I fell for," he whispered in my ear, raising little goosebumps where his breath tickled. In truth, I didn't mind _this_ sort of excitement… just the near-death kind.

"I'm sorry, E, but you really have to _chill_," I apologized, taking his aching hand in both of mine, massaging my damage away. He took my apology and offered his own. Lunch passed into biology class, Edward refusing to release my hand as we sat in our usual seats in the back. Mr. Banner had us working on typical partner activities, completely ignoring the class with his nose in some thick text on human evolution.

"Edward," I whispered, garnering his attention, "I want to see Victoria after school."

"No," he responded before his face could even register his annoyance.

"Yes. I'm going to see her."

"Bella," he almost hissed, pinching the bridge of his nose with the hand that wasn't holding my own. "I understand your need to feel as though you're not like a fucking sitting-duck, but perhaps we should concentrate on things that we can _control_, or rather attempt to control. We should call some of those people from the list we made."

"Edward, that shit is in the past. This is our present future. I'm going."

"No, you are not."

"Yes. It wasn't a request. I was telling you. I'm going to go visit Victoria and you can go with me or not," I looked at him pointedly. Sighing in exasperation, he shrugged his shoulders, knowing when to pick his battles with me.

"Fine, but you bet your ass you're not going alone. I'll go with you." I smiled with my easy victory, suddenly nervous as to what might come out of her mouth.

After Edward double, triple, quadruple checked both parking lots and after deciding that we were safe, he let me go into the hospital. Luckily, Victoria was in a privet room.

"Bella!" Victoria croaked, "what the—" she stopped in a coughing fit.

She looked like absolute shit.

Red, frizzy hair flying in every direction.

Deep purple, bruise-like bags under her eyes.

Red scratch marks all over her chest and arms: everywhere we could see.

She looked so… frail. She had always been a thin girl in my memories of her, but sitting in that bed she looked so helplessly tiny. It made me wonder if I had looked like that, if it was an effect of the bed. _No_, I inwardly admonished myself, _don't think about that. _I tried, in vain, to rarely if not ever think about the accident. It only seemed to consume all of my positive thoughts like fire to oxygen. It was toxic and dangerous. A waste of my time.

"I wanted to see how you were doing," I told her, taking a cautionary step towards her.

"_Bull_shit," she cackled. "Don't worry little girl. I won't tell the authorities on you."

"What!? Why would I worry about _that? _I didn't do anything!" I almost yelled. Almost.

Victoria laughed at my flustering. "Joking. But seriously Bella, you _shouldn't_ be here…" she paused cryptically. Looking around. The door was closed, Edward acting as sentinel next to it. We were safe. "Caius was here. They could be watching the room," she warned with a clarity that amazed me. She was, after all, coming down from a pretty serious cocaine addiction.

"No one's watching the room. I made sure of it," Edward spoke for the first time. Relief was visible on Victoria's face.

"Who's Caius?" I asked after a beat. The name was unfamiliar.

"Aro's business partner. He was here making sure I wasn't dead. Or spilling my guts. He left satisfied knowing that I wasn't…but…" She paused, nearly shaking. Her bone-thin fingers wound their way up her arms, nails dragging along the skin leaving behind even more angry, red trails.

"But what?" I questioned, walking closer to the bed, grabbing her hands to still the destructive movement.

"He left threatening my life," she swallowed hard. "I said that these people didn't even know my name, how could they think that I was involved in anything worth questioning, you know? He seemed … like he accepted it, but… _shit!_ I can't handle all of this shit, Bella! I need some C. Do you have any? Could you get me some? I'm going crazy. My skin is _crawling_," she complained through tears. Then she started shaking.

"Calm down, V. You're okay," I cooed, "you're okay." I held her for a bit, until her breathing slowed. "How well do you know these guys? Do you know a lot about them?" I asked once I figured she could handle the questions. When she was silent, I looked to Edward for help. He looked uncomfortable, and shrugged.

"Everything that's important," she startled us by talking. "James was one of the delivery guys, Aro controls the supplies, Caius has the _protection _connection."

"Protection?" Edward and I chimed in unison.

"Guns. Intimidation so people don't get ideas about taking over the supply area. James was in charge of distributing … the goods in the Olympic Peninsula… well most of Washington really. I have no idea how Aro got started. All I ever knew is that he's from Forks but hooked up with the right people in Seattle years ago. He came back here because he's from here. Aro thought Forks was small-town enough to go unnoticed as his base of operations and now he _is_ the main supplier of drugs. Virtually the only one," she huffed so quickly.

The quasi confession left her weak and exhausted. Her grasp on consciousness was tenuous at best. Her eyes closed, looking as if she was about to fall asleep. Almost as instantly as she slumped into her pillows, she bolted up straight, eyes open and face tinged with green.

"Oh my god! I shouldn't have told you that, now they're going to _kill_ me," she said hysterically before ripping her hands from my grip, reaching to the garbage can next to her and emptying the contents of her stomach. Watching her was saddening. An asshole boyfriend and a serious drug addiction made her this way: fearful, out of touch with reality, and hopelessly ill in mind, body, and spirit. Victoria was like a light switch turning on and off as she flipped between a sort of calm, collected demeanor and a manic hysteria.

I was at a loss as to how I could comfort her. I had zero experience dealing with addicts. I half-stepped backwards from the bed to give her some space. Biting my bottom lip nervously, I turned my gaze to Edward and shrugged showing my confusion. His strong-as-steel expression that he had been wearing melted into a mixture of emotions and _knowing_. He was at my side in an instant, his hand wrapped around my waist protectively.

"Victoria, I understand this is very difficult for you with the withdrawal and shit, but you need to get a grip. Have you ever considered rehab?" Edward asked after Victoria had collected herself.

"Why would I go to rehab, I don't have a problem," she huffed.

Denial was a powerful thing.

Edward took a breath to speak just as Victoria's eyelids fluttered closed.

"We should go," I whispered. I hated hospitals and had had _enough _for the day, week… lifetime really.

.::.

"Bellaaaa, I'm hooooome! FEED ME!" Emmett shouted as he got home from his workout.

Giggling, I turned my head to Edward's perch on the kitchen counter snickering _told ya_ as he shook his head. Emmett lumbered into kitchen immediately after.

"Smells so good Belley-Bear!" he exclaimed as picked me up by the waist, and hugging me with his colossal arms before setting me down at the stove again. "Hey man!" he greeted Edward. Edward nodded his _hello_.

"Emmett, you stink," I wrinkled my nose.

"Yeah, woops! I'll go shower. Then you can feed me!" Emmett called as he trudged out of the kitchen, leaving Edward and me alone once again.

Turning my concentration back to the stir-fry on the stove, I got lost in the therapeutic action of cooking.

"Bella," Edward whispered after a few minutes, garnering my notice once again. Slightly turning my head in his direction to show that he had my attention, he spoke again.

"Come here."

Setting down the spoon and sesame seeds that I was holding, slowly I turned my body toward him, taking measured steps until I stood in-between his knees. One of his hands found its way around my waist, and the other trailed across my cheek leaving behind a trail of tingles. Every time he touched me it was this way. I could never get used to it. Every time was as exciting as the first.

"You've hardly said two words since we got home," he observed. Intense green eyes bore into my muddy-browns. "Maybe," he sighed, "maybe it was a mistake going to see Victoria." His hand cradled the back of my neck, thumb lightly rubbing circles on my cheek.

I shook my head to show my disagreement.

"I hate it when you're quiet. It scares me."

"I'm sorry, E," I said while taking a breath. I blinked slowly, gathering my thoughts to put into words I wasn't aware that I was thinking until Edward took me out of my own head. "I'm just… I don't know. Scared myself, I guess. She was just so… so… helpless and scared and small and sickly and…" my words caught in my throat as a sob threatened to overtake me. Edward pulled me to his firm chest immediately as his protecting arms held me close.

"It reminded me of… _after_." It was all I could manage but it said everything. He knew. He understood.

"You're healing, Bella. You've come so far," he cooed into my hair. Silent tears left wet trails down my cheeks, onto his shirt and I was thankful that the sobs stopped after the first one. It felt so good to be understood. It didn't erase the unknown past, but it helped to heal the scars it left in its wake. I nodded into his chest. He held me like that until we heard Emmett's clumping footsteps moving around upstairs.

As he released me, Edward wiped away the last remnants of my tears and I gave him a watery smile in return.

"Thanks."

"Don't mention it."

Leaning upwards on my tippy-toes, I kissed his cheek, and went back to the dinner I had yet to finish.

"We should probably call people from our list," I said to the stove after a beat, suddenly nervous to admit it to Edward's face.

"Yea. Tomorrow or something." Although he said it nonchalantly, I could hear the smile in his voice. Emmett joined us in the kitchen soon after.

.::.

Days passed, as they always do. Work the next day wasn't the same without Victoria being there. Even though I had agreed to resume the search for information on the night of my accident, Edward, thankfully, had waited until the next week to bring it up.

"MOTHER FUCKER!" Edward screeched as he slammed down the phone. "Could Mr. Mallory have been any _less_ fucking helpful? Christ! What kind of asshole doesn't have time to help piece together something that occurred right after you left his house?"

"I hate to say it, but I _told you so_. Edward, these people… they're too much into preserving their _image_. They're all about being normal, suburban, and tan. It's easier for them to think that I just went nuts and did what I did."

"Sugar, you are not fucking nuts! I won't stand for people to think of you that way." Edward pulled me up from sitting next to him on the couch to sitting on his lap. He needed me closer. "It _eats_ me that people will not help you." He clenched his jaw, the skin over his bones taught in anger.

Stroking the stubble that ran along the sharp angles, my fingers drifted along his jaw. His anger awoke a hunger in me that never quite slept. He growled as I nipped at his chin, kissing my way to his hear, nibbling on his ear lobe just the way he liked it, until his anger melted and he lost control over himself in another more carnal way. In a swift movement, I was on my back on his couch as he hovered over me, barely able to contain his anger-turned-lust. I bit my lip to keep a moan of satisfaction from escaping me. My hands found their way to his chest and roamed south, but his hands grabbed my wrists, pinning them above my head.

"Careful _Sugar_," he replied grittily, "or you might just get what you wish for." At hearing his dark words, a little whimper escaped. I tried to arch my hips into his for a little friction or incentive to continue on. "Naughty Bella," Edward whispered against my lips before tracing his tongue along the bottom lip I had just released from my teeth before sucking it between the two of his.

"Edward, _please_." I begged for something I was not entirely sure I knew. He released my wrists and dragged his hands down my arms and along my ribs before grabbing either side of my hips, thumbing along the exposed flesh covering the prominent bones. I laced my fingers through his messy copper hair and pulled him closer to me. When our lips met, I kissed him will full abandon, showing him my need for him. He released my mouth before I was ready, whining as he leaned back.

"Don't worry Bella, I'll make you see stars," he whispered in low tones making my legs shake in anticipation. His thumbs hooked into the rim of my jeans eliciting a red hot flame to erupt in my lower abdomen. He lowered himself to kiss at the naked flesh exposed there before his dexterous fingers popped open the top button of my pants. My hands, frenzied with excitement, reached for his own button on the top of his jeans, but his hands stalled mine again.

"Let me make you feel good, Sugar." His voice melted and sparked. His eyes hooded in desire, mirroring my own.

His hands picked up where they left off and slid the zipper down. Leaning back, he hooked his hands at the waist of my pants, lifted my hips and slid them down my legs and rubbed his way back up to the edges of my hip bones. His nose grazed a path between each peak against the sensitive skin there before heading lower to even more sensitive skin. He nosed at the hem of my panties and chuckled, breathing the words _so sweet_, tickling my skin. In the same motion as before, Edward removed my panties, and I lay there exposed in both body and soul. Tingles erupted over my flesh and Edward made good on his promise.

I saw the whole damn universe.

.::.

"Dad, could I talk to you for a minute?" I asked after gathering the courage to do so for the last two weeks after talking to Victoria. She knew more than she thought she did and as she recovered, that information was sure to make itself known to her. She needed to tell the police, I needed her to. Her testimony could keep James in jail and possibly take Aro and the rest of them with him. In time and therapy, hopefully Victoria would be able to see what scum James truly was.

"Sure Bells, though I don't think I'm any good at homework help," he chuckled as he joined me at the kitchen table where I had spread out my books.

"Oh, thanks, but uh… it's not really about that. I have more of a hypothetical question, sort of…" I picked at the sleeve of my olive green sweater.

"Well, shoot!"

"Uhm, how credible is a former drug addict's testimony in court?"

"That's a sort of specific question, Bells! Why do you ask that?"

"Well I saw on Law and Order that they had this recovering drug addict giving state's evidence about some drug lord's stuff in court… and it made me wonder if that was real or just some Hollywood thing grasping at straws or whatever." Nervous as I was, I thought my query was coming out as a plausible question.

"Depends. If the addict got themselves clean and had enough concrete information then sure it could be very useful. If it were murky at best, then no, likely not."

"Oh, ok. What about if the addict knew about the identities behind a drug … group or whatever. Like, they knew about higher-ups in the group that even the police didn't know about."

"Yes, that would be very helpful! Stopping those sorts of things by getting the leaders of organizations behind bars is essential. It's sort of the icing on the cake. That must have been some episode, huh?" Charlie chuckled. My father was a bright man, but I was excellent at keeping secrets. I had a lot of practice, after all.

"It sure was, dad," I smiled and turned back to my homework. Charlie confirmed everything I had been thinking for the past two weeks. The next day after my shift at the diner I needed to visit Victoria and somehow convince her to make a statement to the police. That would be no small feat.

Edward was not thrilled at my desire to head back to the hospital after my shift the following day, but I convinced him otherwise. It was for the best, and even he saw what it would lead to: our freedom and safety with Aro and his assholes in prison.

My nerves were at an all-time high the next day through school and work. I was cut a little early, it was slow for a Tuesday and decided to wait for Edward to come get me outside. It was neither raining nor snowing and I could use the fresh air to calm my nerves. It was temperate for the middle of November, only two days away from Thanksgiving. My mom was giving me grief for not flying out to be with her and Phil, but honestly! A hotel Thanksgiving? No way. Planes work both ways, she could easily fly up to see me _and_ Emmett.

A car engine revving in the parking lot caught my attention. It was a black SUV, one of five vehicles in the parking lot. It sparked a spine-tingling fear. My fears were confirmed when seconds later, two guys quickly got out. I instantly recognized them from the security feed at the Cullen's from Halloween and ran back inside the diner to the Employee's bathroom through the office, bolting both doors. My fingers were shaking as they dialed Edward's number as tears blurred my vision. I knew I had mere seconds before they would be pounding down the door.

SHIT! I should have called Charlie, he's a fucking cop for fuck's sake!

"_I'm almost there Bella, did you get cut early?"_ Edward answered.

"They're here! The guys from Halloween, they're fucking here! I'm hiding in the Employee bathroom! Edward, I'm fucking terrified!"

"_I will be there in TWO SECONDS! I love you. Stay there, don't leave with anyone except me, got it?"_

"Yes," I sobbed into the phone, hearing tires screech on the other end of the line. I had never been so terrified in my life, including when I woke up without a memory in the hospital, and again outside the hospital after Victoria's cryptic warning. The next few silence-filled minutes were the worst I had ever endured, abruptly cut short by pounding on the office door.

_Oh my fucking god, they found me_, I cried inwardly, covering my mouth so they couldn't hear me cry.

"Bella! Bella, Sugar, it's me open the fuck up!" Edward called through two locked doors. Relief flooded my veins as I ripped open the bathroom door and again the office door, slamming my body into Edward's. "Let's go," he said, cradling me to his body and leading me out the back through the kitchen. Bonnie and the Liam were in the kitchen, presumably incredibly confused. Once in Edward's car, he grabbed for my hand and took off driving, constantly looking over his shoulder. He drove us around for almost twenty minutes without stopping before I could breathe normally again.

"Edward," my scratchy voice questioned, "where are we going?"

"I had to make sure we weren't followed. Then we're going back to my house. Emmett is picking you up there." His voice was eerily calm.

"Hospital… have to… Edward, I have to talk to Victoria still."

"No FUCKING way. I have to keep you safe! They'll find you if we go there."

"This has got to stop. The only way is for Victoria to testify! Edward, you know we need to do this _right now_. This has to end. I can't… can't _feel_ this fear any longer!" I sobbed out.

When I was able to compose myself again, I looked at him and the expression on his face ripped out my heart and crushed it. Tears were streaming down his face as emotions warred within him. His protective instinct was going to kill him if he didn't relax.

"Edward, I love you. You know we need to convince her. We'll all be safer in the long run, _please_. Please."

A gush of air expelled from Edward's lungs as he resigned some of his inner turmoil.

"Fine, but you never leave my side. I can't _lose_ you too."

.::.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Recs and Reviews help.**

**I am hard at work writing the next few chapters... things get intense.**

**Love,**

**~FabulousiTyxXx~**


	27. Chapter 26 Fucking Thankful

**A/N: Hello! Progress, my friends, progress! :o)**

**Here we go again! **

* * *

**Chapter 26: Fucking Thankful**

**EPOV**

**I** almost couldn't let Bella get out of the car. The fear that she would be taken from me was overwhelming. It consumed all of my rational thought, but Bella was right. Why would they think we had anything to do with Victoria being in the hospital? They wouldn't look for her there. So there I stood, outside Victoria's room drinking black crappy hospital coffee and flicking my Zippo open and closed, because it wasn't like I could light up a cigarette in the middle of the goddamned unit. Bella thought it would be better for Victoria if she went in alone, so I was stuck outside trying to hear scraps of their conversation. Anytime someone passed me in the hallway I stared daggers at them until they had gone. Every passerby was a threat.

I was losing my fucking mind.

_"…but if you tell the police, they can't come after you! They'll be in prison!"_

Like the eavesdropper I was, I attempted to listen closer to the door that stood ajar.

"I didn't know you knew Victoria," a man's voice startled me.

"Shit!" I exclaimed as I spun around and found myself face-to-face with my father. "Dad! …hi. Uhm, yea Bella works with her." Relieved that it was just my father, I leaned back against the wall, sipping my coffee trying to regain a sense of calm.

"I see." My father's crystal blue eyes were unreadable due to years of practice. "Well considering she only _just_ told us her name, I'm concerned."

"Dad, shit's a little fucked up with Victoria—."

"I'm aware Edward, and if she doesn't get help and get clean she is going to die," he admitted.

"Yea, well if she doesn't come clean to the cops, we're all going to die," I muttered into my Styrofoam cup.

"What!?" Dr. Cullen growled, because the look on his face certainly wasn't fatherly. _Oh GODDAMNIT!_ I choked on my coffee; that did _not_ just come out of my mouth.

"Nothing. Christ! Calm down, dad" I couldn't even look at him, but the linoleum floor wasn't much better.

"Edward, tell me what is going on, _now!_ You kids have been acting oddly since Halloween, what the hell happened? What have you done this time? Are you selling drugs!?"

"No, goddamnit! I'm not fucking selling drugs! It's complicated, dad."

"I am a board-certified surgeon and have my Ph. D. in cellular biology, I think I can handle complicated, Edward," he retorted pointedly, raking his hand through his short blonde locks.

I leaned toward the open crack of Victoria's door, _"…but I'm not strong enough, Bella_." Huffing out my lingering frustration, I resigned my resistance.

"I don't even know where to begin," I confessed to my feet, slumping further into the wall.

"Try."

"VictoriaisJames'girlfriendandsheknowsabouthi sdrugbusinessandhisbossisaft erBella." I muttered again to my feet.

"Edward I'm serious!"

"Well, fuck, dad!"

"Watch your mouth! Do I need to take you to my office to talk about this—"

"No!" I stopped him, "I can't leave Bella. Ugh! Fine… Victoria is James Smith's girlfriend…" Realization dawned on his pale face. Everyone in the small town of Forks knew James Smith, and if they did not before, they did now. Before he could voice his opinions or the conclusions he likely jumped to, I decided to get it all out, well… at least as much as I could allow.

"And," I continued, "she happens to know about James' drug connections. Bella and I are trying to convince her to testify against the other guys involved with James."

"I see," was all he said. I could see the wheels in his head turning, churning out an explanation as to how all the pieces of the puzzle fit together.

"Dad, Victoria needs rehab, right?"

He nodded.

"She also needs to disappear after she gives her testimony against James and all that…"

Again, my father nodded.

"I would like to use some of my trust fund money from Nana and Papa to send her to a really good Rehabilitation Facility out of state."

The shock on my father's face said it all. His jaw hung slack as words failed to materialize out of his mouth. Sputtering, he coughed to attempt to regain some sort of composure.

"You want to do _what_, Edward?" He managed. "That is the most selfless thing… you've _ever_ done. Why?"

"I'm not fucking selfish!" I spat. His eyes narrowed.

"_Language_, son! I never said that you were selfish, but that is the most selfless thing you've ever done. I still do not understand why."

"It would benefit more than just one person. It helps Victoria, Chief Swan… the whole town, really. I just want those guys off the streets where they can't hurt people anymore." That was the most truthful thing I could have said without explaining, in great detail, everything that had transpired and all of the fucking shit we've gone through and all the shit we still had yet to face. I needed him to understand the importance of this without him knowing every facet. I couldn't betray Bella by giving him the particulars, and she came fucking first in this mess. I wish I could have told him _that_.

"I'll see what I can do," he declared after contemplation. "When did you grow up into such a fine man?"

"I, er, uhm… well I…" I sputtered and shrugged my shoulders, uncomfortable with the question.

He gave me a sidelong glance, studying something I wasn't sure was there. His face melted from its previously stern state into something almost loving.

"She has been good for you, Edward," he praised before side stepping me and pushing his way into Victoria's room.

Aghast, I stood in the hallway against the wall blinking for longer than intentioned and then quickly followed him closely behind. His white lab coat billowed after his thin body and quick pace.

"…_I don't know… Oh! Dr. Cullen!_" Victoria cried as we entered her private room.

"Victoria, if you do not kick this nasty little cocaine habit of yours, you will die. I told you earlier and I will tell you again, if you do not stay sober all of your organ systems will collapse, and you will die. And, as I understand it, you have some very important information about an illegal drug distribution group that has made Forks its basis of operations. It is paramount that you tell the police this information. I encourage it, but not only that, I have more to offer. If you promise to tell the police all you know, I will personally fund your highest-quality rehabilitation retreat where you will be perfectly safe from outside harm. If you do not comply with these terms I have lain out, I will have to turn you out of Forks Community Hospital now that you are not at a current risk of a stroke, do you understand?"

My father had never been so directly tough-love in all my life. It freaked me the fuck out. Maybe my dad _was_ on my side with all of this. Maybe he did understand.

"So, I will be out on the street if I don't go to rehab?" she questioned. Her tightly controlled expression gave away nothing. Bella's own face was just as unreadable.

"I suppose so, unless, you have other means of getting yourself clean." She didn't. We all knew that. Without another word, he turned and left the room just as ominously as he had entered.

Upon his exit, Bella was the first to speak, but only after we all had a few moments to digest what just occurred.

"Vicky…." She attempted. Bella's face set in determination as she tucked a vibrantly red streak of hair behind her ear. "We both know Dr. Cullen's option is the only one you have… this way you won't have to wonder if and when they found you… they wouldn't! Those facilities very strictly monitor who goes in and out. You would be safe _and_ healthy. _Please_ don't ignore this incredible opportunity for you."

"I can't take Dr. C's money—"

"You won't. It's mine," I interrupted. If she was going to get herself involved in this, she needed to know the truth and how much Bella and I were invested in this. The money was nothing to me, but Bella's safety was _everything_. "He had nothing to do with you going to rehab… we do. I'm paying for everything." Her jaw slacked as she lost her resolve. I could see that whatever Bella had said to her while I was in the hallway was starting to sink in.

"Vicky, it's like I said… we _can _protect you," Bella insisted as she took a step closer to Victoria's bed. Bella had no idea that I was going to offer this to Victoria and yet, she trusted me, or someone, to come through and for that I loved her, if possible, a little bit more.

A tear leaked out of the corner of Victoria's eye as she considered her options. Confusion was the most frequent of all the rapidly shifting emotions that crossed her face.

"Ok," she exhaled shakily, "I'll do it." Victoria's chest lifted as the weight of the decision released the strangle-hold it had on her. Relief flooded my body as I walked towards Bella and wrapped my arms around her from behind.

"You're saved," I whispered in her multiply studded ear, holding her close.

"Because of you," she countered.

.::.

My dad called Forks' police soon after Bella and I left the hospital. Emmett, Rosalie, Bella, and I pretended to watch a movie in their living while waiting for Charlie to come home. The wait was agonizingly slow, and not even _Pineapple Express_ was enough of a distraction as the minutes ticked by. Quarter to ten, Charlie's cruiser pulled into the driveway. Four pairs of eyes honed onto the front door awaiting any sort of news.

"Looks like we found a break in the case," Charlie exclaimed as he began removing his gear once inside the house. "A witness is willing to testify against those druggies we got involved with back in September."

"Wow, that's great Dad!" Emmett ventured, the only one brave enough to speak.

"Oh yea! Just like your show _Law& Order_, huh Bells?" Bella's cheeks instantly stained pink. _What's this about _Law & Order_?_ I wondered, and why did it make Bella blush?

"Yea," was all Bella replied, her body unconsciously pressing closer into my side. Charlie took no notice.

"It's a good thing the Cullens invited us over for Thanksgiving, because I'm going to be really busy the next few days with work stuff. Hopefully I'll be able to stop by for dessert?" he sheepishly asked.

"Chief Swan, you are welcome at any time," I assured. "Too bad you and Jasper are flying to Houston tomorrow, Rose. Bella is in charge of the desserts," I teased, eliciting the famed Rosalie scowl. Charlie shifted his weight uncomfortably as he looked at the four of us, not wanting to interrupt and yet not wanting to leave us alone either.

"Well," he awkwardly interrupted after a few minutes, "I better hit the hay so I can get an early start tomorrow. Good night 'all! I know you don't have school tomorrow, but don't stay up too late." We all called our own _goodnights_ as he retreated up the stairs.

Once we heard the click of his bedroom door closing, we collectively breathed in relief. It felt safer with Charlie being home, despite the fact that the next few days would be so up in the air.

I was fucking petrified something would go wrong.

I felt a squeezing pressure on my hand and was met with Bella's gaze. Staring into the charcoal lined chocolate, further framed with thick black lashes, my anxiety eased a degree.

"It's going to be ok," she insisted, nodding lightly. I brought my fingers to her ivory cream skin of her cheek, stroking softly the few freckles that were scattered about.

"I know," I agreed. "It has to be." With feather light touches, she absentmindedly played with the ring in my eyebrow as the corner of her lips lifted in a small half-smile. She brought her lips to mine in a chaste, reassuring kiss.

"So….." Emmett interrupted as our kiss separated, making a slight awkwardness settle in the room. "How about some of those brownies, Belley?" And then it lifted as quickly as it came.

The next day I drove around Bella's block three times, searching for anything out of the ordinary, before searching the woods behind her house. I was taking every fucking precaution. Inside the house, Bella looked as every bit as frantic as I felt. Flour caked her cheeks, the hair she had swept up into a very messy bun at the crown of her head, and the apron I had bought her from Anthropologie. Alice had had the stupid catalogue out lying out on the kitchen counter. Upon seeing the green apple pattern, I thought of Bella and bought it. Once again, she looked fucking edible in it.

"Oh, hey Edward," she huffed as she blew her fly-away bangs from her eyes, holding onto a pie plate, turning about face and setting it on the counter. Jose Gonzales' _Down the Line_ drifted from her iPod dock on the table. _Don't let the darkness eat you up…_he sang to no one in particular. Approaching her from the side, I took her chin in my hand and brought her to my lips. Her anxiety melted as her shoulders lowered into a more natural and relaxed position.

"Hello, Love," I replied. "Can I help with anything?" An amused smirk formed on her pouty lips as one eyebrow arched, giving me her answer. "Alrighty then, I'll just sit at the table and watch, if you're sure."

"I'm sure," she giggled, turning back to a bowl holding what looked like chocolate mousse. As I sat, I withdrew the lighter from my pocket, flicking it open and shut, watching the flames alight and extinguish. Flick, burn, snap. It had become habit instead of smoking as of late. Bella wasn't a fan of cigarettes.

"So… what are you making?" Flick, burn, snap.

Without even a peak in my direction, she listed, "French Silk, apple, and pumpkin pie."

"Thanksgiving is not until tomorrow, Sugar." Flick, burn, snap. Flick, burn, snap.

Eliciting a glance and fiery eyes, Bella retorted, "Some things need to be made the night before, like the French Silk and Pumpkin pies and the apple pie dough. Plus, tomorrow I'll be busy helping Esme cook. There's so much to do!"

"I see." Flick, burn, snap.

"Stop flicking that goddamned lighter," she grumbled into the mixing bowl. Snap.

"Well, fuck, Bella. You're not the only one with nerves that are shot!" Almost as if the Universe was trying to prove my point, the front door burst open. Bella shrieked, dropped the bowl and spatula onto the counter, and whirled around clutching her heart. I was by her side in a flash, just in time to see Emmett stroll through the front door.

"Saw my lady-love off at the airport and—whoa, what the fuck? Belley, you ok?" Although Emmett wasn't the brightest sack of meat, even he saw the sheer terror in Bella's eyes. "Edward, what's going on," he addressed me when Bella merely cocked her head from one side and then to the other.

"Startled us, is all." I answered right before Bella's grip on her heart and my arm slacked as she crumbled to the floor in a pile of herself. Emmett jerked to move for her but my outstretched arm stopped him. I shook my head, telling him to go. Emmett's humor couldn't put Bella's pieces back together in this situation: she needed me. I would be her fucking glue even if it took everything I had left in me.

Immediately I joined her on the floor, pulling her to my lap. Her arms easily snaked around my neck as she gripped onto me for dear life. Her body shook as her head cradled itself into the nook of my neck. "Shhh" I cooed into her neck, rocking our bodies from side to side. Five songs on the iPod later, she sniffled and drew her head back.

"Edward," she croaked eyes leaking, "I can't take this much stress anymore. I'm so scared _all _the time." I ran my hand over her cheeks, trying to dry the salty tears that never ceased to flow.

"We're all fucking scared, baby. All of us."

"I'm scared of _everything, _though. Doors opening, floor boards creaking, the rain at my window. Everything is so uncertain right now, and therefore even more dangerous. I'm terrified Charlie is going to get hurt or killed and it will be _my fault_—"

"Stop. It's not your fucking fault, it's James' or Aro's… but it sure as shit isn't yours! Everything that we've done has been a reaction to things _they_ have done. We're innocent. _You're_ fucking innocent. In fact, you were unconscious when we turned James in. Please, Sugar, stop beating yourself up over this. We cannot control it; we can only control how we react to it."

Bella looked at me and merely blinked; her face expressionless. It was unnerving that for the first time I couldn't read her emotions on her face.

"You should take your own advice, Edward," she finally replied, hinting at something I didn't understand. When I didn't say anything, she continued. "…with your mom." It felt like I got sucker-punched in the gut. Neither of us had brought up my mother in weeks and it burned, and then I remembered Bella's words to me that last time we spoke of her: _life is pain. Life is out of our control. But we have to go on living it. You're not responsible; you were a fucking child, an innocent_. Remembering this, I realized that I truly had released my guilt over my mother's death and in turn had been inspired by Bella's words.

"It was sort of yours to begin with," I noted. Surprise colored her face.

"How?"

"After Halloween when we were discussing my mother, you told me I was innocent. It wasn't my fault."

Bella's own comprehension seeped into her skin, relaxing her rigid posture. That was the thing about us, we knew exactly what needed to be said to break through our barriers, our walls, our protective shields. She was my light in the darkness, and I was the raft she clung to when drowning.

I took her in my arms again and held her impossibly close smelling her lilac and sugary scent. "You are my everything, don't you know that," I whispered. "I will die before they, or anyone else, hurt you."

"Promise?" she murmured into my shoulder.

"Promise," I assured.

.::.

I convinced both Bella and Emmett to stay over, hesitant to leave them, okay _her_, over night without the security of knowing Charlie would be there. Unfortunately, my plan wasn't well-fucking-thought out because Alice stole Bella away the moment we got to my house and I was stuck with Emmett. Ok, well being one of my best friends, it was still a good night.

I awoke earlier than usual, needing to see my Sugar. I found Bella, my mother, and Alice all fluttering about the kitchen, the smell of bacon assaulting my nose.

"I thought today was all about the dinner?" I observed as I entered the sacred room. Three pairs of eyes shot at my direction as invaded their space.

"This is to tide you three men over until we women finish our masterpiece of a Thanksgiving meal, which will be served promptly at four-thirty," Esme educated, scrambling some eggs. Bella smirked and turned back to her pancakes on the stove. Approaching her from behind, much like the day before in her own kitchen, I wrapped my arms around her waist, resting my chin on her shoulder. Lilacs, cinnamon, and the frosting of Bella's skin assaulted my nose, causing a growing problem in my pants. _Shit_.

"Mornin' Sugar," I ghosted into her neck, eliciting goose-bumps to erupt on her flesh. I could get used to this, finding my Bella in the kitchen everyday for the rest of our lives. Images of a future I never knew I wanted flashed in my mind. Aprons, breakfasts, lazy Sundays spent with books and music, children running around. As suddenly as it came to me, I knew that it was what I wanted with Bella and I would do _anything_ to make sure we got our happy future; one free from secrets and unknown pasts.

"Good morning Edward," she returned, kissing me on the cheek, "pancakes will be done in a few minutes." Knowing that I had been dismissed, I slumped onto the stool at the counter next to where Alice was chopping fruit, and shifted my semi so she couldn't see.

"Mornin' Ally," I greeted, popping a grape in my mouth.

"Edward." She nodded to the cutting board. Alice had a strange look on her face, one almost of, _no…_ could she be fucking jealous? And then like the ass I was, I actually thought about what Alice was going through.

"Sorry Jasper isn't here to spend Thanksgiving with us," I offered, shrugging my shoulders. With Bella, being emotional and raw was as natural as breathing seeing has how she was most of my soul, but with others, even Alice, it was a struggle. A sad smile tugged at her lips.

"Thanks, but it's ok. I mean, with everything that is going on it would be nice to be with him today, but I'm still with my family," she confessed in a low tone, her smile deepening into something less painful-looking. I nodded because I knew. "We'll all be ok in the end, so that's comforting," she added as an after-thought.

Throwing one arm around her shoulder, I hugged my sister. At times it was hard to remember that Bella and I were not the only two living with this dangerous secret. It was impossibly difficult on all of us and it shamed me that I had forgotten that. I could be such a bastard sometimes.

Emmett galloped into the kitchen soon after, the aroma of the food undoubtedly wafting through the house. My father joined everyone at the breakfast table when it was time. Though it made eating difficult, I never relinquished Bella's hand throughout the meal. I think she needed it just as fucking much as I did. She, after all, was what I was most thankful for.

Renee called in the early afternoon to wish her children well on this holiday. Although she had never been the motherly type, her love gushed for her two _angels_, as she had said. Renee especially got the waterworks going when she said that she was thankful Bella survived. Even Emmett grunted and looked away to hid his own emotional reaction to Renee's speaker-phone confession.

We had yet to hear from Charlie.

Bella kept busy cooking and baking in the kitchen throughout the day along with the other women-folk, but every once and a while I'd catch her looking at the door with poorly masked trepidation and anxiety. Both my father and I filtered from the football game in the living room to watching our ladies make their magic. Mouthwateringly fragrant foods tantalized my nose and stomach. It was torturous foreplay for the meal to come.

"Can I help?" I offered after being teased with watching the food preparation for the previous hour. Esme's reaction caught my attention first. It was a wide-eyed smile with astonishment around the edges. Bella simply snorted a laugh and shook her head. _You'd just get in the way_, I could practically hear her think.

"Thank you for your offer dear, but I think we've got it covered," Esme placated, kissing my forehead.

"Ok," I shrugged, and continued to watch and drift through the house.

I didn't get any time alone with my Sugar, but the day wasn't about just the two of us, it was about our family. When the time finally came, the six of us sat around the dining table, a hopeful empty chair left out for Charlie. Esme, in true nostalgic motherly fashion, insisted upon each of us saying what we were most thankful for.

"I'll begin," Emmett started. "I'm thankful for family and friends, I'm thankful for my beautiful and sexy Rose, I'm thankful to have my Belley-Bear back in my life. Hands down, she is the best thing that's happened all year. And I'm super thankful for that big, juicy-looking Turkey whose leg is calling my name!" Typical.

Alice and my father's thanks were much more eloquent but just as heartfelt.

"Uhm, my turn I guess," Bella started after Carlisle had finished. She shifted in her seat before continuing. "I'm thankful that I've finally come home. I'm thankful that I'm alive and that I've found someone worth living for," Bella paused to look at me with a shy smile. "Thank you Edward. I'm thankful for Emmett, for the being the best brother a person could hope for. I'm thankful for Alice, she is the sister I never had. I'm thankful for everyone new and old that I've come home to, because that's what you all are: you're where my heart is." Once finished, she stared longingly at the empty chair next to her.

How could I follow that?

"I'm thankful for Bella," I continued without pause, "because she's the best thing that's ever happened to me, and not just this year," I shot Emmett a good-natured, yet challenging glance. "And for my family. Esme, ma, I'm thankful that you didn't give up on me, because you prepared me for meeting the amazing person seated to my right. Thanks Alice for putting up with my bullshit, and still wanting to be my sister. Thank you, dad, for being a great father and model of an honorable man. So… yea."

Silence.

Unknowingly, I went to reach for the lighter in my pocket when Bella stilled my hand. Looking up finally, I saw Esme's face dripping with tears. _Shit_, I hadn't wanted to make anyone _cry_. I was such a jackass. Before I could apologize for whatever I had said wrong, Esme took her turn.

"I'm thankful for Bella because she has been the best thing to happen in my son's life. She showed him how lucky he was to have two loving mothers with double the love, and how to be a man. Bella, you've changed him for the better. I look at him and am awed at how thoughtful, respectable, and openly caring he has shown himself to be. He is becoming the man he was supposed to be." Esme's thanks were unexpected. "I'm thankful for Carlisle, the love of my life, for blessing me with this beautiful life and beautiful family, and I'm very thankful for my little angel, Alice. I love you all…Let's eat."

I know I'm not fucking perfect and I'm certainly not a perfect gentleman. I can be a moody prick from time to time, but hearing that from Esme was… unreal. I had been trying so goddamned hard to be better… for Bella. I had to be responsible for someone other than myself, and even myself for the first time. It seemed as though it didn't matter about all the fucked up shit I've done in the past, the girls I messed around with, the amount of alcohol I consumed, the fights I got in, the drugs I did… after Bella showed up, it didn't matter. She redeemed me, and Esme saw it, of all people. My heart clenched.

Everyone seemed to move at once, reaching for one thing or another: Bella for her cheesy green-bean casserole, Alice for her mashed potatoes, Carlisle for the silly cranberry sauce he liked so well, Emmett for the turkey of course, and Esme for the salad. I sat, stunned. How could people eat at a time like this? Well… nevermind. That was what today was about, right? Being fucking thankful.

When I reached for the rolls, Esme lightly grabbed my hand with a gentle squeeze and released it.

Heavy day.

From that interaction on, the dinner became joyful. Yes, members of the family were missing, but the easy chemistry our blended family had was healing in a sense. It had even seemed that Bella forgot her father's absence in that time and the reason for it.

With the dinner dishes cleared, the meal digesting before dessert, Alice brought out a deck of cards, insisting that a couple rounds of Hold 'em was the perfect palate cleanser. That damn little pixy won three hands in a row.

"You're fucking cheating, Al!" I cursed, throwing down my hand. "That's three in a row! Where are you stuffing your cards? This is bullshit!"

"Edward," her laughter tinkled, "You're the dealer!" Bella had not stopped laughing the entire game. The lines of worry around her eyes had long-since dissipated.

"Who's ready for dessert?" Esme called, coming out of the kitchen.

"ME!" Emmett shouted the loudest as he jumped up, nearly knocking the coffee table over.

Bella and I were the last to leave the family room. Her eyes were tense, and posture wary. Grabbing her hand, she stopped in her tracks.

"He'll come," I assured. Her expression tightened with apprehension.

"How can you be sure? What if he got shot? What if Aro eluded the cops? What if Vicky never gave her statement? There is so much that could go wrong, Edward," she admitted in defeat.

Her fears were my fears, as well as the rest of us involved. Bella had been strong all day, and now as the day was coming to a close and she had yet to even get a wayward text from her father, she was approaching her breaking point.

"Because we have to trust that it will. Your father is a capable police chief. No news is good news right?" I wasn't sure myself, but for her sake I had to be. "Come on, let's just get some of that delicious pie you wouldn't let me eat yesterday," I winked. She nodded and we joined the rest of the family.

As Esme served the delicately-cut slices of pie, having shunned Emmett from even touching a knife, a knock sounded at the front door. Six pairs of eyes trained on the direction of the front door as Carlisle stood to answer it. I pulled Bella closer, needing her as she undoubtedly needed me.

"Charlie! Come on in, just in time for dessert," we heard Carlisle usher in Chief Swan. A collective sigh of relief was had by Alice, Emmett, Bella and me. As soon as Bella could untangle the present reality from her twisted nightmares, she was out of her chair and in Charlie's arms in seconds.

"Dad," I heard her muffle into his police jacket. His arms awkwardly wound themselves around his daughter's clinging form. Physical affection was not Charlie's forte.

"So… how'd it go?" Emmett hesitated as he approached his father and sister.

"We got 'em," Charlie beamed.

.::.

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**A/N: Thank you for reading again! Thank you for the new follows**

**and favorites! Please, please rec & review!**

**Update again soon, Promise ;o)**

**~FabulosiTyxXx~**


	28. Chapter 27: Tis the Season

**Hello again! No, I have not abandoned this story-I feel like I need to say this every time? Oops, Sorry!**

**I've had this chapter written for a while, but was madly writing the next following chapters.**

**You all deserve a multi-chapter posting... those that are still following this "ancient" fanfic.**

**Thank you all... Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 27: Tis the Season**

**BPOV**

** C**onvincing Victoria to come clean about every dirty secret she and her boyfriend had shared was no small feat. Back and forth we countered arguments. In the end, with Dr. Cullen's help, she consented to speak with the police—my father, really. I was both delighted and afraid. The fear was nothing new seeing as how I was always afraid these days. It left me snappy and irritable. Poor Edward, dealing with my ups and downs and loving me just the same. St. Edward.

I tried to be strong for him, for me, for all of us.

The night before I was plagued with nightmares, and awoke in a cold sweat at the sound of a branch at my window. It left me jumpy and paranoid the next day. I tried to distract myself with preparations for Thanksgiving. Apparently that still didn't work.

At the Cullen's that night, Alice was in full-blown distraction mode for the both of us. It had been a few days since the two of us girls had any time together and as much as I loved and needed to be with Edward, I also needed time with Alice. It was humorous that just a few months before her perpetually sunny and chatty disposition annoyed every fiber in my being and now, she was an integral part of my psyche. I needed her sunshine.

_Weeds_ played on the TV as she and I picked at the last of the chips and guacamole we had just devoured.

"Jasper thinks they'll find something, _anything_, to corroborate Victoria's statement. At least, that's what we're hoping for," she admitted as she licked the remaining avocado from her fingers.

"Yea, but don't you think that is being a little naive? Yes, I thought that she should tell the cops everything she knows, but now I'm not so sure. How do we know that the information will be useful? Aro could still find me, he could hurt Charlie, so many things could go wrong!"

"Something could go right," she pointed out.

"_One_ thing. One thing could go right," I explained pessimistically.

"Sure, but it's the only thing we need. Charlie's a good cop and a hard worker. They want this just as much as we do." Angel Alice. Thank god for the Cullens. I gave her an uncertain smile.

"You're right. Of course, you're right. I'll try to think more positively about it, Ok?" I offered in return.

"Deal. Now, lets 'borrow'" she air-quoted, "a couple of Esme's cheaper bottles of wine that she'd never miss and get ourselves a good wine-drunk. What do you say!?" She giggled. Luminous Alice.

A bottle and a half later, our conversation blessedly took a turn to a more teenage girl sleepover fashion.

"I just _love_ him, ya know? And our sex, god Bella, is _incredible_! I mean, Jasper's dick is like a magical gift to my yoni. I never in my wildest imagination thought sex could be so good! Is that how it is with you and Edward?" She gushed, downing the remaining sauvignon blanc in her glass before pouring herself more.

"Well… I mean, his tongue and fingers are magical, but we haven't had sex yet. I'm still a virgin," I muttered into my glass, cheeks on fire.

"Oh shit! I just assumed…" she apologized.

"It's ok. We've only been dating just over two months…although it feels like longer. It feels like a lifetime." I contemplated.

"Yea, it has been a crazy past few months. I'm glad you're here," Alice grinned, her eyes twinkling.

"Me too." And I really was.

"So… when do you think you two will, you know." Now Alice blushed as a pale rose tinted her cheeks.

"I couldn't say for certain," I contemplated. "When the time is right? No, that sounds cheesy as shit, uhm…I don't know! Edward is a gentleman that way! He never pushes, always has whatever I want or need at heart. My last boyfriend was… _nothing_ like that. Looking back, I don't think I even liked him that much. He was more of a friend than a boyfriend."

"How long did you date your last boyfriend?"

"Two years."

"And you _never_ had sex in all that time!?" Obviously Alice was astonished, I would be too. Jasper and Alice were dating just over two years before I moved to Forks, and had been having sex since their six month anniversary. They were like that. Alice had told me that there were rose petals scattered and candles lit. Alice had left hints for weeks about the location, what they would do before, where they would dine, all of those Alice-like things.

"Of course not. He wasn't the _one_. He wasn't the guy that made my heart sing and my soul flutter. He was just Jake," I shrugged.

"_Jake_, huh? Mm. His loss. My brother may have been a jackass before you came along, well he's still sort of an ass, but I have never seen him more alive since we met you. And _you_, my god! That first night I was anxious for you. You seemed so alone in a crowd, and very hesitant. Now, your spirit, your fire, it keeps _us_ going!"

"What? You guys keep me going when I feel like cowering in a corner and giving up."

"You don't see yourself clearly. Bella, you're a tough cookie, but sweet. People are drawn to you because you have this radiant energy. Even when you were a little child of darkness two months ago, people still wanted to be near you, with you, like you, liked by you. You have a good heart and try as you may to disguise it, it still calls to people. I'm not surprised your Jake stayed around so long even after you denied him for two years," Alice surmised. Clever little pixy.

"That's a bunch of bullshit, Al," I laughed, shaking my head.

"Whatever Bella, believe me or not, doesn't matter! It's still true," she insisted. I rolled my eyes in response. After the third bottle, Alice's soft puffing snores sounded from her side of the bed. Rolling over on mine, I reached for my cell to drunkenly type a text to the last person I went to bed thinking about, and the first person that entered my mind in the morning.

_I love you. _I sent, and promptly fell asleep.

.::.

**5:47**

_Damn it_! I mentally cursed. Did I ever get to have a full night's rest anymore? Before my hangover could set in, I chugged two glasses of water and three advil.

**5:56**

There was no getting back to sleep now. I tip-toed out of Alice's room and down the hall to Edward's. His sleeping form looked peaceful on his bed. The comforter was pulled down to his waist, and his naked torso gleamed in the light from the hallway and disappeared as I closed the door behind me. Padding to his bed, I crawled to his side, contouring my body to his. He held me in his sleep and I let him. I lay there for over an hour, enjoying his warm, amber scent. Before long I knew that I needed food and to start this day.

Getting eggs, milk, butter, and blueberries from the fridge, I noticed Esme perched at the kitchen door as I set my items on the counter.

"Good morning, Bella," she greeted warmly as she made her way to the coffee pot.

"Morning," I shyly smiled. "I thought I would make a big breakfast for everyone to tide us all over until dinner."

"Good idea," she replied from the jar of coffee beans. "I'll help."

"I'll cut up some fruit!" Alice called from the doorway before dancing her way into the kitchen.

**8:33**

Time was passing slowly. Edward made it more passable, but it felt as though every minute of that day was spent wondering and worrying about Charlie. Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock, the clock fucking mocked.

**5:44**

Dinner was… emotional, delicious, and delightful, but still no Charlie. Not a peep. When Edward wasn't paying attention, I snuck away to check my phone. I placed a call or two to my dad, but they went to voicemail. Charlie wasn't one for texting, either. Alice, that little angel and her card-playing ways proved to be a marvelous distraction. When it was time for dessert, I nearly had a heart-attack. It was the unofficial appointed time for Charlie to come over, to have hopefully wrapped up for the day and when Esme had started serving the plates I feared the worst. Then, that blessed doorbell sounded and I knew I was saved.

**6:37**

In Charlie's arms, I knew that it would be ok, and when he said that he had succeeded, I released a breath that I had been holding since Halloween.

"Thank you for the tip Carlisle, it made all the difference," he shook Carlisle's hand. "I can't tell you all much, but we did find some corroborating evidence from James Smith's apartment from our witness' statement. We made some arrests, so we got 'em. Looks like it's enough to keep them in jail until trial," he explained.

I released my hold on Charlie and looked up. He gave me a satisfied grin.

"The pies look great, Bells!"

"Thanks," I replied, leading him towards the table. It was the best part of my day.

.::.

Charlie left an hour after dessert to head back to the station. Apparently there were intricacies with the case that he needed to take care of and he likely wouldn't be home that night. After bidding Emmett and me to stay the night again, we said our goodnights.

Edward and I found ourselves tucked away in the basement after everything was cleaned and put away. It had been over twenty-four hours since the two of us found ourselves alone and awake.

"Told you so," he interrupted after a few minutes watching TV without talking. He was lying on the couch and I was half on top of him. His fingers wove through my hair, down my back, and up again.

"Told me what?" I leaned up to gauge his expression.

"I told you it would work out, I told you Charlie would catch the bad guys," he gloated.

"Oh well aren't you Mr. Omniscient. Congratulations," I teased. "Thank you," I offered after a beat.

"For what?" His brow quirked, bringing a glint to piercing there. Reaching up, I stroked it in admiration. I loved that stupid thing.

"For keeping me going, for saving me… everything. So you win, you were right," I acquiesced.

Cupping my chin and leaning his head down, he kissed my forehead. "I do not even know how to respond to that, er, you're welcome?" he chuckled. We laced our fingers and held tight.

With the stress and trepidation we had previously endured, the next few weeks flew by in a frenzy of near normalcy. School, work, Edward, friends. Charlie was absent more often than before, busy with the biggest case Forks had ever seen, ever. He and his task force were trying to gather as much evidence to give to Clallam County Courts. Through the weeks we discovered that they had found Aro's, Caius', and several others of those under their employ's fingerprints on the evidence they had collected from James' house on my birthday. Victoria had been sent to some treatment center in Minnesota—apparently it was the best of the best—to stay there before trial, which was slated to start sometime in the early spring. Life was moving forward and it felt so indescribably _good_.

The Friday school got out for winter break—a week before Christmas—everyone was getting in the spirit. Alice had some last minute shopping to finish—I had yet to start—so Rose, Alice, and I went out to Port Angeles for the evening. Arriving around dinner time, we stopped at a little home-town Italian place to eat first. With Alice, and even Rosalie, one needed to keep up their strength for shopping. We wound our way through small boutiques, crossing off our items and people on our lists. When I had _one_ person left, I knew I was in trouble.

"I still don't know what to get Edward," I complained, worrying I'd never find the _right_ gift. I had bought him some nicotine gum as a joke, having needed Rosalie to actually complete the transaction for me because of my age. His guitar also needed new strings, and the Hollywood Undead album had just come out, but none of that screamed _I love you_. I thought of the stereotypical girlfriend go-to gifts. Already enthralled with the way he smelled, cologne was not an option for me; he didn't wear watches, he like purchasing his own clothes, and Edward certainly was too young for cuff-links. This would be the first gift I had ever given him, and I wanted it to have meaning.

Passing by an antique store, a silver frame caught my eye. Though it had a turn-of-the-century feel to it, it was nothing special per say. Upon closer inspection I saw that it was engraved. _Ever thine, Ever Mine, Ever Ours. _Beethoven had written that in the closing of one of his love letters to his unknown _Immortal Beloved_. Beethoven, Edward's secretly favorite of all musicians. In his piano bench, Edward kept a worn and well-used book of his compositions and songs. When I read those words, I knew I was going to be giving this to Edward. My mind flashed to a photograph Alice had given me from my birthday of just Edward and me. It was a perfect match.

Emmett and I combined our powers of persuasion and effectively convinced Renee and Phil, only after checking with dad to see if he minded, to stay in Forks for Christmas. It would be the first Christmas in nearly ten years that we would be spending with both of my parents. Eschewing the guestroom-less house we lived in, Renee and Phil opted to stay in a "charming B&B" not ten minutes from us. Being around my mother again when Charlie was so preoccupied with work was a comfort. Emmett and I found ourselves enjoying her for who she was—the fun, loving, erratic, hare-brained, scheme-filled woman with a heart of gold—rather than who we wished she was: motherly, doting, and responsible.

They day after they had arrived, Renee took me aside for a chat while we were making lunch. Emmett was out with Rose, Phil was "getting a workout in," and Charlie was still at work. It was just the two of us.

"So, my baby is in _love_. I thought it'd be years before I saw those stars in your eyes," she beamed, her grin bigger than I had seen since before the accident. My cheeks instantly felt hot.

"Well, you'll be meeting him tomorrow," was all I could say in reply. I missed him terribly as it had been two days since I last saw Edward.

"You're doing so well, baby girl! I'm sad to admit that Forks has been good for you, healing."

"Aw, mom… I told you I'd be ok. I really needed _out_ of Phoenix," I insisted. She was getting sappy, something she did well. Wrapping her arms around me, she hugged me for as long as I could let her. Shrugging her off a minute later, I gave her a tentative smile. "I'm sorry I left you," I admitted.

"Bella, you didn't leave me because you were leaving _me,_ you left a difficult situation, and in the end you were right. It was far better for you to be here rather than in Arizona where the constant reminder of what you no longer were had plagued you. I see that now. I love you for your strength, and am so happy that you are _my _daughter. My beautiful, intelligent, loving, quirky, responsible daughter." This time, I really smiled.

"I love you, mom."

"I love you more, baby. Now, let's talk boys: are you being safe?"

"MOM!" I screamed, effectively cutting her off and ending this impossibly uncomfortable conversation.

.::.

The Cullens had invited us and the Hales over for an "extended family" Christmas Eve party. I was surprisingly calm with the introduction that was about to take place. For the first time in my memory, all of the facets of my life were effortlessly clicking into place. The before me, and the after me. Edward, my mom and Phil, Emmett, Charlie, Alice—everyone I cared about was in the same place at the same time. Not since before my parent's divorce could I remember feeling so fulfilled with my family, which now seemed to only multiply.

Charlie drove in his cruiser separately from the rest of us –just in case there was an emergency. Big parties made him nervous, and I saw right through his excuse but couldn't fault him for that. Renee vibrated with excitement in a very Alice-like manner and Phil seemed to roll with the punches as usual. He really was well-suited for my mother. Edward was opening my door just as Phil put the rental car in park –_where the hell did he come from!? _I was swept up in a hug before I could even utter a hello.

"I missed you," he whispered into my hair. It had been days since we had seen each other as I was being kept busy with the boundlessly energetic Renee, and he with visiting his grandparents in Seattle.

"I missed you too," I conspiratorially whispered back. I was released after a chaste kiss on the lips. Edward turned and straightened to meet my mother and her husband. Before I could fully get out the introduction, Renee jumped the gun and launched herself at Edward's torso, being a few inches shorter than me. Edward chuckled; he had been warned.

"Hello Mrs. Dwyer, it's nice to finally meet you," he said to the small, lively woman still clutching him.

"Renee! Call me Renee! Don't make me feel old! Oh Edward, it's so good to finally meet you—the person that puts that smile on my baby's face!" She exclaimed, finally releasing _my_ boyfriend. Phil watched with amusement, knowledgeable with his wife's energetic ways.

"If you insist, Renee," he agreed without missing a beat and stuck out a hand to Phil next to her. "Mr. Dwyer, it's nice to meet you too."

"Just call me Phil," he nodded, smiling. Charlie drove up in the cruiser at that moment, and after a quick handshake-hello between him and Edward, we were ushered inside. Emmett, then, was caught up in his own greeting with Rose and one that was certainly in danger of upgrading from its PG-13 rating. My mom, ever the one to never know the emotion of embarrassment, nudged him aside to say hello to Rosie-girl, as she so affectionately called her after Rosalie's first trip to Phoenix.

Soon enough the rest of the Cullens and Hales descended upon us in the foyer, and greetings, handshakes, and hugs were given in multitude. Standing next to each other, seemingly gossiping like the teenager Alice was, my mother and Alice looked to me like they were the ones that could be mother and daughter. Though they looked nothing alike, their demeanor was uncannily identical, save Alice's more accountable and well-planned ways.

The atmosphere was warm and jolly as everyone felt perfectly at ease with one another. In my head, I had been using the term perfect so often that I hardly recognized myself. Eggnog, Cullen Christmas Punch, and appetizers were held in the large and beautiful family room just off the kitchen before dinner in the formal dining room. Through it all, Edward was inseparably by my side, holding my hand, playing with my hair, stroking my back. It felt right. He would sneak chaste kisses—ones that even Charlie could abide—on my hair, forehead, cheek, and once on the nose when he thought no one was particularly paying attention to us.

With the Hales, Cullens, and my mixed family, it felt as though we had been doing this for years. I was inundated with visions of the future: pulling up to the house with mine and Edward's children bursting from the car to see their cousins and grandparents, Edward's arms full of presents, mine full of food I had prepared. All of us singing carols around the piano as Edward played, little Eddie at his side pressing keys and making discordant sounds, trying to be helpful. It was a vision my seventeen-year-old self was not prepared for. I was thinking about middle-aged life before I even gotten to be young and wild. I had never thought of something like that before and seeing Christmas Future was wonderfully startling. It even brought a tear to my eye. Ever aware of me, Edward wiped it away immediately with a sympathetic grin.

"I have something for you, come with me," he tugged me from the living room before I could respond. If the rest of our families noticed our absence, they said nothing. My boy with the arresting verdant green eyes led me to his room where a few small, wrapped gifts sat waiting on his couch.

"I do too," I mumbled, shyly clasping the bag of his presents in front of me. Giving gifts made me nervous. His palm crept under my chin so my eyes were forced to meet his.

"What's wrong, Sugar? Everything ok?" His piercing greens probed, etched with sudden worry.

"Mm, yea…" I mumbled, nodding. "I just want you to like your presents," I exhaled.

"I love anything you give me," he stated in complete sincerity, leading me to the couch. "I want you to open yours first," he insisted. Slowly and carefully, I tore open the red and green wrapping of the largest, rectangular one. I was met with red and gold leather binding.

"Special edition _The Great Gatsby!?" _It was my favorite novel, definitely top three. It was the only book I loved that I didn't own, but had been holding out for a special copy. I had spent hours upon hours combing through estate sales, garage sales, and flea markets in Phoenix searching for a copy that spoke to me, and I had _never_ told Edward that. I looked at him with disbelieving, brimming eyes. "_How_ did you know?" A mischievous smirk crept over his lips.

"It was missing from your collection," he said simply, shrugging.

"Edward!" I shoved his shoulder gently, "this isn't a random paperback copy you got from Borders, this is a leather-bound Special Edition with…" I flipped open the cover page to see his neat, meticulous writing, "a very meaningful inscription. This is not a five-dollar used book, Edward. This is an expensive, special edition copy of my very favorite book. How. Did. You. Know?" I couldn't help the swell of love for this wonderfully thoughtful, copper-headed guy in front of me that bubbled in my chest, but I had to know.

"I have my ways," he shrugged again, his smile growing. I quirked my eyebrow with expectation. "I called your mom, ok? Shit, Bella, trying to get you a meaningful gift is like searching for the Lost fucking Arc or some shit," he teased. "I wanted to get you something meaningful, ok?" he sighed. I knew I exhausted him; I was ruining this _perfect_ gift. I was so fucked up sometimes. I just couldn't believe the amount of effort and thoughtfulness that he put into my gift. I felt undeserving.

"I know what you mean," I muttered sheepishly, retrieving the wrapped frame I had gotten him from the bag. "Here." I sat back on my heels, anxious. "And the book? It's perfect Edward. Perfect," I smiled and his face lit up with genuine euphoria. "Thank you," I murmured against his cheek.

Edward took his offered present with careful reserve and peeled back the layers of wrapping nearly as slowly as I had. The silver of the frame reflected brightly in his eyes as the already arresting grin on his face grew larger. "Bella," he nearly whispered, greens connecting to my browns, wide with some overwhelming emotion. "I love it," he said simply before passionately launching at me. Our lips connected before his body had me pinned to the couch under him. His hands roamed my body freely after his frame and my book were safely stowed on the coffee table beside us. Minutes passed quickly before we broke for air; and I swear to god, if I hadn't been in such need for oxygen I would have had sex right there with him, right then on that couch.

Hovering over me on his forearms, Edward searched my face for an answer to a question he was internally debating. I thumbed his kiss-swollen lips, biting my own and relishing in the sweet, dull pain it elicited. I wanted to be ravished, just as much as Edward wanted to ravish me. For surely that was the question he was debating, right? Should he? Should we, right here with our entire families waiting down below? It was all I could think about with my heart bumping hormone-filled blood to the very sensitive, swollen parts of my body that longed for his touch and more.

"Do you have any idea how much I love you?" he finally asked once our breathing had returned to near-normal. The sound of his voice made me ache in those parts I desired him most. Blinking, I fought to make my own thoughts coherent enough to be translated into words.

"I know how much I love you," I forced out with my lust-scratchy voice, "and if it's anything like the way you love me, then I know how soul consuming it is." My hips bucked against his against my own accord, searching for friction I so desperately needed. Edward chuckled and I felt my cheeks stain with blood. How did I even have enough to spare? I was pooling with desire.

"Sugar," his velvet poured over me. "I want to show you how deeply, and depravedly at times, I love you," he paused to wink, and oh what that wink did to me, "but I do not quite think that now is the right time…" I would have felt such extreme shame and rejection had I not truly known that this was _not_, in fact, the right time for us to consummate our love. That time was swiftly approaching, but had not yet arrived.

"I know," I pouted lightly. "Sometimes I can't help my physical reactions to you." It was the most naked of truths. Hm, naked.

"And I for you," he admitted, stroking the sides of my face, gently cupping it between both hands. "I just want you to know how much I love and respect you. I've never, ever, felt anything remotely like this for another person and it's baffling and overwhelming. I don't want to fuck it up, and I'll do my damndest not to. Just know that my life is yours. You _are_ my soul." The intimacy of his words as he cradled me while still on top of me was nearly overwhelming in the most satisfying of ways. It was the best Christmas present he could have gotten me… in addition to the Special Edition copy of _The Great Gatsby_. I felt more naked than I had been while fooling around, more vulnerable than I had been while awaking in a hospital bed disoriented, and yet more alive than any moment of my life prior and I was utterly comfortable.

Being this emotionally connected was as natural as breathing to me.

He had shared my darkness with me and I with him, and now he was sharing his light. It was breathtaking.

.::.

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**A/n: Thoughts?**

**Thanks for reading**

**xoxo,**

**~FabulousiTyxXx~**


	29. Chapter 28 Anxiety

**We are getting closer people, very close. The final chapters are written.**

**I can't believe it's been three years...**

**With that said, enjoy!**

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**Chapter 28: Anxiety**

**EPOV**

**T**he remainder of our winter break was spent near-constantly with each other. Snowball fights, movie dates, nights in with hot chocolate, nights-in fooling around… We never left each other's sides for more than the requisite eight hours or so of sleep our parents required when we couldn't convince them of our "group sleepovers"—seriously, when were they going to fucking figure that out? Bunch of damned geniuses, our parents. We kept our New Year's celebration small—just the six of us—after having learned our lesson with our previous two parties. Yea, we were in high school so the learning curve was pretty slow, but we learned damn it.

Bella had been eating and making significantly less of her pot brownies, which I took as a good sign. She had always smiled and been comfortable when it was just the two of us, and mostly when the six of us hung-out, but never in front of strangers in public or at school until recently.

After we started back at school, Bella was different: a good different. More like her "old-self" as I've come to understand, but still ballsy and incredibly sexy. She never seemed to notice the students that had previously annoyed her every fiber, and instead existed in a more peaceful state than I had ever seen. Sure, she still had her dark moments, but they were fewer than ever despite the fact that Charlie was still gone often gathering evidence in preparation to hand the case over to the DA before the trial of James and Aro along with the rest of the cronies.

Our lives took on another pattern of school, friends, work, and each other. Bella would talk to Victoria occasionally on the phone. It sounded as though Vic was finally getting the help she had needed for even longer than she had been with James. Bella felt good about helping her reach that point of healing—it healed Bella too a little, I thought. It healed us all.

We found out sometime in February that the trial was to be held the second week of March –our spring break. Bella had appeared in the school parking lot, exiting from Emmett's jeep, in a black zip up hoodie with the hood up, her hair a shield around her face, and her iPod's earbuds in, fidgety and visually anxious. It was a Bella I hadn't seen since the beginning of the school year, back when she still hated me. Leaving my car and heading toward her, as usual, Emmett's wide hazel eyes caught mine in silent caution as he too exited the Jeep. I didn't have time to ask Emmett what was wrong before approaching Bella. Swallowing thickly, I gently grasped her shoulder making her flinch. Her surprise-wide chocolate eyes soundlessly and unintentionally told me how frayed her nerves were.

"Bella, sugar, what's wrong?" I tried in my most soothing voice, rubbing my hands along her shoulders and the tops of her arms, afraid that she might bolt at any second like a startled deer in the woods. She threw herself at me, and clutched her arms around my neck, holding tight.

"They set the date," was all she said into my shoulder where she was attempting to bury face.

"When?"

"Spring Break. Victoria called me this morning after my dad had already left for work. She was subpoenaed to testify against them," She explained, leaning her head back to look at me as she spoke. "Edward, I know that we won't be involved, but it still freaks me out. I can't help but worry about what if they got loose?" Bella started to tremble, and held her closer.

"Not gonna happen, Sugar. You're safe. We'll be ok… it's like you said, we're not technically involved," I agreed. "And there's no fucking way they'll escape, especially not if Charlie's involved." Bella stopped trembling, but still looked anxious. Baby steps.

"I guess," she acquiesced as we walked inside, my arm slung around her shoulders, keeping my lady close.

By lunch she was just as fidgety, but less uneasy than before. When school was over she was nearly herself again, until it was time to go home. She was reminded of the blessed impending event and became completely neurotic all over again, so I took her home with me, made her hot-cocoa-and-Kaluha, and put on one of her favorite movies: _Charade_.

"I wish we could go on trips to wherever, whenever like the Europeans. Just get _out_ and _away_, ya know?" She said while gazing over her mug at Audrey Hepburn. As she snuggled closer into my side I was struck with an idea.

"We can."

"What?" Bella's eyebrows furrowed.

"We can, that's our spring break. We can totally get the fuck out of town." The smile that had been missing from her face all day finally tugged at the corner of her lips before fully spreading itself as the idea sunk-in.

"Where should we go?" she lilted, her grin over-taking her face.

"As much as I'd love to steal you away off in to the sunset, Sugar, we're seventeen, and I doubt your cop of a father would allow for any place too extravagant," I pointed out.

She got quiet for a moment and turned her attention toward Cary Grant on the screen. Shyly, she peaked over at me from under her sinfully long, black lashes before speaking in an uncertain voice.

"I could take you to Phoenix," she offered. Sucking in her bottom lip, she shifted next to me, clearly unsure if it was a good idea or not.

"I would sincerely enjoy that," I stated. "I would love to see where you spent the last several years of your life. I want to know every bit of you." Leaning over, I sucked her bottom lip out of her mouth and into mine. Bella deepened the kiss, tasting of sweetness and liqueur. We made out—intensely—until the part when Cary Grant takes a shower with his suit on.

"So it's settled then," Bella said when she finally caught her breath, "Phoenix."

.::.

As we got off the plane we were hit with an intensely dry heat. I had never been to Arizona before and despite my family vacations to California, Florida, and Mexico, I was completely unprepared for the acrid hot, hot heat. It was warming me to the core—something unexpected. I eyed Bella warily. She was uncharacteristically quiet on the flights over, absorbed in her music and snoozing on my shoulder. Now as we were making our way to baggage claim, she was stoic, but not as fidgety as she had been in Forks over the past month. She was, however, constantly looking around her as though something was about to jump out at her at any moment.

As if right on cue, Renee suddenly popped up in front of us, waving her arms and screeching her greetings, jumping all over the two of us. Phil stood behind her, nodding and chuckling to himself. Phil and I gathered our luggage as the four of us headed to their ranch-style home. Bella grabbed for my hand as we both stared out our own windows at the myriad of cacti along the road. I felt as though I had crash-landed in another country and tried to imagine Bella here. I couldn't reconcile the image, even though she was inches away from me in the back of the Jeep Cherokee, our fingers entwined.

I was set up in the guest room, and Bella in her old—now sparse—room. For our first night, Renee and Phil took us out to dinner, welcoming us to their hometown, and out for icecream after. The icecream was absolutely fucking necessary as I was very cold-accustomed, and _Christ_ was it hotter than hell in Arizona. Travel-weary, the all-too-present sun sapped energy from us, we went to bed early and slept deeply.

The next day Phil took Bella and me to Chase Field for a visit, where he played for the Diamond Backs. Due to his busy spring training schedule he only had this one day to spend with us. It was nice to do something so out of the ordinary for the two of us, even though Bella had little interest in anything to do with Baseball, her smile was genuine. I would do fucking anything to see that girl smile, including listening to Phil prattle on about how awesome he is. Ok, ok, he wasn't _that_ bad.

Following our day of Baseball, hot dogs on the grill back at Renee's house, and Bella's home movies, the next day Bella took me on a tour of Bella-stops. Not surprisingly, she took me to her favorite bookstore first. The old-school bell chimed as the front door creaked open. It smelled of old paper and leather bindings—musty, for Arizona—but as I took in all the books I noticed that the shop was in meticulous order and obviously well-cared for. Loved, even. The ancient shop-keeper, one that was obviously transplanted from a small New England town by the look of his cardigan and boat shoes, materialized; summoned by our dinging entrance.

"How can I help—Izzy? You're back! I had heard about your accident… oh, come here you dear, dear girl!" His wrinkle-deepened grey eyes moistened at the edges as Bella flung herself into his grandfatherly embrace.

"It's Bella now, Stephen," she coughed as he released her, taking in her well again appearance. His toothy smile dimmed for a moment before recovering himself.

"I see, Bella. I'm so glad you've come back for a visit," he responded, holding her at arm's length, taking her in. The word visit hung heavy from his tongue. It was obvious how much he cared for Bella, and I began to wonder just how much time she had spent in this small store.

"Oh, Stephen this is my boyfriend, Edward. He lives in Forks where I do… now."

I stuck out my hand in greeting, but the elderly man with snowy hair outstretched his arms towards me.

"Come in for a hug, lad. It's wonderful to meet the one that has charmed our dear Bella's heart. I thought I'd never see the day." It was like being hugged by time itself: all-consuming. The smell of aged paper was stronger on his skin.

"It's nice to meet you too, sir," I said as he released me. After the greetings were over, he invited us in for some tea in the back—apparently something that was previously somewhat of a habit for the two of them.

Through the visit, all of my questions about their relationship answered themselves with little questioning from me. Once they moved to Phoenix about six years ago, Renee would have Emmett and Bella walk to the bookstore on days when she couldn't pick them up from school herself and would pick them up there a few hours later. Emmett had usually wandered off a few doors down to the arcade, not being as entirely enamored with books as his younger sister was. The habit stuck for Bella even when she was in high school and old enough to go home alone when Emmett had football practice. Oftentimes, Bella would forsake the company of her own friends in order to help around the shop.

Several hours later, we exited the shop upon promising to come back and visit before we returned for Washington.

"You never mentioned Stephen before," I stated casually as she slid her hand into mine as we walked away. I could feel her looking up at me as I stared at the sidewalk ahead.

"I'm sorry," she offered. She was quiet for a few minutes, gathering her thoughts before speaking again. "It was hard to think about Phoenix at all, let alone the _good_ people I left behind." Her words were carefully chosen.

"I know, sugar," I said as I looked at her, smiling to show my understanding. Her carefully masked face slipped for a moment. I knew she was beginning to feel fragile again—something she didn't deal well with—so I changed the subject. "Want to do something that doesn't require thinking about the past for a while? See a movie, zone out?" Her answering smile was genuine and filled with obvious relief.

"Yea," she nodded.

For the next couple hours we sat in the blissfully dark air-conditioned movie theater watching a flick that neither of us gave a shit about. As I held her close to me, thankful for the updated chairs where the armrests can combine to make two seats, I could feel something brewing on our horizon. It was as if a massive storm was heading our way, and I could feel the thunderclouds charging with electricity: ready to release the lightning. Mentally I began to worry about the trial happening back in Washington. My unease must be due to that, right? I warned all our friends back home not to fucking tell Bella _anything_ without going through me first. My phone was on silent, so I would have no way of knowing if they had contacted me over the past few hours…

"What's wrong?" Bella whispered. She must have felt me stiffen with anxiety as I started wondering about everything that could have been going on.

"Why did we pick a Robert Pattinson movie?" I covered. She softly giggled.

"Is your masculinity threatened?" she whisper-teased.

"Psh, hardly." _Nice cover, Cullen_, I chided myself. I hated to lie to Bella like that, but right now, she needed my strength. After all, she had given me all of hers.

When the lights came on in the theater as the credits began to play, Bella sniffed and looked up at me. I wiped her tears away with my thumbs, as I had countless times before, and she muttered, "I didn't expect to cry…"

Chuckling, I answered, "Yea, that was… unexpectedly heavy." Damn you Robert Pattinson. Damn you 9/11. You made my girl cry.

"I have somewhere else I want to take you," she said once we had exited into heat once again.

The place she had in mind was a coffee shop, her favorite. Bookstores, old men, and coffee shops—that was my Bella. What a quirky, lovely person. We ordered, I paid. I had ordered a black coffee, hot despite my complaints of the climate around us. Yet, it did nothing to melt the solid frozen block that now occupied where my stomach used to be. The something-electric I had been sensing in the theater grew stronger even after, and my anxiety right along with it. We tried to make conversation, but were both too wrapped in our own heads for awhile to be successful at one. We sat her favorite table in companionable silence for a time before the door emitted another patron.

Bella took curious notice this time at the tall blonde guy—someone I would have described as a surfer-boy, had there been an ocean anywhere near this desert. She stiffened in her seat, and avoided looking at him again. The strangest bit of all was that she did not even seem to be aware of her reaction. "Know him?" I interrupted her silent avoidance of the newcomer.

"Huh?" she arched her eyebrow before searching the shop to find the person to whom I referred. "Oh, the blonde? That's Lauren's older brother. Alec." I turned to look at the stranger again, and saw him staring at the menu—as if he hadn't been in here every day since he became a teenager like all the other peers of Bella's. He happened a glance around the shop and was met with the sight of us. Recognition dawned on his face, and he abruptly left.

"What the fuck?" I questioned Bella, who was obviously just as shocked as I.

Shrugging, she responded, "Fuck if I know… I didn't exactly leave town on the _best_ of terms, though… People are still pretty weird about me." Her answer burned me.

"Their fucking loss!" I hissed. "Fuck them!"

"Edward," she sighed, "let's go back to my mom's place. I was right to leave…" Surprisingly she wasn't resigned, but she started behaving… differently. Bella and I had always been physically close to one another, but she was starting to act somewhat clingy, clawing at my arms if I wasn't flush next to her body while walking to the car. She practically sat on my lap as I drove on the way back, teasingly nipping at my neck. We found that we had the ranch home to ourselves, Phil and Renee had gone out just the two of them for a few hours. Bella became intoxicated with physical passion at this knowledge.

"Edward…" she breathed, sucking her bottom lip in her mouth before continuing, walking backwards towards the guest room. Her deep chocolates fixed on me. "I think… it's time." Her voice was deeper and more seductive than usual. No, she wasn't putting on a show, but I could see the wanting in her eyes. The same wanting she had always had for me, but with it this time, there was also a resounding determination. A new decision had been made, one that we had been contemplating for some time. The fire in her eyes lit me up, and I became intoxicated with visions of her.

Without thinking about the consequences, or the triggers, I followed her. My black jeans strained with my growing hardness. Bella was the biggest turn-on. Once in the room, door locked, we started pawing at each other's clothes, our mouths connecting in the ways we wished to connect the rest of our bodies. Pulling her top over her head, hair fanned around her face like a lion's mane, I was met with the intoxicating creamy sight of her skin adorned with a lacey deep plumb bra. Before I had time to even touch her, her fingers had undone my belt and button, sliding my pants off.

Overcome with love for this beautiful person before me, and the knowledge that I was going to be connected with her in an even more intimate way within mere moments, I couldn't wait a second longer. Picking her up by the waist, I threw her over my shoulder and released her onto the bed, and climbed over her. She lifted off my shirt, and I her bra, thumbing her erect nipples appreciatively, she moaned deeply. The gravity of the big moment we were about the share started to settle. I stared into the depths of her chocolates, imploring something—I don't know what, permission? They stared back into my jades, and she nodded her silent answer to my silent request. I yanked off my boxers, discarding them on the floor, and scooted her further up my bed. Thumbing the edge her plum and equally lacy panties, I was undone by the sexy woman before me, as I climbed over her again. As I bent to touch her, the most gut-wrenching sound filled the room, piercing my ears.

Bella was screaming. She began thrashing around the bed, clawing at her skin, emitting the scariest noises I have ever heard. It was like the screeching breaks of a car that was colliding with another and the shattering of glass. It shattered my heart.

"BELLA! I'm here, it's ok!" I screamed, trying to soothe her and touch her. I was afraid she was going to hurt herself, but touching her made it worse. "BELLA! Stay with me!" I screamed and became blind with tears. Fuck, I was crying. I threw my boxers back on and ran to the rest of the house, bent on calling—I don't fucking know, an ambulance, Renee? I was sick with worry, fear, and guilt that I had finally shattered to pieces her already broken and cracked soul. Before I could even grab a phone, I ran head first into the hard mass that was Phil, Renee slightly behind him.

"Bella! Something's wrong!" I spat, although unnecessarily as anyone with ears could hear the terrifying sounds coming from the guest room. We ran back into the room, Renee threw herself at her daughter. Bella had curled herself into the fetal position, shaking and clawing at herself screaming away.

Renee began shouting too, but in the confusion all I heard was _ambulance_. Phil ran for the phone and I threw my clothes back on, realizing that I too was shaking and hadn't stopped crying, and gave Renee a blanket to cover my half-naked Love in the bed. Renee had eyes for only her daughter. She rode in the back of the ambo with the paramedics that had assisted her in helping Bella—Bella's screams only worsened as they touched her—onto the gurney. It was as though the sounds coming from Bella were unconscious and I wondered what sort of hell my Love was trapped in. It made sick, physically so. I vomited in the rocks next to the driveway, wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, and climbed into Phil's jeep to follow the ambulance to the hospital.

The silence in the jeep was suffocating.

"I didn't hurt her. I would _never_ hurt her," I said to her stoic step-father in the seat next to me.

"I know." He dryly replied. "She was like this with me after the accident."

I balked, startled.

"What!?" I nearly screamed. A cold sensation sliced down my spine and settled at the soles of my feet.

"I went to hug her in the hospital—you know, after—and she threw a fit like this. Accidently pulled out her IV. She didn't mean to, but it happened. It took about two weeks of her therapy before she could be in the same room with me alone and the first time she touched me was to hug me goodbye before boarding her plane." I regarded this startling news and the man I knew so little and felt sympathy—and empathy. It took me a couple minutes to formulate my reply.

"What the hell happened to her, Phil?"

"That, Edward, is a question I have been trying to answer for over seven months."

_Fuck._

.::.

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**A/N: Intense, no? How are we feeling?**

**The next chapter is a doozy. It'll get uncomfortable, but Bella's story deserves to be told.**

**Thanks!**

**~FabulosiTyxXx~**


	30. Chapter 29 The Worst that Can Happen

**I apologize in advanced for the ...darkness, for lack of a better word (I use that a lot in coming chapters-SORRY), of this chapter.**

**If you are sensitive to physical or sexual violence, be warned this chapter is not for you. This chapter contains sensitive material.  
****It is integral to the story and plot... as well as the characters. Bella deserves for her truth to come out.  
****This chapter was INCREDIBLY hard to write. I had to pour myself a scotch after this one, but I felt it worth it.****  
**

**Please, if things of that nature offend of upset you DO NOT READ.**

**I warned you...**

**With that being said, we are almost there, pals.  
Thank you SO VERY MUCH for journeying with me and the characters...**

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**Chapter 29: The Worst that Could Happen**

**BPOV**

**I** decided to take Edward to the coffee shop I used to frequent with my friends because I was running out of things to do in Phoenix with him. The past six months in Forks has clouded my memories of Phoenix entertainment. We sat in my old spot, a table against the windows halfway between the cash register and the serving counter. The chai tea latte I was drinking was unparalleled in deliciousness—I had missed this part of my old life without even knowing it. Edward sat there drinking his black coffee, staring at me with adoration in his eyes and a faint smile on his lips. With all of the stress that had been surrounding our lives the past few months, it really was nice to get away from it all on a bright and sunny vacation, even if it was to the location I had vacated quite enthusiastically six months prior. Edward's voice soon brought me out of my reverie.

"Thank you, Bella," he stated.

"For what?"

"Sharing your past with me, the things you loved, the things you didn't… It helps complete the picture I have of you."

"…the picture you have of me?"

"Well, fuck, I don't know," he huffed, the explicative finally peppering his speech again. "You know, just knowing you, as much as I can… it's nice. Fuck, I sound like a fucking fruit, don't I?"

"No! No, I think I get it… well, you're welcome. I, uh, I want you to know me, Edward. I don't want to hide anything… I just wish I could _remember_ that night so I could share that with you too," I sighed. "I secretly thought that maybe coming here might, I don't know… jog my memory or something," I admitted. I hadn't previously even admitted that thought to myself until now.

"I thought the same damn thing, sugar." Edward cocked his mouth into a crooked, guilty grin.

"I suppose that makes us equally pathetic."

"Not pathetic, just hopeful," he corrected, grabbing my hand that wasn't wrapped around my chai tea latte and giving it a gentle squeeze. We sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes after that, both of us lost in our own thoughts.

The chime to the shop chirped as the door opened yet again. This time, however, my eyes flickered in mild curiosity as to who it was. Not expecting to actually know who it was, shivers of anxiety ran down my sides as recognition of the person occurred. Instantly my breathing hitched in my throat as my eyes fell upon Alec Mallory. I used to have a crush on him back when I lived here in Phoenix; perhaps this was why my body was reacting this way? My reaction made no sense otherwise. Quickly, I pulled my eyes away and kept them glued to my chai tea latte. My thoughts were then consumed with _before_, all of the times I had before the accident: good and bad. Jacob, Lauren, Jane, everyone filtered in and out of memories I had tampered down.

Without warning, another memory flashed into my mind, part of a memory I was beginning to think was lost to me forever….

_The door chimed as I walked in and I spotted Jake sitting to the right against the wall of windows in our usual spot, halfway between the cash register and the serving counter, his back to the door. I glided over to him and saw that he had already ordered my favorite chai tea latte, iced because it was the middle of the hottest summer ever. Actually, every summer in Phoenix felt like the hottest summer ever, we residents seemed to forget that this blazingly intense heat could exist for three months of the year. As I took my seat, Jake leaned across the table and kissed my cheek by way of greeting, even though he knew that PDA made me feel awkward. I blushed madly, as usual._

_ "Sorry, Izz. I couldn't help myself. Being gone on a hiking trip for the past week has really made me miss you," he offered by way of excusing his unusual behavior. Although Jacob and I had been dating for the past two years or so, rarely did we act like it in public. I enjoyed it that way. It showed how easy our relationship was, how comfortable we were with each other that we didn't feel the need to "claim" each other in public the way that other couples felt compelled to._

_ "I missed you too," I admitted. Jake was what I secretly referred to as my boy-bff. Yes, he was my boyfriend and we madeout like crazy and fooled around sometimes, but at the root of it all he was like a best friend. He was almost brotherly, though in a different sort of way than Emmett was, but he cared for me. I didn't know if I was in love with Jake yet, but I certainly loved him. In time, I figured, when we were older and more mature I might fall _in love_ with him, but as for now I thought we were too young to feel that way for each other. The concept seemed too intense for my seemingly inexperienced brain to process. Maybe that was the way virgins thought, but that's how I saw it._

_ "You better," he retorted, laughing his sunny laugh._

_ "So, I've been thinking of taking a trip up to Forks to visit my dad and Emmett soon…" I started. The look on Jake's face was almost that of annoyance. "I mean, I haven't seen them since… Spring Break and I really miss them, ya know? And I was wondering," I continued, wanting to take that look away, "if maybe you wanted to come with?" I finished lamely. His smile widened in an instant, all toothy and bright. Jacob smiled in completely his own way. It was as if the sun shone through his pearly-whites. Quite literally, it seemed to light up rooms. _

_ "Yea! Definitely, I would definitely love to come!" His answer was almost instantaneous, and I expected nothing less._

_ "Great. I'll figure out when and get back to you…" From then, our conversation continued easily. He told me all about his back-packing trip with his best friends and older cousin, how they almost got stung by a few scorpions one night, and all of their other antics. _

_ "Oh, crap! I got to go get ready!" I exclaimed when I suddenly realized how time had gotten away from me. _

_ "Come on, Izzy, stay a little while longer," he begged. No matter how much time of mine I gave him, it was never enough for him. _

_ "I can't Jake, it's almost 3:00 and I still have to eat, shower, and pack my over-night bag. Mrs. Mallory's making us dinner so I need to be on-time, if not a little early. It's only polite," I explained. Etiquette was lost on Jake and most boys apparently._

_ "Izz, please, please, please! I've missed you so much! Three hours is _not_ enough time after being separated for a week." His pleading face did not dissuade me completely, though it did give me a moment's pause. "What time do you have to be there?"_

_ "Five."_

_ "Crap," he huffed, and dropped his head to his hands, his elbows propped up on the table. "Well, what if," Jacob started, attempting to find a loophole in the scenario to buy us more time together, "I stopped by later tonight?"_

_ "Jake, no! It's a girl's night only! Lauren's boyfriend isn't going to be there, so I can't have you there."_

_ "What if I stopped by around one? That way they'd most likely be sleeping or something and you can pretend you're going to the bathroom if necessary and hangout with me for a little while. Oh, c'mon, don't give me that look! You know it's a good plan," he rationalized. It's true, since Lauren wasn't into partying at her girl's night party, we would likely be passed out to some movie by 12:30 at the latest… One a.m. really wouldn't such a bad time to hangout out with Jake for a little bit._

_ "Fine. But only if you promise to leave when I tell you to."_

_ "Deal!" Pure excitement shone through his eyes with the smile to match. It was almost as if he was addicted to me, my Jacob. _

_ "Ok, but Jake, I really have to go now. Call me when you get there later, Ok?"_

_ "Sure thing Izz. Miss you already."_

.::.

"Know him?" Edward interrupted my memories.

"Huh?" I replied lamely, clearly caught unawares. I looked up at Alec again and realized Edward must have noticed. "Oh, the blonde? That's Lauren's older brother. Alec." Alec, as if on cue, looked around the shop and right into my eyes. The sensation that followed his ice-blue gaze was as if a frozen hand gripped my heart and it ceased to beat—frozen. As soon as he saw me, Alec turned at left the shop without ordering. What an odd fucking guy.

"What the fuck?" Edward muttered.

"Fuck if I know… I didn't exactly leave town on the _best_ of terms, though… People are still pretty weird about me." I offered. I could see how my words hurt Edward. He took my pain as his own.

"Their fucking loss!" he hissed. "Fuck them!" Typical Edward.

"Edward," I sighed, "let's go back to my mom's place. I was right to leave…" I replied. The moment I had seen Alec something in me changed, almost snapped. It was like I had seen a ghost. I no longer wanted to be out in public. In fact, I felt afraid to be alone. So afraid, that I needed to be as close to Edward as possible. He was the only thing that felt safe in this town full of ghosts. It was this need for him that made me realize just _how much_ I loved him. He always put my wellbeing first, my safety. He loved me just as consumingly as I did him. In that moment, I knew the time had come. I wanted to give him the rest of me—the part of me I had never given Jacob or anyone else. I wanted to show Edward this, and thank him for loving me so truly. I wanted him to have me body and soul.

It was a dizzying journey getting to the bedroom or so it seemed, but I felt ready.

I looked into his desire-ridden brilliant green eyes and felt at home. Only his eyes could exactly mirror what I was feeling so perfectly. There was no lust, only love-induced passion. In that moment of clarity my unknown past and current uncertainty melted away as everything suddenly clicked into place. This felt so right, to not consummate our love now would be wrong.

I nodded lightly my response.

He gently scooted me further into his large bed and laid me back. I lifted off his shirt. My panties were the only articles of clothing still on as he quickly yanked his boxers off. He thumbed the edge of the lace fabric on my hips as he slowly climbed over me. Despite the loving atmosphere, I was suddenly and intensely shrouded in darkness. Before I knew what or why I was doing it, I was thrashing about the bed, screaming bloody murder.

.::.

**July 2009**

I had awoken that Friday morning in July with a purpose: to take my stupid Trigonometry final, end summer school, and then have a blast with my friends at Lauren's house. In near-record timing, I finished the silly test in under forty minutes or so… yea, I was a pretty smart kid. Because I was still irritated that I had wasted six weeks in a summer class, although necessary to get to higher-level math classes to be prepared for college, I hit snooze on my alarm and woke up at the last moment possible before leaving for the school. My shower would just have to wait until I had finished. On my way home, my cell rang.

"Hey Jake," I answered, recognizing his personalized ring-tone.

"Izzy, did you finish yet?" Jacob was never one for much small talk. He always cut right to right to the chase. I liked that in him; too often people felt the need to fill silence with useless babble.

"Yup, thirty-five minutes. How awesome am I?"

"That's my girl!" He cooed. "Hey, meet me at the coffee shop. I'm not going to get to see you all day otherwise since you insist on having a stupid girl's night tonight so I won't be able to hangout with _my_ best girl." I could hear his irritation in his voice. Feeling guilty that I wouldn't see him later, I agreed.

The door chimed as I walked in and I spotted Jake sitting to the right against the wall of windows in our usual spot, halfway between the cash register and the serving counter, his back to the door. I glided over to him and saw that he had already ordered my favorite chai tea latte, iced because it was the middle of the hottest summer ever. Actually, every summer in Phoenix felt like the hottest summer ever, we residents seemed to forget that this blazingly intense heat could exist for three months of the year. As I took my seat, Jake leaned across the table and kissed my cheek by way of greeting, even though he knew that PDA made me feel awkward. I blushed madly, as usual.

"Sorry, Izz. I couldn't help myself. Being gone on a hiking trip for the past week has really made me miss you," he offered, excusing his unusual behavior. Although Jacob and I had been dating for the past two years or so, rarely did we act like it in public. I enjoyed it that way. It showed how easy our relationship was, how comfortable we were with each other that we didn't feel the need to "claim" each other in public the way that other couples felt compelled to.

"I missed you too," I admitted. Jake was what I secretly referred to as my boy-bff. Yes, he was my boyfriend and we madeout like crazy and fooled around sometimes, but at the root of it all he was like a best friend. He was almost brotherly, though in a different sort of way than Emmett was, but he cared for me. I didn't know if I was in love with Jake yet, but I certainly loved him. In time, I figured, when we were older and more mature I might fall _in love_ with him, but as for now I thought we were too young to feel that way for each other. The concept seemed too intense for my seemingly inexperienced brain to process. Maybe that was the way virgins thought, but that's how I saw it.

"You better," he retorted, laughing his sunny laugh.

"So, I've been thinking of taking a trip up to Forks to visit my dad and Emmett soon…" I started. The look on Jake's face was almost that of annoyance. "I mean, I haven't seen them since… Spring Break and I really miss them, ya know? And I was wondering," I continued, wanting to take that look away, "if maybe you wanted to come with?" I finished lamely. His smile widened in an instant, all toothy and bright. Jacob smiled in completely his own way. It was as if the sun shone through his pearly-whites. Quite literally, it seemed to light up rooms.

"Yea! Definitely, I would definitely love to come!" His answer was almost instantaneous, and I expected nothing less.

"Great. I'll figure out when and get back to you…" From then, our conversation continued easily. He told me all about his back-packing trip with his best friends and older cousin, how they almost got stung by a few scorpions one night, and all of their other antics.

"Oh, crap! I got to go get ready!" I exclaimed when I suddenly realized how time had gotten away from me.

"Come on, Izzy, stay a little while longer," he begged. No matter how much time of mine I gave him, it was never enough for him.

"I can't Jake, it's almost 3:00 and I still have to eat, shower, and pack my over-night bag. Mrs. Mallory's making us dinner so I need to be on-time, if not a little early. It's only polite," I explained. Etiquette was lost on Jake and most boys apparently.

"Izz, please, please, please! I've missed you so much! Three hours is _not_ enough time after being separated for a week." His pleading face did not dissuade me completely, though it did give me a moment's pause. "What time do you have to be there?"

"Five."

"Crap," he huffed, and dropped his head to his hands, his elbows propped up on the table. "Well, what if," Jacob started, attempting to find a loophole in the scenario to buy us more time together, "I stopped by later tonight?"

"Jake, no! It's a girl's night only! Lauren's boyfriend isn't going to be there, so I can't have you there."

"What if I stopped by around one? That way they'd most likely be sleeping or something and you can pretend you're going to the bathroom if necessary and hangout with me for a little while. Oh, c'mon, don't give me that look! You know it's a good plan," he rationalized. It's true, since Lauren wasn't into partying at her girl's night party, we would likely be passed out to some movie by 12:30 at the latest… One a.m. really wouldn't such a bad time to hangout out with Jake for a little bit.

"Fine. But only if you promise to leave when I tell you to."

"Deal!" Pure excitement shone through his eyes with the smile to match. It was almost as if he was addicted to me, my Jacob.

"Ok, but Jake, I really have to go now. Call me when you get there later, Ok?"

"Sure thing Izz. Miss you already."

When I got home, I immediately jumped into the shower. Jake had left me virtually no time to get ready. With my hair still wet, I hastily made a sandwich to tide me over until Mrs. Mallory served dinner. Since Mrs. Mallory was a good cook and somewhat into the pomp and circumstance of a properly put-upon dinner party—even just for three teenage girls—that would mean that dinner probably wouldn't be served until about 5:30 or even 5:45, even if I was set to be served at five o'clock. After washing down my sandwich with iced tea, I finished getting ready. Normally, I wouldn't have bothered going through the whole getting-ready routine, but since Mrs. Mallory was doing the dinner-thing, I didn't really have much choice to show up looking anything but presentable. Lauren, Jane, and Mrs. Mallory would want to put the pictures on Facebook, and even though I didn't have the stupid social media page, I didn't want to be posted all over the internet looking like a bum next to the pristine blondes that were Lauren and Jane. I was so different than the two of them sometimes I wondered why we were even friends, but I didn't have time to think about that right then, so I squashed it down and finished packing.

When it was time to leave, my mom and Phil weren't back from their day trip to visit Phil's mom in some nursing home, so I left them a note telling them that I had left already and that I'd see them the next day. _I really was a good, considerate kid_, I thought while driving my car over to the Mallory's, it was about a five minute drive between our two houses. Not that I was prideful or overly confident, god knows that I could never have been described as overly confident, but my parents were lucky to have such a well-behaved daughter as me. I was sixteen, a stone's throw away from being seventeen, and I had almost _never_ had one of those rebellious teenage freak-outs. _Maybe I had always played it too safe_, I mused as I parked on the Mallory's long driveway.

Mrs. Mallory had planned a lovely four-course meal for us ladies, and we were joined by Mr. Mallory and Lauren's older brother Alec before he went out with some of his friends. I had always felt nervous in his company. The tall blonde with strikingly crystal-blue eyes was way too good-looking to have ever considered me more than his little sister's friend, but there had been a time, a time before Jake, that I had wished that he would. Now, however, I only felt ill-at ease around him, likely because of that old crush.

After dinner, Lauren, Jane, and I took to the basement for female frivolity. We watched countless chick-flicks while munching on chocolate and any other sort of candy we could get our freshly-manicured hands on. That was Jane's doing, the manicures, she _loved_ doing girly stuff like that. Personally, I hadn't minded it, but it wasn't my first choice of activities. For the rest of the evening we gossiped, munched on our sweet spoils, and watched overly romantic movies that only a gushy girl could love. I had to admit, though, I had a soft spot in my heart for them even though I could never describe myself as a gushy girl.

Like clockwork, by 12:25 a.m. the soft snores and sounds of sleep were coming from both Lauren and Jane from their spots on their blow-up beds on the floor. Jake, too, called my phone at 12:59 a.m. on the dot to tell me that he was outside on the front porch waiting for me. Making sure that my two friends were still asleep, I left the basement and went through the front door to hangout with my boyfriend. I felt only a tiny bit guilty about being this deceiving, but not enough to tell Jake to leave right away. Jake looked up when he heard me come outside, even in the pale moonlight, I could see his wide, ever-present smile on his face.

"Hey beautiful," he whispered to me. I blushed at his compliment.

"Erm, hi," I responded while biting my lip in embarrassment. Though no one else was here, it still made me feel uncomfortable when he called me beautiful. Most of the time I didn't feel that way, so it was weird for him to say it. As I sat next to him, he leaned in closer, placing one of his rough hands on my cheek and bringing his lips to meet mine. His warm lips pushed against mine and I reciprocated the movement. Kissing Jacob didn't feel like anything spectacular, but it also didn't feel wrong. Considering the fact that he was my first kiss thus making it so I had no other basis of comparison, I thought that this was just how kissing was. Nothing to get too excited about, though it could be fun at times. Soon, his breathing became a little labored as our kisses deepened, his hands roaming my body, clutching at me, wanting to smash my body to his. My left hand rested behind his shoulder, while my right was entwined in his silky, raven hair. Finally, he broke off our kisses, presumably so we could catch our breaths.

"Wow, I've been waiting to do _that_ all week," he whispered back with a hint of a chuckle. He was always the one that initiated our kisses. I think he liked the dominance of it. Me, I supposed I hadn't really cared either way. I wasn't much of a physically affectionate person, apparently, because I never felt like grabbing his face and kissing him.

"Yea, it's been a while," I replied, giving him a small smile in return. By the light of the moon, I could see the lust-induced spark in his eyes, the way they deepened in color, if that were at all possible, when he was in _that_ mood.

"Let's go to the Rabbit. We can have more… privacy," he suggested, barely masking his intent.

"I don't know Jacob… I don't think I'm ready for _that_." It was true; I had been putting off having sex with him for a while. If Jake had had his way, we would have been having sex daily for about a year now.

"When will you _ever_ be ready!?" he nearly whined.

"I don't know when the time is right. It just doesn't feel right yet," I answered, for the thousandth time. If this was why he came over so late at night, I was about to become extremely irritated.

"Izzy, I _love_ you. I want to show you just how much. Why can't you let me do this for you? I know you love me too, you're just scared. I've heard it hurts, but only _at first_. I promise, it'll be amazing," he pleaded. It was sort of pathetic how he was just begging for sex.

"Jacob!" I scolded in low tones, "It's not about it hurting, or even me not loving you… I just don't think I'm ready for that intensity yet. Please respect my wishes and not push this any further tonight," I said with finality.

"Fine," Jake huffed, "but can I at least get a blow-job? My boner is killing me right now. It's the least you could do, really." The balls on this guy, I swear!

"Jacob! No. Now go home. Don't call me anymore tonight." I got up angrily and went back inside, locking the door after me. I was slightly shaking in my anger and decided to go to the kitchen and get a glass of water to help me calm down. The cold liquid found its way to my stomach, essentially calming the boiling frustration I held there. My hands on either side of me, facing the counter, I leaned against it with my eyes closed. Thoughts of the events that just occurred flickered through my mind. Sometimes Jake was such a typical guy that I believed he was only dating me for _one_ thing, the thing that guys stuck around for and then bailed afterwards: sex.

"Late night rendezvous with the boyfriend?" The voice startled me out of my reverie. I spun around instantly only to be face to face with Alec Mallory.

"Oh, my god, Alec, you scared the crap out of me!" I whispered in a near panic, my heart pounding a mile a minute due to the shock.

"My apologies. I was just up going to the bathroom when I heard voices outside," he answered and truly looked like it felt badly for startling me.

"Oh, sorry. It's ok. Yea, Jake just wanted to talk to me for a minute, but he's gone now," I replied. I didn't want him to turn me into his parents or something. Not that he would, and not that he hasn't done the same thing under his own roof either.

"No worries. So, Izzy, what will you be doing now?"

"Going to bed. It's late."

"It's only one-thirty, not that late. Want to hangout on the couch for a bit? I can't sleep," he asked hopefully. Maybe it was my old crush that made me say yes to him, or maybe I felt badly that my talking with Jacob kept him out of bed even longer, but I found myself nodding in reply. Next thing I knew he had grabbed my hand and started leading me towards the family room. When we were standing behind the couch, he whirled me around abruptly and started kissing me, backing me up until my butt came in contact with the back of the couch. I was so taken aback that I froze for a moment before pushing him away.

"_Alec_!" I whispered, "I have a boyfriend!"

"I'm sorry, it's just that I've wanted to do that ever since we danced together at the Halloween party Lauren and I had that one year… it shouldn't be Jacob that you're with. _It should be me_." And with that, he kissed me again. His second kiss was different than his first, it was… softer, and more pleading. It sent shivers through me—the good kind—and I found myself kissing him back. My body started to feel more _alive_ with each passing moment. It was a little more intense than my kisses with Jake had been. Up until that point, it was the most intense kissing I had ever done. I was caught up in the novelty of it all: Alec wanting me to kiss me, probably wanting to be my boyfriend. My fourteen-year-old self was rejoicing and so my almost seventeen-year-old-self decided to simply enjoy it all. Distracted by my thoughts and the kissing itself, I hadn't noticed that Alec's hand had started to move _south_ towards the part of my body that began tingling when he had kissed me for the second time. I hadn't even realized when his hand had slipped between the fabric of my underwear and my abdomen, nearly touching my most private parts. It was when he began stroking me there, although eliciting a very pleasurable feeling, that I realized what was going on and moved to stop him.

"Alec, stop! We can't do this, I have a boyfriend, and… and…" I didn't know how to finish that sentence. And what? I'm a virgin? I rarely let my boyfriend touch me there? What? With Alec, it felt so _different_, a good different. I actually _wanted_ him to touch me there. It felt so damn good, but it felt like a betrayal to Jake.

"Isabella… Izzy, we have a chemistry that you will _never_ share with your boyfriend. Can't we just play? Doesn't it just feel so good?" He paused and drew out the last threw words, whispering them in my ear. No matter how good it felt, I knew that I shouldn't let him continue. Although my lady-bits were responding with enthusiasm, my brain wasn't. In fact, I was starting to feel uncomfortable with his hand still there doing its ministrations while we talked, attempting to distract me. Just as I was about to push him away, his other hand wrapped around my wrist that rested on his chest, and forced his lips to mine again. His kiss didn't work this time, and I was not distracted by it. I was becoming painfully aware—and uncomfortable—with his hand touching me still. I tried to pull away again.

"Alec, stop. I don't want to do this," I said with more force. Some thought or emotion that I couldn't recognize flickered behind his eyes.

"Ah, I see…," he said with a smirk. "I know what you _want_." His tone became dark and unnatural. It was clear that he didn't, but when he removed his hand from my lady-bits I thought for a moment that he might realize now that I didn't want him touching me there. I was wrong. I was so, so very wrong.

Before I could stop him, he yanked my pajama pants and underwear down past my knees and grabbed both of my wrists together before whipping me around and bending me over the couch.

_What the fuck_, I thought. Momentarily I was stunned, and could utter no sounds. I hadn't even realized what he was doing until it was almost too late. He forced my legs apart with his. With his free hand, he felt between my legs at the apex, his fingers finding their way inside me. I screamed, but it only came out muffled into the pillow he had forced my face into. I could hardly breathe. It was as though all my strength was sapped from me. Bile rose up in my throat as I realized what would follow his cold, clammy, and intrusive fingers. I tried to jerk away, but his pelvis and erection—still clothed with the very thin fabric of his pajamas—rammed against my butt, rendering my body immobile. _No, no, no no no!_ I thought. This could _not_ be happening. This sort of shit does _NOT_ happen to girls like me! I'm a good kid! I do good things! I'm even still a virgin despite the fact that twenty minutes ago my boyfriend tried to have me otherwise! It was unreal. I felt so disgusting. The moment his fingers were inside me I felt unclean and dirty.

Without warning, his fingers left me, as did his pelvis. I realized then that he was pulling his pants down. He was about to defile me wholly and completely. I could _not_ let that happen. I could try to fight. I would be at peace with myself if I tried to fight. He was back again, and this time I could feel his bare, erect penis graze the skin between my legs. It was that unwanted contact that gave me a burst of strength I was beforehand incapable of. With one of my legs I kicked behind me, coming into contact with his thigh making him loosen his grip on my wrists. I was able to wriggle one of them free and turn myself slightly so I could aim at his crotch, and aim I did. I punched his dick so hard that I heard the air go whooshing out of his open, disgusting mouth. He nearly collapsed on top of me, and I felt his nakedness against my bare skin again and almost threw-up on the Mallory's lovely white couch. I screamed, so loudly, as I pushed him off me, rolling him to the floor in the process. I pulled up my pants and ran to the front door, screaming in terror all the way. Nearly out the door, I noticed my purse, keys, and shoes next to it and grabbed those, running like a bat out of hell toward my car.

When I got to my car, I shoved my keys in the ignition and tried to get the hell out of there. Tears were steadily streaming down my face—as they had been since Alec kissed me for the third time—that it nearly blinded me, but I didn't care. I had to get away, so far away. My thoughts were confusing. They ranged anywhere between revenge and the desire to die. I couldn't even formulate the words to describe what just happened to me in my head, it was so painful. The mere _thought_ of admitting to what just happened made me think I would die once they were said, even if only in my own mind. I was driving, for who knows how long, speeding down the deserted road not knowing or caring where I went at that point. Through my haze of tears, I saw an animal in the middle of the street, and swerved to the right to not hit it, not even thinking clearly enough to notice the telephone pole I was now careening towards. The darkness that followed the initial impact was a welcome relief from my mental anguish. Everything was black.

.::.

* * *

**A/N:  Wow. Right?**

**How are we feeling?  
Sorry if you didn't see that coming. I apologize for the graphic nature.**

**Almost at the end.**

**~FabulosiTyxXx~**


	31. Chapter 30 Thanks for the Memories

**Disclaimer: **Stephanie Meyers may own names and places, but the characters and plot are ALL MINE!

**Hi Friends. We made it. Thank you for sharing this journey with me.  
****I began writing this story back in April 2010, never having written a fiction story for pleasure before.  
I was dealing with my own demons at the time, and writing became a release, a very enjoyable one!  
I'm sorry if you found this story too dark at times, but sometimes life is pretty dark. It can also be amazing and inspiring!**

**Looking back, some of my writing isn't pristine, and I find it awkward at times-we are our own harshest critics!-but it's mine. and I adore it.  
I will be going back and editing previous chapters once the Epilogue is posted.**

**I just wanted to say thank you to you readers-new and old. You guys are humbling and inspiring.**  
**You kept me going when I was stuck in the biggest rut.**

**From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU!  
And without further ado...**

* * *

**Chapter 30: Thanks for the Memories**

**EPOV**

**A**fter triage, Bella was sedated and admitted to the psych floor. I felt lost and fucking numb. That was my soul in there, shredding alongside hers. When she was finally sleeping, Phil and I were allowed into Bella's room to wait with Renee—for what, none of us were entirely sure. Renee sat stiffly in the chair next to the hospital bed, hand grasping her daughter's. _That is what I should be doing_, my heart told myself. _That is _my_ hand to hold_. It was a long while before anyone spoke. Phil had moved to Renee's side, hands splayed reassuringly over her shoulders. I made myself small in the corner, unwilling to leave and yet not wanting to cause some dramatic scene by drawing attention to myself.

"I cannot believe I'm sitting here with my baby like this _again_," Renee whispered, almost to herself. Phil's grip tightened on her shoulders.

"Edward," Renee's cry-hoarse throat croaked louder, casting her eyes upon me for the first time since I had entered the room, "I want to know _exactly_ what happened."

Clearing my own throat, I opened my mouth to speak, but words didn't come. I closed and opened it several more times in attempt to summon the description of what I had just experienced but I had no fucking clue what had happened myself. Exhaling, I decided to tell her about the entire day. Maybe she would see a trigger I hadn't.

"…So then after the movie—which bring a fucking tissue box to, if you see it—we went to that Brew Moon coffee place," I continued. "Everything was still fine, but we were both kind of quiet and stuck in our own heads for a bit. Bella was basically normal all day. I mean, we did see that Alec guy there before we left. I think he made Bella uncomfortable—being back here made her uncomfortable. She started behaving… shit, I don't know how to describe it, but off, ya know? Like, she didn't realize it at the time, but she was practically squeezing my arm off with her death-grip on the way to the car, and practically sat on my lap. Bella has _never_ been clingy, so it was weird for her. I attributed it to seeing so many people today that she had left behind. But…," I paused. I had been the biggest fucking idiot in the whole goddamned world. I was so fucking blind. How could I have not seen it? "Oh… shit…" I said aloud, under my breath in realization.

"What? Edward, shit what?"

"I should have seen that she was off, DAMN IT!" I yelled as I slammed my fists into my armrests.

"Edward, what should you have seen?" Fresh tears threatened to spill again over her already puffy eyes.

"When we got home… Bella and I realized that you guys would be gone for some time and, shit, this is going to be awkward to say," I coughed, shifting uncomfortably in my seat. "Fuck it, Bella and I decided in that moment that on this trip, alone in the house, we were going to… you know… make …love for the first time —"

"The _first _time?" Renee interrupted. "I thought you two were already…"

"Uh, no… we were waiting. I mean, I knew I was Bella's first, and I love her so much that we wanted to wait until it was right… _she_ was the one that started it!" I explained, pleading for Renee to understand that I would _never_, not _ever_ betray or fucking hurt her daughter in any way. Over the past few months, it was rapidly becoming clear to me that Bella was my forever. You just don't fuck around on your forever!

"So… wow. Then what happened?"

"I should have known Renee, at the coffee shop," I pleaded. "I should have seen it! I am so sorry!" It was I that who was openly crying now. My poor, poor Bella. My sugar. My Love. My Soul.

"Edward, just fucking tell me!" She cried back.

"When I touched Bella, she started screaming. Her eyes—they glazed over. She didn't even see me anymore! I should have known that Bella wasn't ready! The way she reacted at the coffee shop and then so quickly wanted to jump into bed? Shit! That was on me! I should have fucking known, I am so sorry Bella, sugar," I cried to my medically slumbering girl on the bed. "I should have … _fuck._" I whispered, losing myself in the powerful emotions. Sob-shaking and ashamed.

"This isn't your fault Edward," Renee cooed, coming around to my side of Bella's bed. "I know you love her, but _you_ didn't break her." Motherly fingers caressed my head and shoulders. "What about the coffee shop?" Remembering when Bella's demeanor shifted, I was flooded with anger, hatred, and the need to fucking _burn_.

"She saw that motherfucker, that Alec guy there. He took one look at her and left like a coward. THAT'S when she started acting strangely. Wasn't he at the Mallory's the night of the accident? I'd bet my fucking life that that scum-sucking, bottom-feeding fuck-face had something to do with Bella's accident. Now, if you don't mind," I spat through my teeth, rising from the chair, "I am going to find that piece of shit and make him _pay_." My knuckles aching with clenched tension, white as snow.

Rage like I had never felt before flooded my bloodstream.

I saw red.

I wanted him to _burn._

"Edward," Phil warned, and was quickly blocking my exit. "Let's let Bella tell us when she wakes up. She'll need you _here_ and not in jail for murder."

While not what I wanted to hear, and having no alleviating effects on my anger and debilitating sadness and pain, Phil was right.

.::.

Hours passed before the sedation drugs began to wear off and Bella began to slowly wake. Torturous hours spent pacing, resisting the urge to break every bone in Alec's body. Scenario after scenario poured through my mind, each one worse than the previous. All of Bella's previous antisocial and accidental alcoholic tendencies the past six months suddenly seemed underrated. Based upon the "what-ifs" that ran through my head, Bella had a right to be way more fucked up than she had seemed. The knowledge of that suffocated.

I wanted to be her fixer, but what if she didn't want me anymore when she woke up? What if the thought of someone touching her mentally burned her flesh, searing it right off the bones? What if she couldn't love me anymore? I still didn't know for sure what had happened, but pieces started to fall together like a puzzle. It painted a pretty fucking bleak picture.

"Engh," Bella moaned, breathing deeply. All three pairs of eyes immediately shifted focus to her. Warring desires to both reach out and comfort her and to shy away into the corner left me frozen, conflicted. Her long lashes fluttered open and three pairs of lungs stopped drawing breath.

Warily, the deep brown irises scanned the room, settling upon her mother and then me.

"I…I remember _everything_," she whispered, cracking around the edges, before she and Renee simultaneously erupted into spasming sobs. My breathing returned in sharp, painful gulps. Clasping at her daughter, Renee held Bella as they both crumbled to pieces before my eyes. What could I do? I couldn't risk sending her into hysterics all over again, and yet the physical pain from being separated from her was slicing me like a razor.

Testing, I took a step towards the bed. Bella's eyes popped open immediately, instantly aware of my movement. When our gazes connected more tears leaked out of the corners of her eyes. Reaching out my hand toward her, I tested again. Her mouth hung open, but no sound emerged. Pressing her lips together in decision, she nodded. I took another step—pausing for only a moment—before taking the rest until I was by her side. Afraid to touch her, I stood still, trying to offer some sort of smile for my beautiful, broken girl in the bed. Renee noticed the interaction and released her grip on Bella and slid back into her chair.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath trying to compose myself. She needed my strength.

A small, but surprisingly strong hand gripped mine at my side sending shocks of electricity through me. _Bella._ My eyes shot open, taking in her impossibly sad, grieving face. Relief, fear, selfishness, anxiety, love, anger, pity, and just about a thousand other emotions ran through me as she held my hand. The biggest one was relief in the fact that she _could_ and _would_ touch me. Joy was short-lived as the guilt and empathy took over.

"Oh, Bella, I'm so, so sorry," I apologized before losing my last bit of strength, and collapsed onto her bed, my face buried in the blankets at her side. As I released the tears I had been holding, Bella's shaky, but tender hand stroked through my hair. It was crazy to think that _she_ was comforting _me_.

"Can you forgive me?" I pleaded, lifting my shamed head to meet her gaze.

"Edward, you have nothing to be sorry for," she shakily whispered. Bella, too, had given every ounce of her strength to me. Now, it was my turn to give it back again. Grasping her hand once again, I braced myself for the worst to come.

"This is going to be hard, Sugar, but… what happened?" I hated myself the moment the question passed through my lips, but it was utterly fucking necessary. Her face contorted with discomfort, but she remained soundless.

"Maybe we'll give it some time, Edward—" Renee interrupted, shifting uncomfortably in her chair. For a woman that was so child-like herself, her motherly protective instincts were surprisingly strong. Phil looked everywhere around the room except at the three of us.

"No," Bella cut off her mother. "He's right… nearly eight months of not knowing is long enough…" her voice was still shaky, but the message was crystal clear.

"If it's too painful, we can do it later," I offered, squeezing her hand in both of mine.

"I can do it, but I only think I can do it once… uhm," her voice cracked. Taking a deep breath, she went on, "maybe we should get one of the police officers in here from _before_." Biting her lip, she squeezed shut her eyes withdrawing into herself again.

.::.

"Miss Swan, I'm Officer Biers… I was the one who found you that night. I'm told you have something you would like to tell us?" Police Officer Riley Biers must have been through this sort of thing before because he looked not the least bit uncomfortable, unlike the rest of us. While we were waiting, Renee called Charlie and Emmett to let them know what was going on. Bella remained awake, but kept her eyes closed, allowing me to sit next to her holding her hand. I was afraid for any further physical contact, not knowing what she would be comfortable with. While waiting, I stared at her face the entire time, committing every detail of this moment to memory. Her cracked and bloody lips that remained anchored between her teeth, the puffy pink swelling of delicate skin around her eyelids, the angry redish-pink self-inflicted scratch marks along her cheek that starkly contrasted with the milky pale hue of her skin, the way her mahogany and fire-red hair fanned around her face on the pillow… She looked like a beaten angel.

Bella's eyes opened hesitantly after a beat, nodding her head.

"Is it ok if I record this? That way you only have to give your testimony once," Officer Biers explained. Bella nodded again. "Ok, it's recording. Take your time. We can stop and continue at any time. We don't need to do it all today, ok? You can start when you're ready."

"Uhm," she paused, "well, it was the night of Friday July, 24th, 2009…"

.::.

**BPOV**

It felt like I was drifting through a suffocating sea of blackness; weightless, bodyless, alone. The last thing I remembered before being engulfed in the drowning darkness was the most blood-curdling scream, which I later realized came from me. While under the spell of desolation, I was assaulted by a memory I thought was lost to me forever. It stabbed at me relentlessly. I wanted to both come out of this nightmare, and to never wake up again: surrendering myself to the darkness and selfish relief of pain.

As the darkness began to thin, the first thing I became aware of was the dull buzzing of the overhead florescent lights permeated with the dueling smells of sterile cleaning supplies and urine. Immediately I knew that I was waking in a hospital, as the curtain of unconsciousness was being lifted. Not a sound was uttered in my room, save for the nearly-silent chirping of the machines tracking my vitals. I thought I was waking alone. Releasing a moan of inner turmoil, I heard the sharp intake of breath from several someones around me, surprising me as I tried to open my eyes.

With the new knowledge I awoke with, I felt as though I was constantly waging a battle within myself between giving into the sheer pain it brought and the will to fight against it. The world around me took on a grey hue, as my eyes greedily searched around my room for the smallest hint of color and comfort. My mom's hazel eyes appeared first, but weren't quite the vibrancy I needed. I settled upon a pair of striking jades, paired with an expression on Edward's face that I'm sure my own matched. It felt as though I stared at him, locked in his watchful study of me for centuries. I lived and died several times while peering into his verdant depths before giving into the searing edge of my grief. Now that I knew what had caused the accident I was even more horrified than I had been while wondering about it beforehand.

I couldn't quite form the words needed to convey the depth of the destruction my soul suffered. I both wanted to scream it so loudly so the world would know about true evil, and yet I wished it never need pass my lips from the extreme embarrassment it caused. It felt as though I was living in an ocean of depthless emotions, riding one wave of feeling one way, and then its counter the other. Land was not in sight.

I felt dirty, unclean. I felt ruined and wronged. I felt sad and shamed.

I felt so many things, and yet nothing at all.

All I could say, and hope that Edward—that someone—would just _know_, was that I remembered. And he did, they all did. It was enough to break me again, for a time. This was the most humiliating of circumstances, all the crying, the shame, the memories… Even Edward was afraid to touch me—I was afraid for him to touch me, though I badly needed his comfort. But in the end, he was the only one that could make me unafraid again. By giving me the control, I was able to hold his hand. The simple action gave me a sense of hope again, although small as I still had much processing to do.

I lived and died several times more while waiting for Officer Biers to arrive. I remembered the young cop from the previous summer, taking my statement then too. This time, there was empathy there, separate from the detached nature of his occupation. Although it was the last thing I had wanted to do, to talk about the traumatic events of that night, I knew I needed to in order to move on. I had been unwillingly kept silent for the past eight months, something that had already wreaked havoc on my sanity as it was, and Alec needed what was coming to him…

Although it was the lowest I had felt in the past eight months, I was sick of riding along with the dark passenger I had been saddled with. I wanted to exorcise the demons now before even more irrevocable damage was done to my battered, but not beaten, soul.

As I first began to relay the events of that day, my voice was shaking and full of the many sentiments that were running through me. Eventually, a numbness took over as I relayed the facts with an almost cold detachment. My tears stopped when I told them that Alec kissed me for the first time. Edward's jaw snapped tight, and I could see the straining tendons as he tried to keep his composure. The clinical tone settled into my voice as I described how his cold, clammy hands had initially slithered their way down my pajama pants. By the time I told them I then succumbed to the darkness of unconsciousness, not a dry eye was in the room, save for Officer Biers who was choking at the effort to keep them at bay. It made me wonder if he ever had to take a statement quite like this before. He seemed pretty young.

It was fucking uncomfortable. It was humiliating and scary… I felt like it had just happened to me all over again, but I also felt a lightness, a weight lifted—even if a small one—as I unburdened myself. Ever so calmly, I reached to the bucket on the bedside table and ungracefully emptied the liquid contents of my stomach into it. It was then that my tears and hysterics returned in full gale-force. Edward, who held my hand through the entire retelling, sat on the bed and pulled me to him. I sat on his lap, curled into his chest, and cried myself into dehydration and eventually a numb sleep.

.::.

The sleeping drugs they had me on were glorious; they made dreaming nearly impossible, a luxury that someone like me—a victim of sexual assault…no, not a victim: a survivor—dearly needed. Only by the grace of their sedation did I sleep through the night. With the new day, I was also given new information about my…_condition _and prognosis. They told me my freak-out the previous night was an episode of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, commonly referred to as PTSD. It was likely triggered by seeing Alec. I had started having an acute panic attack that worsened when I tried to have sex with Edward... or at least that's how I understood it.

"Isn't that what the soldiers coming back from Iraq have?" I questioned, confused.

"Yes," Dr. Gerundy—the Resident Psychiatrist—replied. "It is also commonly suffered by people that have experienced extreme trauma such as catastrophic natural disasters, car accidents, assault, etc—in your case you suffered through both. It's safe to assume that your emotional recovery will be a deeply personal and challenging journey. Bella, there is no schedule for healing with this sort of thing. Emotional scars are entirely unique. I suggest taking a daily anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication as well as an as-needed medication for future panic attacks… there likely will be some. You need to take care of yourself by eating well; getting exercise regularly, managing stress, and seeing some sort of therapist to sort through and cope with the hand you've been dealt."

I tried to listen with an open mind and an open heart. I didn't want to feel like the little child of darkness anymore, but the idea of _more_ therapy made me cringe. It was a disaster the last time I tried it…then again, I needed to talk to _someone_ about all this shit I've been through and I didn't want to burden Edward anymore than I already had.

"What the hell does eating right have to do with my anxiety?" I scoffed, prolonging my impeding acceptance of his "prescription." I knew he was right, but I didn't feel comfortable admitting it yet.

"Eating a well-balanced, plant-strong diet full of the various vitamins and minerals has shown to help with not only physical health, but mental wellness too."

"Ok," I replied with hollowness in my voice.

"Bella," the young physician paused, giving me a half-smile of reassurance, "I know this is difficult, but you're worth the effort. If you'd like, I can see if I can find someone you can talk to? I have many contacts in Washington."

"She won't be going back to Washington. She's staying here with me," my mother interrupted. She and Edward were the only ones I let stay while Dr. Gerundy talked to me.

"The hell I am!" I yelled. "If I couldn't stand to be here after the accident and you fucking think I'd be comfortable living in this place _NOW_, then you've lost your damn mind, woman!" My heart began to race and tightness started to grip my chest—the telltale signs of an impending panic attack.

"Bella, calm down," Edward whispered, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear with affection. "Breathe."

"Well she is," I muttered, rolling my eyes and crossing my arms over my chest in the typical teenage pose.

"Bella," Renee pleaded.

"No. Nothing's changed. I still choose to live there. That's home now."

"But, you _need_ me," her voice squeaked. I regarded my mom for a moment, taking in her honey-highlighted chestnut hair and bright hazel eyes that were beginning to leak once again. She was so beautiful in her child-like wonder of the world. I had always envied her for that. What I was about to say was absolutely necessary, but I knew it would cause her more distress, so I bid my time for as long as I could keep myself quietly staring at her.

"Then you can visit. For once in your life mom, grow up and be the parent: not the child. Think of what's best for _me._" I was proud of myself for keeping my tone even, and reigning in the waves of conflicting emotions. Those were the words I had wanted to say to her for a very long time. Although I had said it calmly, Renee looked as though I had just reached across my bed slapped her face. Her jaw hung loose in shock, eyes widened in disbelief. Slowly, acceptance colored her face and her jaw closed with resolution.

"Ok, I'll come for a long visit." She got up and left the room after that, presumably to go find Phil to cry to. I looked to Edward and then to Dr. Gerundy, both eerily quiet.

"Was that too harsh?" I questioned, uncertain of anything anymore.

"Uhm…" Edward attempted, not really sure of what to say.

"Sometimes strong, unpleasant medicine is necessary to cure what ills you… I do, however, think that you probably have a lot more to talk to a therapist about than just what landed you in here," Dr. Gerundy admitted. Guilt alleviated, I accepted and agreed with his answer despite its prodding at my pride.

"Ok. I'll talk to someone. Uhm… when can I go home?" I asked.

"I can discharge you now, if you feel ready."

"I do."

Ready for what, I hadn't a clue.

.::.

"He fucking confessed!" Edward yelled down the hall of Renee and Phil's ranch home. He found me in my old room, sitting in my armchair with my knees pulled tightly to my chest, staring at the floor where my open suitcase lay. My hair was knotted in a bun on top of my head, still unwashed after my stay at the hospital. Mustering the energy to pack my suitcase to head back to Forks drained what little I had left.

"Your mom just got the call—that fucker confessed, Bella," he tried to engage me, but I felt numb once again.

Kneeling down in front of me, Edward looked up into my eyes, probing for a read on my stability. Lightly grasping my hands, he tried again.

"Bella? Do you have anything to say about it?" he questioned.

"How can you still want me after everything he did to me?" I mumbled. "I'm disgusting," I spat, clenching my eyes closed, shutting out the world.

"No! No, I won't let you say that—I won't let that piece of shit ruin us. _You're_ not ruined. You are NOT disgusting. Listen to me, Bella! You are beautiful, inside and out. You've stared the devil in the face and lived. You _survived_ Bella. You fought, and you got away before something worse could happen. You're… you're _amazing_ sugar. I am so incredibly proud of you. I won't let that bastard take anything else from you." His sincerity melted the stifling chill that lingered around my torn and stitched heart. It beat only for him now, as it was.

"Look at me, baby." My eyes fluttered open without a second thought. "I love you. I love every flaw, every scar, and every dark part of your psyche. I love your beauty, your kindness, and your light. Can't you see that to me, you are the most perfect creature ever created? You, sugar, are a fighter. You fought him then, just as now you'll have to fight for your sanity. You're stronger than you know. So don't you ever fucking question why I want you again, got it? I'd die before I'd ever let you go." Once again, tears began to slide down my cheeks of their own accord. My heart swelled with love and pride for this beautiful man in front of me—for Edward had surely become a man in my eyes overnight. He was a protector, a provider, and my personal safe place.

"I love you too," was all I could manage in the fragile state I was in. "Thank you." In a gesture of comfort, Edward wiped at the stream of falling liquid. He hated my tears, with good reason. He leaned up from his knees and placed a gentle kiss to each cheek before recapturing my gaze with his piercing emeralds.

"Now, can I finish telling you the good news?" he hedged. I nodded. "Good. He plead guilty to aggravated sexual assault and attempted rape, sugar. He's going away for a long time," he smiled. "How does that make you feel?" Dr. Gerundy must have given Edward some pointers on how to engage in conversations about difficult subject matter with me. He was the only one not treating me as breakable as I felt. He was the only one that truly seemed to know what was good for me, what I could handle.

"Conflicted," I admitted, shrugging. "I'm glad he didn't deny it. I'm glad he's going to pay for what he did…but I feel sorry for his family… and it still doesn't even come close to making it right," I sighed. "I guess it just doesn't feel real yet. I mean… I only gave my statement two days ago…"

"You think it's happening too fast?" He asked, seeing to the core of it.

"Yea. I mean, does that sort of thing really happen this way? I thought it takes time for the legal system to sort things out… I don't know," I gave up. The only thing that was more confusing than my situation was my thoughts.

"I understand what you're saying, but I also think he has been sitting with his guilt for eight months. If he has any sort of conscience, it should have been eating him alive for all that time."

I stared at him pointedly. Conscience, him? As if.

"I'm just saying…" he defended. "He's a terrible human being that deserves to rot in prison. I just _hope_ he feels some sort of guilt and that it eats him alive, is all," Edward chuckled.

"Can we not talk about this anymore right now? I'm kind of done with it…" I asked. I didn't have space in my brain—or the energy—to think about him for even another moment.

"I have other updates…if you're up for it," my Love offered. "From Forks."

Oh my god, the trial! I had all but forgotten the reason I had even come back to Phoenix, the domino that fell, striking down the rest of them that had been stacked against me eight months ago.

"And?" I pushed, eager to know more. It was an almost welcome distraction. It was a different sort of anxiety all-together.

"It's going well," he replied succinctly.

"That's _it_? It's going _well_? What does that mean!?" I badgered. If Edward was distracting me on purpose, it was working.

"Yea, well. Victoria testified. Apparently she had a _lot_ of good information to provide. Things that we couldn't even conceive of. The shit with James and Aro's crew ran _much_ deeper than any of us thought," he added. "A lot of evidence has come to light, so it's looking good."

"Wow. Who'd you hear it from?" I was suddenly very curious and apprehensive.

"Alice. She called while you were napping. She sends her love… she's been sitting with Emmett. They've been watching the news together like crazy." At the mention of his name, my heart lurched for my brother. I told my mom to tell them not to fly down here to be with me. It was unnecessary. It's not like someone died… other than a part of me—or at least it seemed that way. I'd be coming back soon… and I told her to tell them what happened. I couldn't do it myself. I wasn't strong enough yet.

"That's… nice of her." I offered, swallowing the thick knot that was forming at the back of my throat.

"It's going to be ok, Love."

"I know," I agreed. It would be, eventually. It had to be. We _needed_ it to be.

.::.

I stepped off the plane, flanked by Edward and Renee—both had refused to leave my side for even a moment, afraid that public contact would send me in a downward spiral. In reality, I found the exposure almost freeing. Not hiding in a dark corner for the rest of my life gave me back a little piece of the control I had lost, just a sliver, but it gave me hope. I saw Emmett waiting for me first, his large figure hard to miss. He almost ran to me, and hugged me so tight.

"Belley, I'm so sorry," he whispered to me, his voice shaky.

"Thanks," I squeaked in return, almost losing the tenuous grasp at controlling my emotions.

When Emmett released me and stepped to greet our mother, I saw Charlie for the first time. He looked like a broken man and it nearly killed me, taking the breath right from my lungs. I had never seen my father cry before, except for at his father's funeral when I was five, but he was openly weeping now that he saw me. Out of every dark and hopelessly depressing soul-crushing moment I had experienced the night of the accident and since, this had to of nearly been the worst. It almost shattered what little sense of sanity I had been attempting to put back together since I recovered my memories.

Charlie took me into his arms for a bone-crushing hug, shaking with tears I didn't know he was capable of. Charlie, my strong, compartmentalized, Police-Chief father was clinging to me with such rawness I had never experienced. We cried together like that until we felt it safe to release one another.

"I'm so sorry Bells," he choked.

How many corpses had he seen? How many motorcycle accidents on the rain-slicked winding highways had he been called to? Being the Chief, he must have seen every terrible thing to happen to that town for the last twelve years, and the five years he was just your average cop before that. When our twin-chocolate eyes met, he looked at me like I was the most devastating thing he had ever seen.

"Thank you, daddy," I attempted, sniffing back all the tears I had yet to shed.

My father's reaction had been the worst, but I survived it, and so did he. Once you've been through the worst of something, it doesn't necessarily make surviving the rest easy, but it makes it more bearable. Back at the house, Dad ordered pizza, Mom put on a movie with Emmett, and I fell asleep half on Edward's lap on the couch. It was the most normal thing we had done in days and it felt amazing.

Slowly, things would return to normal. Healing would take place, and I would get the help I needed. I stayed home from school that first week—as did Edward—telling everyone that we had extended our spring break in Phoenix by a week. It was no one's damn business anyhow. Dr. Gerundy had given me the name of a trusted friend of his, Psychologist, Dr. Kate Willows. She was nothing like Dr. Uley. In fact, she was instrumental in helping me process through the grief I had been suffering due to what I had experienced. Renee left after the second week, promising to return soon. It was her sign of affirmation that I was going to be ok. Slowly, the numbness started to fade. I had bad days and good days. But eventually, the good far outnumbered the bad.

Part of my therapeutic regimen was to stop taking any and all mind-altering drugs except for those prescribed to me. I flushed my brownies and poured out my alcohol.

I wanted to do more than merely survive. I wanted to thrive. Edward was with me, every step of the way, pushing me further along than I knew myself capable of. Each day, I fell more in love with him. He was my forever. I wanted to be better for him and our future, not just for myself anymore.

Into the beginning of May, the jury returned a verdict on the Volterra/Smith trial. Guilty on seventeen counts of drug possession with intent to distribute, a couple felonies, and too many misdemeanors to remember. Life in prison stared them in the face. It was vindicating.

With another chapter coming to a close, I found myself thinking a lot about what had happened over the past ten months. It was chaotic and messy. There were so many moments of exciting highs, and yet the lows almost outmatched them. I was truly finding myself again, a journey I had undertaken last July unwillingly. Now, I looked forward to learning about myself. I wanted to know who I was and to accept and love myself for it. I wanted to be a person worth being admired the way Edward did me.

At the suggestion of Kate, I began to keep a journal. At first, it was filled with thoughts and daily activities. I chronicled my emotions as if to make sense of the relentless waves that seemed to beat against me at times. I found myself adding in more artistic flourishes like a poem or two here and there, whenever inspiration would hit. In addition to the journal, I started to write opinion or observational essays about the world I experienced. I began to write stories too—fiction. Plots flowed through me and characters took over. It was the most cathartic thing I had done, starting to write. In this, I realized my passion for writing and found my new calling in life. I wanted to be a writer. With purpose and a direction, I felt nearly whole. The satisfying part was that I did it all for myself. Yes, some days being locked up in my thoughts were pure agony, but it was the naming and releasing of the thoughts and feelings that plagued me, that truly healed me.

Sometimes, you have to be your own knight in shining whatever.

.::.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for reading! What are we thinking? How are we feeling?  
Let me know ;o).**

**Once again, you readers rock. It's crazy that this all began three and a half years ago when I was nearly 21  
and drowning in my own dusk. (Now I'm 24 and thriving!) **

**Up next, the Epilogue. It's not finished yet... and it's going to take some time.  
In the mean time...**

**.::.**

**I will be adventuring into a new story, all written. I wrote it in four days. What can I say, it was stuck on me.  
Please read it :o)  
It is called: The Last of the Letters  
**

**XOXO,**

**~FabulosiTyxXx~**


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